and days when I just want to leave! I did finally take a VERY long walk the other night when I was so frustrated - with the girls for not getting ANYTHING done and with H who kept telling me that my anger was upsetting him (what?!) </p>
<p>came back and had a long “come to Jesus” meeting with the girls. told D2 it was up to her to get the paperwork done for an independent study next year and for her upcoming trip to Israel. if not getting the paperwork done means she will miss out on credits or part of her trip, it’s now officially her problem. and for D1, I am tired of waiting for her to get her crap unpacked and laundry done - there’s only a week left before we have to pack most of it back up and take her to camp. </p>
<p>I felt better. Don’t know if anything will change</p>
<p>Had a very similar discussion with D yesterday. Then when I got home last night I proceeded to start to tell H about said discussion- his response? “Why does our first discussion of the evening always have to start off about one of the kids?” </p>
<p>Well, does he have any better conversation topics? Perhaps his mother? :D</p>
<p>DH had the “unpack your room” talk with S last night. There is now a contract taped to the TV. (well, it worked in 5th grade, so i’m not complaining) Also they agreed on a lawn-mowing schedule and small fee for that.</p>
<p>H told me not to get in the middle of it. Harrumph.</p>
<p>Funny, maybe I’m doing too much. ShawSon packed for Europe yesterday. I’d gotten his flight via miles (coordinated with two other parents doing the same). I purchased a travel backpack for him online (boy how technology has improved what he has compared to what I had for the same kind of trip). We sat down and did the Eurail pass purchase together and last night went to CVS with him to pick up some stuff and then reserved some hostels online. But, somehow, ShawWife and I think this kid consistently exceeds expectations (he was actually disappointed to get his final grade of A- to go with the 6 A’s and one A+ and prize for academic achievement) and did so while continuing to be the sweet kid he’s always been that we just want to help him have a good month. I could have asked him to do it all, but I’m so good at it, and we did a lot of it together but with me at the helm. He’s become a very good manager of people – stuff always gets done but he organizes rather than does. He’s extremely good at saying thank you. I wonder if I should transfer more.</p>
<p>ShawWife doesn’t want him to go because she likes to have him around and is nervous that something will happen, but she went to Europe as a 5’5" skinny 16 year old for a month with her 17 year old sister and he’s a 6’4" 215 pound 20 year old. While he’s vulnerable to someone stealing stuff from hostels, I find it difficult to believe that anyone is going to bother him and his traveling companion who is the same height and muscular. [It is unclear that the second traveling companion is going to come, which is a shame].</p>
<p>Oh, my, I guess I made a very unfortunate transposition of letters in my post! That’s what I get from logging onto the site before 7 am/coffee. Thank goodness for the censor!!!</p>
<p>shawbridge, I don’t think that you are doing too much. We definitely have done the same type of things where travel, etc. was involved. I think the key is that you note “we did a lot of it together”. </p>
<p>The things I have been pushing D to do are things she will need to do on her own eventually- contacting utility companies in ample time before moving into her own apartment; working out the rental payments with her roommate; making sure all of her paperwork is completed at work so she can get paid; all things that are new to her. If she was travelling to Europe, I suspect we’d be doing many of the same things you and ShawSon have done. </p>
<p>My frustration with D is that she doesn’t always appreciate how long it can take to get something done. One doesn’t call the electric company the day you move in. You make arrangements prior. Her sense of urgency is sometimes lacking because she knows H and I have swooped in to take care of things in the past, particularly where her older brother is concerned – and we’d like to move away from that.</p>
<p>shawbridge, I agree with sabaray - you are helping S with something that a) he has little experience doing, b) you are good at, and c) you are doing it together, so he is learning from you.</p>
<p>my concerns with D are almost identical to sabaray’s. case in point: D has several prescriptions of which she will need a 3 month supply for her summer at camp. because she is 18, the insurance company/mail order pharmacy won’t talk to me - she needs to call or go online herself to order refills, or find out that she is out of refills. her camp physical is this afternoon - perfect opportunity to get new prescriptions, right? if she doesn’t do it today, it will be a mad scramble before she leaves next week to get the scripts, get them to the pharmacy, etc. </p>
<p>I have facilitated that kind of mad scramble for years. like sabaray’s D, my D has no sense of how long it takes to get things done and it is time she learns.</p>
<p>Note that there are some people who still call a travel agent and have them make 100% of their travel plans. Your son is seeing that arrangements are not so daunting to make and maybe next trip he can do more.</p>
<p>We’ll let you slide this time, missypie. We’d better have rules for CC- cannot post until you have one cup of coffee or other caffeinated beverage, minimum.</p>
<p>So funny! This morning the TV and radio were full of talk of the Gore’s separation…all this “how can anyone divorce after 40 years?” LOL, sometimes I think the question should be how can anyone NOT divorce after 40 years?</p>
<p>sabaray, as you remember, this is exactly was S2 did and he didn’t have cable or Internet for a week, which not surprisingly he found very inconvenient. We try to let natural consequences be the teacher as much as we can. </p>
<p>At the same time, sometimes the price of letting them make their own mistakes is too high. My brother’s rising senior in high school missed the sign-up for SATs for the spring of his junior year so now can’t take until October. My brother’s attitude is that it was his responsibility to be on top of that. I think I would have gotten involved in a case like that and made sure that sign-up happened.</p>
<p>Analyst, I think part of my problem is that I let work carry over into my home life. I deal with a great number of deadlines and court dockets- so am constantly tracking and reminding others of deadlines to file and the like. I know that I’ve now pointed out the things to get accomplished and if she doesn’t, well, then natural consequences. </p>
<p>Missypie, I thought of your H just a few minutes ago when my H called me. Evidently they are disposing of office furniture, cheap folding chairs, cabinets and the like at work. Should he bring some things home? When I invision our downstairs filling with even more things we don’t need, I cringe.</p>
<p>Hey Shawbridge, as the parent of a charming and perhaps organizationally dysfunctional (and always grateful) son I see no harm in tag-teaming Europe plans! Last year, said McSon lost his green card within 24 hours of arriving in Paris. I can assure you he required our assistance during his trip
I suspect your son will take over the reins as needed, and not waste time or endanger himself because he learned HOW to plan things out properly by riding shotgun.
(I hope this theory is also true for McSon, as this is the first year he’s old enough to stay at a US hostel on his own.) Because we had done it together previously, he’s recently made his own arrangements to stay in Chicago during the Lollapalooza concert/weekend in August. He actually thanked me for ‘training’ him on Chicago, hostels, getting around, and Lollapalooza, and said he was very comfortable going alone this year because he knew the drill in advance.
(Maybe more meaningful is that I am pretty comfortable with his going alone this year, which became preferable since I will be in Newfoundland visiting friends.)</p>
<p>Quite honestly, if you are doing these things even just a little bit together, it is almost perfect father/son bonding. How else are they to learn this stuff? And what better way to learn?</p>
<p>I am, again, car-less today. The Good and Bad news of that is the weather is good for a nap at some point. Grades for S don’t come out in full until June 5. They were due from professors yesterday. He already has two grades, both great and we are just so happy he loves the school and understands our expectation of his work ethic and effort. Now if I could get him to please pick up his room, I might even enjoy having him around, no matter how briefly.</p>
<p>He gets up for work (for either 7am or 8am start with a 40 min communte), works until 3:30/4 and then manages to take a shower, eat and go out until 1:30 in the morning. Seriously, how long can that last? I remember being 19/20 and hanging with the best of them, but I am not kidding that merely waiting up for him (and only partially awake, I might add) makes me exhausted!</p>
<p>Crisis barely averted this morning when S, who took the 'kid" car last night but took my car this morning, did not put car keys in any reliable location. D16 has finals today and when she went to leave, found no keys …anywhere. Following a brief emotional breakdown of a rant by 16 year old female, and quickly researching my barely alive brain for a visual of the .3 seconds when I saw S yesterday of what he had on, I found them in his pants pocket laying amidst the other five pairs of shorts/pants/shirts/socks spewed all over his floor. Inconsiderate much? Actually… it reaches a few levels. Might be time for a small housekeeping lecture. His notebooks from school have been sitting on the steps since his return home. I have a feeling that the more I write, the more they will regret leaving me here in the house to see how much ISN’T getting done. And no, just because I have the advantage of location and time, I am not doing what is theirs to do. I am the mom, not the maid. (And wouldn’t let the maid, if I had one these days, to do it either). that’s my story and I am sticking with it.</p>
