<p>Hi all! Happy belated birthday Z. Healing flu, snow melting and comfortable mouth thoughts for those who still need them. S1 has some kind of virus–I’m hoping NOT strep–with fever and sore throat. He spent yesterday either in bed or on the couch. He would snore, get a text message, wake up and text back, and go back to sleep. The rest of the fam found that amusing. </p>
<p>I HAVE EATEN SO MUCH!</p>
<p>I did a little online shopping yesterday, and may venture out today to peruse some stores. Half the fam is going hunting tomorrow while S3 and I stay home for a bball tournament. Cleaning begins tomorrow…</p>
<p>I am not a NY eve fan, so am actually hoping for NO plans. We have to be fresh for the Rose Bowl on Friday–go Ducks! </p>
Oh yes, me too! Back to the gym tomorrow morning!</p>
<p>Glad everyone is enjoying Bananagrams. I also try to give both D & S a toy or game of some sort in their stockings. S got a HUGE roll of duct tape, too – he’s always using that for something. D won $10.00 on the lottery tickets from her stocking.</p>
<p>No official comments on grades from either D or S’s schools – although D received an email from one prof that she would have given D an A+ if the school allowed it. No pluses or minuses from S’s school either – which can be good or bad, depending on where you fall on the grading scale.</p>
<p>No plans for the next couple of days, except reading over D’s grad school applications. Then we’re off the NYC on Tuesday to do the “holiday” thing. Since moving out of Fairfield County, we don’t get to the city as much as we used to, so it will be a treat.</p>
<p>Made it to cabin for Christmas despite the snow and rain. Nice visit with family. Have also played many rounds of Bananagrams! Girls are putting away gifts and D1 is angry at us because her clothes don’t fit. sigh… can’t figure out how that’s my fault. She is very angry that we are the only ones who say perhaps she should try to lose the weight. Wanted her to come with me to return and try on new items but she refuses. Needless to say I have lots to return. :(</p>
<p>Telling college kids they should lose weight, what a minefield. I <em>still</em> resent it when my mother comments on my weight. Even when she’s right, I just don’t want to hear it.</p>
<p>D1 wanted clothes to start her new job so I bought two suits, two pairs of dress pants, two cashmere sweaters, some tops and blouses in the sizes she requested. None fit her. I thought they might not fit when I bought them but I hadn’t seen her for a while. Still can’t figure out how this is my fault.</p>
<p>NM: Of course it is not your fault. But we have not yet gotten outside their range of where they displace the feeling they don’t want…Hang in there. We have already demonstrated through years of earlier adolescence that we can stand their criticism. They have a harder time standing their own–so we are the convenient backstop…I try to practice the Buddhist “in the moment” and just imagine it is a bad weather blowing by…Is there any hope you will now get to have a mother daughter outing where you can shop with her? Sometimes I find those work out way better than I imagine and random conversations happen that would never happen at home. And maybe you’ll save some money since items will now be on sale?</p>
<p>NMM, Don’t you know the cardinal rule of mothering a teenage girl in America (not clear these rules follow in other cultures)? It’s always your fault (until 20 or 21 or something like that). I’ve been coaching ShawbridgeWife to laugh (inwardly only, as outwardly would cause the precursor to WWIII) when she learns that something over which she had no control is her fault or when she learns that she has said something irretrievably embarrassing and dumb such that no other human being on the face of the earth could have uttered the same thing (or other provocations). Inward humor (is this Buddhist too?) really does seem to work and besides, outwardly confronting ridiculous assertions never works anyway since the argument that ensues is about the daughter trying to separate and not separate from the mother and not about whatever it is otherwise supposed to be about.</p>
<p>ShawbridgeDaughter at 16 is actually already getting better. Eye rolls down in frequency, for example, although she consistently remembers commitments that ShawbridgeWife supposedly made that she wouldn’t possibly have made (e.g., ShawbridgeDaughter and her best friend would alternate weeks, both sleeping at our house for one week and the friend’s house for a week). SW might have said, “That sounds like it would be a lot of fun.”</p>
<p>Oh my goodness Please pardon the venting here. Apparently I have unresolved issues over weight and my mom. Of 3 daughters, I was the chubby one. I remember as a preteen, my mom bought clothes in a smaller size than I could wear and hung them in the closet to inspire me. It had the opposite effect. I wore a size 13 in HS, a disappointment to the my reed-thin side of my family.</p>
<p>Years later, after a couple of years of marriage, I lost tons of weight and proudly went home for some event. Mom took DH aside and told him that I was probably anorexic. Wow, I can’t believe how much that still bothers me.</p>
<p>OK, thanks for letting me get that off my chest.</p>
<p>In happy news, we went to my Mom’s house today for a late Christmas. My BIL repaired my dad’s old movie projector and we spent the afternoon watching famiy movies from the 50’s and 60’s. No one had seen them for at least 20 years. Hilarious. We need to get them transfered to disc.</p>
<p>Oh eggmom, that is sad. Your mom most likely meant well, but that had to be painful for you.</p>
<p>Several posts back some of you were discussing receiving grades from child’s college. Apparently D will get grades through an email on her student account, but no information as to when. She knows 2 of them (both A’s, so far so good), I told her I want to see a printout when they are all in. </p>
<p>Saw the new Meryl Streep movie today with a friend and really enjoyed it.</p>
<p>D2 hasn’t even checked to see if grades are posted, although she did wonder yesterday whether they were available. She was the same way in HS – one of two or three students who didn’t sign up for Pinnacle (internet grade posting/viewing). She said it ruined kids’ lives who had it: they were constantly checking and always paranoid. Still, would a <em>little</em> obsessiveness be so bad?</p>
<p>S. is at a large state school and his grades are posted entirely in his online interface area without comment and without paper send. However, he did receive a few emails with comments and appreciation from some of his profs, which was delightful feedback for him. In one case, it was how he would know a final project grade. In another, it was to commend a project (but didn’t give the grade). However, those were small classes either of an hons. nature or at the school of music, where the # of students per class is very very small. I can’t imagine how profs would issue comments in any other type of class. But perhaps that is more typical of a LAC? I know at my own foreign school 25 years ago, even in specialized honors, my folks never got my grades, or comments. I, however, got both my grades and progress comments during a counseling session (maybe only normal in a specialized honors bfa).</p>
<p>Regarding weight - Son has gained quite a bit. With him, it’s lack of impulse control - he’s hungry, so why not order three burgers at Jack in the Box. He stays up late and eats LARGE quantities of food. He may benefit from counseling for this issue. It impacts his spending, too. We really want to send him back to school with no credit card, but can’t figure out paying for doctor’s appointments and meds.</p>
<p>We’ve seen D’s grades online. The disappointing one was a B- in her freshman writing seminar, but she feels that she learned a lot and her writing improved, which is really all that matters. </p>
<p>No New Year’s Eve plans here either and that’s fine with me. Both girls will be out of town visiting friends and we’ll probably be asleep by 11. And anyway,
<p>H has invited people over tomorrow night. Snow in the forcast. I think we should reschedule right now. Last year we had people over at about the same time - there was driving rain and only one couple made it.</p>
<p>missypie, on the credit card issue, can you tell your son that anything charged to the card other than doctor’s appointments and meds will come out of his money, or any spending in excess of x amount if you have him on an allowance of some kind? We settled up with S2 over this break how much he needs to transfer out of his savings into our account. He knew all the rules well in advance, so no surprises but it wasn’t real until he saw the Excel spreadsheet with all the costs and had to make the payment to us. We find S2 is less inately frugal than S1. </p>
<p>We also reminded him that we match every dollar he earns. Since the boys started working at age 14, we have deposited an amount equal to each boys’ gross earnings for the prior year into a retirement account (which is the maximum amount they are legally allowed to deposit). That practice stops at college graduation, at which point we expect both boys to make their own deposits into retirement accounts as well as other savings. S1 worked throughout college and often held double jobs during breaks, while S2 is only putting in 3-4 hours per day and is bored to death this break. I don’t think that will happen again.</p>
<p>I don’t have any words of wisdom on the diet issue. I have struggled with my weight all my life. I reached goal on WW and maintained it for two years before slipping in the past few months and am struggling as hard as I know how to get back on plan, tracking, exercising, etc. I don’t find anybody can help me with this and I far prefer H and the boys to refrain from comment. I feel badly enough and know what I must do differently. Whether or not I can muster the planning and self-disclipline to execute is the million dollar question I face each and every day.</p>
<p>We have two doctors that just keep a credit card on file, most notably the dentist. They give a 10% discount if you pay in full at the time of service which saves quite a bit over the course of the year. We also keep a credit crd on file at the pharmacy which is a walgreens.</p>
<p>PS my new years goal is to lose the 50 pounds Ive gain in the last two years. I can probably drop about half of it just by exercising every day so i start J-1.</p>
<p>Okay, I think we need a new diet and exercise thread. When D is home, it’s easy to go to the gym and exercise- having a partner to work out with makes it so much easier/better/less painful. </p>
<p>Agree with Modadunn’s suggestion re: credit card on file- did that with son for some medical issues he experienced this fall. Worked well.</p>
<p>Analyst- Your matching plan is a great idea. It is never too early to start retirement saving and what a good motivator.</p>
<p>On the weight issue, count me in on this one. My once good metabolism has left me, and honestly I eat too much and exercise too little. H and I have already discussed making changes after New Years. I just hope we can stick to it.</p>