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<p>I could have written this!</p>
<p>There HAS to be a place for these brilliant people who are square pegs trying to fit into the round holes society generally provides. I believe this, and our jobs are to guide them until they too marry well, or find their new “life assistant”. Ultimately all any of us want is for our kids to find a “place” and be happy. You are doing a great job Shawbridge!</p>
<p>oh FallGirl - I SOOO understand how you feel. I can feel that lump in your throat as if it is my own.</p>
<p>Call the GC, be nice, explain that your daughter is crushed as she has worked hard all year, ask if an invitiation went out that she did not recieve (we got S’s in the mail, and the mail delivery is NOT infallible) As top 5 she should be getting an award for her GPA at the very least. I just bet there was an error somewhere.</p>
<p>FallGirl, I don’t think you’d be out of line for asking. From what you say, she’s almost in the top 1%. And really, it’s so easy for invitations, announcements, and other school paperwork to get misplaced… or they may not have had them all done at once, or who knows what. I don’t see any downside to making a quick matter-of-fact call in the morning.</p>
<p>Last fall, I knew geek_son’s (then) NMSF status for a few weeks, and he still hadn’t heard anything from his school (only the school receives the paperwork at that stage). For whatever reason, they took no action until I told the GC that I knew he’d cleared the cutoff and asked her for his paperwork so he could apply for NMF. No explanation; usually they’re all over stuff like that, and he was their only one this year. But they produced the envelope the next day and were all smiles and helpfulness after I asked.</p>
<p>My point is that oversights do happen, even with cases we think should be obvious in settings where people pay attention. A polite phone inquiry wouldn’t hurt.</p>
<p>Edit: Cross-posted with #theorymom. I don’t think I’d start with “daughter is crushed.” I’d call with the assumption that surely an invitation was issued to this top-5 kiddo, and express mild surprise that she either hasn’t received it or has misplaced it, and would the GC please be so kind as to investigate for you? That’s where I would start – with the rational assumption (lost invite), not the irrational one (excelling student not invited).</p>
<p>I’m happy about D’s college choice. There’s certainly some parental anxiety about her going so far away (MN to CA), but she’s so excited now that she knows where she’s going. I have a feeling she’s really going to blossom there.</p>
<p>good point geek_mom. As soon as I read your answer I knew that saying that was coming off too strong and could be felt as accusatory.</p>
<p>But call FallGirl. It could be just a mistake. Probably is.</p>
<p>I had one of those control freak co-grad parties with my oldest D. Never again. What was so heartbreaking then was she had a son who didn’t care about any of it. I had a D who did. The other mom wanted her way because she had more family coming to town. My mistake really as I asked her to join us when she didn’t have a party date and we live right next door. She agree to our all dessert theme and then slowly just changed it to what she wanted. I finally lost my cool when I was making these things my daughter loves and she said her MOM had something that was better. I blew a gasket, I admit. But it was passive aggressive at its finest. At the very last moment she called Sam’s club, cancelled our joint order, and sent me an email (during a time when I was checking email MAYBE once a day) to tell me she was severing the party. I read the email THE DAY OF GRADUATION!! The party was two days away. I stayed up for 48 hours straight and pulled it off. Do not remember any of it, but my daughter was grateful and said so many many times. And that to me made it worth it.</p>
<p>Oh … didnt talk to that neighbor for about a year. Now I will say hello, but that is about all. We have invited them to S grad party, but it’s hard not to when they live right next door.</p>
<p>shawbridge–I have very similar sentiment about my d’s college. she’s going to New College of Florida and its small/quirky/activist student body, cozy classes, personal advising, contracts and written evaluations in place of grades, is ideal for my d. the they are also quite supportive of students with ld or add and very open to providing accommodations as needed. she is so excited about starting and is also eager to get involved in their sailing club. </p>
<p>while I worry sometimes about her managing independently, speaking up for herself, I am choosing to have faith…as I dropped her at the airport last week (she was flying to bf’s prom in Philly) we talked about being safe traveling alone-----she smiled and said confidently “you know I’m a tough cookie when I need to be” </p>
<p>and the tree was happy…</p>
<p>Modadunn… :eek:
The trouble with next-door neighbors is, you can’t torch their house because the fire will probably spread. 
What a nasty, spiteful thing for that woman to do. What a beautiful demonstration of your love for your daughter, that you would do so much just to make her happy. I bet she’ll remember that for the rest of your lives.</p>
<p>I have to confess that the neighbor would probably be banned from my younger kiddos’ grad parties, and all subsequent parties at my home (and they would be frequent, and loud).</p>
<p>FallGirl, please let us know what happens when you call the GC. Strangely, our school didn’t recognize National Merit students at the senior awards night. They did recognize Presidential Award students or some such thing, whatever that is (S got one). </p>
<p>They screwed up the amount of son’s scholarship (by announcing it as $100,000 less than it actually was), and got his American Legion scholarships wrong (ignoring one completely). So what I’m saying is that these guidance departments may not be operating on all cylinders by the time it comes to the awards nights. </p>
<p>Local sports stars seemed to get a lot of the minor scholarships at our senior awards night, completely ignoring the high-ranking swimmer who went to the Olympic Trials last year…</p>
<p>S was recognized for his huge merit scholarship to college, the American Legion scholarship (should have been two!), and getting the Presidential award. He didn’t apply for any of the smaller scholarships, because he had no need.</p>
<p>I couldn’t be happier with D’s college choice. I think she did a terrific job understanding herself when picking the college. Small classes sizes and a fairly structured environment (all teams practice at the same time every day) is a perfect setting for my D.</p>
<p>Counting down to the last few days of school. She has 8 more days of classes and then a trip to a local amusement park. It’s then the NY state testing time and I don’t believe that she has any tests so she should have about 1 and 1/2 weeks off prior to graduation. </p>
<p>After that about 9 weeks at home prior to starting college.</p>
<p>They grow up so fast!!</p>
<p>I am getting more excited and attached to D’s college choice and I think she is too. </p>
<p>She knew right from that start that a small LAC was the right place for her and she picked out a number of great colleges to apply to. It was easy to get excited about each one of them. I found it difficult to say goodbye to each of them in turn, but in the end she could only attend one college! </p>
<p>My only major sadness is that it is so far away from us, so we’ll only be able to see a small part of her college life. I know she’ll have wonderful mentors, intelligent, stimulating peers and an exciting, new part of the country to discover. Now it is time for her adventure and we’ll just be supporting cast, as it should be.</p>
<p>Anyone else wishing time would slow down? So much happening and so much to do, its hard to absorb it all.</p>
<p>FallGirl, I’m sure it must be a mistake and hopefully you have had a chance to set it right.</p>
<p>Wishing time would slow down here, Northernwoods! </p>
<p>Though graduation suddenly became a lot less complicated (that’s a plus) and a lot less festive (a minus), as 7/8 of our out-of-town guests vaporized. Oh, did I mention that graduation is Saturday?</p>
<p>Fall Girl: Could be a mistake but I will say that at S’s school, I am most surprised he is not being recognized for anything. They don’t do scholarship recognition either (not that he has those either but mostly because he did not apply and his college choice doesn’t have that stuff). Over the years I have noticed that certain kids/families get the same awards every year. They don’t necessarily take the hardest classes, nor do they necessarily multi-task to get it all done. And yet still… there they are. I finally came to accept this about a month ago mostly because his teachers love him and tell him so. He really doesn’t want or need any validation beyond that. It’s more my issue than his, this is certain.</p>
<p>Hi everyone, quick update.</p>
<p>Just spoke with gc and she doesn’t know and has no invitation for D. I said this must be a mistake, and she is having the guidance head call me. Not looking good.</p>
<p>Am very upset. Will keep you posted.</p>
<p>Thanks for your support and comments.</p>
<p>My D is also 5th in her class and also not invited to tonight’s Awards Ceremony. Our school uses this night primarily to give out local scholarships; D applied for exactly 1 and we already know she didn’t win that.</p>
<p>FallGirl, sending you strength for the guidance head’s call, which probably won’t be an easy one. </p>
<p>It’s really tough when kids don’t get recognized for their very real achievements. </p>
<p>S1’s graduating class is only 100 (roughly), so all seniors are expected to attend the Senior Awards night. But I already know he’s not in line for anything, since we haven’t gotten tip calls from any of his teachers. And I’m bummed, but what Modadunn said above goes for me, too - this is more my issue than his. S1 knows what he’s done well and isn’t looking for more outside validation. I’d just like to see him get it, but I need just vent here, and let it go.</p>
<p>Re this question
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<p>I’m 100% sure S1 made a great choice, and I love the school madly (as does D, who will be a senior there this fall). But at the moment, I’m much more glum and teary than excited. These last couple of weeks have been like one extended bout of PMS, only I guess it’s PGS (pre-graduation syndrome). </p>
<p>And this is probably true for any others of you who are dealing with a second (or third, etc.) graduation, but I had fooled myself into thinking sometimes that the reason I had such a wrenching time when D graduated/moved to college was that she’s my only girl, and the first one to go. Two words: Ha. Ha. Turns out, of course, that S1 is my one and only [S1’s name], and his departure is just as wrenching. It’s a potent reminder of how individual our kids are, and how much we love each of them for reasons that are unique, and . . .</p>
<p>Chintzy, weren’t you the one buying us all that pallet of kleenexes?</p>
<p>Mododun, you are better person than i as I would not invite the crazy neighbor. people like that make me uncomfortable. My D is excited about school, and where she is going. I think it’s my grief process, and the transition. She had some great options( I think where Rochester mom’s D is going was one) but said she would regret it if she chose the safer more “famililiar” option and is quite excited. She went from small LAC to large school in the city. She wants to study IR in DC so perfect internship possibilities. Initially the city school was a pick for grad school (by her) She is a person who tends to grow where she is planted. MY H and D2 thinks it is a great choice, I will have to go with that as I wanted something more traditional, but this time it isn’t about me , it’s just hard to let go, and I will as that is what I must do.
It is hard to believe that a child top 5 percent receives no award, My D goes to private but in our town most kudos go to Townies, we have been here over 20 years but are definately no townies. I hope your child get recognized! You must be so proud of her!</p>
<p>In my son’s school, the guidance counselors were beleaguered and were always trying to fit my son’s square peg into a round hole. They were reactive rather than proactive. We started with a man who’d been doing it for 273 years and was jaded; he’d seen everything go wrong and just wanted to pigeonhole everything. He retired and we got a young woman who did not know much about highly selective colleges or learning disabilities or the rules at the school. But, she wouldn’t have suggested that my son apply to particular colleges or scholarships or nominate him for anything. But, unlike the first guy, at least she had the sense to step out of the way. Based upon my limited experience with lots of kids and just a few GCs and lots of end-of-year craziness, FallGirl, I wouldn’t count on GCs to a) know what’s going on; or b) be helpful.</p>
<p>[We got great support from the Special Ed folks and the Assistant Superintendent of Schools].</p>
<p>Fallgirl, let us know. This just doesn’t make sense to me…doesn’t she at least get recognition for NHS? We have a teensy school and consequently very few awards. I know S1 will get his gold cord and that’s just fine by us. But to be in the top 10 kids in a class off hundreds, I think everyone should be recognized!</p>
<p>I agree Modadunn, you’re better than I. Not great at the forgetting part, though I forgive pretty easily…</p>
<p>Harriet W Welsch thanks I think that is prob it. My D2 is ready for her to go. their relationship needs a transition. Very loving when push comes to shove but otherwise can be contentious. D2 says well you know she will never live here, what is here for her? I agree but didn’t want to hear it. I rarely see my family, I never wanted that for my own, I never grew up with it either (dad was in the military)I think that is part of it. For those who have had children go to college -What is your relationship as they grew older and is it ok? It’s funny I sound like a clingy mom and I’m not, but I really never had “normal” so I don’t know what that is like.I like being with my kids don’t want that to go away forever.</p>