Parents of the HS Class of 2011 - Original

Parents of HS Class of 20xx
2081

<p>blueiguana: I was very sad to read your post, and I feel for you and your son. I’m wondering how to say this - I don’t know his aspirations, but I feel that he is putting enormous pressure on himself, perhaps unnecessarily. If he is looking at HYP-type schools, I suppose he could be worried about how kids from his HS have done with those applications, and maybe from some real data you all are making sure he measures up. But if his goal is a great school, I think you all may be caught in the trap so many HS kids and parents are these days that everything has to be at the highest possible level at all times, which I firmly believe is not true. More importantly - and I’m speaking just for myself - I don’t want it to be true. The picture you paint of his level of stress and worry, and thinking he won’t measure up even with the huge load he carries, makes me feel sad. And it’s not out of disrespect to you - it’s about the trap we’ve all created in this generation, where kids can’t be kids and they can’t feel good about themselves no matter what they do.</p>

<p>I’ve had my experience with “elite” schools, and I respect and admire them and the students who go there. My D1 right now is at a very competitive (but not HYP) school. She came from a regular small town HS. She had great grades, took the APs she could (but not every single one at the school), honors when she could, but they didn’t have a ton. She was over 30 on her ACT but not a perfect 36. She had lots of ECs. She didn’t take “basket-weaving” but our HS does require one semester of a “vocational” class to graduate (she took cooking), and every semester she took 3 music classes. We didn’t have Naviance or any of those machines to help us. She did what she could do, tried not to lose sleep when she could avoid it, and took her chances. I know I’m not offering proof of how to get into a top-30 school, but I do think from reading CC and from others’ experiences that you can be “normal.” “Superb” is a difficult word to assess the real meaning of, and we could all go crazy thinking we’re not good enough to meet that standard.</p>

<p>I hope your son can put his life into perspective and not go prematurely gray worrying about every last little thing colleges are “supposed” to want. He will clearly be a valued student wherever he goes, and he cares. I have a second child a lot more like the ones described in the posts above yours, and she has good enough stats to go to a quite good school - I guess in the top 50 or 60 (I’m not really all that into rank) - or she might go to a state school, because she’s looking for a particular program. But she definitely isn’t staying up late nights and for better or worse is going to let the world see who she is, and again will take her chances.</p>

<p>I don’t know if your family’s gone through the college application process before. I’m a little concerned that your son feels he will be “judged” on some kind of absolute scale. Please help him understand that it’s way more complex than that. If he’s made solid choices and done well, he should be able to hold his head up. Schools don’t even all weight the same way - some remove freshman year, some give different values to APs or honors, some don’t weight at all. He can’t “win” this or do it “right.” He just has to do what does for his own reasons, and let things happen. </p>

<p>I hope you can see that I say all of this in pure caring and as a friend. I know you are very concerned about him, but I guess my point is that I hope you don’t worry that he’s not doing enough, just that he stays healthy and proud of himself no matter what. This is not the final reckoning of his life. </p>

<p>You are right that the college application doesn’t always illustrate the hard work and personal sacrifices that go into all of the stats and achievements. Sometimes the teacher recs say that; sometimes the personal essay will reflect the kind of effort this student gives toward what they do. Who your son really is can show in his application “package.” I think the schools have a way to read between the lines, but they can’t really “know” these kids and all of their true qualities. This is also why acceptances and rejections can’t be the grand arbiters of the overall “worth” of these wonderful young people, and we as parents have to help our kids understand that they are valuable and valued no matter what certain schools decide.</p>

2082

<p>blueiguana, there is a danger in comparing your son/his school to other students from other schools. It’s like comparing apples to watermelon! Each school is run differently, with various schedules (block or otherwise), classes offered only every-other-year, “extracurriculars” like band/chorus/drill team/sports that take up a class slot, etc.</p>

<p>I have a lot more I could say but I’m out of time (have a ballet performance for LuckyYoungest to attend) :)</p>

<p>My son will be taking all those APs next year because there aren’t other courses for him to take—they are the senior-level courses for math, English and history for the kids at his “level.” He’s taking two sciences because of his interests. Psych is his elective instead of Wind Ensemble.</p>

2083

<p>Thanks for the insight on Whitman. I think we will try to get up there over the summer. I think S may find it too remote because all of the other schools he is looking at are in cities, but who knows. Any thoughts about Colorado College and the block system?</p>

2084

<p>Hoping you guys have some recommendations:</p>

<p>I’m a B student (3.3 GPA). When I graduate, I’ll have 6 APs. I have good ECs. 31 ACT. All 4s and 5s on AP Exams. </p>

<p>I want a city. This is important to me. I will need significant FA. My EFC is 0. I don’t need the school to meet full need, but I need one that gives significant aid and/or the possibility for merit. </p>

<p>I live in Virginia, but I really want to go out of state.</p>

2085

<p>CIA- do you know what you want to study? Do you want a small LAC or a larger Uni?</p>

2086

<p>Well, my ideal size would be ~5000-10000 but size really is not a big deal to me. I feel I can thrive in either environment, both have pros and cons.</p>

<p>I would like to major in political science.</p>

2087

<p>What about American University in DC?</p>

2088

<p>It’s on my list, but it’s probably a reach (if not for admissions, financially). I am applying though! :)</p>

2089

<p>Hi Fellow Parents</p>

<p>Hope everyone had a great wekend sfter 2 weeks of APs…
our student said that of the 4 APs–the Latin Virgil(or is it Vergil?)…anyway…it was the most difficult–and very long.
though one essay question on the AP Eng Lang. was evidently a bit of a stumper–though I think it was because it was the end of the test and our studentt was tired–
(AP Chem had been the day before)</p>

<p>So this week out to be a bit weird–
–some classes are “done” and its a study hall because they were AP classes…
–one class our student will be the only kid–as the rest were Srs…and they took their exams.
–For the AP chem class- there isn’t much left to do all week and our student will be the only one taking the AP Chem final exam…since our student isn’t a sr…</p>

<p>Its a shame to waste 8-4 daily for a week… kwim? I may suggest our student stick the SAT review book in the bookbag to do a section here and there in those empty periods–</p>

<p>We did do the Old Navy run and also a run to Dick’s sporting goods etc…had dinner out one night…I got help with some stuff around the house–It was nice to have our student home and much more relaxed!</p>

2090

<p>It is amazing to be so close to the end of the school year!</p>

<p>We have this full week, next week ending in a half day, the following week minus Mem Day, and then 3 days of exams. That’s it! Then she’s a SENIOR!!!</p>

<p>Also a couple more concerts, some more auditions, and the performances of a show she’s helping direct. She goes right into summer rehearsals, which is what she’s living for right now. She does have 2 Saturdays of testing, so that’s on the schedule, but she’s not killing herself; the SAT2s are kind of a “just because” (one school she’s applying to “recommends” them, and we don’t think they’ll matter hugely; no others want them), and she should be able to notch up the ACTs a bit just by virtue of having taken them once and doing some practice work. She doesn’t need perfect scores, just needs to build her comfort level with them. And there’s always Sept if she really wants higher scores.</p>

<p>She doesn’t seem too stressed now that the majority of AP work is done (2 of her 4 academic courses - the rest of the 7 are 2 choirs and art). So in a lot of ways she can sit back and enjoy her almost-senior status. Amazing!</p>

<p>I’m hearing a lot about what she’s looking forward to next year, actually. That’s nice. I’m sure she’ll be good and sick of it long before it’s over, but that’s just the way these things go. Another reason why we’re going to try and get some quick rolling acceptances so that’s not a complete stress all the way until May.</p>

2091

<p>We used all five of our snow days this year so the official last day is Monday the 21st of June with finals the week before and graduation on the 18th. However, AP classes have projects instead of finals so it’s nice that son’s two hardest classes are now pretty easy.</p>

2092

<p>still so much work ahead for my D. Major papers to write, 3 Regents exams, 3 regular exams…and she is competing at the end of the month at the Odyssey of the Mind World competition in MIchigan state (missing almost a whole week of school!)…so I don’t think things are really going to quiet down even though the 2 AP exams are over with . Too bad. Just hoping she can squeeze in some time to study for the SAT’s over the next couple of weeks!</p>

2093

<p>Two more weeks of school then finals for S. Studies in place of the two AP classes he had. Just talked to S about using the studies to actually do something productive, like study for the ACT and SAT 2’s he is taking in June. fingers crossed he actually does something. </p>

<p>SAT scores out on Thursday, I think. His scores from last year are probably OK if he bombed the test this year, but I am really hoping he did better.</p>

2094

<p>I also can’t believe there are only two more weeks of school for LuckyBoy, followed by only two finals after Mem. Day!</p>

<p>Anyone know what time the SAT results are posted online? I wonder if he’ll be able to look at them before school on Thursday. I’m kind of curious to see if the scores are in line with his PSATs from the fall. He scored pretty well, but not high enough for NMSF in this high cutoff state. </p>

<p>Spent spare time this week (ha! spare time?!) looking at a few more schools, specifically ones with auto-merit-aid levels, like XXX SAT and Y.YY GPA. Most seem to be in the south-er south–not sure if he’s interested in that far. Very interesting looking at the really nice housing options for honors kids at UAlabama. USCarolina also looks pretty good. I’m looking forward to when S actually has time to narrow down this massive Big List of schools…</p>

<p>(and to think I get to do this all again very soon with D '13, with probably no overlap in school types :eek: )</p>

2095

<p>^^^
SAT scores are usually posted at 5:00 AM EST. </p>

<p>For S the craziness of the junior year is over. SATs are done. Waiting for the May scores for 2 SATIIs, but the scores don’t matter that much, since he already had 2 others under his belt with quite acceptable scores. </p>

<p>He will be missing 1 ½ week of school starting this Friday and coming back just in time for the finals. Though his AP classes have projects instead of finals and I think he will only have one more to do. </p>

<p>This year the hardest AP for him was Music Theory. He had it with Physics B on the same day and was feeling under the weather that day. That interfered with the singing portion of the exam; we should see how it affected his score. Physics is his element, so he should be fine there.</p>

<p>Next year he will be taking 2 classes at a local college. The problem is that he doesn’t have drivers license or a car. Something to work on during the summer.</p>

<p>I did pay $8 dollars last year to hear his scores over the phone, but promise not to do it this year. If I feel weak, I will come to you guys for the support. :)</p>

2096

<p>I will not be mentioning the AP exams until scores are sent. I feel that I already created enough anticipation over SAT scores and will spare them this time.</p>

2097

<p>emmybet: your kind words to blueiguana really moved me. I wish more than anything that our kids didn’t put all of their self-worth eggs in to this one basket.</p>

2098

<p>^^ I agree</p>

<p>I have been talking with and repeatedly sharing with our student that we love our student and worth is not based on what has been done (school/tests)
and is about who our student is–our child, a compassionate, humble and kind person and how we are sooo happy just to share our lives with our student…</p>

2099

<p>Thank you - I am happy to contribute whatever I can. I’m not particularly wise or anything, but I’ve been around, been lucky to live in a few very different parts of the country and have some pretty varied experiences.</p>

<p>Also, after me, my H and my D1, all of whom were pretty intense achievers, we now have D2 who adamantly WILL NOT buy into this system of “worth.” We’re grateful all the time that she didn’t decide to blow off any conventional measure of success - that seemed likely at one point. We have had to come up with a whole new way of talking about things, that doesn’t include scores, grade letters, anything quantitative. Partly because it made her angry and hurt; she thought we were comparing her with her sister, thought we were establishing forced expectations, much a fantasy, but it’s the way she felt. Partly, too, because she very rightfully said she didn’t want to buy into that kind of labeling. Really she’s been like this forever … luckily there weren’t grades until middle school, because she is more into putting her own values on things. And rather than completely blow off HS, she’s done what she needs to find meaning and value there, really very successfully, for which we can thank not only a lot of spunk on her part but also a number of very caring and skilled teachers and other great people in her life,</p>

<p>Deep down she has her insecurities, still doesn’t think she measures up, even with the very nice successes she’s had. But she knows that’s a battle she has to fight with herself, a lifelong struggle with meaning and reward. We’ve gone along with her not because we caved on emotional blackmail, but because we realized that by pushing the quantitative measures, we would become the kind of people we didn’t want to be. So instead of “What did you get on the test?” the questions have been “How was the test?” or “Are you happy with how the test went?” We told her long ago that if she’s made a reasonable deal with herself to get work done and be someone who cares about what she’s doing (whatever that is), if she takes responsibility for her own actions and their results, we’re there with her.</p>

<p>She’s seen enough people make disastrous choices, and she’s got enough inner drive to do something with her life, that she moves ahead in this way. Amazingly she’s chosen to stay in public school and put up with all of the systems that irk her horribly. But that was a very careful choice, and one she knows she made herself. Choosing the next step will also be a very thoughtful process, but we trust that she can figure that out honestly.</p>

<p>Interestingly she doesn’t want a completely off-beat college (she found Hampshire way too loose, for example, wants more programmatic structure). What she likes is a teacher who pushes you, but for a stated reason, and who cares about meaning instead of praising those who spit out perfect scores. She doesn’t mind rules if they have a purpose she can relate to. She likes requirements that push her toward her goals. And she can handle “days of reckoning” when she has to. So I think she’ll be fine at a college she feels invested in and respects. Already she’s found many that fit her criteria (not surprisingly, visits are very important for her, a kinesthetic judgement being crucial).</p>

<p>The thing that’s been hard is letting our D1 know that we also respect her success in the more conventional realm; sometimes there’s so much talk around here about “it doesn’t matter if it’s a tippy top school, a name school,” that D1’s choice looks bad, too expensive, unnecessary. That’s been a weird one to deal with. But she knows it’s not true - my H and I are proud of our “name” degrees, and we mostly just try to say “there are lots of ways of living a great life.”</p>

2100

<p>^^</p>

<p>Our second student sounds alot like yours…although younger…and hopefully will grow into that self accountability we are longing to see…</p>

<p>its there when student2 feels invested in the subject/task…otherwise not…</p>

<p>Student2 will let things slide when feeling overwhelmed–and we have tried to encourage student2 to not to self-undermine </p>

<p>Sometimes I am convinced its reactionary to the self-comparing to the older sibling. I have tried to remind student2 that the older sibling has been doing a little everyday–and working towards these goals/successes for years…</p>

<p>and to just keep on the path andto do a little everyday brings those rewards.</p>

<p>Older sibling has said for example–that the math was all about doing the homework and practice…not something magic…</p>

<p>I think siblings forget that the older one has just been “at it” a little longer…</p>

<p>also our firstborn is compliant–our second born–was born to be a litigator!</p>