<p>Well D is almost back at school. Drop her at the airport at 4:30 this morning. Laundry done, house cleaned, done the treadmill, made lunch, sitting watching the Olympics right now. Guess getting up at 4 does have SOME advantages ;)</p>
<p>So as I’m sitting here I was realizing that both kids will be at school for Easter. Any one have some good ideas for a care package around that time?</p>
<p>Easter? Why skip St. Patrick’s Day??
Egg dye, plastic eggs with little chocolates to stuff them with, jelly beans, PEEPS - ya gotta send PEEPS!
On another note, last night D came back to her room and heard girl across the hall vomiting, moaning, not answering. D and another girl called 911 and went to hospital until her friend was discharged at 5AM. So D was up for about 24hours after racing all day yesterday. But in any event, the friend is fine. Thanks goodness for the alcohol amnesty program</p>
<p>Woody, I hear you on that. D reports that a male friend spent Friday evening/Saturday morning at the hospital getting his head stitched up after falling down the stairs. BAC of astronomical proportions. Really scary- you wonder how such smart kids can do such foolish things.</p>
<p>I want all of these kids to be ok. It’s not just the drinking. There are some who are seriously stressed out and harming themselves. DS reports that a dorm mate/friend ate a whole bottle of antidepressants and was rushed to ER a couple of weeks ago. Friend has withdrawn for semester. S really hurts for his friend.</p>
<p>it scares me this drinking thing. I read little snippets on FB and I wonder what is up. I know what i am told but i also know what I did. nothing you can do not under your control. I hope they see kids like that and it teaches them something.
Not to change subject but am having some day surgery next week, could you send some positive vibes? little nervous.
Talked to D1 last night she was on her way to Vietnamese restaurant with friends. then back to dorm. midterms next week.</p>
<p>Oh DTE - I really hope your recovery is quick with wonderful results.</p>
<p>Hadn’t thought of St. Patrick’s Day. I’ll have to think of a few things for that!! Love the Easter ideas. I know that I have a TON of eggs from over the years so sending a few won’t hurt!!!</p>
<p>Sorry to hear about the alcohol issues. I know that I went through it when I was in college and DID drink to excess. Luckily I changed just about the moment I graduated!!</p>
<p>DTE — Hopefully this is not serious and will definitely send healing thoughts your way throughout the week so you’ll be feeling well ASAP.</p>
<p>I dont want a debate but I do wish the drinking age was such that it wouldn’t hold the allure that it does. I would be lying if I said I never drank to excess as there were plenty of times - and yes, even as an adult adult (over 30) where I thought… oh man, what the heck was I thinking? We pound it into our kids’ heads not to drink during high school when the temptations begin and in my case it was, you’re a captain, set an example, you get a minor it will screw up your chances for college. It’s like there was so much on the line and it could all be derailed by drinking. So… then they show up in college and it is all just in your face there. While I think the over-the-top party of first semester has calmed considerably, I worry about what kind of kids drinks to excess all the time… is it depression (which alcohol only makes worse), stress relief (and if that’s the only way you know to numb yourself, well)… </p>
<p>I honestly just wish there were a middle of the road approach. If a 19 year old person is old enough to die for this country, I think holding him responsible enough to allow him to have a drink is only fair. And I know, the age of adulthood is 18, but I don’t think there’s even one of us here that doesn’t recognize that 18 isn’t always 18 and so… maybe by 19, MOST are acting like they SHOULD have at 18. Yes, it’s flawed logic, but it’s mine.</p>
<p>D16 baked her brother’s cookies today and made me take her to the grocery story and she put together a box for him. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that her thoughtfulness might go by unappreciated. HOPEFULLY, we’ve raised her brother better than that. I’ve tried to tell him how deeply she misses him, but I don’t think he truly believes it. :)</p>
<p>But do we think that the students who get in trouble with drinking in college were abstemious in high school? I thought the problem drinkers in college were drinking in high school too.</p>
<p>Cardinal… My oldest D never drank in high school. She admits she completely towed to the line. She was a great rule-follower. It’s not as if i threatened her or anything like that. I honestly think she just didn’t because we said, no. But seriously, without the accountability to me or her father, she totally went nuts in college for some reason. and just didn’t get the repercussions of those decisions until she was already sinking. Without us to tell her when to study and when she could go out, she just didn’t have any set of internal brakes. And then, once sinking, she got a little depressed, was too far behind to catch up and of course, that made her only more depressed. She went back for second semester on academic probation (big mistake for us, we should have said then you’re home with us for awhile), but we really felt she’d start with the clean slate. She didn’t party nearly as much second semester, BUT… she just never bounced back.</p>
<p>I honestly think the kids with the biggest problems have parents who just were too controlling of everything they did in high school. But that’s probably a gross generalization as well. I know kids whose parents are clueless (then and now)… some did incredibly well and some did incredibly awful. I will say this however, in the last seven years I’ve become a lot less judgmental of both the kids and the parents. But I will admit that over last summer my peripheal vision became a little narrower while the expectations of home and work were still primary in our mind. To me, it is always about balance and my biggest lecture has always been you better know how to have a good time without drinking or doing drugs. The day that you find that you have to use one or the other to have fun is the day you have to see there is a problem and if there is a problem, there is also a pretty good chance that you won’t be able to even have a glass of champagne at your child’s wedding. Let’s just say when you have a family history in this regard, you don’t have to look far to see an example or two.</p>
<p>“But do we think that the students who get in trouble with drinking in college were abstemious in high school?”
I don’t think that. From what my D and S tell me, there are all variations.The partier in college was the partier in HS. The wild woman in college was the tee-totaler in HS. The tee-totaler in HS just has a couple of beers in college. I must say I haven’t heard much of the HS binger going straight in college but it wouldn’t surprise me. (Although I myself may fall into that category.)
I just don’t think there are any guarantees or formulas. It’s a time in their lives when they are trying new things and often those things revolve around alcohol.</p>
<p>just booked a flight for S to his grandparents’ for break.</p>
<p>He asked if he could go visit them instead of coming home. Too, his cousins live in the area, plus it is a short flight, just a couple of hours since they are back east, instead of the close to 12 hour ordeal to get home.</p>
<p>I was kind of hoping he would say he wanted to come home, but oh well.</p>
<p>I did actually speak to him though and he feels VERY confident about his classes this term. Says Calc III is cinchy and ois glad I did not talk him into Calc II. Says physics is up and down but the labs are cinchy. Discret Math is hard but he has a solid B so far.</p>
<p>I told him I was proud of him and that this must make him feel pretty good. I <em>am</em> proud of him.</p>
<p>I am joining the <em>drinking</em> conversation, this has been a big issue with S and his school. Very scary, and sooooo teenage stupid</p>
<h1>theory you are such a good mommy!</h1>
<p>Hmom
I needed that
Much thanks</p>
<p>DTE, hugs to you on the surgery. Hope you recover quickly.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>You are right, of course, Moda. My girls are quite willing to put themselves out there in all types of ways and sometimes it’s hard to be the mom when success is not guaranteed.</p>
<p>I think that college aged drinking is a difficult issue for parents of our generation to deal with because it is illegal for our kids to do what we did legally.</p>
<p>Don’t even get me started about the lure of college drinking–AND smoking–in an environment where it is accepted and cool. I HATE IT!</p>
<p>Living in MN… smoking is decidedly NOT cool. well, I speak for cigarettes. But the pot thing… Truthfully, I can’t decide which is worse the drinking or the smoking. But I have never heard of anyone dying by smoking too much pot vs that of alcohol poisoning. Of course, don’t tell my kids I said that. This is one of those things where I get the argument on both sides despite it being illegal in most states for most reasons. However, I agree with Missy that the dichotomy of this drinking age is that these kids are not legally allowed to do things we did. Their mistakes are then compounded if there are legal consequences as well.</p>
<p>I am going to try the USPS thing online to send the cookies and other things D put together to send to her brother. She even burned him a CD. Will have to put a note on the outside of the box to remind him to call her and say thank you. Not that I should have to, but at the same time… man, she misses him.</p>
<p>After a weekend of both cheer and dance competitions, I’ll just share one story. Some dance companies and drill teams do what is called “production” which is a longer piece with costumes and often a set, usually with a musical theatre theme. At the competition this weekend, one team did a “Cinderella” production. Cinderalla, of course, was a beautiful dancer and at one point needed to go behind the wooden pumpkin, change out of her poor clothes into her blue princess dress, then the pumpkin was turned around to become the carriage. It was pushed across the stage and Cinderella emerged. She beckon the fairy godmother over to help her finish dressing but the magic wand must have been out of order, because they couldn’t get her dress to zip. Cinderalla danced the next three minutes with her dress entirely unzipped, and the disaster of it all never showed on her face.</p>
<p>I wondered if the dancer who portrayed Cinderella was the type who would laugh, cry or swear when she got off stage.</p>
<p>But isn’t that story the perfect example of why our kids should do ECs? To develop such grace and commitment that they can keep on dancing in front of a couple thousand people after a monumental costume malfunction?</p>
<p>I am surprised at how widely accepted smoking seems to be on campus. I am a former smoker- cold turkey 23 years ago after smoking probably a pack a day (or more) in college and law school. Can’t think of the last time I had alcohol and yes, I drank in high school and college. Doesn’t hold any appeal for me at this point in my life. </p>
<p>Drinking is a big part of the culture at D’s school. I hope she never drinks so much that she gets to the point S is at right now. We’ve talked about genetics and family history; she was not a drinker in high school but I know she drinks now. Will she follow the same path as her brother? I doubt it. But I know I’m going to keep having the conversation with her. I think as a parent that’s all you can do.</p>
<p>Missypie, great example. Grace under pressure. Kudos to that dancer.</p>