<p>Hi, sunnydayfun! Your screen name is so cheerful.</p>
<p>What you are describing is exactly what is happening to me. I find myself checking on my D’s college website … and then realizing I’ve read all I can read, that there isn’t anything to “do,” and even if there were, it isn’t mine to do. I don’t really WANT to do it - I want her to enjoy the independence and the excitement. Every time she tells me something she’s decided about what she’s going to do, even things she’s thinking about bringing to school, I think, “Yes, this is so right - I’d feel so awful if I were running this for her.” But that doesn’t solve the issue of what TO do. </p>
<p>I’ve sent one child already through 4 years of college, just sent her on her first post-grad internship. I know the to-do list is rightly VERY SMALL (if you are lucky to have a kid who doesn’t develop some kind of big problems). Eventually it becomes a nice thing, just hearing their news, sharing their ups and downs, and seeing them take charge. But right now I realize my “fun” is limited to making a few plane and hotel reservations, paying a few bills, and getting involved in a little shopping for her party and her move-in when the time comes.</p>
<p>My personal feeling about course selection is that parents should stay out of it. D1 almost registered for a course that was a huge mistake: a very poor advisor almost had her, as a future Bio major, take an intro designed for non-majors, which would have been a huge waste of time, inapplicable to her major, etc. But within a few hours she thought it over herself and switched out. I was so glad I kept my mouth shut.</p>
<p>With D2, she is in 2 very specialized programs, and we’ve done a ton of curriculum evaluation already - we had to, for her to make the decision among schools. So I’m trying to let her have her last bit of freedom in what she takes in the one slot she might actually have open this fall. Lots of biting my tongue going on!</p>
<p>I also feel that unless your child is in significant distress - or they have an issue that truly requires monitoring by parents (either something that predates college or develops there - usually involving health or safety) - a parent should not be in contact with anyone at the school, even in a friendly way. A college student who owns their life is really an inspiration. Again, this will be hard for me. My D’s dept has incredibly nice people whom we met on our 2 visits there, and I’m even a little jealous that now they’ll be HER friends, not mine. I might say hi to the dept administrator once in a while - but I realize that if I don’t actually have a question for her (like recently asking her what hotel she suggests for move-in) I’m really wasting her time.</p>
<p>We learn new language with our college students - “Wow, honey, that’s crappy - good luck!” and “I’m sure you’ll feel better tomorrow” and “I guess you’re having fun since we haven’t heard from you for a while.” We’re just not going through life with them in the same way any more. But you get used to it, eventually, and it has its own rewards, in the growth you see in them (and some thing you learn about yourself, too, actually).</p>
<p>I am practicing all of this - very reluctantly and with a significant effort - this summer. Of course I will still “parent,” and I plan to enjoy the time with my younger D. I also will help her make lists and learn how to do some of these very new things. But I know she is ready, and I know she dearly wants to make her own mistakes and to depend on herself as much as possible.</p>
<p>It’s a very hard balance, and we’re all in there with you!</p>
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