Parents of the HS Class of 2009 (Part 1)

Parents of HS Class of 20xx
29501

<p>Well, I’m not surprised by Moda’s sister (don’t know her but the norm of reciprocity is very deeply and probably genetically ingrained). Nonetheless, what an annoying thing. We have, in some cases, done what kmc suggested. As you know, I travel a lot. In the beginning of my career, after an interesting trip, my two friends and I (aided and abetted nearly completely by GFs or wives) would bring back presents for the other. But, as the traveling got heavy, I just made a deal with my friends – no presents either way. </p>

<p>We now are friends with lots of people who have everything they need and can afford everything they might ever need. If they want it, they already have it. I have limited needs, but that is true for me as well. But, when we go over to these people’s houses, we have to bring a gift and vice versa. While we get elegant ceramic things or lovely flowers in expensive vases, there are only so many things we need. And many of our friends are substantially less needy than we are. ShawWife has taken to making jewelry out of beads for presents (in her case, these could conceivably sell for a fair bit of money at an expensive shop if she wanted to have a side business). I’d love to have a truce on that kind of giving, like I did with my friends, but it doesn’t appear easy to do.</p>

29502

<p>Maybe Moda’s sister is secretly on this thread and read the posts about my FIL drastically reducing the amount of the Christmas check as some sort of message. (BTW, the four siblings have figured out that FIL felt slighted one evening during our summer visit…you know, the visit where all his children spent thousands of dollars and a week of vacation time to travel to see him. He is still stewing over a few minutes that happened in July. So MIL can’t remember things and FIL refuses to forget things.)</p>

29503

<p>Good Morning! Already home and in need of putting the tucks pads from the fridge on my eyes so am “listening” to tv. However I did want to check in and say… it went pretty well. They were all incredibly nice, I really really liked my doc so I hope it translates to the final look as well.</p>

<p>I look like z zombie, which i probably due to the tiny stitches underneath my eyes and my eyes being massively red. It’s obvious the lower surgery is what requires being knocked out. Also, the outside corners definitely are feeling weird in a pulling way. All oerfectly normal and expected. But we arrived at 6:30 and home at 9:45. H went to run some errands and have a meeting. I have my cell phone and my neighbor is working from home today, so I have plenty of 911 if I should need it. </p>

<p>The whole thing was pretty slick… and the cute anesthesiologist held my hand the whole time - or as much as I can recall… as it’s more of a twilight kind of thing. I was pretty much coming out of things when Dr was stitching… no pain, but definitely aware. I have to admit… I am an excellent patient. :)</p>

29504

<p>Wow, back home and posting so quickly!!! I’m impressed!</p>

29505

<p>Modadunn, So glad things went well. Good luck with a smooth recovery!</p>

29506

<p>thanks for checking in, Moda. Glad it went well.</p>

<p>Hope that you get caught up ,mp.</p>

<p>As for gifts, I’m in the fewer is better group. We stopped giving to sibs and their spouses years ago. H’ s sisters weren’t too happy about that, but as I told them they can do whatever they want to, but we are opting out. We cut off the nieces/nephews at age 22. H’s nephew and wife just had a baby and while we bought a baby gift we are not getting into birthday/ Christmas gifts. There are nine great nieces/ nephews just on my side and if we do for one, we would have to do for all.</p>

<p>I posted from my laptop this AM, but shortly afterward it turned itself off and will not turn back on. H and I had to run S’s Mac book to the apple store last night. I am nervous about my computer at work. Aren’t things supposed to happen in threes?</p>

29507

<p>Moda, I’m wishing you a speedy and beautiful recovery! </p>

<p>I come from a large family. When we used to travel for Christmas, we had a kids’ gift exchange and one for the adults. My mother would pick names from a hat so that it was all secret. Unfortunately, for the adults, it became almost juvenile with sibling x not wanting to deal with the picky spouse of sibling y, etc., etc. Plus, not being present for the large holiday family gathering, it became a hassle for mailing gifts from us and our kids as well as those mailing to us. When the economy bombed (around the time our eldest was leaving for college) and one of the sibs lost a job, we all decided to take a break. For our immediate family, it became a permanent break in the gift exchange among adults. H and I have not missed it.</p>

29508

<p>congrats Moda!!!So glad to hear you are doing well and home safe and sound.</p>

<p>Regarding gifts–our families decided that once a kid either graduated from college or turned 21 the gift giving ended. H’s sis and he decided a few yers ago that sending the same amount of $ back and forth to kids who don’t really know each other (gifts were supposedly from cousins too) did not make any sense. So this year we only had my b two kids who have more than everything ever made and so need nothing at all. I sent itune cards but am sure I will never even hear if they arrived. When I look back to the 80’s and 90’ and think about the waste of gift giving long distance I cringe. Sometimes we would send 27 gifts and it would cost $60-80 just in postage. Then my sis got upset that her d’s two children (I have still never met) should be included. Have not seen niece since she was 12! and I said no…sis pulled out that I had two and she had one and so…I still said no. It is a relief to have that chapter over.</p>

29509

<p>When we were all younger, H’s siblings/spouses would draw names for gifts among the 8 of us. There was a $50 limit. But of course, Mr. and Mrs. Evil Twin only saw it as a limit, and whoever they had would receive a $5 trinket, or something they got free at a convention, or a regift of the thing they had received the year before. So a few years were enough to stop that!</p>

29510

<p>We went through a stage when the gifts given to siblings and spouses had to be homemade–at least in part. Let’s just say that while it was a idea wonderful in principle…the more domestically enabled were in demand as the givers, while at the same time getting some interesting gifts in return. </p>

<p>Oregon and mp, are we related :slight_smile: ? I hear you on the shipping and cousins too young or unknown to appreciate. What’s sad is that the gift exchange in our case started out with such good intentions; we were young, feeling flush with ANY income, glad for sibs with tiny kids, glad to be together as young adults. The expectation that the gift giving could continue as we aged and multiplied exponentially, not to mention spread out and diversified in any number of ways wasn’t reasonable for us. I am not a shopper, so for me this intense focus on gifting has become a giant headache. Thank goodness for moderation and Amazon!</p>

29511

<p>I like buying for the little nieces and nephews. </p>

<p>Glad you’re home Moda. What an interesting use of Tucks. (Let’s see, Preparation H for wrinkles, Tucks for eye surgery …the mind boggles at what else for “down there” might get used “up here”.)</p>

<p>Birthday time again. 22 feels really different than 21.</p>

29512

<p>Son’s 22nd was yesterday.</p>

29513

<p>Happy Birthday to the 22 year olds!</p>

29514

<p>Moda I hope you are doing well after your surgery! </p>

<p>Today I went back to my permanent part-time seasonal job for the tax season!
Crunched a bunch of payroll numbers for a business client (a manual payroll, thank goodness this is the only client who has this! Just about everybody out there has ADP or similiar) I did a bunch of filing too… </p>

<p>Both D#3 (of this thread) and S (Class of 2014) are going with me for a shopping trip Thursday night for Spring Semester… We drive D back on Friday & spend night there. S will go back on Sunday, a day trip… Looking forward to an empty nest!!! :)</p>

29515

<p>Moda – glad things went well…keep us posted. I am surprised that a relative would write a note to complain about gifting! Shawbridge is right; most of us really have reached the age where we don’t want a lot of clutter and we’re difficult to buy for. Thank goodness for Amazon gift lists! Our family draws names as the family has grown through the years with a collection of divorces, marriages, returning elders, nieces and nephews marrying, new babies…way too many to shop for. I think ShawWife’s jewelry sounds like the most lovely gift ever!</p>

<p>Rough week…my mother is having an anxious time and her phone is out of order. SIL has the flu. Work is the pits as another one has resigned and not replaced…we all know the work will be spread around to those of us remaining. Sigh… getting tired of corporate world. </p>

<p>We can’t complain about our weather after having a gloriously crazy warm weekend in upstate NY. Snow is just about gone so ice is not an issue here. We’ll get another blizzard for sure, in the weeks to come. Any day the sun shines is a good one…snow or no snow! </p>

<p>I thought I’d finished removing holiday decorations only to find yet another batch on top of a curio cabinet. What was I thinking? I decorated a LOT to make sure S had a nice homecoming for the holidays (2 weeks!)…next year, minimalist approach!</p>

29516

<p>Moda, my fellow eye surgery gal - glad it went so well. Did they play music for you in the operation room? I had James Taylor. </p>

<p>Today my Mother (remember she had a stroke over a year ago and has brain damage and aphasia) showed me her old make-up and said, “I don’t know”. So we had a make-up lesson with foundation and blush. Then we moved onto dental floss and I curled our hair. </p>

<p>About my happy light. It is a full-spectrum light from Northern Light Technologies. During these darker months, I really need it.</p>

29517

<p>Sweet eddi. My mother just stays in bed and complains day after day. I think I might have mentioned she fired 30 caretakers within 6 months. She has quieted down since my brother told her she was going to a nursing home if she did not stop.</p>

<p>Costco usually has a nice happy light for about $35. It is compact and have recommended it for clients. I have followed the reseach since the mid 1980’s and really believe it the benifits.</p>

29518

<p>I don’t recall their specifically playing music, but like I said, the anesthesiologist was very cute, so I MIGHT have heard music in my head…</p>

<p>Apparently the tucks (or any icing really) were only therapeutically beneficial till about 3. I didn’t know that until H told me at 6. But it still feels good so now I am wearing an eye mask I had picked up over Christmas and put it in my stocking. Swelling is to continue for 36 hours, so… it’s only going to get worse I suppose. </p>

<p>I was also supposed to have an EKG before surgery per their preop instructions and I did have an order from my reg physician to do it when I arrived. I know it was on file because I checked both at surgeon pre-op and during the phone registration for hospital. However, since I had been up with no coffee since 5:00am along with nerves I forgot all about it until wheeling into surgery. Im not gonna lie, while I half considered making mention of it then, I quickly deduced that dr would likely be obligated to delay the surgery to do it, and who knows how booked he was this AM. So…nurses, don’t jump me. This was the definition of risk/reward analysis done between moving from the giant easy boy wheelchair to what amounted to a massage table. Plus, It’s only for those over 50 and I am “just” 51. (but I did make sure to tell H in case I have a heart attack in the next few days… and if I were REALLY honest, my chest has been feeling tight all night. But I am chalking it up to stress/anxiety for now.</p>

<p>Which brings me to…</p>

<p>Gift… this seems out of character for my sister. And we all too used to spend all kinds of money shipping things back and forth, even when she first lived in Japan. Still not sure how easy it is to ship internationally online, but it was more than difficult when they were younger. But H is also insisting I make nice in some way so that our oldest is not snubbed as retribution for her wedding. And too… I actually bought a signed Joe Mauer print last summer for nephew because he is a huge baseball fan and I admit the younger one is very hard to buy for and I just never did it. It was an error but I never even started shopping until the wednesday before Christmas for anyone and honestly had no idea it was so expected when most of the time I have ended up sending amazon gift cards since they moved back to that states. </p>

<p>And we grew up with a huge family so have done just about every gift exchange you can imagine. And I never thought there was an absolute expectation. And what made it even more surprising is that she sent me the annual request for her NGO adding a note referring to our having our nook and how we should be able to contribute at a higher level now. Even writing that down for you to read makes her seem so much worse than she really is in a general way, but that they happened on top of one another, mostly, I find it just blind to my life’s obligations and current to-do list. She said she wasn’t mad, only hurt… but I find that a little passive aggressive - or something. </p>

<p>Anyway… whatever my reasons, I think the charitable ask on top of the “hey where’s our gifts” when she (and her children) have everything they want/need and of a far better quality than what I would send anyway was done without thought… and therefore thoughtless. Maybe I won’t say anything, send the print and a gift card and hope it ends there. BUT I don’t want it to look like an apology as much as a mixed message inclusive of shove it. Sorry… but that’s how annoyed I am. And I thank you profusely for allowing me the rant whether you read it all or not!</p>

29519

<p>moda, if it were me, I would address it directly and say what I’ve already said, that we’re all now at a stage when exchanging gifts is really a symbol of affection but that the economic aspect feels wasteful. We’re mostly all at a stage at which we don’t want more things and maybe should reserve the gifts for big things – weddings, little kids birthdays, etc. As for the rest, we should look for non-material ways to express our affection and love for each other.</p>

29520

<p>nicely said Shaw.
Moda–take care of yourself and also take care of this so that you can stop thinking about it! How old are these kids? I do know, much to my Sis’s dissapointment, I refused to do Birthdays. She did for years–a card and check-- and I just said no. She finally gave up.
When there are many family members all long distance it just does not make sense or have much meaning. I know my S would not know his cousins if they walked in the room or they him. Yes, from time to time they have spent a week together but there are many of them and we live all over the country, and so it goes.
So unlike my life, Midwest, still know 2nd and 3rd cousins from small towns. My lovely Aunt still talks about everyone as if we all live next door. Priceless but something I was not able to pass onto my kids.</p>