<p>Apropos of nothing, I just noticed that these
show up as Laker colors. Though all we’re feeling is :). Not :D, that’s the wrong color.</p>
<p>So S finished up exams yesterday and had a nice day for himself at the beach.</p>
<p>I am reading all this about college visits and applications and I am starting to be concerned since he still has not done anything about this-he doesn’t even have a list of schools yet let alone work done on any applications.</p>
<p>He is a hard worker-no issues with that. He just is very resistant to the college process and I am not quite sure why.</p>
<p>He might have a pretty laid-back approach and be fairly easy to please. He might know he has the stats he needs for his favorite school (especially if it’s a public that runs on a straight equation).</p>
<p>Or maybe he just needs the right venue to start looking at them. I figured kids liked websites, so I showed my D2 how to look at them. But it wasn’t until I bought a book of colleges - this time it was the Princeton “Best 368” or whatever the number was - and she could dog-ear it and highlight schools, that she really got into the process. My D1, for all of her directedness, just made her list from schools other people suggested, only did her own choosing after we visited. Everyone’s different.</p>
<p>Maybe he feels pushed for some reason. Maybe now that it’s summer you can have a nice open-ended conversation with him, just ask a really non-judgmental question or say something like “Man, the college stuff is confusing to me; I don’t know how people handle it,” and see if he’ll open up a bit. </p>
<p>He doesn’t have to have any work done on applications yet, but it would be nice for you all if he would start exploring where he might want to visit or apply.</p>
<p>Had dinner with a friend last week and she was so upset to hear where songbird and I are in “the process.”</p>
<p>Seems her D has hardly given a thought to where she might like to go, what her preferences might be in terms of size, location, or even thought about visits yet, etc.</p>
<p>I tried to tell her there’s more than one “right” way to do this. We are compulsive researchers…we just enjoy it…and we also like plenty of time to make decisions.</p>
<p>I know other families who didn’t start to get serious about the research, visits, essays, etc until fall of senior year. While that would not have worked for us, it seems to work just fine for others. Some thought I was nutty last summer (after soph year) when I went on my 20-plus-book college reading binge. I just thought it was fun. Go figure! :)</p>
<p>I think what made me start earlier with my second and third kids was a late start with my first child. I made the first visit with her in either late winter or early Spring of her Junior year when I did a google search for college information and came up with another bulletin board (this was in 2002) where I posted very infrequently before migrating over here. I got the scoop on making appointments for the visits, the mantra on finding the safety school and off we went.</p>
<p>What I found was that it was quite hard to visit colleges and do the applications in that short period of time plus give the needed time to the activities she was involved in. It just made it really stressful for all of us. Like EmmyBet and momofsongbird have said, it’s do-able, especially if you are mostly looking at State U’s, but It’s just easier if one starts earlier. There are just so many open days for visits that fit. Of course this is JMHO</p>
<p>Also both my D and mosb’s D are considering auditioning for arts programs, so it’s been pretty important to look into into them early, to be ready for that process and the extra time that it takes.</p>
<p>However, even kids in my D’s situation could find a new school in November or December and still apply, get in, and decide to go there … actually with some of the open auditions where you send in your application within 2 weeks, she might start the entire process with a new school as late as February.</p>
<p>My message is that it’s OK not to have started yet. Remember, too, that CC by definition is full of families that think (and imagine, and worry) a lot about this!</p>
<p>We did another college visit today. D really liked the school just as much as the first school we visited. It is going to be really hard for her to decide but for me it will come down to which one offers the most merit aid since she liked them both equally…at least for now she does.</p>
<p>It’s always nice to like schools! Are these visits helping to narrow your list to the kind of school she likes (size, location, etc.)? Two that she likes can confirm a lot of the criteria. </p>
<p>We took some of the criteria our D liked (artsy, city access) and jacked them up at the next visits. She didn’t like the ultra-artsy-hippie-type school (Hampshire), which showed her she has her limits in that area, and she also found she doesn’t want to be in as urban an area as Manhattan.</p>
<p>She wants to major in Exercise Science/Athletic Training and there are not many schools that have certified programs so we applied our criteria to that small list so there are only 3-4 schools that we will visit.</p>
<p>Its her other criteria that makes that list small - must have a football, weather can’t be colder than it is at home, and less than 4 hour drive from home.</p>
<p>Since her major is not very common, I have tried to get her to look at other schools and say would I be happy here majoring in something else but that hasn’t worked, she is very confident that this is what she wants to do.</p>
<p>Took S to the bank today to open his first checking account. The camp he is working for this summer only does direct deposit and while he has a savings account, I want him to start using a debit card and writing checks while he is still home and I can supervise. He was smiling like a cheshire cat when he walked up to the teller to deposit the $100 I gave him to open the account. He is dying to write a check, but he only has a learners permit and school ID. I told him most places will not take a starter check with that kind of ID and he should wait for his checks to arrive. Another rite of passage gone.</p>
<p>H is insisting we visit all the schools on S’s (my) list. Although a lot of them want us to show them some love, but we can’t visit them all, there isn’t enough time. So S and I will be spending a lot of time this weekend narrowing down his list. </p>
<p>I sent S’s SAT scores today to a west coast school that stated on its web site that merit was sometimes based on early demonstrated interest. H now thinks we need to visit. Yikes, we can’t get to all the east coast schools on the list. The west coast school is a big safety and I would love to get a yes with merit early on. </p>
<p>S and I will narrow this list down to under 15, I hope (some already visited) and will visit those we can. This whole process is daunting and I give the kids who do this on their own a lot of credit.</p>
<p>I’m visiting colleges in 3 weeks and I haven’t got a single safety on my list! or even a proper match - I must be crazy. I’m getting so nervous looking at my list which includes schools like Pomona, Wellesley, Barnard, USC, Wesleyan etc .</p>
<p>I feel like we got a good start on the college search process, with S1 contacting coaches in early spring, at schools where he wanted to be a student athlete. He and DH visited 9 of them in April - all reach LAC schools - where they were well received by coaches, who have remained in regular contact; eager for progress updates re: testing and final transcrpits. S1 fully understands that we may be crossing some of these highly competitive schools off his list in the next couple weeks, once recent ACT and SAT II scores are published. </p>
<p>It seems most of S1’s schools are in the reach bucket at this point… but he has a healthy mix of match and safety schools on his list, as well. To me, we’re following a logical process of elimination - aiming high, then working your way through/down the list of possible options. </p>
<p>I feel bad that he is booked with football showcases and camps throughout summer …and that he has a dry economics book and 3 classics to read, a 7-page paper to write on one of them (Dante’s Inferno - yuck), and the common app essay to pen. Poor kiddo has two weeks all summer to himself…where he has nothing on his calendar. And I hate that we will likely need to fill up that free time to schedule campus visits for a handful of his ‘match’ schools… to affirm his interest, with that expressed by the ‘match’ coaches.</p>
<p>He earned a tip (support with admissions, if needed) from one NESCAC coach, as a result of the first camp last week… so S1 understands the significance of grinding out this awwful schedule. His 2nd camp is tomorrow, and he takes formal interviews with the AdCom’s from a couple other NESCAC schools on Monday. I worry about him getting burned out, discouraged or plain old demotivated… it’s going to be a long summer, and an even longer application process. I hate that he can’t enjoy his summer. Are any other parents feeling this same stress/guilt - and if so, what are you doing to keep your student on track?</p>
<p>I am almost certain he is resistant to the college process because he is in such a good place right now-academically, socially etc. I don’t think he even wants to think about anything but focusing on having a great senior year. This kid who I mentioned earlier went through some major anxiety issues surprised us when he decided he would run for an office in the NHS-he picked President, even his friends told him he had no chance since the “popular” kids had already decided which one of them would have each office and he shouldn’t even run-but somehow they held the elections anyway and my kid WON! Score one for the little guy! I guess that crew still hasn’t figured out how my boy did it-all the other ones got their posts. </p>
<p>This has given him a huge boost and he wants to do a great job-the NHS at his HS does a lot of community service and is very active-and he wants to to make it even better. He is taking his toughest course load this coming year as well. To conclude-he wants to soak up everything his senior year and I think he views the college process as intruding on this. My task is to integrate the college search and decisions into the whole senior year process-and to get him thinking right now that time spent this summer will make his senior year even better.</p>
<p>The short way to say all that is I don’t think he wants to leave home and go to college!</p>
<p>Putturani: Please find some matches and safeties to visit. Your travel time is precious, and we’d all be sad if you have a big crunch decision next year with no ability to see the schools. Feel free to PM me or whomever you choose to ask advice if you don’t want to here. It would help to know where you are visiting and what your favorite aspects of the schools are.</p>
<p>As for the “wants to have a great senior year” and “how do we get them to fit the college stuff into their lives” question, I’ll say this: I want my D to be happy senior year, with reservations. We’ve done senior year once already with D1, and of course been through it ourselves, and I will say - cynically, perhaps - that senior year really is not for being wonderfully happy with where you’re at, and if you are, that’s a bit of a problem. </p>
<p>I’ll explain what I mean: </p>
<p>Some kids are just happy with what they’re doing. Senior year is fun, and then they move on to the next thing they’re doing. If that’s college, they just take their happy attitude with them. </p>
<p>But most adolescents have some kind of less-comfortable process they are going through, defining who they are, figuring out what they want to do and what’s important to them. HS is a progressive process of building skills, developing interests, competence and even mastery, figuring out one’s values and needs, exploring relationships. </p>
<p>When a kid knows that the next step is college, with new people and opportunities, senior year will be a mixture of capping off accomplishments, completing learning tasks - in a word, being “done.” Some of this will feel good, where they get to the “OK, done that” stage and can say goodbye with sincere gratefulness and a sense of accomplishment. Some of this will feel disappointing, where what they thought was going to be so satisfying beforehand falls flat because their heart is no longer so focused on the here-and-now, and HS achievement just isn’t as appealing as it used to be. Some of it might even feel awful, where they just can’t do it any more at all, where they’re gritting their teeth and waiting for it to be over.</p>
<p>I think some kids who can’t wait to be gone sometimes find a little sentimentality about leaving that surprises them - I remember tearful, and sincere, good-byes or even new friendships with people I’d hardly spoken to for years. Some kids who LOVE HS can hit a sudden burnout and be shocked that life won’t always be the same.</p>
<p>Personally I’d like my D to be happy enough, have some friends to do things with, get a few nice pats on the back for the hard work and dedication she’s put in for 4 years, and feel special on graduation day. But I won’t mind at all if she’s champing at the bit all year, if all of the wonderful exciting “senior experiences” aren’t as fun as she’d thought they’d be. Instead, I hope she’s dreaming about college, thinking about who she’s going to be next, doing some new things that maybe have nothing to do with HS, that will be part of that new life.</p>
<p>I’ve always felt that a kid who is too happy in HS can be in for a pretty rude shock in college. I joke with my kids that they’re supposed to be unhappy and frustrated by HS - otherwise it’s not doing its job to make them want to get out of here and get on with their lives. I tell them it would be pretty sad if HS ends up being the highlight of their life, so let some of the disappointment ride.</p>
<p>Again, I know this sounds cynical. But we talk about it honestly, and they have a good sense of humor about it. They’ve decide what to value from these times and what not to. And my college junior for sure now knows that HS is just a short blip in the big picture.</p>
<p>If I had a kid who loved, loved, loved HS, I don’t know what I’d do. Probably I’d take them out of that world as much as possible, get them out of the bubble. My kids spent a lot of time with adults, with people doing all kinds of things. They have a very broad idea of how people live their lives, and they have always been able to see that HS, at its worst and at its best, is a very narrow world. I think that’s why they were very happy to jump into the college search process - it’s where they’d always figured the good stuff was.</p>
<p>Great points EmmyBet and I think that’s one of the eye-opening things about the college visits when the kids start internalizing the idea that next year (!) they will be on a college campus somewhere. You can almost see it in their eye’s, that ah-ha moment with a program or a place. Not that the “ah-ha” college will necessarily be where they end up, but the realization of a different world out there and they need to find a place where they want to be.</p>
<p>Another thing about senior year: my D1 discovered that one of the most important rewards of being a senior was that her focus was more on helping the younger kids to have the good times she had had, because she was grateful to the older kids who had done that for her.</p>
<p>Of course she still served herself and wasn’t Mother Teresa or anything, but she figured if the shine was off the “big fun” for her, she might as well make it happen for the kids below her. She realized once she got there that seniors are making it happen for everyone else, maybe even more than for themselves.</p>
<p>My D2 is seeing this, too. As she anticipates being “on top” this year in many of her activities - music groups, theater, etc. - she’s seeing that these things work for everyone only if the seniors put in the sweat and the time, even if it’s not as fun for them that way. She’s determined to “be the grown-up” in these things. She certainly wasn’t always that mature through HS, but she’s also seen seniors who either go nuts trying to do things “their way” or for their own rewards, or check out (or wing out), leaving the work to kids who don’t know what to do, or who shouldn’t have to take over yet.</p>
<p>It’s going to be hard, but I do think that giving a little, and keeping some perspective, will help get her through. D2 has way more friends than D1 did, and I think she’ll have a bit more fun and be a bit more sad, but she’s already just as anxious to be through and gone.</p>
<p>It’s sad for us, a little, because of course that also means through and gone from us, but that’s OK (see other thread on letting go …). </p>
<p>Thanks, kathie. I hope things go as well for you this time as with your others.</p>
<p>^^^ very eloquent post Emmybet about leaving HS…it’s been one long ride. Is it bad to be happy in HS tho? I mean, HS is probably not the highlight of things but it’s been such good fun but the tension of college is spoiling things a bit.</p>
<p>I’m scared about my college visit process. We’ll be visiting LA, NYC, Boston, Philly, Hartford and Maine over three weeks and I’m so worried for matches (safety will probably be a Canadian school). Would Bryn Mawr, Barnard, CMC and Sarah Lawrence be matches for a kid with a good GPA (IB points in the early forties if that makes any sense to anyone here) and 2250-2300 SATs? Would UMass Amherst be a good safety?</p>
<p>Good points Emmybet.</p>
<p>I agree with you on many things. However, I think it’s great to be happy at any stage in life-and I think it should be treasured. It becomes troublesome if it stands in the way of being able to move on and separate-that I do agree with.</p>
<p>I am a big fan of enjoying the journey. I think society is so focused on the end result that we have lost the ability to “stop and smell the roses”. I think my son will be able to make the transition to college OK in the end-but because he has come so far as a person with his HS experience and is happy there it will be harder-and I am OK with that-because life is hard and full of change and tough decisions. Right now he is avoiding them and I know that and will help him through it to the best of my ability. </p>
<p>I don’t want him to peak in Senior year-I think I have posted in the past that HS was not a shining achievement in my life! I do think though that he has worked very hard to be where he is and he should enjoy every minute of it-if he can’t now when will he? In college? In his career? With his own family? I hope at every one of those places-but I want him to hold on to his ability to live in the moment as well. The future never comes anyway-all we have is the precious present.</p>
<p>I did my college search a few weeks ago at DC. Visited Georgetown (it was okay), GWU (hated it at first but now I am in love with it), and American Uni (beautiful campus!!)</p>