<p>I’m going to have to quit my job to keep up here! RM, congrats on great options for your S. You’re ahead of the rest of us on the grad school route (of course, many of us are just hoping for soph year).</p>
<p>Missypie, I have NO DOUBT you’ll be exactly as you need to be to advocate for your S. As much as we need to let them go, we’ll always be parents, and our kids are still…well, KIDS.</p>
<p>Back to the hair conversation, my son has had long hair all through high school, and came home at Thanksgiving saying he needed a hair cut. The VERY first time we’d heard that…so we took him for a trim/shape, but the hair was still to his shoulders and he actually looks great like that.</p>
<p>When we picked him up at the airport for winter break, H didn’t recognize him…he was buzz cut. Surprising enough, but in the light of day, turns out there was a moderate mohawk going on. Turns out all the boys in his dorm wing did it…our kids are experimenting with independence in many ways!</p>
<p>kmcrindle, glad that my son’s experiences are helping your son. </p>
<p>I concur. A fun, more balanced life with good grades beats an unbalanced life with great grades. Interestingly, this past semester, he was on the debate team, which typically takes from Friday noon to Saturday evening and prep during the week.</p>
<p>S probably won’t hear from the business school at Cornell until after he needs to send in the first deposit to Buffalo. He is looking at staying in WNY right now but that is because his GF is also from this area. Lord knows if they will be together when he’s done with law school. She’s a few years younger. Personally with what he wants to do I think he would do better in a larger city but what do I know. Before he heard from Buffalo with the law acceptance he was set to go to Cornell and wanted to challange himself. Now he’s not so sure. There is a BIG difference in price and I think that is part of his thinking. Why pay more unless in the long run he’s going to get something out of it? He has no debt from undergrad and I think he’s worried about carrying too much debt for grad school.</p>
<p>We sent S2 to get a TB screen yesterday. I found out one of his friend’s has latent TB. The dad thinks he might have been exposed when the boys went to Russia. TB was an optional screening when S2 did his shots for college (and he naturally opted out), so he hasn’t been tested recently. He finds out the results in 48 hours, so late Thursday. It’s always something, isn’t it?</p>
<p>RM, I would lean toward the more prestigious name if Cornell comes through. A career is for 40+ years and both business/law are degrees where name counts in some circles. We will advise our kids to be much more prestige conscious for grad school than for undergrad.</p>
<p>I don’t even have a full-time job and I can’t keep up either!</p>
<p>Congrats RM on the UB acceptances. I know nothing about law school, but I’d be inclined like TheAnalyst to go with Cornell if the business school acceptance comes through. It seems the national, maybe even international prestige, plus the professional contacts, would be worth the extra cost if his career plans ever take him out of your region.</p>
<p>Wondering about downtoearth… I skimmed the last few pages so quickly but I don’t think I saw her anywhere?</p>
<p>Today is my birthday. Planning to spend it shopping and out to lunch with D - there is nothing I would rather do!</p>
<p>Happy birthday! Lunch and shopping sound great!</p>
<p>I’m concerned about DTE, too. A few pages back she posted how she was trying to see my pix on facebook but couldn’t figure it out. I wish she had friended me so I could keep track of her.</p>
<p>JolynneSmith posted on her Facebook that she’s back to work so no more Facebook for a while - I guess that applies to CC also.</p>
<p>Happy Birthday PRJ. Sounds like a great day you have planned.</p>
<p>I agree with the prestige of Cornell vs. Buffalo. Not really my decision. I think H thinks that it really doesn’t matter and is encouraging Buffalo because of the cost. I know that we can swing Cornell - difficult but we can do it if we are careful. He will owe us and need to pay us back but in the long run it may make sense for him to be at a better school. H and I however are engineers and after say 5 years out of school in our disciplines it just doesn’t matter where you went – it’s more what was the last thing you did and are you keeping up with the times. I believe law is different ;)</p>
<p>Law is really different, but to be honest, only if you aspire to ultimately practice in one of the major metro areas such as NYC, Chicago, Boston or LA. And there are those who graduate UB at the top of the class and get the NYC offers as well. In today’s environment, no law degree is a guarantee of a top “Big Firm” job, but UB is more known as a regional law school, even though it is currently the only public law school in NYS. Within the western New York market I can tell you that UB grads are desirable and employable. With such a difference in price it is really a hard call. Good luck to your son in making the decision. My S1 is also doing a joint degree, though in law and urban planning and its a long and expensive road. He worked for 2 years before going back to school and he’s found going back to school a real adjustment from the “real world.” It’s really interesting having kids at all these different stages…20,22 and 24 are much different than 10,12,14!</p>
<p>Happy birthday PRJ, and enjoy spending time with your D.</p>
<p>S is upside down on sleeping after his wisdom teeth removal - got up at 5:30 p.m. and is just settling back to bed as I get ready for work. So much for my tentative joy that college was bringing him back to a regular sleep schedule!</p>
Dweck also found that you could change people’s views of intelligence and they well perform better.</p>
<p>I do think that Moda is onto a few things. There’s the environment: Support, opportunity, affluence, role models (don’t know how big this is), access to lots of intellectual stimulation from us, our friends, really bright kids in the community. Then there’s the kid: first born child, gifted and unusual brain, determined to overcome adversity to prove he can do it, whatever it is. Then there’s the interaction between kid and environment. He is not embarrassed about having LDs. He just thinks that is who he is. I’ve tried to teach him to negotiate on his own behalf and he has no problem saying, here is who I am, here is what I need from you to be successful. And, because he wants to succeed and is not embarrassed, he’s willing to listen. </p>
<p>Interestingly, his sister, who has milder LDs, used to say “I can’t do it.” That is really changing and with extra time and Ritalin, she is starting to believe she can do it. But, she doesn’t avail herself of the same intellectual conversation that our son does and is just starting to take advantage of the other resources. [It should be noted that she had major league vision issues for years, probably before we recognized it, and was pretty close to legally blind for years. We are grateful that this is behind her. Incidentally, she may have received the same degree of parental involvement and support in those years that he received in other years. Why do I feel tired?]. So some kids find it easier to drink from the water than others.</p>
<p>There’s intelligence, then there’s giving a flip about grades. Son is quite bright and knows it. And that’s pretty much enough for him. In one way, it’s great to love learning for learning’s sake and not care what grade you make…but it’s terrible on the GPA.</p>
<p>Forgive me if I’ve told this story before. In APUSH, each student was assigned a few years of American history and a long list of historical topics from those years. The student was supposed to write on each topic, with the intent of making it the study guide for the other classmates. They each made 30 copies of their portion of the study guide and distributed it to their classmates.</p>
<p>Son had the Vietnam era. He was so into it. He’d come in every few minutes and monologue for quite a while about each topic. He knew each concept intimately. But what made it onto the page? One or two sentences on each topic. He received a 70 - the lowest passing grade - on what was supposed to be the easy 100 in the grading period of the AP exam. I didn’t blame the teacher - what he passed out to the class (to “help” them study) was pathetic. But it was no indication of the depth of his knowledge. What’s a teacher to do with such a student?</p>
<p>missypie, I agree. I’ve been frustrated that my daughter hasn’t been as willing as my son to draw on the resources we can make available to help her. It’s changing a bit now. She had her best report card ever [3 A’s, one A-, one B+, and one B where in previous years it would be one or 2 A’s in art-related subjects and the rest B’s]. And, she’s not embarrassed about saying she’s ADD.</p>
<p>The Dweck studies suggest that if you think your mental capacity is fixed and cannot change, you perform worse on IQ tests and grades than if you think you can strengthen your mental capacity. They do not directly address effort, though if you think that your capacity is fixed, there may be less incentive to try, but even that involves caring. In past years, my daughter cared so much that she didn’t want to try and fail so she didn’t try. This year, she’s turned around the psychology. Work habits need to improve to match it.</p>
<p>Is it easier for you son to get things out orally (e.g., by dictating to a person or to speech recognition software)? Would that help him get his ideas out? Or does it just seem to be a disconnect between his understanding of the expectations and the teachers? Or just not caring?</p>
<p>I wholeheartedly agree that sometimes people don’t put forth their full effort for the fear of failure (if I don’t really try and fail, then I have excuse. If I put all my energy into this and still fail… what’s my excuse? I still suck?)</p>
<p>This was my daughter and not that she is putting forth the effort and really laying it out there, the sweet taste of success is addictive. She was accepted into the college of the university that she was shooting for and one of her professors has really taken her under her wing - first time in her life that she has a true mentor. Yeah, it’s about 7 years later than it should have been but as I look back on my life I think seven years can simply fly by!</p>
<p>Today on the way to school, D16 was talking about colleges and what she wants. I told her exactly what I told S – you can go to any school you want that accepts you. Work hard and you will have choices and that’s usually the best life can offer. A choice.</p>
<p>College visit question. At some point we’ll be making a week long, 5 schools in 5 days college tour with the 17 year old. The school that I (in my infiinte knowledge) think would be the best fit for D needs to be either first or last on the tour. Should it be first on the agenda because by the end of the week she’ll be sick of schools? Or last because the first schools are always discounted in hopes of something better/</p>
<p>I am lurking here from time to time, computer wasnt working something withthe wireless connection. I thank you for the Christmas stories as mine was rather low key. I lived vicariously through you although had a bit of a slump on New Years. D1 did well in school, seems she made most of her mistakes in HS and learned from that. She got all A and one B and it seems silly complaining but it was because the TA did not like her Writing style. This kid is an expceptional writer, who got 800 on her critical reading and 800 on her writing componet. She said there was only one good TA, this is one of the reservations I had a bout a bigger school . Anyway she is not upset.
with all the kids traveling did any kids have typhoid vaccines. mY D2 has stomach issues and I dont know if i want her to get the oral esp during finals.
I feel for all the moms dealing with dissapointing semesters. I just remember the transition between HS and College and how I simply had no clue. I know kids have more pressure than we did . i think if a kid can be accountable and realistically examine where things went wrong it can turn out well. you kids got in to those schools and earned their money, so they can do it. Like I said my D1 held some views a bout her college acceptances that didi not go in her favor. She learned from that dissapointment. I think she has learned that life does not always GIVE you what you want and people learn this at a differnet pace. She has the tendancy to live int hat magical world where everything will be ok, She is like her dad and its a great place to live. my other D and I have different temperments and we tend to worry and work harder with more ergency. Dont know how this works . Everyone grows in their own way and I have faith the right path will follow for your guys.
Anyways rooting for a good year for everyone. The one thing you all can control is your new healthy lifestyle. Although I have reached my Weight loss goals I have a lot of recovery to do so i’m there with you.</p>
<p>Missypie: I’ll have S as for that. I think it might help with choosing - or may add more fuel to the fire ;)</p>
<p>On the school look - that is a hard one. You know your daughter though. Is she the type that after the first few days will really grow tired of it or is this something that she is really looking forward to and will enjoy the “search”? We had a spreadsheet (sorry it’s my engineering coming through) that D filled out after each visit. Usually in the car on the laptop so that she could get all of the pros and cons down quickly. One thing that really worked for her was that she could “see herself at Bates”. That was only 1 or 2 schools that she said that and she liked the coach better at Bates so that was her first choice. Good luck and enjoy the time.</p>