Be selfish all you want, MP. You are juggling a lot.
I hope your daughter is feeling better today. That’s big surgery for an adult.
Best of luck to your D.
Empty nest for the next week - S left this morning for our former home state, to visit friends and family. I have to confess I’m ready not to be washing dishes all the time.
Missypie, hope your D and your M are feeling better each day.
Shawbridge, to reply (belatedly) to your question about including shaw-wife in technical conversations, does she want to be included? There are plenty of conversations where I just tune out when certain topics are discussed. I wouldn’t want such conversations dominating a meal, but I could put up with it for a while. I don’t mind listening/learning (and tuning out at times).
I think it’s always appropriate to temper what you are talking about , not going on and on about your own area of expertise. It’s tiresome. H and sons are all engineers (and don’t at all dominate with that), H’s brother and his wife are both tenured professors who are experts in their fields, published authors and international lecturers, etc. Only a true blowhard would go on and on about their own subject and pay no mind to other family members in a social setting. My brother in law had a well received book that had just been published that he showed us a few years ago, we oohed and awed about it for about 10 seconds and then went on with other things.
Both sons were home for Christmas and my sister was here as well ( she will be going through radiation in January after a lumpectomy in early December) so very thankful she was able to visit us. Had a nice holiday. Hope all will be well with your mom and daughter, missypie. Happy New Year to all of you!
Sending thoughts of recovery for your sister, sevmom.
Happy New Year’s Eve. Working today but hoping we get to leave early. H and I went to the Caps game last night, are going to a small NYE party tonight and will be going to a larger party tomorrow night. This is not my normal life!
S is in Thailand with a friend who has extended family there. He will go back to London directly so we won’t see him until April.
Happy New Years, everyone, and cheers to peace and prosperity in 2016!
Shaw, I’d pondered your question when I read it but wasn’t sure how to describe my thought process. Maybe I’ll give it a shot in the event there are any takeaways, though the phenom is different in a relaxed family setting.
First off, I regularly find myself playing the role of conversational shepherd in that in the work world I work with three guys who can completely riff enthusiastically on geekdom in the company of others. This tendency usually nets a side conversation wherein I explain in plain language and as much comic infusion as I can muster what they’re on about. Sometimes they get the hint and follow my example of inclusion as they CAN be deft with analogy when they apply their big brains to social matters ;). Sometimes not. Sometimes it depends on how much liquor is flowing, as this kind of free flow riffing is usually at functions.
I tend to look around the table to notice who has tuned out and generally try to find a “bridging” way to include them or their perspective in the conversation. This type of conversational bridging is perhaps a learned trait from past experience with radio talkshows, TV, facilitating for KPMG, and committee work in my checkered early working days. I don’t know if it comes naturally to most, but it is worth cultivating as it tends to validate people and results in richer conversations.
In a family setting, it tends to go the other way, as I am familiar with many of the political, social justice and cultural studies platforms mcson and gf draw from. The 3 of us can debate such matters endlessly (and heatedly) whereas mch is not oriented to this particular type of discussion. Sometimes to bring balance, and if i remember to 
I will side note him on a topic, then bridge by saying something like "we’re talking about blah, from your perspective do you think x is y? (And then to the other two) I’m curious as to what mch thinks from his standpoint as an employer…
This usually nets inclusion with often interesting results
Now, mch is a tough cookie and is the type that is often happy to exclude himself or excuse himself from conversations that don’t interest him without much in the way of hurt feelings, but even with that said, I do try to consider balance.
If Shaw wife has expressed a sense of exclusion, I think it means you can help shawson rebalance some of your conversations in her presence to be more inclusive if less informative. The way to do this is to first exercise some bridging tactics to see if he picks up naturally, which I bet he will. Eg. Shawife, are we boring you? Just to recap, we’re discussing blah, which is about blah. At the heart of it is blah. I’d like to hear what you think about it…
If she doesn’t join in but the 3 of you are together, eg a meal, you can always say something like "Shawson, lets pick this back up together x time (and make a time to discuss). I think your mom would enjoy hearing a bit about y (eg conversation about shawson’s areas of life more relatable to Shaw wife.)
If you do this often enough, he’ll probably take the cue to be more consciously inclusive. He might ask you about it privately later, at which point you can simply say that you sense she feels left out. I would not mention that she’s actually said so. By using the word “sense” you’re modeling how to “sense” and reinforcing the notion of observing for inclusion which is an important skill that many folks with exquisitely big brains don’t always scan for because they’re usually busy thinking in a different, less connected way
I knew if I tried to explain these things it would come off sounding strange and perhaps a bit manipulative, but you have to start the equation with love…love of humans as they are, and a desire to include them While mcson has never been identified as being on the spectrum, his high intelligence combined with neuroatypical disposition has caused me to explore ways of subtle socialization or at least think about it often. Directness in these matters can be difficult and at times combative - it hurts them and they’ll chew on it too much. Or feel misunderstood. But unconsciously, they pick it up when it is modeled.
Hope there was something in there useful for you or that resonates.
Just a quick check in.
MP - so sorry to hear about your Christmas. Sounds like one for the record books!
Sounds like many of you had interesting family time – all good in my opinion.
I’m resting after the marathon that is my Christmas. I do it to myself but am enjoying some downtime with my sewing machine.
D and BF got engaged. They are currently thinking of a 2017 fall wedding but still early days so I’m sure that could still change.
Of to the sewing machine…
Happy New Year all.
Congratulations on the engagement! Exciting news!
Seconding the congratulations, RM!
Many congrats on the engagement!
I had my first wedding nightmare last night…I was responsible for all of the flowers and totally forgot to order any.
Younger D had a very rough night. She is finally sleeping but got no sleep all night. At one point, H was reading children’s books to her. Adorable.
Mom showered and dressed in real clothes. Progress.
I am laundering a load of jammies.
Have finally admitted that I have a cold. Quiet evening for us. Made is so bucko with risotto. Already downed a bottle of sparkling wine with H. Will be an early night for us.
Okay drat auto correct osso buco
So bucko osso buco? What a great auto correct, me buckos.
Happy New Year!
Happy New Years!
I have been puny the last 2 days. I was at the dentist and she suddenly told me she needed to reschedule as she thought she had the flu.
Of course, even while not up to snuff I managed to talk with BFF for hours into the wee morning. I have not been able to find a minute where someone is not around for weeks now except in the middle of the night.
I am also struggling with H who needs to be told over and over requests for things to get done.
He is constantly forgetting and I am really not wanting another teen boy. Of course, he thinks I am overreacting.
We have 13 for dinner on the 2nd and I am slowing putting it together.
kmc, hope you found some clothes for your cruise. I have 10 bathing suits here from Amazon and Zappos.
One fit and that was all I needed.
Enjoy!
NYE at the convalescent home. Finally sitting down Son and Fiancé were over for quite a while. TV. H worked. (Sang in a concert ). We are having people over tomorrow night (postponed from yesterday.). I should have just cancelled but H so wanted to have guests to see the trees, etcetera. I cooked a couple of things in advance so if the patients have rough days tomorrow I won’t panic. Poor D doesn’t want to go to bed. Nights are the worst.
Happy 2016 to everyone!
RM, congrats on the engagement! Loved the auto correct. Is so bucko? Really?
missypie, hope D was able to rest last night.
oregon101, hope you are feeling okay.
Had a quiet evening - my nephew (who lives with us) performed in Times Square last night. Thankfully he was on early and there was a live webcast, so we didn’t have to battle crowds to see him. I also watched Live from Lincoln Center on TV and called it a night. My geriatric dog has been consistently waking me up around 5:15 am and I often have a hard time getting back to sleep, so I am on a different time schedule than the rest of the family (well, except the dog).
Feel better, oregon and RM. H wasn’t feeling well when I got home from work yesterday, but seems to be better this AM. Maybe going to a party helped? Party was fun- just 5 couples, people we know well.
c_q I am on a similar schedule. The 'beagle alarm" goes off between 5-5:45 AM. She is soon to turn 15.
The osso bucco and risotto turned out nice. Good thing as it cooks for 3 hours. Didn’t catch the auto correct yesterday at first. Too funny. Head cold seems a bit better this morning and I did sleep well. Today’s task is to take down and pack up all the Christmas stuff and get my house back to normal. H has already started on the outside. We will see how far I get.
Yesterday I offered to take down the tree but H insisted that it was still Christmas (liturgically). But I am not on vacation when Christmas ends, which is why in the past we’ve still had a tree up in February.
Has he had an epiphany yet, c_q? Maybe he’ll have one soon.