<p>Lasma - that is such great news, hope things continue in the right direction</p>
<p>Our paper reported today that a Cornell student has passed away from H1N1 - I am usually pretty relaxed about illness stuff but now I am getting into paranoid mode. I’ll ask D during our weekly call tomorrow night what she is doing to minimize the risk.</p>
<p>As far as the bathroom thing - my D is in an all-female dorm that requires male visitors to go down into the basement to use a mens restroom, however, I think if they are intoxicated those rules would quickly go out the window (if they use a restroom at all). D takes her showers in the athletic facility instead of the dorm, so it wouldn’t be an issue for her.</p>
<p>It is surreal to me having a fall Saturday morning to myself here - I am so used to going to XC meets or practices. I would do the hockeymom thing but the cold intolerance would get to me, that is H’s department…</p>
<p>According to Twisted’s post, the boys were in there because they spilled wine on themselves. Perhaps inappropriate, yes, but not threatening. Never heard of a bathroom needing a social security number to get in to a bathroom, but my reaction was more to say that it would have been much better and far more mature to address the concerns with the girl on the floor who let them in the bathroom in the first place and not a capitalized letter to the RA of what <em>NEEDS</em> to be done. Yes, a warning yell ( from floormate and “intruders”) to see if anyone was in the bathroom prior to them entering would have been expected. And it is this fact that should have been addressed directly to the offending parties, earned some apologies and pursued a bit of common understanding. Now, I am afraid there will be more alienation and exclusion.</p>
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<p>Bizarre or not, I stand by my statement that this was a over the top response by Twisted. No kid is going to appreciate what, in their way of thinking, was a tattle-tale. And more to the point, if Twisted is having a difficult time making friends or feeling included/involved as she has repeatedly said, this is not going to help HER current situation. Do I think the boys made a mistake in using the girls bathroom, yes. But there was nothing in their behavior OR their explanation to suggest Twisted was in physical danger. So I think notifying security and every RA in the building to assure a public flogging (or worse) will not be helpful to her situation of hoping to fit in better in the least. </p>
<p>When I was in college (in the dark-ages apparently) there were dorms that were strictly single sex and no boys were allowed without a specific escort. If the school offers such an arrangement, or maybe a substance free dorm, I might suggest Twisted look into it moving if college kids socializing is going to prove a problem for her.</p>
<p>LasMa – terrific news for you regarding your D. The involvement in dance is a great sign; I know my D (also a dancer) enjoys dancing in large measure because of the community/corporate aspect of dancing. Wonderful!</p>
<p>Lasma-My D did not like her first semester of HS because it did not allow for dance, they require a “team sport” one of the semesters she ran cross country and got injured and could not dance in the out of school class she had wanted to try.(she had to cut down drastically from the 5 days she was doing) Fortunately when she got better she was able to dance in the spring/ What a huge difference, I think. when you love to dance it is just “in you” . and you miss it. Now trying to convince the HS that dance is a sport and yes dancers muscles and toning are different than runners. My D’s feet are not mad for running. I know her ballet teacher hated it when she ran.
Mododun people here know you are sensible and give advice, never bizare one of the best contributers to this forum</p>
<p>LasMa- I agree that getting involved with other dancers will probably work wonders for your D as she will have kids who share a similar passion. She doesn’t have to be best friends for them, but it will certainly widen her net so to speak to make connections with other kids who could be her friends.</p>
<p>And some of this is what I always loved about kids playing sports. D15 didn’t play sports this year for the first time since about 3rd grade. She is definitley feeling some regrets because her afternoons are unusually long for her, but she has now tried to get involved in some other things and I think it will go a long way to widen her net as well.</p>
<p>As for Son playing… you know, it’s not that I care about the game as much as I care about what he will be doing with his time instead. Fortunately, he is attending a school that ranks up there with schools whose kids study the most. All thru HS he had played three sports except for last winter when he decided not to play basketball after attending captain’s practices because there were so many kids who were desperate to play and well, it wasn’t that kind of desire for him. He knew, as a senior, that all other things being equal (talent), he would probably get the playing time that would otherwise go to these guys. He just felt like they wanted it more. In that time, he ended up in a school play and actually got the best grades with the hardest courseload ever. So… I know the benefits of not hyper extending oneself.</p>
<p>He had already spoken to the lacrosse coach and was on the email list already bumming about how he was missing out on their captain’s practices (pick up games) and so hopefully he’ll look into that one. But when your kid goes on and on about a discussion he had in his class and that the professor’s response to your contribution was, “that is an excellent observation that I hadn’t even considered,” well… that’s about as good as it gets for my son. PLUS! When we are there for family weekend, we’ll see him a lot more!</p>
<p>Hey Down to earth… our kids’ hs has a similar requirement to play on a sports team for both freshman and sophomore year… HOWEVER… The intention of the “requirement” is for giving kids a taste of belonging. Running, while on a team, is still not a team sport unless you’re in the relay, Long story short - a couple of years ago a group of dancer, skater (figure) and equesterian parents got together and said that their kids’ "passions: were being undercut because of this school requirement. Long story short, if the kid could prove they were involved in a physical activity outside of school that the school didn’t offer (I think this was key as some kids might play hockey for a more competitive club league and so that didn’t make the cut), they could get credit this way.</p>
<p>Every thanksgiving the kids do a talent show for the entire school community. some play music and others do what they do. Its actually quite good overall. Last year, a bunch of the figure skaters put together a montage of their skating (all to the same music - all with different choreography) with the help of the one of the video savvy kids. It was AWESOME to watch. All solo skaters but overlaid on top and well… it was great. Another girl got up there and danced a classical ballet and it became clear why she was graduating early to go and dance with the Washington Ballet for the second semester. So just saying…that’s a bogus rule. Is it a required physical activity, then that’s accomplished. If it’s part of being in a group, then it’s accomplishing that as well. The first question would be, what’s the intention of the requirement?</p>
<p>Yes, it’s raining in Texas…our first home football game in our stadium…somehow I don’t think we’ll be seeing a half time show. And speaking of that, a drill team member has H1N1…one down, 59 to go. D’s locker is next to hers but not near her in kick line. D has a bad cough but no temp. </p>
<p>As for the bathroom situation, I think that eventually, one becomes savvy at the use of community bathrooms, learns to yell at guys when they’re in the gilrs’ room without getting overly upset, etc. </p>
<p>LasMa…hope my D goes to a school that has a dance group that can be joined. As a Junior whose life has been dance, she says she does not want to dance in college, but it would be nice if it was an option if she misses it.</p>
<p>Modadunn, your son’s instincts are probably right about the football team. I’ve always liked the use of the word retire rather than quit, when a long sports career is ending. It made me feel better when younger D’s 8 year gymnastics career was coming to a close. You can’t really call a person who has devoted hundreds of hours to a sport a quitter.</p>
<p>Don’t get me started on “PE” and “team sports.” Our HS required two years of PE. Most of it was “team sports.” Classes were huge, and co-ed. So “team sports” often entailed my girls (who were not good at football, softball, etc.) standing and watching. They even got tested on things like throwing a football into a target. My Ds both have incredibly small hands. They can’t even hold a football.</p>
<p>I’m glad HS PE is over …</p>
<p>My second D is a dancer, and although she did 10-20 hours of dance outside of school every week, they wouldn’t count this as an activity or give credit. So she endured PE, and actually worked hard on the fitness sections, and ended up with a very respectable mile time …</p>
<p>She writes from college that she’s doing dance, yoga, rock climbing, and working out in the gym. And she loves it.</p>
<p>Son had to take PE in HS…my favorite semester was when he had it first period. First period is when Athletics meets, so every single gym, field and court in the school was taken up by one team or another. His class literally played dodge ball in the hall almost the entire semester. I told the school administrators this and they denied that it was happening.</p>
<p>Dodge ball - the worst PE activity - the least athletic kids get out first, so they sit the rest of the time. Can’t believe anyone still does this in PE class.</p>
<p>Why not have them do aerobics, or something that will get them in shape and that they actually might keep doing? My D would have loved aerobic dance classes. Oh well.</p>
<p>missypie–I think a college with active student dance ensembles or clubs is actually as good for a lot of kids as a dance department with major/minor. They get to keep dancing, but at their pace.</p>
<p>Nobody knows what girl did it, she let them in and went back to her room. I am sorry, but we are required to report anything suspicious or unusual to the RAs and two men in the ladies bathroom in the middle of the night is suspicious and unusual, it is not allowed. They have their own place to use the restroom very nearby, there are several mens rooms on every floor and only one ladies rooms, and as I said there are unisex bathrooms throughout that do not require a key. There are rapes in college dorms every year, there was a murder in the dorms at a college nearby recently-- and in that case the attacker had no business in the building at all and had somebody noticed and reported it it wouldn’t have happened. Because nobody knows who did it nobody is getting in trouble, and even if we did know they’d probably just get a reminder that it’s against the rules, but hopefully they will realize that is the drawback of having opposite sex guests over to drink and go somewhere else next time-- as is what’s normally done at every school I have ever visited. There is nothing acceptable about two men in the ladies bathrooms in the middle of the night. They told me they were cleaning wine off themselves. I didn’t see any. I didn’t even see them using the sinks, they were just standing in the bathroom laughing. How do I know they were telling the truth? I don’t know these guys, I’ve never seen them before, I didn’t see the girl who supposedly let them in. How do I know they didn’t prop the door when I came in and sneak in to wait for an unsuspecting person to come in? How do I know they wouldn’t have attacked me if I hadn’t managed to get across the room and open the door to the hall before they saw me? The fact of the matter is that I don’t, and as the member of a community it is my responsibility to report potential danger to the community. If they want to drink in their rooms, I don’t care. That doesn’t affect me or anyone else but them. I wouldn’t dream of saying a word, even if they are keeping me up all night and puking everywhere. Not my business, it’s not hurting anybody. But breaking the rules so far as the bathrooms are concerned DOES affect everybody, and it’s not like somebody just made a mess and didn’t clean it up. I really don’t care if I am the tattle tale, I was raised to believe it’s not tattling if someone is in danger of getting hurt. Since no one is getting in trouble no one is even going to know it was me that told, the boys didn’t know who I was to tell anyone. But I am not just going to allow two men to sit and hang out in a place where they do not belong when it could potentially endanger the other girls of my floor, and frankly I am shocked that you would want me to do that. The sensibilities of a bunch of silly college students do not matter when they are doing something that could be a potential danger to everybody else. How do I even know THEY knew these guys? They have been parting since they got here, they could have just picked them up at a party last week and invited them over. They have their own restrooms, I didn’t know who did it to handle it myself, and the RAs needed to be aware that it had happened so they knew to watch last night to make sure nothing dangerous DID happen. They have told us they won’t do anything as far as alcohol is concerned as long as people aren’t wandering drunkenly throughout the halls and disturbing the rest of the residents, but they do care about security and people allowing anyone access to someplace they are not allowed to be is a breach of security that is taken very seriously at every college campus I have ever heard of, particularly since all of the school shootings and various other crimes that have hit the media recently. I did not notify security, I sent an email to our floor RA so he could handle it next time he was on duty, and informed the RA on duty so she could be on the lookout for anything else that went wrong-- she notified security because those are the rules and it is her job to enforce them. With how rampant violent crimes are on campus, I am sorry, but I am just not going to trust two men in a place they are not supposed to be in the middle of the night just because it might be inconvenient to someone else on my floor not to. Maybe if she had been there to explain why they were really there I might not have been so concerned, but she left them there to do whatever they wanted with no regard for the rest of the girls on our floor.</p>
<p>I am leaving this forum now. I won’t bother anyone anymore. My mother was just very upset by what had happened and I thought you would want to discuss the issue with your daughters so they know how to handle it if it were to happen to them. I said I would stop posting for advice and what not because apparently the one person who said it was okay misjudged how everyone else would react, I respect that and stopped doing it. I just thought what I had to say was still applicable to this thread as parents of new students to school. But if you’re just going to tell them not to report suspicious activity because it might hurt somebody’s feelings, maybe they are better off if you didn’t.</p>
<p>missypie: This was one of D’s non-negotiables when she was doing her search. She was never interested in a dance major, but she HAD to have a dance outlet of some kind, if not on-campus, then a professional studio that she could easily get to. Her school only offers a grand total of 2 advanced-level dance classes (ballet & modern), and she will take both of those at some point. But they have 2 student-run dance groups; the one she’s signed up for is a performance/recital group, and she’s also looking into the dance team that performs at football/basket games. </p>
<p>We ran into the same stupid rule as many of you re PE: Dance isn’t a sport. That idea can only have come from someone whose kid didn’t dance!</p>
<p>“I thought you would want to discuss the issue with your daughters so they know how to handle it if it were to happen to them.”</p>
<p>Twisted - some of us were just stating that we would have handled the situation differently and maybe other parents on this thread would want to know how other parents feel about it. You handled it your way/your mother’s way, and that is fine. It doesn’t, however, make it the only correct way to do it. In all honestly, maybe the Parent’s forum really isn’t the best place for you to be posting. You get awfully defensive and argumentative when parents disagree with you. (And yes, I am a LONG time reader of this thread, and very infrequent poster, but for some reason this particular topic sort of got to me. I think that the last thing newbie, possibily already-worried parents need is to hear a story like this presented in what is sort of a “semi-hysterical” manner. I don’t think that’s the purpose of the thread…)</p>
<p>I’ve also been lurking here (until a few posts ago) as a parent of the class of 2013. I think my daughter would have either screamed if she felt threatened or yelled at the boys to “get out of the girls bathroom”. Don’t think the response would have been to call mom.</p>
<p>Did speak to my kid a few minutes ago. She sounded as happy as I’ve ever heard her, high school years were not much fun for her. She said all the kids in her hall are very close and she can always find someone to go to meals or do things with. Has joined one club and checking out a few others to see if they fit. A couple of her classes are really outstanding with top rated profs and the other two are just OK. Best remark: “It’s not totally home yet, but I feel very comfortable here”. Can’t wait for parents weekend!!</p>
<p>Lasma–Very happy to hear that things seem to be on the upswing for your daughter. I hope it continues. Kudos to you for getting involved before it became worse for your daughter. </p>
<p>Modadunn–It sounds like your son made a very mature decision. I remember when DD had to choose between dance (which she started at age 3) and her HS sport after freshman year. It really wasn’t possible to continue with both activities. It was bittersweet for me to watch her last recital, but I knew she was beginning to understand that there will always be difficult choices to make. It was the one of many to come. </p>
<p>china and billy pilgram–Welcome. Billy, isn’t that what we all want! Sounds fantastic. </p>
<p>Twisted–My D and I have long had discussions about how to keep herself safe from attacks and what to do in suspicious situations or if, heaven forbid, she was attacked. I really doubt there is a parent of a daughter here that has not had similar discussions. </p>
<p>You’ve said you came here seeking advice or opinions of other parents because at times your own don’t get it. Fine. I’m going to offer you some food for thought. You really are putting up walls to friendships or at least learning about others. On the one hand you indicate you don’t care if your floormates drink, and in the next sentences you use the words “THEY” and silly college students. You better believe that your floormates and roommate are picking up on that attitude. You indicate it was the middle of the night. 11:00 is hardly the middle of the night. At my own house my teenage children are barely in bed by 11:00. Even on my D’s academic floor, with extended quiet hours, quiet hours don’t begin until 2:00 am on the weekend. </p>
<p>Like your family, we don’t live far from my D’s university. She could easily commute, but we would not allow that. One of the important parts of college and living in a dorm is learning to deal with others in an appropriate way. It’s a life skill. A big part of that skill is not being overly judgmental because others have different values or ways of life. In your adult life you will have to work with people that are very different from you. The sooner you learn to do that appropriately and kindly the easier your life will be. FYI–I have called my own D out on this in the past. It’s not an easy lesson, but it is essential.</p>
<p>From various posts, I am guessing you are a first generation college student. Having been a first generation student myself I understand that sometimes our dreams of what college will be like are very different from the reality. Only today, as my oldest child begins college, do I truly understand how difficult it was for me to make that leap. I am sincerely suggesting you seek out available resources on campus for first generation students to help you ease the transition. If not that, then stop and see an advisor or counselor for first year students. If you choose not to do so, I would recommend you evaluate whether you should continue to live on campus as the semester ends.</p>
<p>Oh Missy! I am totally going with the “retired” comment. You are absolutely right. He played football from about 4th grade thru his being captain senior year. It’s certainly not quitting, it’s moving on to something new and different.</p>
<p>He just called to say that yesterday was the activities fair. He is going to play ultimate frisbee, signed up to see what Rugby was all about AND… some other things that seem totally out of character, but at least he’s “doing.” He had to go though because a bunch of kids from his hall and his suite are going to the soccer game.</p>
<p>H just called to check-in. Kick-off is at 3:00. S2 was a little miffed that they got a later start than he wanted on the tail-gate (started at 11:30). H left my mother’s at 5:30 am, had a two-hour drive, and then had to do his marathon training run (15 miles today). H was a little miffed because S2 insisted on tailgating in an area that cost $20 to park because that is where all of his friends and their families would be – H had scoped out a free parking lot earlier. However, other than those two things, they are having a great time together and are surrounded by good food and good friends (would be worth the $20 to me). </p>
<p>S2 seems to mostly hang out with friends from high school who he has known for years, which includes a lot of upperclassmen who have off campus apartments. He says that he has met lots of new people as well, but his core group are all long-standing friends. He made one forway into a mid-week party last Wednesday and regretted it the next day, so is back to limiting his social life to Friday and Saturday only. He says he has a ton of studying to do all day tomorrow.</p>
<p>Well well well…just found out that Son’s GF is spending the weekend with him…will certainly make this weekend a bit better than the last one he spent at school.</p>
<p>Wow, I haven’t looked at this thread since this morning and a lot has gone on!</p>
<p>It is interesting to hear from so many other dance moms. D has a dance studio in her dorm and her school has a number of dance options for non-majors (team/clubs/classes…) but she doesn’t seem really interested right now which I am somewhat surprised about. Oh,I’m with you folks on the “retired” designation. </p>
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Billy- glad to hear that your D is happy. I have seen this happen so many times with kids who didn’t have the greatest H.S. experience. College is an opportunity to get away from the cliques and general c**p in high school. So many kids just blossom.</p>
<p>missypie - thanks for suggesting the term retire. When I typed quit earlier, it just didn’t sit well with me but I couldn’t think of an alternative. Much better!
PS I’m sure your S will have tons more fun THIS weekend. (Insert smarmy winking smiley face here.)
PPS Yet another adventure for D - She washed her cellphone this AM! I think she’s getting to know the cab drivers pretty well.</p>