<p>I can take a few guesses about what ShawWife is thinking…</p>
<p>I’m sick of cooking good stuff, which dd doesn’t acknowlege
I’m sick of driving dd to the mall
I’m sick of Glee
I’m sick of her “disrespectful body language.”
I’m sick of my dh who doesn’t even seem to notice it.
I’m sick of dd on computers when she should be doing other things.
I’m sick of everyone leaving a bazillion windows open on the computer.
I’m sick of her shopping for non-essentials, instead of needed items.</p>
<p>I’m going to miss her terribly, but it’s easier to get mad at her than to acknowlege that.</p>
<p>Can you tell I have an intense, sometimes drama-filled relationship with a wonderful dd of the same age?</p>
<p>Thanks for your thoughts. I followed the advice and did nothing. The storm has blown over and ShawD and ShawWife went shopping, but I’m not too happy to have been vociferously (and I think unjustifiably) criticized in the middle for voicing my opinion. But, I think I’ll wait until the biochemical fires are out before raising this issue.</p>
<p>Happily we don’t have too much of the daughter drama at out house for which I am grateful. I’m even happier that my computer now asks me if I am sure I want to shut down all the “tabs” or just one. Of course that doesn’t help me when I shut the entire window. </p>
<p>Yesterday was quite the day in the sabaray household as we spent over 16 hours in “Jeopardy” related activity. Drove one hour to pick up D; spend 4 hours driving to site; visited while waiting for her audition; H and I strolled city in blazing heat but found a free museum to explore; retrieved daughter, drove several hours and had dinner; dropped her off; returned home. As I told H, it was all the same day. </p>
<p>I think she had a very good attitude about the whole process. They took another test, played a mock game, had a personality interview. Interesting group of kids but several who were taking it way too seriously- or should I say, their parents were. D said the first thing they were reminded of was that this was television and entertainment, first and foremost and that there were several factors at play in the selection. So she was just pleased to have the opportunity.</p>
<p>Three days away from the computer, and it’s relieving now to put my parenting anxt into perspective by reading the past few pages of this thread. My teenage daughters think the concept of this thread is a bit odd, but what do teenagers know? They’ve never been on cc so really are in no position to judge.</p>
<p>While I was away, D1 took good care of the dog, made some delicious dishes, and did some cleaning up - though sadly not enough of the latter.</p>
<p>On Friday, D2 and I visited my alma mater for an informative morning on college counseling. She had been reluctant to go - largely because the college looks to be a high reach for her, so she wasn’t sure what the point was - but the presentations were more general about the college process, not so much about the particular college. When we got back in the car to go home, she said she was very glad she went. My nephew joined us, so they were able to process the experience together. D is now excited to visit a few other colleges this summer, though the next step should be to visit some possible matches and likelies (and hope that she can overcome the stars in her eyes after this first stop).</p>
<p>Egghouse appliance update: I found a respectable wall oven on craigslist and DH negotiated it down to under $200. It matches new stovetop, fits the existig hole, gas and wiring – and is 25 years younger than the one DH pulled out of the wall last month.</p>
<p>I’ve been scrubbing the inside and DH is about 95% finished installing it.</p>
<p>So, bottom line, about $500 for new stovetop and newer oven. Less than one month from start to finish. I’m not happy about the process, but the end result helps me forget about it.</p>
<p>This is an egg record actually. We went 6 months with no dishwasher until we found the right features, color and price.</p>
<p>eggmom, Congratulations on the new oven! It sounds like your patience paid off, and your frugality is inspiring. Reminds me of when we went without a washing machine for two+ months after a power outage/surge blew out the old one. My husband tried ordering new parts, which didn’t do the trick, and we finally broke down and bought a new one after many trips to the laundromat for me.</p>
<p>I don’t post here often but I do read when I have time. Shawbridge, I hope things are happy and calm in your home and that the incident you describe is a fading memory at this point. I just wanted to thank you for sharing it–we have the same dynamic in my house at times and it was helpful to read about it third hand and think about what I can glean from your experience that may help me the next time. </p>
<p>In our case, dh and I both go through phases (generally not at the same time) when we think one or another of our kids is being particularly disrespectful (eye rolling, talking back, etc.) and we end up acting as your wife did when, in retrospect, there really wasn’t disrespect being shown but, rather, the frustration D (I only have daughters) shows is reasonable…anyways, all food for thought but very helpful to read someone else’s experience so thank you for posting.</p>
<p>Anyone else get a phone call for an extra interview from the census bureau? I finally got around to returning their call (thought it was a scam at first since they called on a Sunday a few weeks ago!) Centered around Ds being at school I gathered. I suppose I probably did something wrong when I filled it out quickly and didn’t read the instructions!</p>
<p>Thanks, collage1, ShawWife and ShawD talked it over yesterday and ShawWife and I did today. She now accepts that she was way over the top, reacting to history and a need to get going for the day, and I accept that the way I tried to tell her was not only ineffective but made her feel like she was being attacked. I still wouldn’t mind a little more understanding on her part that the whole thing could have been defused early on by acknowledging to ShawD that the way she shut down the music on ShawD’s computer was not the best way to do it and she’ll try next time to do it in a different way. That somehow seems harder than an after the big blow-up rapprochement. But, all seems reasonably well and ShawD is already on her way to Appalachia to do good (help repair houses? Why they think that kids from a private school in an affluent New England suburb are good at house repair is beyond me? Math yes, nail polish and makeup yes, writing (the school is terrific at teaching writing), painting or modern dance absolutely, but house repair? I suppose the only good thing is that they are learning on other people’s houses and that they have good supervision for all the earnest effort.</p>
<p>And 50isthenew40, that all makes sense. Indeed, ShawWife and I talked today about the fact that it is still troubling to her when the kids go away, even though she knows that what they are doing is fine and indeed that what ShawSon needs more than anything now is to have his own adventures. He’s proven that he can master a very competitive school and that his health has reached a point that he can expect to succeed. He needs some Huckleberry Finn type adventures to go beyond the straight and narrow.</p>
<p>We actually feel fine about ShawD’s shopping because she is very careful with money. Some of it is her own (which comes from allowance) but some of it is ours. But, even their, she went to TJMaxx and was looking for a bathing suit that according to my wife looked fabulous on ShawD but when she got to the cash register, it turned out to cost $55. ShawWife told her that that was a good price and that ShawWife often finds that they cost $100+, but ShawD said that “I don’t want to spend that much for a bathing suit” even though we were paying and ended up with some $9 shirts that look fabulous on her (of course, almost all most clothes look fabulous on her as long as they are not mustard yellow or yellow-y greens).</p>
<p>shawbridge, thank you for reminding us of the hangover of historical baggage when reacting to situations involving our children. Another one for me is trying to bring an age-appropriate awareness to my reactions. I expect much more of my daughters than when they were younger, but sometimes I expect too much (and probably often too little) given their respective ages. Sometimes it seems hard to get it right. Managing expectations: one of the challenges for this summer and beyond!</p>
<p>shawbridge I was thinking this as I read you post just now, sometimes it is the history, and if your wife is like me, tend to pick my battles. Then when something comes up that looks minor, just seems to be the final straw.
Went to a concert with my D’s last night many of their friends were there in different seats. Couldnt help but think how much they would have loved to be all together. As they grow up friends are so much more important, and although we are tight it makes me realize how close we are getting to an empty nest and I dont like it.
Sabaray let us know I love that show!
Eggmom congrats, looks like my stove needs anew element, keeping my fingers crossed.
BTW we had a great time it was Taylor Swift! She is adorable.</p>
<p>NorthMinnesota: We didn’t get a phone call from the census bureau – we got a visit from two enumerators walking the area and stopping at every home to find out if any college students lived there. (We live about ten blocks from our state flagship.) Not the world’s most productive activity at 11 in the morning in most neighborhoods. Worse, the “map” they’d been given looked like it had been done on a Calcomp plotter circa 1975 with housing units marked by little x’s, including the one they were trying to find which was an apartment house torn down seven or eight years ago because it was in the high hazard flood zone. No indication of which x’s were houses, which were duplexes, and which were apartments or condo buildings. I’m not sure what the Census’ technology people have been doing for the past ten years, but I could have printed them a better map in two minutes from Google.</p>
<p>NM, I got a similar call the other night, too. I told the guy I had completed the forms (and he obviously had, since he used my real name, not my nickname), and since I couldn’t confirm who HE was, I wasn’t giving any info over the phone. </p>
<p>We got the call. Called back and answered the questions. She did give me a lot information that let me know that it really was the census bureau. H had counted the kids as being at home. Don’t think that we were supposed to. Easy call. About 15 minutes. She also game me a number to call with a call number if I had a problem with the call.</p>
<p>Spent the weekend cleaning the house (in a very overly general way). D is having a team sleepover tomorrow night. We’re grilling burgers and I bought Avatar and Dear John at Costco (along with the regular 300 worth of stuff). Best buy however was lacoste golf shirts for H which were about half of what they’d be elsewhere. And if they are last year’s cut? He won’t care because he’s wearing shirts that are easily more than that year’s old regardless.</p>
<p>Graduation parties have also started in full swing and I have concluded that the more people you do it with, the nicer the party and the less time consuming for the guests, especially if you’re more or less inviting the same people. </p>
<p>H and D hit the snag (as in a wall of a snag) today… of course, I hear her side and his side… but who the heck ever listens to MY side? I feel like telling H, “welcome to my world” and I am sure I have said that in past but it never goes well, so no point in bringing it up today.</p>
<p>Modadunn - I say “welcome to my world” all the time when it comes to my younger daughter! </p>
<p>Yesterday was no exception - daughter screaming her laptop doesn’t work, I have to take it to the Apple Store immediately! I say, “Okay, when can we go?” Well, why should she have to go with me - can’t I just take care of it myself? I explain why, she doesn’t like the reasons, spends 20 minutes telling me I’m just being mean. Don’t I know she has finals and regents coming this week and she has to study? Finally I tell her to ask her father. He of course, goes. Calls twice to ask her questions, comes home, of course he did something wrong at the store. Now she wants to go to the town’s street fair, wait, didn’t she have work to do so she couldn’t take her computer to be fixed? Ask your father, I’m not taking you. Of course, he takes her. 1 1/2 hours later, he’s going to pick her up. </p>
<p>Nice as can be to her, grumpy as can be to me because he’s doing all this and somehow he feels like he’s been swindled. Welcome to my world!</p>
<p>Hi all! Back from my 35th college reunion – or at least that’s what they said it was; I’m convinced their math must be wrong! How can it be that many years since college? Our class had a decent turnout, and everyone was still recognizable as their former self – which is always a good sign, I think. Weather was rainy/near rainy so the outdoor “Parade of Classes” was canceled, but otherwise it was all good. Since my alma mater (Colby) is in Maine, the Saturday lunch is a lobster bake. Picture hundreds of people at long tables wearing lobster bibs … H is always a good sport at these things and has interesting conversations with my classmates and spouses.</p>
<p>Attended a great talk on the history of Colby, especially the transition from the old campus in downtown Waterville to their current location outside of town. Learned that the new campus designer/architect also planned/designed the new campus at Wake Forest. Finally an answer to why the first time D & I toured Wake, (she just graduated last month) I stepped into the main quad there and was overwhelmed by how much it looked like Colby. </p>
<p>Anyway, fun weekend of reminiscing and “remembering when.”</p>
<p>Wow, I am feeling lots of sympathetic parental pain. D very, very rarely asks us to do anything for her. Probably because we are the kinds of parents that would just botch everything up, particularly where a computer repair was involved. She has become much more self-sufficient in the past year and I am grateful for that maturing process. </p>
<p>amtc, your husband and mine sound very similar. I think it’s good for the “other parent” to see how difficult it can be dealing with the day to day with a teen girl. On the other hand, I think back to high school and how much I just automatically “did” for the children so they could focus on their jobs- school. In hindsight, I would have made sure their jobs were more than academics and it would have saved a few bumps in the road.</p>
<p>I just looked at the Senior Awards Rant pages. Wow. It feels so safe to be back in here with the 2009/2013 parents. I read your posts every day. Just don’t have much to write about at this time. We are having a good summer. DD is working about 20 hours/week, so that is good. Considering many kids can’t even find summer work. Since she is home from college about a month before our public school year is over, it feels like the summer will be a nice, long one.</p>