Parents of the HS Class of 2009 (Part 1)

shawbridge · May 19, 2014, 3:20pm

MP, my cooking shouldn’t put anyone to shame as I rarely do it (though I’m pretty good at it). And ShawWife does all of the gardening/landscaping. We say that ShawWife and I split the household tasks between the visible (which she does) and the invisible (mine). The invisible includes planning, finances, insurance, travel, dealing with schools re disability services, college search and applications, helping the kids with life planning, shopping (Other than food, which we buy from Costco, local farms and a local health food store, we buy everything online). Very important stuff but probably 20% of the job or running a family/household.

I think being a RE developer takes a lot of chutzpah, although I know some who are surprisingly quiet folks, but I was just thinking of going in-house as an alternative to trying to line up a whole new set of clients. RE development is a great career for extroverted big picture guys (interesting, I don’t know any female RE developers) who are dyslexic or ADD.

missypie · May 19, 2014, 3:27pm

It has become rather cliche to say “Thank you for your service” to military men and women but I’d like to think we do it because we know it’s a job that most of us would not want to do, even if not deployed to a war zone. Hugs to you!

lefthandofdog · May 20, 2014, 11:36am

Hi parents of 2013 - I don’t post much anymore but sometimes read, and wanted to respond to CBB blinker’s worries about her S.

D, also a 2013, didn’t have the smoothest year and it helped me to remember the tremendous change they’ve gone through - for my D, and probably your S, they’ve been in school their whole lives with many breaks - bursts of class followed by school recesses, all surrounded by funny and brilliant classmates and profs. My D remarked after her first month of full time work in an office environment “I don’t know how people do it” and I think we do it by not thinking too hard about it or looking too far ahead. I remembered what it felt like at that age to see it rolling out ahead of you, day after day, surrounded by people mostly older than you who often times are showing the strain of less than spectacular life choices. No one wants to hear the person in the next cubicle go on and on in a phone conversation about their failed relationships, medical issues, problem children but that’s reality in many work environments. While your S had the dilemma of “what do I do now?” removed by his military commitment, it must seem daunting to him to have the next years spoken for and the pace of most work environments (not sure about your son’s) is much slower than the academic one they’re used to, so it might all seem like a drag.

We can’t help but worry about our kids but I think at least part of what your son is experiencing is inevitable, transitioning from student to worker and he surely knows he has parents who care and that will back him up when needed.

And thanks to all the parents of the class of 2009 - it IS a wonderful group, I’ve learned from afar, you’ve made me laugh (which is the highest calling in life, I think) and yeah, I think this forum has gotten creepy with it’s targeted ads and Facebook nonsense and loss of anonymity. I hate Facebook.

Modadunn · May 20, 2014, 12:48pm

CBB- I know you are worried about your son - and I too would be worried about the silence. Some of that may be that he is just muddling through, but some of that might have crossed the line into depression. I sometimes worry about those who don’t “fit in” on whatever level one needs to fit. Hopefully, even if he isn’t liking the position he isn’t feeling any type of exclusion. I often find myself amazed at some of the personalities that become leaders. Some are absolutely awesome and others… well, I think of pictures with dog collars. I hope that he is finding resources that are helpful vs just keeping to himself and getting through the days. That makes me very sad indeed. Not sure how my brother did… I never hear him talk about his time in the military or getting together with old friends he served with. I will definitely have to remember to ask him about that sometime.

Our offer on the house, while not outright rejected per se, was effectively so. They came down 4K and asked for a closing at the end of June. They’ve been on the market since the beginning of Feb. Back then it was priced well above nearby tear downs of new construction vs the 1930 house it is. Now it is priced about the same per sq foot - still way too high. The kitchen needs a ton of work - brick tile covering the walls to the ceiling and the floor - like a little bricked in room (although I thought I could live with it for at least a few years by painting it), and there is definitely work to do both in updating the interior and some window sills that likely need rebuilt. Add to this that there are things in 1930 that don’t come close to passing code today, I think they will sell much closer to what we offered than not. But I can’t make them sell or see the light. But for someone who has been on the market for nearly four months when houses priced competitively are under contract in less than a week for many, I am guessing they don’t really want to sell. We countered by saying we weren’t countering but that if they wished to RE counter on their offer we’d be interested. Frankly, I think their real estate agent is doing them a huge disservice. Net/net - I have no house, still.

NMN - if you have any interest in walking the lake, I’d love to.

shawbridge · May 20, 2014, 1:00pm

@CBBBlinker‌, I wonder if three things are at work, though I speak with very limited knowledge of what he would be going through. First, as @lefthandog pointed out, his day is now highly structured with very limited flexibility for freedom of choice. This is quite different than the last four years. Second, there may be little tolerance for or room for individual creativity or thought. If so, the combination of a rigidly structured, highly stultified environment would probably be manageable, if he knew he could leave at the end of the semester. But, third, unlike with most jobs, there is no real exit. Is he signed up for three years? If so, he may blame himself for making a dumb choice.

@Modadunn‌, we are just starting to look at what the next place might be like and saw a deck house on 7 acres overlooking one of our town’s rivers (and at a significant distance its only highway). The house hadn’t been updated in decades. It was dark and joyless and even moldy despite having a view of the river below. The owners were an older couple but they purchased it ten years ago. It was priced as if it was in good shape. Probably $500K too high. And, it had been on the market for seven or eight months, if I remember correctly. If I were interested, I would want to pay for it is if I were buying the lot and then build a new house there. I think they just figured they would continue living there until they got their price. Could be quite a while.

woody · May 20, 2014, 9:10pm

Did anyone else see this?? We didn’t have MIL at S’s and D’s graduation but we go through similar operations just going out to dinner…
<a href=“Military-Level Operation Being Planned To Get Grandma Through Graduation”>http://www.theonion.com/articles/militarylevel-operation-being-planned-to-get-grand,36019/</a>

sevmom · May 20, 2014, 10:45pm

woody,Well, it’s the onion so it’s exaggerated but there is some truth to it. My mom was gone by the time of S2’s college graduation but was still around and 85 when S1 graduated. The logistics of getting her there, dealing with an all day event in the sun was just too much. So, my sister did not bring her with her and there were hurt feelings but it would have been a nightmare. As you say, with some very elderly folks, it can be difficult even getting them out to dinner .

CBB, Hope things pick up for your son.

Moda, Good luck with finding a place to settle.

kmcmom13 · May 21, 2014, 10:32am

Good morning. CBB, I’m sending you the communication mojo and the quiet-son-is-okay-and-will-work-through-it mojo. Hugs!

Woody, the onion article was hilarious.

Moda, sorry your sellers aren’t aptly named. Real estate is emotional, not rational At least you took a shot so no regrets and ultimately the market will determine what they get. Two properties near my old one, both from the 1920s, were on the market nearly a year, but each ended up selling within ten percent of ask. Maybe these folks have been told that with an older house they have to wait for a buyer that really really wants an old house ;)

My next door neighbor who just sold was talking to me on the weekend about how much he hated having his house on the market, and how unmarketable our homes in this area are to families compared to “subdivision junk”. (There are a lot of pockets of new homes a mile up the river but those of us along the river are in typically older homes divided generously off the original homesteader platts. While the land we’re on is generally more desirable, and ergo valuable, many of e homes are older without some of the supersized amenities of the new homes, which have small lots but marble counters, if you know what I mean ;)) He was peeved that so many families made comments like “your woods are scary” when obviously to us the woods are a source of beauty and wonder and are the point of living out here and paying what we do in taxes :)

Personally, I was delighted to learn he sold to a bachelor with a lab. I’m quite content to have my “scary” woods to myself I’m also unsurprised. His house is very contemporary in its rustic way…but definitely says “high end bachelor” to me…eg. a front hot-tub party deck off a vaulted great room, an elaborate basement bar, an open loft walkway to the bedrooms…things that just don’t scream “family home.” Notably, he IS a bachelor (technically, a young widower) and the house somehow makes that clear.

He also got substantially more for his home than I’d have guessed, but because what he got was about ten percent less than he listed, he wasn’t happy about it.

After this rant, he looked at me and smiled and said “it’s funny how emotional you get over stupid stuff in real estate, isn’t it?” It’s like he read my mind :)

I will miss him because he totally kept to his business and demonstrated a comparative lack of curiosity I value in a neighbor I’m hopeful the new bachelor and his lab are similarly inclined or I may have to start wearing swimsuits in the pool :)

RochesterMom · May 21, 2014, 11:36am

Wow how different we all are. Just read the post from KMC. I live in a suburb. The track was built in the 1970’s I think. When we decided our house wasn’t big enough when the kids were young we just added on. This is the only house we have owned – bought it right out of college. We know ALL our neighbors. Our kids have grown up together. We have rely on each other to get the mail, mow the lawn, etc when we are out of town or someone is sick. When there is a family death we all go. My kids swam in my neighbor’s pool - even when they weren’t there. Just needed an adult to supervise. Sure we all know probably way too much about each other – like my neighbor should really not sing when he walks the dog in the morning – we sort of believe that he sounds like a cat in distress but he does it every morning. People in the neighborhood who had older children – their children babysat our children. We go to the weddings of these kids, wedding showers, baby showers, etc. I guess in some respects they are really like family except we LIKE them

FallGirl · May 21, 2014, 11:59am

Already started my day out with a few laughs thanks to kmc’s swimsuit remark and RM’s description of her neighbor’s singing:)
My neighborhood was built in the late 90’s and is similar to RM’s. I would love to downsize but we do not want to leave our neighbors. We are close friends with so many of them.!
H and I went to his aunt’s house last night for dinner, his cousin and family are in town for cousin’s D’s graduation. They are a fun crew. S missed them as he was returning from the beach (senior skip day), but we are planning to meet up in Baltimore Friday night for a baseball game. That’s if the traffic isn’t so terrible that we decide to bail.

missypie · May 21, 2014, 2:13pm

Woody, loved that Onion article. That is pretty much the reason my mom isn’t coming down for D’s HS graduation (only the author didn’t even touch on air travel!)

Last night I passed out programs for the HS choir concert. There was a mom who was trying to coordinate the whole military operation of getting grandma to the concert…I would have laughed but I could see the extreme stress on her face. If I had known her, I would be sending her the Onion article this morning.

Younger D received one of the choir booster club scholarships. I am very proud of her. And no, I had nothing to do it. The applications are reviewed and scored on a no-name basis, and the review committee is composed of underclass parents who hopefully don’t know the seniors well enough to know who is who by the students’ activities.

NorthMinnesota · May 21, 2014, 7:26pm

Crazy week here! D2 has finals and then her program reception on Friday night. Her graduation is Saturday night at 7:00. Silly scheduling it on Memorial Day weekend! Really messes up the holiday weekend for us. Her fiance also graduates on Saturday but he is not attending/walking. H and I will make the mad dash to the lake after graduation and prepare for fiance’s family to arrive on Sunday for a day of celebration at the lake. So much to get ready for!

cq…any job news yet???

missypie · May 21, 2014, 8:30pm

Congrats to D2 and her fiance! For many years (before the state mandated uniform school start dates), our HS graduation was on Memorial Day.

woody · May 21, 2014, 9:15pm

Oh northminn! What great news! Congrats to your D2!

How are the wedding plans coming along? Did you mention a date yet?

college_query · May 21, 2014, 9:33pm

No job yet. Staffing agency sent D on an interview with another company Monday, just to keep pressure on the other company that plans to make an offer. She wasn’t wild about it, but they requested a second interview tomorrow, so she’s going, since she doesn’t have a job yet. The place she’s waiting on was supposed to get back to the staffing agency today with a formal offer, but she hasn’t heard from them yet. Day’s not quite done though.

shawbridge · May 21, 2014, 10:26pm

I was just thinking of her as well. Not her fault at all, but this is ridiculous. This is a very competent young woman. Is the economy still really that bad?

Modadunn · May 22, 2014, 12:16am

S’s graduation was the Sunday before Memorial Day last year… Which I might add was freezing rain. he hadn’t begun to pack or purge, and while we were supposed to leave on Monday, had to find a new place to stay that night so we could load almost all his stuff into my car.

arabrab · May 22, 2014, 3:32am

Our town has high school graduations this weekend, and the huge 10K on Memorial Day, and a very large festival four blocks from my house running all weekend. Other than a couple of grad parties I’m going to, we’ll hide. Tomorrow I’ll shop like there’s going to be a snowstorm, because getting out of our neighborhood this weekend is like trying to get back into the stadium when everyone is leaving.

kmcmom13 · May 22, 2014, 9:57am

Good morning!
RM, your neighborhood sounds a lot like the one I ultimately spent my teen years in once my mother, via marriage to my stepfather, began reproducing in her 40s She’s now outlasted most of her neighbors who ultimately seem to downsize and move away. The next door neighbors were her best friends and she was really blue when they moved just a few years back. But it’s still nice to know that even today were I so-inclined I could call a neighbor to check on her.

When I was younger, being in the news biz, as was my h#1, we tended to move around too much to ever really get attached to a neighborhood. And when you have a byline or are a talking head as the case may be, you come to value your privacy.

In terms of my favorite social neighborhood, it would have to be the last community I lived in in Canada. I was on a two acre lot that was heavily treed but connected by a nice bike path to the lake and a golf club across the street, with lots of nearby mature developments in a community I’d covered years before so knew a lot of people. For me, that was a perfect mix of nature and social, and is the one place I miss the most. I was involved in a lot of community groups there, which likely made a difference.

But here, I don’t know if its the demands of owning a business or the fact that I spend a lot of time downtown via the studio or just the rugged beauty of the area I now live in, but I’ve come to feel almost claustrophobic when I’m at homes built on top of one another, which seems to be the trend these days. To put a 5,000 SF house on a 10,000 SF lot out here seems crazy to me. But that’s what they’re doing in my neck of the woods (literally), likely because it costs a fortune to service the land, eg. No sewers, so they have to use PAC systems, etc. and the land is expensive, because it is beautiful.

So I think what had my neighbor so ticked was the influx of “city folk” who toured his home and ostensibly, presumably, want to live out here “away from it all” or for the award-winning school district, but don’t seem to actually like the LAND There’s a real divide of sorts out here in terms of attitude about things. People accustomed to living in the city, for example, move here and actually think crazy things like council should do something about all the dangerous deer in the roads or that folks shouldn’t hunt their own land (of course, there’s a symbiotic relationship here that often escapes them :))

I think the rural/suburban differential is happening in a lot of rustic areas under development. In my township, what the planning council has done that developers hate is to have made it very difficult to develop on anything less than a three acre parcel by creating a new Zoning class for the “heritage river area.” This actually makes sense due to the density pressure on both the river and the habitat. But the township line is just north of me, and that’s where the heavy, close development is encroaching. Typically, a golf course will develop a waste water management plan, put in a PAC system, then sell off developable lots. It does give buyers the best if both, but it drives the “heritage” folks crazy The presiding fear is that the city will gobble them up, I think!

CBBBlinker · May 22, 2014, 10:31am

Good morning! Thanks to all for the supportive words and thoughts. I just sent off another rambling email to S – I have no idea how closely he reads them, what he thinks of them, etc, but it helps me to be able to “say” everything that’s on my mind.

H is in RI while the pup and I are in Cambridge. More shots at the vet today for her, and Book Club for me tonight. Of course that means leaving the Boston area tomorrow, at the start of the long weekend. I’m trying to decide the best time to make my retreat. And, it also means the start of the “on season” at the beach. Last fall I was somewhat dreading the quietness of the “off season,” but have come to enjoy it.

cq - honestly, we’re all waiting to pop the champagne corks here for your D. Hope the offer arrives ASAP.

Parents of the HS Class of 2009 (Part 1)

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