<p>Oregon I too am sorry about your aunt. No matter how well prepared or how much a blessing it is, it is still pretty hard.
Trust me I know how strangely people react to grief, I choose to give people a wide berth. I cant pretend to understand just accept. I did lose a very close friend though, and was so angry, when her Baptist brother took over her whole service to try to get people to be born again. It wasn’t something she believed in and chose to practice her spirituality in other ways.
The other thing that bothers me is how the c\Catholic church does not allow Eulogies. My MIL service was nice and the priest seemed to know her. or at least to speak well, but I went to another one where the priest was really lame, the best thing was when the deceased person’s daughters got up and spoke in a warm, loving , funny way (at the end). It seems some churches bend the rules, but it made you know the deceased in an unique way, and was such a tribute. </p>
<p>Thanks dt.
You all might remember about 1.5 years ago I tried to talk with the Catholic Cemetary head, where my father and many other realtives are buried. He managed to never respond to any of my calls or emails. My lawyer brother finally had his parlegal get the answer that as our mother’s remains are not in the sacred ground we are not allowed to give date of death or her inerred information(CA). So it seems that she will have a headstone next to our father with only her birth left forever. She might have like the idea that she never died…</p>
<p>My Aunt did not want this funeral or any part of it but her family seems to need it. My own kids know I will haunt them if they do such a thing…</p>
<p>Thanks dt.
You all might remember about 1.5 years ago I tried to talk with the Catholic Cemetary head, where my father and many other realtives are buried. He managed to never respond to any of my calls or emails. My lawyer brother finally had his parlegal get the answer that as our mother’s remains are not in the sacred ground we are not allowed to give date of death or her interned information(CA). So it seems that she will have a headstone next to our father with only her birth date left forever. She might have liked the idea that she never died…</p>
<p>My Aunt did not want this funeral or any part of it but her family seems to need it. My own kids know I will haunt them if they do such a thing…</p>
<p>Hugs re your aunt, Oregon. India wedding sounds like something to help get through dark days…lovely ceremonies and lots of color…not to mention the heat ;)</p>
<p>Glad Shaw to hear Shawson is settling in nicely. Is there anything special you do to combat jet lag? You travel so much, you must have developed a method to conquer it ;)</p>
<p>I recently read a book by William Gibson in which the main character constantly refers to jet lag in a way to which I can relate…she describes the feeling of the time needed for her “soul” to catch up with her, as if its trailing behind her and the “elastic” is stretching. I think I feel that even after a car ride :)</p>
<p>Sorry about your Aunt Oregon.</p>
<p>Halloween was dismal this year. Only had 7 kids. I love looking at the kids costumes but even the ones that came this year it didn’t look like there had been much thought put into the costumes – even the little ones. I guess the times are changing. I loved making the kids costumes and taking them out. </p>
<p>No snow here yet. Yesterday was blustery but sunny.</p>
<p>Baby quilt almost done! Should be able to finish it up evenings this week. Still a couple of weeks until the shower so I’m okay still!</p>
<p>Did manage to get some Christmas shopping done over the weekend. Wanted to get H’s nephews kids their gifts as we will see them at Thanksgiving and wanted to give them to them then. With 4 across 2 families all under 5 it’s actually fun!</p>
<p>I’m not sure (since I’m not Catholic; H is) but some of the issues mentioned above may vary by diocese/parish/priest. When H’s parents died, the priest of their church would allow family members to speak, but only before the actual funeral Mass, not during it. We all thought that was too odd to deal with, so no eulogies. But, several years ago the priest at the other Catholic church in H’s town did allow family members to speak during the funeral Mass. (This was when Sis-in-Law’s mother died.) I’ve never heard about the cemetery issue you describe, oregon. Talk about messing up future generations of genealogists …</p>
<p>Good to hear your D is safe, Moda. S is infamous for telling us things “after the fact.” I’m never sure if that’s good or bad …</p>
<p>H seems to think we should do an extended visit to FL this winter – and that I should drive down with SIL (we’d be staying at H’s brother & SIL’s new house on the west coast) and the puppy. Then he and his brother would fly down later. Right – sounds great except for the fact that said puppy HATES riding on the car/gets carsick. We’ll see how this thinking goes …</p>
<p>Apparently it snowed yesterday in Boston, but we only had rain (and lots of wind) at the beach. Saturday we relented and turned on the heat. </p>
<p>Today I’m in full packing mode for the move back to Cambridge. </p>
<p>oregon…sending more prayers of peace and comfort for you and your family as you accept the passing of your aunt. May you find comfort in your many happy memories.</p>
<p>No snow here or at the lake. Yesterday it was in the high 60’s with sun. Rain and falling temps this week.</p>
<p>Waiting for the gas company to come and light the pilot light on our gas fireplace. We can’t get to the ignition as the doors are sealed and don’t want to mess with it. Good thing it is covered on our maintenance plan!</p>
<p>H went in to work yesterday morning due to a horrendous situation at one of the hospitals here. Didn’t get home until 9 PM. Nurses truly are special people who protect so many.</p>
<p>70 yesterday; cold drizzle today. Brrrr…</p>
<p>I’m sorry for your loss, Oregon. How good to be missed by so many. (And as one of my sisters said about another sister’s peculiar insistence on ridiculous funeral arrangements for our mom: Everyone grieves in their own way. It may not be grammatical, but it is most certainly true. Thus my mom went to the hereafter with a casket filled with fake flowers. And I can no longer say that her attire was something she wouldn’t have been seen dead in, because that was precisely what happened. Because everyone grieves in their own way.)</p>
<p>I hope your pilot light got lit, NM. I’ve got the heat on here today – time for some soup.</p>
<p>Very funny and true arabrab.</p>
<p>@Kmcmom13, secrets of jetlag?. Not sure. I get it going to Asia but pretty manageable in Europe. Hydrate. Long showers when I arrive. Don’t drink that much alcohol. Best thing: take the day flight to London. Stay overnight at the sofitel if going on to the continent. Fly business class if taking overnight flights, especially to Asia. Second best secret when going to Europe:. Never adjust to any time zone. I flew BOS-LAX-SFO-LAX-LHR and soon to go back to BOS . Then next week BOS-FRA-BOS. Who knows what time zone I’m on?</p>
<p>Oregon, sorry to hear about your aunt.</p>
<p>Moda, DH and I just got back from three weeks in AUS and NZ. I took 4200 pics. New Zealand is spectacular and very safe. Use common sense in the cities and all is well. A friend of mine’s D worked in NZ through a hospitality program a couple years ago and absolutely loved it. She went <em>solo</em> to South America last summer for two months, traveling in rural areas and playing it all by ear. Now THAT would scare the cr*p out of me as a parent.</p>
<p>DH had three separate trips to Europe in September. He had an around the world in Feb. He is pretty much impervious to jet lag and time zones. A good bit of his work these days involves regulators in Asia, Australia and Europe, and they have conference calls together. This means DH is on the phone at 5-6-7 am most mornings. Some calls he takes from home, but much of the time, he has to get into the office because he doesn’t have time between the call and the next call/meeting to commute into work. </p>
<p>OTPH, I spent all of last week with my days and nights mixed up after coming home from a 17 hour time difference. There are times when I’m thankful for his travels: business class seats on a 14 hour flight are a blessing.</p>
<p>Lol. Clearly, it’s something Shaw and your H get conditioned for. Shaw, I think you’re onto something re: Never adjust to any time zone.</p>
<p>My body seems to naturally follow that advice…even with the recent clocks turning back a mere hour…my eyes sprung open at 5, not 6 ;)</p>
<p>CD, sounds like an awesome trip, one that’s long been on mch’s bucket list. Not sure when we’d both be able to take that much time off work together…its a definite downside of working together in a small biz.</p>
<p>So, we’ve hired a new “apprentice” who’s a friend of mcson’s that we like and have known forever. I’d originally planned on someone with a lot more experience, but mch was really in favor of doing this instead and for reasons that make a lot of sense. It will be interesting, I’m sure. We’ll see how it all unfolds. For me, on one hand, it means I now have three twenty-something’s to project manage…or Den-mother as the case may be. On the other hand, it keeps you young ;)</p>
<p>Mcson had some surprising insights in the process and clearly has put some thought into a legacy plan of sorts. He also was willing to forfeit any year-end profit or raise in order to make the early hire given the long training curve, which frankly, surprised me. He said he was taking the long view of what he thought would be best for a company that may one day be his. Fortunately, he will also be doing the lionshare of specific training for the next 8 mos.
And I’ll be doing the Yoda thing :)</p>
<p>When these two were young kids in their g/t program, they got up to all manner of creative shenanigans and behaved a bit like brothers. McH and I always thought they’d end up working together. That mcson was so strongly in favor of this plan kinda feels like a “piece” on the road to that “future sense” we’d had. My sense is that even when on the other side of the country next year, he will retain a sense of engagement with the company. </p>
<p>Its all very interesting how this is going. I’d run into the owner of a much larger agency last week – we like each other and don’t directly compete much, having different niches and scopes of work we engage in – and we were joking that we should have his brother in San Jose, who’s on his payroll, and my son join forces to open a SF office to farm the work north where cost-of-living means more quality for a lower billable in a project. This guy is not as risk-adverse as I am (which is precisely why he’s in a bigger pool) so you never know…he just might do it :)</p>
<p>Welcome back, cd ! Trip sounds awesome. </p>
<p>kmc- don’t know if I have ever mentioned this before, but I find your posts on running your business fascinating. Part of me would love to do that, but then I realize that I don’t want to work that hard. I don’t have your energy level (or that of cd’s H or shaw).</p>
<p>oregon - S has multivitamins with vitamin D at school, I need to follow up with him and make sure he is taking them. They had 2 inches of snow already.</p>
<p>CD…Wow! What a trip! How exciting. I bet you have gorgeous photos to remind you of your wonderful trip.</p>
<p>I am on cloud nine at the moment! D2 just called to tell me she has passed her fourth and final CPA exam! Hooray! What a relief that she is done and didn’t have to do any retakes! She has to notify her work and will now get a nice bonus for passing. She is relieved that the tests are finally over. Whew!</p>
<p>NM what exciting news! Fantastic for your D.</p>
<p>CountingDown - Sounds like a wonderful trip. Something that I would like to do once retired. Can’t be gone 3 weeks from work. They did allow me the 2 weeks last year but they prefer if you only take a week at a time.</p>
<p>Congrats to NM D2! </p>
<p>NM–Wonderful!!!
CD–we were married in New Zealand and also took the family to Australia a long time ago. Australia is our families favorite trip.
FallGirl-- generally, a multivitamin does not have enough Vit. D. I have not checked recommendations for a long time but I take 2,000 a day to stay in the good zone. The bigger problem is if a person is depleted (as S was) the treatment is a mega regime on day a week for a number of weeks and then the daily.
Vit. D and SAD lights are a common topic with my clients as well as friends, the grocery clerk… 
.</p>
<p>kmc–somehow my body has gotten the wrong information. I am sleeping the latest I have since a teen. It is so dark that it is difficult knowing if it is morning yet. I need some of those automatic window cover remote gadgets.
Super fun about your S and his friend!
Many of D’s friends have returned here and last night I went to a lecture with our “2nd daughter”. The lecture was by Dr. Wendy Chung who spoke on studies on autism. She is is at Columbia. Some exciting information and she offered a lot of hope for genetic testing in the future.</p>
<p>Congrats to D2, Nminn!
And that sounds fabulous, countingdown!
I love reading about all these adventures but I just don’t have the travel bug right now.</p>
<p>I was at an all-day conference on concussions today. I am usually bored to tears at these things but I learned so much that I can put into my daily practice. One doc reported an increase in ADHD symptoms in his post-concussive patients and the next researcher stated that visual deficits as a result of the concussion are really to blame for the ADHD symptomatology… distractability, disengagement, lack of focus, etc. They’ve had great success reducing the visual symptoms with therapy to retrain for convergence, etc. Great stuff!</p>
<p>I was thinking of your experience, dte.</p>
<p>It helps that I am not working. DH has six months worth of vacation/comp time that he hasn’t taken, so he needed to use some. Nevertheless, he spent about 10 hrs/week on work-related stuff. Between that and staying in 19 different places in 20 days, it was not exactly a relaxing trip. It was spectacular, though!</p>
<p>Congrats to your D2, NM!</p>
<p>kmc, I can only hope that S2 starts to pull his life together after graduation and finds a plan. Right now he is so narrowly focused on doing one thing, which is very difficult to break into, and will only be made more difficult by his grades. The ADD-inattentive and exec function stuff is pretty ugly and he thinks he can power through it intellectually and shouldn’t have to work around it. Hello!!!</p>
<p>S1, OTOH, seems to be doing very well at work and should be up for a second promotion soon. He is so lucky to have found a career where it’s ok to be quirky and offbeat and nicely self-supporting (and be married to a woman who is the same way).</p>
<p>Congrats to NM D2 and good to hear that CD S1 is progressing well.</p>
<p>woody, the link between vision and ADHD is interesting. ShawD had major league convergence issues and beyond (she was diagnosed with a genetically caused degenerative eye disease that would have caused her to be legally blind but it turned out that the problem lay in the fact that the muscles in her eyes were sort of frozen and adjusted very slowly). After we fixed the eyes, she was diagnosed with ADHD, but it always seemed to me much more like anxiety – if you lived the first 11 years of your life not really being able to see well and especially not being able to adjust from near to far and vice versa (without anybody knowing it and expecting you to have normal vision up until age 9), you’d probably be pretty anxious too. </p>
<p>CD, is there anyone that can help your S2 come to grips with the need to work around his LDs and not just power through them. ShawSon has been very clear on the importance of not being afraid to tell people about his learning issues and of using pretty much any avenue for help that is available on top of what is a pretty powerful intellect. In his mind, it is all about strategy: how to use all the assets and resources he has (including teachers, tutors, assistive technology, websites, girlfriends, parents, cousins, …) to succeed. [Right now, he is absolutely working himself to the bone with help from classmates, a tutor, and TAs to survive and maybe thrive in a course in grad school for which he doesn’t have the prerequisites – he probably needs to sleep a lot more].</p>
<p>sorry Shaw --off topic. </p>
<p>I decided tonight to sent DIL flowers with a sweet note for her first Med school interview next week. Just did a Yelp search and found a nice arrangement with a teddy hugging the vase for G’sSon. Her own parents never celebrate anyone. ( Gave S a ricemaker when they realized that he is cooking Asian food and that they had not given him a b-day nor a gradutation gift—??? who does that??)
D had a group of friends send her a lovely simple vase of flowers just before her last set of tests and I saw how much it meant to her.
What touched me is that after I placed the order I realized that this little floral shop must have been so busy over the last few weeks due to the shootings. Some of the kids are still in critical condition.
I know DIL will be happy. S will be pleased.
And I have decided that her parents should just be embarrassed as we have purchased her interview clothes and we celebrate her.
Guess this is a rant.
Still sad for Marysville.
Happy and hopefull for DIL having an interview.</p>