<p>Dr. Kingston looks like an inspired choice. I love the part at the bottom that calmly states, with no fanfare, that he will soon be moving to Grinnell with his male partner and their two little children. If I were looking at colleges, that would boost Grinnell up my list. My son and my nieces and nephews would be unmoved, I suspect, since they wouldn’t fathom that a candidate’s sexual orientation could possibly be considered an issue in his fitness to be a college president.</p>
<p>CF - thanks. The lack of fanfare about his sexual orientation is deliberate and very “Grinnell”. I’m glad to hear your positive reaction as a parent. D1 had many gay friends in HS (she was co-president of the Gay-Straight Alliance) and she was the first person I told about our selection of Kington. Her response: “EPIC WIN!”</p>
<p>CF- that’s a spot-on comment - sexual orientation should have nothing to do with fitness to be a college president. Gender shouldn’t either. Lots of things shouldn’t–but gosh, they do. Very exciting time. I wish he was going to be around for our 25th reunion this year! Maybe we can invite him.</p>
<p>Great idea sabaray. I know there was talk last week (before his name was announced) of inviting the new president to reunion, but I’m not sure if anyone is really thinking that far ahead right now. Mention it to someone on your reunion committee. (25th reunion?! you are way younger than me!)</p>
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<p>But it is a comment on the generation to which we belong that we all noticed that in the press release. I bet that the same paragraph would be of no particular interest to our kids.</p>
<p>Actually, I didn’t read the press release and just watched the video clip. I didn’t pick up on the “life partner” reference as one pointing to a gay couple until they showed them walking as a family… details, details. :)</p>
<p>Oh gosh - all this great stuff but I’m afraid I really need to unload…
Poor D - very homesick but with good cause. Dormmate who happens to be roommate of D’s new BF, was diagnosed with lymphoma over break, new BF’s best friend was killed in Iraq 3 weeks ago, and to top it off while she was walking to class yesterday, police were removing body of fellow student from a ravine on campus. S is coming home tomorrow for spring break and she really wants to be with us but exams next week are getting in the way. Work is adding up, sport commitment is adding up, pledging is adding up. I just wish I could give her a hug right now.</p>
<p>Omg, woody, how terrible for your daughter and her friends.</p>
<p>oh woody, so much sadness. can she come home even for just a day or two to get that hug? or can you go see her?</p>
<p>Well, H is flying home from UK tonight. He doesn’t know about all this. I have off this week and am thinking of driving up tomorrow AM, give her a hug and return in time to pick up S at Port Authority. Crazy, right? But I’m not the mom who has to go up and collect her dead child. So sad…</p>
<p>Not crazy Woody. Sounds like a great plan to me. I can’t even imagine being <em>that</em> mother. :-(</p>
<p>Helping them through these first waves of reality about mortality is so hard! One of my d’s classmates was killed in a skiing accident last weekend. Long distance comfort feels so dissatisfying from my end. I do think, however, that the welling up of peer support that happens on campuses affected like this is very powerful and it does help kids to grieve together.</p>
<p>Oh please, mmaah. D’s sport is skiing. Her last race is this weekend. And yes, she says the support on the campus - both official and spontaneous - has been wonderful.</p>
<p>Woody, well it is not really consolation, but I think the facts are that this was not an experienced skier and he was wearing a helmet and it was just one of those tragedies that happens–but not to most people or everyone. Sometimes I try to comfort myself by remembering that the vast majority of people do not die while doing something they love but rather when they are old and sometimes ready. While thinking like this doesn’t do one bit of good for the tragedy of these losses we know of through our kids–it does help me tamp down the anxiety of everyday living (and driving)–my own and my kids</p>
<p>Crazy? Definitely not. She is dealing with an awful lot of sad news, about people her own age who aren’t supposed to be dying. I think you and she would both benefit from a hug. And I bet it’s something she will remember for a long time. </p>
<p>My father once drove through a snowstorm just to visit my then-fiance (now H) in the hospital after surgery - just spent a little time making sure he was okay and turned around and drove home, again through the snow. H still talks about it.</p>
<p>(Sorry - I don’t mean to equate H’s not-life-threatening surgery with the tragedies you are describing, just that the unexpected visit and hug meant a lot.)</p>
<p>PRJ - I think you’re right. It may not be the same degree of severity etc, but there is something about the well timed hug. I remember when after a particularly rough time in college, my dad came and took me out to dinner. Never said a word about any of whatever had been going on (and seriously? I don’t even remember), I just know that when he dropped me back off at my dorm, he said something simple like, it will all work out, you’ll do great. I do not recall even that. But I will never forget that hug for as long as I live. </p>
<p>Of course, I am left somewhat wondering if that’s why my son picked a school over 1200 miles away just so I CAN’T pop in and give him a hug!!</p>
<h1>tm, CF - Thanks for your thoughts.</h1>
<p>mmaah - You’re right, D is not reckless. In fact, she’s the only one in the family - including H and me - who hasn’t had fracture, concussion, wrecked knee, etc.
PRJ and Moda - Although it will be an 9 hour round-trip, I think it will be worth it, after hearing your stories…I’ll let you know.</p>
<p>And if you can’t/don’t go, you are still a great mom. She has you internalized and a call can also convey your presence and trust in her to make it through this. If you go, it should be because you need it, not because she needs it. I think I learned the pharse on CC that “our job as parents is not to be needed.” (Of course we want and deserve to be wanted…but we also have to get it when/that they are truly able to go it alone…) Waaa!!!</p>
<p>My motto has quickly become, do what you want to do but don’t expect appreciative acknowledgment. As long as she is not left to feel you are rushing to her aid, and doing it because it’s what you want to do… I am sure you will know before you turn the key in the ignition. </p>
<p>Have not heard from S except that he did call his dad yesterday when I didn’t pick up (was in mtg) and said he felt he was “in there”… maybe that’s a slight shade better than “fine,” don’t you think? Have no idea of the process… none. zilch.</p>
<p>woody, I’m so sorry about what your D and her friends are going through. Good luck with your decision. We have been so happy that S1’s college is only an hour drive away and we pop over quite a bit (three times since he came home in January). S2’s college is a six-hour drive away and that is a big drawback. I would love to pick his school up and move it to our state, maybe near the beach. </p>
<p>Both just finished exams. As always, S1 did “fine” (estimating A- or B+, which is his sweet spot). S2 is doing well (A or B) in everything except computer science, where he is really struggling. He thinks he did horribly on the exam (although doesn’t know the actual grade yet, but estimating deep fail; said he would have needed all day not just 50 minutes). I suggested he might want to drop the course and try again this summer. He doesn’t want to do that. He says he will learn more by going through the whole course and doing his best, remaining hopeful that he can pull out a C (doing well on all homework and project assigments just by spending the time). However, if he gets a D or F and has to retake he says the college will drop the original grade, using a D/F repeat, so it doesn’t affect GPA. I wonder if that is only offered for freshman. Seems like a pretty generous policy. </p>
<p>While I wish he were doing better and don’t know if he has done everything he can or should be doing in terms of studying and seeking help, I’m not surprised by his tenacity. Stubbornness has always been a hallmark of S2, which can be good or bad depending on what decision he has made. He is definitely not running away from hard work. He just has to keep redefining how hard that effort needs to be to make the grade.</p>