Moda - how terrible! I understand totally about needing to have trust in the marriage. Wishing you a much better 2015 and hope that things work out for you.
So sorry, Moda. to hear this sad news. All the best to you in sorting all of this out.
I am not on the CC13. I opted out.
Moda I am glad you are back we do care. I think its hard for the young to realize what we know. I think as women we come to realize we have to make tough choices to have the life we want and deserve. We have the tendency to put everyone else first and then wonder what is left. I am sad this has happened, but glad you are thinking of yourself too. In my family I make tough choices about my brother, that people are only realizing now, are not so harsh. I guess I dont need everyone’s ok anymore.
CBB, that is a nice talent you have. My H can be very lateral in his decisions. I just tell him what is going to happen. I thin he is downright silly sometimes. Don’t know what the sneezing is. Oh yes don’t edit my posts it will be all day for you hehe
I am going back to work tomorrow for the first time. I have been exhausted. I wonder if its that enterovirus that has caused so many problems. Star school on Friday. nervous. It looks pretty involved. I just want my life back, the couch is not so much fun.
I have to get ready for a meeting, but many warm hugs to you, Moda.
Moda…sigh… I am so sorry you are sad and overwhelmed. 
You have had so much to juggle over the past few years with the sale of the house, the kids entering and leaving school, your mom’s passing and now this. I wish I could give you a hug and a shoulder to cry on! Modason is probably beside himself with worry in regards to med school and doesn’t realize how much he is hurting you.Give yourself some breathing room and take care of yourself before you make any serious decisions. Hoping you have some good support from friends and family close by. You should know we are all here for you and offer whatever support we can. We really do care for you!
Moda, very sorry to hear that. I had a sense something was up when you guys couldn’t move forward on a house in a constructive fashion, but I am always the last to know about things. I think the advice to take care of yourself is very good.
So sorry to hear your news, moda. Sending hugs and best wishes to you. Take care.
Interestingly, Shaw - the house thing was the big mystery and to some degree it still is because when I inquired back in October what H was expecting of me and asked very specifically what was I being patient for. H really didn’t have an answer. Like no answer whatsoever! While I thought I would give him breathing room, and of course, hoping for greater clarity in rehab, I see that it wasn’t quite as easy as all that. The best and worst thing about being here is that I do have very loyal and true friends who also care a great deal about my H. What makes that “worse” is that this whole ordeal is kinda clouding up my happy place and everyone keeps asking why I am still here.
Everyone loves H. Of my friends here, few can even fathom how this was so far under the radar, yadda yadda yadda. This is why I also agree with McSon when it comes to comments made when breaking up with significant others. I don’t want anyone to disparage my H - not yet anyway 
- as I have a fierce loyalty and respect for 25 years. And for me it goes beyond the H. I surely didn’t appreciate my one sister seeming to take a little too much glee in thinking S was behaving poorly along with a little name calling as well. You can bet I said in no uncertain terms it was completely unacceptable. I must have made an impression with sharper claws than may have been necessary when her eyes got big. But she got the message. The thing with my family is, they think I need their solutions or very strong opinions and that I am somehow less capable somehow. Let’s just say it is good to have friends that have loved you for nearly a lifetime and love you seemingly more unconditionally than family.
Thing is, there is a large degree of fluidity to the situation at this point and whenever I think something is the way it is, it changes slightly or evolves hugely… depending. 
And it then sounds all so cryptic, even to me, to leave out what the heck Im talking about! But since coming back post holidays, things have come to light - some good, some not so good… all in all leaving me feeling slightly paralyzed in my own life. That’s definitely not good but all too soon to make “decisions.”
But you can bet I had been hoping for awesome news for S when Dec 15 decisions were announced for his number 1 school. And I absolutely know he is desperate to get back to studying what he loves. What I am sure of is that it is hard for him sometimes to not wear his emotions on his sleeve and so… out of sight and out of mind is probably not a bad decision for him when it comes to his work. Im a little disappointed, but figure that any amt of patience I have left be afforded to him. And I also know that his current job does not come naturally to him and with so much wheeling and dealing, I think it feels less than rewarding to him on many levels. He is a good kid and has worked so very hard. Im just crossing fingers for good news … soon. This family sure could use it.
Oh, moda, sending you hugs. You have a lot going on. I was hoping your S had heard some news re his applications.
I am traveling again this week, and came down with a nasty cold on Sunday. The only silver lining is that after work I can return to the hotel and climb in bed. No one is able to ask me to make them dinner or do anything around the house. I’m on the road the next two weeks so I hope I feel better soon.
Oh moda, I’ve been so waiting to hear from you and am now so sorry to hear of all this. You are such a strong, smart woman that I know you will be ok. But still, so sad. Hugs to you.
Dte and north minn said it all so much better than I ever could. (How did yo people get to be so articulate…I’m such a mumbler!)
I think northminn was spot on about S being wrapped up in his own thing with med school. But let’s face it… he’s brilliant… he will be just fine.
Unconditional support here.
Moda, sending hugs, the bus, and a year in a Tuscany villa or some other worthy adventure <3 I have sweatlodge this weekend and will put some wonderful prayers in for you and your H and S. In the mean time, be good to yourself.
McH had a fall on the ice yesterday and sprained his ankle. The stubborn fool (and I say this with more love than contempt) wouldn’t let me take him to the urgent care clinic…but I wore him down…but by then it was closed. He promises to let mcson take him this a.m. while I am at my meeting. I have informed him its my intent to heal him up properly before our cruise next month, instead of his usual neglectful m.o. that has him suffer endlessly due to his aversion to all things medical What a fly in our busy ointment…
In other news, mcson appears to be in some kind of rebound cyclone because he actually brought home this new and lovely young artist last night and introduced us. Its all quite bizarre in some ways, but in others, I admire his ability to dust himself off and reinvent his life. He says he’s surprised, amazed, and delighted to find himself feeling this way. What’s unusual is that i have no sense of concern…just gratitude that he hasn’t turned inward and that he’s smiling.
I’m reading Tom Robbins’ autobiography right now, and am put in mind of something he says therein: no matter what happens, it is always an honor to love someone. The rest matters not.
Moda, so sorry to hear your news, with its attendant pain, confusion, and sadness. I know we all hope for some good news for ModaSon in regards to med school, but along with that, some smoothing of the bumpy road of relationships. Peace to you.
Moda, many hugs and caring thoughts sent your way.
We have all missed you and hope you feel up to posting again soon.
As for your S–this may not be the same but my S always took things out on me. Our relationship has had a lot of tension until now. Now that he has a job he is very nice to me.We think it is because he feels successful.
I have to wonder if your S had the Med school monkey off his back as in an acceptance–if he would be so relieved he would be nice again. There is little I hate more than when S is moody and negative with me. It might be to early to say he/we have turned a corner but fingers crossed. Also, (and I anot good at this) S HATES being asked questions. But if he doesn’t offer then it leaves us stuck.
kmc–gads, hoping it is a simple sprain! What timing.
yes I am really bad, I hate to be asked questions, and will deliberately not answer them. don’t know why. perhaps he is so worried he cant verbalize it.
I was laughing today saw my class list and Shaw D and I will be in class together. I asked her when class started . I thought it was tomorrow. So happy not until next week, I just went back to work from being sick, and I am very tired. need some more days to recoup. It is a very small world.
That’s so cool, DTE!
Oregon, as it would turn out, its a sprain and a fracture. He asked the doc to burn the X-ray so that he didn’t have to admit I was correct in my campaign to have him go to urgent care ;). Went and collected him after my meeting.
Have to take him to a specialist this a.m. – they gave him an aircast but said there was a chance the foot/ankle guy would want him in a boot.
Minor inconvenience in the greater scheme of life, but my friend secretly got married this week at City Hall and a bunch of us from my networking group were to have drinks tonight. He wants me to go without him, which is what I’d usually do, but I cant decide because i really don’t want him hobbling around so soon forraging for food and trying to fiddle with his aircast and icing and whatnot. Even with me home last night (home but working late to catch up) he mucked about after I’d gotten him settled and iced. Very independent and generally not a good patient
About 12 years ago he’d had a fall during an ill-advised Black Friday shopping incident and hurt his shoulder, which went untreated due to his stoic ways. The injury atrophied, caused him pain for 8 years, and my chiro friend says its still a mess – he has trouble to this day raising his arm.
The reason I am hell-bent on his doing it right this time is that I don’t want his stubbornness to cause a mobility issue or pain in the future unnecessarily. We also have the kind of homestead/property here that kinda requires two able-bodied adults (and who am I kidding, paid help) to stay on top of. So while it seems a tad infantalizing to be hovering and reminding him to keep the weight off it, its really in my best interest to supervise Besides, while he’d never admit to feeling lonely and helpless, I know that’s how I’d feel in his shoes. I will have to chew on this a spell and decide what to do.
DTE, ShawD called last night and said, “Do you know who is in my program?” Should be fun. But, this comes full circle as she only applied to this program because of you. So, thanks again.
Her NCLEX (nursing licensure exams) are today. She went this morning with her friends preparing for a six hour exam. It is an exam where you sit at a terminal until you correctly answer the requisite number of questions, which I think is 75. She started at 8 and she called me at 8:56 AM. They let her go after 75 questions. So, she either got them all right or all wrong. The latter is more likely. Of course, they don’t tell you for several days whether you have passed and so she is insisting she doesn’t know if she passed (she is a girl who hates to be disappointed). She now has to wait for her friends to finish. I bought her a Dr. Ruth book that Dr. Ruth had suggested she read. She has that with her.
Now she has to get a part-time RN job as a requirement of her NP program. We maybe can help a little. But, when she tried to get a job as an aide, the job application system didn’t seem that logical. When she submitted resumes online for aide positions, she rarely got responses (although some of her classmates did). Her current resume seems to me, as an outsider, to be sparkling on the academic end (3.9 GPA, summa cum laude, Phi Beta Kappa equivalent, Sigma Theta Tau) and pretty good from a work/clinical standpoint (she worked for two years as a CNA at the the rehab hospital that is a Harvard teaching hospital and they loved her, has had clinical training at Harvard Medical School, Tufts, and BU teaching hospitals, and an intensive clinical training in the Cardiac ICU at one of Harvard’s flagship hospitals; she also was a teaching assistant for a hard nursing class). She will get great references. Plus, she has a terrific personality and patients love her. Clearly the computer programs sorting patients won’t know about her personality and may not understand the references. But, do you guys in the know have a sense about what prompts the computer program to pick certain applicants over others? We’ll try to use our modest contacts but I’m not sure they will help much. The contacts we do have are at a very high level (a few current and former hospital CEOs) who may not be all that useful. Per I think Woody’s suggestion, ShawD or ShawWife will ask one CEO to see if he can get her an interview at a sister hospital that is in walking distance of ShawD’s apartment. ShawD doesn’t drive, so either she needs to get a job in walking distance (most of Harvard’s teaching hospitals) or on the subway or needs to learn to drive to get to places in the burbs (or we invest heavily in Uber). As an uneducated but proud father, I can’t see why anyplace wouldn’t snap her up, but clearly that is not how the system works.
Indeed, I was talking with an ex-CEO friend and mentioning that I’d read that while there were shortages of NPs and the shortage is expected to grow, it is very difficult to get your first job as an NP as everyone wants 1 to 3 years of experience. He said it is stunningly illogical because his former hospital has this kind of policy, which may mean you lose the best people to another city (and they never come back).
My dad fractured/sprained his ankle in a skiing accident in his 40’s and it bothered him the rest of his life when the weather would get either damp or cold - worse when it was both! Son had a very bad sprain during some footwork drills over helmets (landing on one and rolling it) and it took a long long time, lots of intensive physical therapy and wearing a brace during games (but not practices) to get it to feeling right again, and he was 18! Given this, however, I would still go out for at least a little while even though likely it will seem easier to not. It’s just that if I were the bride, regardless of how I did it, I would be hoping everyone turned up for me. Of course, I might be just ultra sensitive to missing faces, but just pointing out you could likely get him set up for a few hours and be home early… and now adays, you are only a text away. I am kind of a let me lick my wounds kind of person and so while I like to be set up with what I might need, I am perfectly happy to deal with pain/discomfort solo. And if he’s been given pain pills… well, good night nurse anyway!
kmc, was it mcson or your husband who went to urgent care at your insistent urging?
I would go but lay out dinner etc. before you go so nothing requires effort.
I would totally do the same KMc as it can impact later life, arthritis etc… they think they are grown up but still lack sense. He will thank you later.
Shaw it is difficult to get a part time position as an experienced nurse let alone a new grad. Most hospitals hire new grads full time. Which she would be an excellent candidate. I am sure she passed. I remember waiting for the results in the mail. many moons ago, I still have the torn letter. haha
The little that I know about job interviews comes from 20-30 yr old clients. Basically you must use their language. If the post says “7th grade teacher” the words teacher and so on will not fly. Somehow, somewhere, “5th” needs to be on the application or the computer kicks it out. So “10 years experience teaching Middle School” will not get you an interview.
“Taught 10 years in a program that included 7th and 8th grades” might. Even if you only taught the 8th graders.
This is a for what it’s worth post. Am sure others know more.
kmc–go! have dinner ready or have something delivered. Maybe begin a movie. All quietly, of course.
When H is acting really stubborn I tell him I am moving to the guest room or even a hotel if does not see the doc, etc. Never have had to. I think that is our signal that I mean business. The time I finally finally! got him into see his doc (had been sick for a very long time) I left a post it on his mirror and told him if he did not call his doc by noon that I would. He called.
I really do not usually make threats but this has been the only way to get him to act when it comes to his health. And thank goodness I did make him go as that is when they (inadvertently) found his kidney cancer. He would not be alive today if he had kept up his stubborness.
dte, what fun.