<p>When the kids were younger, I was a regular yard mom. Most of my landscape and gardens I did myself, but because I had to be outside regardless for the kids. A number of years ago it got to be too much and let’s just call a spade a spade and admit it was never a good bonding experience between H&I. And while the weeding is something we could have the kids do, it just didn’t seem fair that the youngest with stuck with all of the kid centric chores of yore. </p>
<p>H is going to play golf today at son’s college’s course. Son doesn’t play but H is a fiend. Hard to believe he threw his clubs in when he knew that S would have a ton of crap to bring home as well. Maybe we should have dug out the car topper that hasn’t been in use since I was moving strollers for spending summers out East. In any event, I am a little bummed not to have gone, but still don’t feel I missed out on the road trip part. Still… I havent seen son since Jan 2 and while other’s have grown used to their kids being away, I have not gotten used to it in the least. And I have a feeling he will be quite over “family time” after spending two days straight driving in a car with his father!! </p>
<p>And yes, he’s had a great year in a lot of way and a hard year as well in trying to reshape an identity. I am anxious to see all his studio art work, but also know how excited he gets by the sciences so I am not so worried about a change in major but more in his graduating in four years because he can be so diverse in his interests. I think it will be nice over the lull of summer to get to know him again and I am keenly aware that although he is home for now, he probably won’t be next summer and then it becomes only a matter of time before home is not this house for him any more. </p>
<p>Missy… thanks for the reminder or what not to say. However, since my path was hardly straight nor was my daughter’s, I do hope I give off a vibe that allows people to be honest in their experiences and not feel judged or criticized. There is always time to be Frank (as in Sinatra, as in do it your way).</p>
<p>Of course, now my husband is so cynical that he thinks that every student who is changing colleges is doing so because they failed at the first. A kid we know went to an OOS school for a specific major; now he’s chaning majors and is moving in state for lower tuition. But my H firmly believes that isn’t the “real” story…Jeez, it’s not our business whether it is or isn’t!</p>
<p>Of course, since I’ve got two Ds at home that will need to find colleges, I’m still interesting in chatting up the returning college students. I’m thinking that my new line will be to ask the students to give their school a report card - they can criticize or praise as they see fit (or just say “fine” if they don’t want to talk to me.) I won’t be asking how they did in school - just what they think of the school.</p>
<p>What a great weekend! So nice to have everyone home, beautiful weather and no disagreements! D1 left to go back to school last night and will be camping this week with her class. D2 got up at 8:30 this morning and went running while I was at the gym. She is currently washing her car, inside and out. She is sooo happy to be home. Sometimes makes me a little nervous that she will never want to leave home! Wants to go grocery shoping with me this afternoon so she can get her favorite foods. I still need to go to the MOA to find an outfit for D1’s graduation. Looks like a good day!</p>
<p>happy belated birthday Fallgirl.
I feel that sense of melancholy as my D1 is part of a bigger world now she prefers the city she goes to school in. She is pretty upfront about this , not mean just matter of fact. I dont like it.
She is interviewing for internships. has not heard yet. she needs to make money!!!
She spent the day with a friend who came out to her. It did not go well her mom and she said all the stereotypical wrong things, where they used to be close, she does not trust her mom anymore.
Moda such a scary thing , I am glad she is ok. Why did that person wave her on?
We have someone fertilize etc… after one commercial company fried our lawn and we had to replace it, we use a local guy and the lawn is gorgeous. Our house was new construction, and minimal landscaping, lots of lawn, H finally gave in and bought a lawn tractor he is soooo happy. it takes him less than an hour where it used to take 3. We are going to get some landscaping done, and get a landscape plan (we are clueless). We also hired a kid home from college to do some weeding and mulching, H needs to catchup at work and I am unable and the kid is ambitious.</p>
<p>missypie…no plans to pursue the sport at new school. It makes H very sad. Makes me very nervous as D2 needs an outlet so she doesn’t study all of the time. Hmmmm…but now that I think of it the BF may be the new outlet! :eek:</p>
<p>dte, I would love to find a college kid who would do the weeding and mulching. H has a riding mower or it would take us days. My D also prefers the city she goes to school in- and while I am sad she won’t be home this summer there aren’t a great number of jobs here and she needs to make some money. </p>
<p>missypie, we’ve been in the “what do you say” mode around here for some time thanks to S’s abrupt departure from school. Given that he’s not certain what he wants to do in the fall (current plans include travelling in the Mid-East, haha) it’s been difficult to answer when our well-intentioned neighbors ask. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with asking about a school, though.</p>
<p>When older D wasn’t going back to her school, I think we said that she was reassessing some options and taking a term off. No one really asked much more than this but I am sure they all had their own conclusions. </p>
<p>I don’t know why we even have a mower. H hasn’t mowed the lawn in three years and I doubt the thing would start. I am going to get to the nursery today so I can do the window boxes tomorrow. Thing is, I really wish I could dump about half the dirt into the yard waste recyclable thing. Does anyone know if you can put plain old soil in those things?</p>
<p>Moda, that’s generally the response we’ve given as well. Part of the problem I suspect is so many of our friends are employed in an academic environment and know how important education is to our family so their usual response is “Well, he could transfer to (insert local U here)” and the reality is he’s just not ready for that yet. Let them think what they want. If they were close to us (or CC readers) they’d know the whole truth.</p>
<p>That’s the thing. Most people ask how our kids are doing as a pleasantry…“fine” or “great” is the expected answer and even if we felt in the mood to tell all, that’s not really what they are expecting.</p>
<p>A friend has been separated from her husband for about a year. I’ve heard lots of people ask her in passing, “How’s John?” or say “Give my best to John.” It would be such a social downer if she said, “Actually, John and I are separated…” Then it puts the other person in an awkward position…</p>
<p>I think “fine” is an acceptable answer to all that kind of stuff.</p>
<p>Well I have been planning what I am going to say, when or if.
I think I will just say that S really learned a lot in his first year(s) but has decided to take some time off and decide what he really wants to do. Not too many people can argue with that and it is fairly truthful</p>
<p>Why do I say this now? Because S just admitted to me he made up his grades so I would stop asking. He has not looked because he is waiting for his Physics labs (handed in last minute) to be graded. Until that point he is NR and he did not want us to see that or have to explain it (although he ended up having to explain it anyway). The grades he stated to me are the grades he THINKS he will have. grrrr</p>
<p>What frightens me is I worry they are the grades he HOPES he has and that he is not wanting to face the truth that looking at his grades will necessitate. So here we sit. Each day I ask him if he has got up the nerve to look yet and each day he says no. Pretty soon the report will come from the college and that will be all she wrote. But I told him I would give him until he hears back from his physics prof that his lab grades have been plugged in.</p>
<p>The only good thing, if we manage to get past this and continue on, is he knows for sure math will be his major and he will be finished with the requisite physical science courses and be able to begin the explorations into theory that he wants to tackle.</p>
<p>I admit that I was always “good at school.” Not gifted by any stretch, other than gifted at knowing how to get As in school. </p>
<p>After parenting my very bright (yes, gifted) son, and hearing your story and several others, it really makes me wonder how many incredibly gifted people fail to live up to their potential due to required undergraduate classes. Who knows…maybe the utterly out of the box thinker who would have cured cancer is working at Best Buy because he couldn’t pass his gen ed requirements in undergrad…or maybe he couldn’t get into grad or med school because his GPA was so low due to those same pesky requirements. Most of us at least pay lip service to the importance of a well rounded education, but there are a lot of brilliant people out there who don’t have a well rounded brain. We as a society may be missing out on so much from the folks who can’t pass 4 semesters of Spanish, or whatever.</p>
<p>Missypie, those are great observations re: the required undergrad classes. Yes, D is doing fine and acceptably in an engineering curriculum, but it’s just not her passion. I think it appealed to her practical nature in wanting a career- but you have to at least like what you’re doing. S couldn’t pass required undergrad classes–but the past weekend he created maps and collages of places he wanted to visit and explore; our hallway now looks like it did when he was in 1st grade and we used to “visit” places on the map. He learned his geography, at least.</p>
<p>Son was talking about eating lunch with the guy who was “THE” math student at his college. Utterly brilliant. Also very poor personal grooming (very long fingernails - ick!) and a totally monotone voice with no facial expression. Will his personal qualities allow him to get a job where he can change the world (however you do that in a math context) or will less talented but better groomed folks get the jobs?</p>
<p>There’ll be a place for him or he’ll create one, don’t worry missypie! One of my husbands’ partners was that kind of person. His wife died when he was around 60 and he was written up as being one of the most eligible bachelors!!! We were all hysterical.</p>
<p>One of my husbands favorite employees had piercings all over his body, nails slid under his skin (but showing) and tatoos all over his body. His ability overrode all that and my husband (growing more and more conservative with age) became one of his biggest supporters. Creepy but true.</p>
<p>missypie, my father had a very difficult personality. My impression is that his company let him sit in an out of the way cubicle in a basement and just play with a computer until they needed a new design or a problem solved, which he would do and then go back to just hanging out. He was also loaned out about once a year to other companies to do initial design work and problem solve when they got stuck. His social skills were so poor, he never managed anybody, rarely seemed to be part of a team, and went months at a time with no assignments at all. (He spent that time teaching himself stuff, which he seemed to enjoy.) When he was asked to do something, it would be a discrete but complicated task, like “Can you design an airplane so it can take off vertically?” He usually could figure out a solution pretty quickly, which was a good thing because he always had trouble with whoever he had to interact with when assigned an actual task and would come home in a real mood. Presumably, if he had any kind of rounded brain he could have made all sorts of money with his design skills, but his brain was most definitely not well rounded. But, he didn’t get fired, so at least in the olden days companies made a place out there for those bizarre but creative math types.</p>
Ah ha! I wondered how he was able to check his grades but not “look at” one of them. They are all reported together. You would have to have super-human “ignoring” skills to not see all of them :).</p>
<p>Boy, I can’t imagine the tension at your house, with all the waiting. I hope you find out soon, for the sake of all of you.</p>
<h1>TM, aching for the stress you and your boy are both under, and hope he quickly takes a deep breath and gets the courage to check out the grades.</h1>
<p>S is home and has been pleasant, but tonight we’ll have the “talk” about his summer plans. H wants to give him the choice to pay us weekly room and board, get a job, take a class or two, or volunteer for a minimum number our hours a week. The thought of charging for R&B rubs me the wrong way, but I tend to agree with H that, without a definitive consequence, the next three months will have him lazing around in front of the computer, week after week, and me nagging.</p>
<p>no R and B if he gets a job at least 20 hours.
limited R and B and work around the house if he works under 20 hrs
full time handyman in training if he fails to get work…I have some baseboards that are in desperate need of paint!</p>
D1 left to go back to school last night and will be camping this week with her class. D2 got up at 8:30 this morning and went running while I was at the gym. She is currently washing her car, inside and out. She is sooo happy to be home. Sometimes makes me a little nervous that she will never want to leave home! Wants to go grocery shoping with me this afternoon so she can get her favorite foods. I still need to go to the MOA to find an outfit for D1’s graduation. Looks like a good day!</p>