<p>missypie, that school does not sound like a good fit from your description. Is there a four-year college within commuting distance of your home. I think you mentioned once that your H doesn’t work. Perhaps he can become the executive function coach for your S until he gets the swing of things. </p>
<p>sabarary, good news that your S has decided to go to the cc after all. I know that is what you were hoping. My math skills aren’t all that great, so I can sympathize with him. I managed to avoid taking a single math course as an undergrad and even took things like the History of Economics rather than Economics itself to avoid any semblance of math. That strategy caught up with me in grad school, however, which seemed to be nothing but math. Hated it. Even though I read audits and work with financial spreadsheets all day, the math isn’t anything beyond what a third grader would be able to do, so I don’t think your S will find his life diminished in any way by not being good at math. In my experience, language skills are more ubiquitously needed in the vast majority of jobs. Even S1’s “engineering” job currently consists of writing technical policy and procedural manuals. The tough programming needs are being shipped off to back office guys in Brazil to handle.</p>
<p>Yes, I am hoping for the best but I have to think he’ll be able to perform better by living at home and having some support/encouragement. I am not particularly strong at math either but I am confident I can help him with what he’ll be doing. There is an online component of the coursework that I think he will enjoy. </p>
<p>Been very quiet from D. H told me I was upsetting her when I emailed her so I haven’t. That means I’ve heard nothing. I didn’t realize how embarrassing and controlling I was as a parent until recently! :(</p>
<p>sabaray - isn’t it nice to have a H who coaches your relationship with D from the sidelines? NOT. same situation here. even more annoying that he is right some of the time!</p>
<p>I’ve been consumed over the last few weeks getting D1 off to camp for her summer-long job and getting D2 off to Israel (including a canceled flight en route to meeting her group at La Guardia :(), but I have been trying to keep up with the thread. sabaray - my heart sank at your S’s set back - good to know he is has found a comfortable path now. and missypie, sounds like the lack of space for S at that school is a blessing in disguise. your description of the school was painful to read. I am convinced that there is just the right place for him somewhere, and if anyone can find it, you can.</p>
<p>H and I have been enjoying our empty nest, but will be joined by my 8-yr-old nephew for a few days beginning this afternoon. my sister is in the midst of a divorce and medical/mental health issues with three of her four kids, so nephew’s stay with us is a respite of sorts for her.</p>
<p>For my kids, I am considered embarrassing and controlling when they are unhappy with themselves and/or doing things they know I wouldn’t like. I’m a great parent, who shows appropriate interest in them, when they feel good about their lives. So, the willingness to communicate is a litmus test on them, not me. Therefore, when they pull back, I reach out even more out of natural worry. I’m sure you are just being equally intuitive. I also tell myself that even if I’m a pain in the neck, it’s good practice for people (kids included) to learn to be tolerant. </p>
<p>My H loves to claim that he is patient and the family all laughs at that. In fact, he is incredibly impatient and gets upset about little things, like getting stuck in traffic, all the time. He forces himself not to react about being so upset, so sees himself as patient because he exercises all this self control. But, the rest of us don’t get upset in the first place at the things that bother him, so who really is the patient one? (Actually, I don’t think that is on point for anything, but just a random thought that popped up when your H claimed you were controlling. Like PRJ, I would not react well to that comment, no matter who true it might be.)</p>
<p>PRJ, wondered where you’d gone off to! You’re a wonderful aunt for bringing your nephew on board. H’s sister had S stay with her for an extended time during high school- he was her “mother’s helper” at the beach- great time for all involved. </p>
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<p>Very true. I think on one level D regrets sharing some of the information she has with me as it only elevates my anxiety (mainly of a social nature). From age and experience I sense an approaching train wreck and she just doesn’t want to hear it. I just feel as if I no longer know her. </p>
<p>My H is one of those people that everyone thinks is so wonderful and patient. Everyone outside the family, that is. He is easily frustrated - a problem. He tells me I am too harsh and direct- I tell him he internalizes too much and takes it out on others. </p>
<p>I think we’re all perfect parents here. This is Utopia, correct?</p>
<p>I’m quite confident both D & S can cite many instances of me sending emails that are “unnecessary,” “intrusive,” and “annoying.” Doesn’t matter to me, and doesn’t stop me, either. I just keep telling them “it’s my job as your mother; you’ll understand when you have kids.” I do think they consider me less of an embarrassment as we all get older, though …</p>
<p>missypie – that school doesn’t seem like a good fit. The fact that there’s no room sounds like a good thing to me.</p>
<p>That school does not sound like a fit, Missypie. But, sigh, where are their fits for our kids?</p>
<p>My son’s therapist frequently mentions the SALT program at Arizona. But jeez, Fang Jr hates Arizona, doesn’t want to live somewhere hot with no trees, and really doesn’t want to be at a huge school.</p>
<p>She also said, surprisingly, Whitman has a great disabilities office. We might check into it-- I love Whitman-- but it would be tough for Fang Jr to be accepted there as a transfer.</p>
<p>Stanford, where Fang Jr is now for the summer, has a fantastic disabilities office. So maybe he could, hahahahahahaha, transfer there (falls on floor laughing).</p>
<p>So sorry to hear of the terrible school, missypie. Sounded like a bad situation. Here’s to finding the right place.
Bummer news here, too. S took the foreign service officer test earlier in the month. It has a 40% pass rate but he thought it was a snap. Guess what? He failed it. He texted me - so sad - that he doesn’t think he can trust his judgement on these things anymore. (He also did poorly on a final this May that he thought was a breeze.) He said he just wants to be able to give us some good news. I just cried when I read that.</p>
<p>Ok… instant heart breaking pang on that one. </p>
<p>Sorry about the school Missy… but like others have said, I think CC in the fall while you research your options is a good plan. Plus, all along the way he will be maturing and honestly, this is what he seems to need most in order to advocate for himself and know what he is capable of and when he needs help. I know that even though my older D’s does not have issues like your son, it is AMAZING to me how much simple maturity helped the rest of her issues with time management and advocating for herself. Yes, she is 25, but there was a very cliff like learning curve for her and academically she wasn’t ever nearly as strong as your son is.</p>
<p>OK… not to take the group off topic (as if that’s ever an issue on here!), I was just wondering if anyone has traveled to St. Johns USVI. We want to take the family there for Christmas. So I went on VRBO and frankly, since I’ve never been and don’t know the personality of the place, wanted to know what part of town (bay?) would be a good place to start. We did this in Key West a few years ago taking adventures throughout the day but mostly it was great because we rented bikes for the week and just hung out. This would be in lieu of having an actual Christmas so I know I need to book something now (if I am already not too late).</p>
<p>woody, major condolences on your S’s news. I too find his comment just heartbreaking. If it’s worth anything at all, I took and failed the foreign service exam three times–failed the English portion each time and passed all of the other parts (just the written, never made it to orals). Like your S, the test seemed easy and I usually ace standardized English tests or at least score in the 95%+. They don’t tell you what you missed or at least didn’t used to, so it was impossible to know what to do differently. The questions were subjective, like which is the “best” memo in response to xyz problem. I thought I might have been too direct the first time, so each time I retook the test I used a different strategy. Still no dice and it still bothers me. Failing a math test I would understand, but English is what I usually do well. Tell your S not to feel badly on this one.</p>
<p>Thanks, moda and analyst. They actually do offer a score report so he’ll send for that. And yeah, he’s a 95%++ on standardized stuff as well. He feels that his biographical info was not impressive - this is a kid who moved to Beijing at the age of 16 and lived with a Chinese family not knowing a word of Mandarin. Now he is fluent but feels he has no “leadership” experience. Oh well, he is young and extremely resilient and resourceful. I’m not worried but just want him to have a “feel good” moment about himself - they’ve been a little few and far between for him lately…</p>
<p>Moda - we went to St John’s a couple of years ago. Absolutely loved it. If we went back we would like to do hotel 1 night, sailboat 3 nights, hotel 3 nights. Sooooo much fun!</p>
<p>Woody… your plan sounds perfect if it were just H&I, but when we were in Key West, every time we went sailing (rented a boat two days) son got terribly sea sick. Add to this that on the first day after he had finally started to rebound from being sick, he went in the water and was immediately stung by a jelly fish. I do not think he’d be up for the boat. </p>
<p>However, now what I am seeing is that airfare to St. Thomas the week of Christmas is beyond ridiculous at this point (like 1400 a person ridiculous) and so while I might find a villa or house I can afford, the airfare would kill. But it sure would give me incentive to lose the weight I’ve been lugging around!</p>
<p>Oh, woody that’s so disappointing. But something tells me a guy who moved to China at age 16 not speaking a word of Mandarin has a lot going for him. I have a feeling that he will do very well despite this setback. Hopefully soon.</p>
<p>Today started out so promising…beautiful weather at last. Work was busy, but I expected that. It all started falling apart when I got home and had a call from HP re: sons broken laptop. S says it was always messed up, H says S mistreated it and HP says $300 to fix the warranty won’t cover. H is out of town so I had to call him and he wasn’t happy, at least I was able to run interference between H & S. Just dress me in stripes and give me a whistle.</p>
<p>Then, a good idea gone wrong, I had announced last week that I wanted the kids to cook once a week. S found a recipe and $50 worth of ingredients later (I found out after the fact), he set out to spend 2 1/2 hours cooking. D tasted a tiny bit, refused to eat most of it and they ended up bickering. It was actually very good but my kitchen still looks like something exploded.</p>
<p>Sorry to vent. I know this is not much in the scheme of things but I could seriously use a message and a margarita about now.</p>
<p>FallGirl - I’m pretty sure you wanted a massage and not a message ;), but just in case, here’s a message: no good deed goes unpunished! Great idea about the kids’ cooking, sorry the first result wasn’t a success.</p>
<p>woody, so sorry for your S’s disappointment. Do you think he will try again in a few years, maybe after gaining some leadership experience?</p>
<p>Modadunn- I am still dithering about whether to make our annual Christmas trip to St. Croix, but I did find flights under $600 yesterday on AOL Travel. Seems strange they’d be so much cheaper than STT. One thought: when I looked at the seat maps, there were TONS of open seats, so maybe the prices will come down…?</p>
<p>FallGirl, hang in there on the cooking idea. For our boys, we paid them $20 if they planned, cooked, set the table, and cleaned up a family meal. We paid for ingredients. They were not allowed to use any packaged foods and the meal had to include an entree and veggie at a minimum. We did not require them to cook a certain amount nor limit the amount. At first both wanted to cook all the time and we required them to alternate days. They competed with other for the most elaborate, creative meals. Then neither wanted to cook unless they needed money because it was too much work.</p>
<p>We had a number of questionable results (shrimp that hadn’t been peeled, confusion on ingredients–S1 thought chickpeas meant baby peas, etc.). But this plan served many valuable functions. Both boys ultimately learned to be excellent cooks before they finished high school. Both boys had a way to earn money whenever needed despite heavy sports schedules that precluded an outside job during the school year. The family ate new, creative recipes. I didn’t have to cook every night and when I did cook, they appreciated it far more. </p>
<p>The amount of money we gave them to do this with worth every penny. I figure we would have just given them the money anyway for beach week or prom or whatever if we didn’t have a way for them to earn it.</p>
<p>Finally talked to D yesterday, which was good. Sounds like things are going well. On the cooking topic, it sounds as if she is managing to create some meals on her own, which is good. Getting plenty of hours at work, happily. </p>
<p>Analyst, please don’t let my son know you paid yours to cook. So far I am able to get him to cook without payment. I’d like to keep it that way! Some of his ideas for meals are a bit out of the budget, however- grilled lobster with cilantro butter, anyone?</p>
<p>Next week while we are on College Visit Trip #2, Son and D (the 14 year old) will be on their own for five days. Should I alert the fire department? I guess I’ll stock up on ramen and chicken noodle soup and expect the house to be littered with fast food packaging. A good mother would stock the freezer with casseroles, but I don’t know that those two could be bothered to put them in the oven.</p>
<p>:passes around margaritas, massages, free flights to St. John’s…</p>
<p>Pre-Holiday weekend thoughts to live by:
Our children choose us, so we must be perfect for them
The universe is perfect, so every breakdown, disappointment or snafu must ultimately be divine intervention
Repeat after me: “I apologize for my love and concern, you dickhead ; )”</p>
<p>Have a great Independence weekend, all. I, of course, will undergo border hell to get to a weekend resort on the Canadian side of Lake Huron. Relatives and friends of late keep shipping stuff to me to bring – since some companies won’t ship internationally. So I will have to explain the 3’ Hotei Happy Buddha and strange vintage car parts in addition to the blender, generator and party favors. Hi ho!</p>
