<p>I texted her and asked how everything was going. She said great and she already has lots of friends. I feel better now.</p>
<p>^ Really makes you smile all the way to your heart, doesn’t it Classof2015! :)</p>
<p>We all have to help each other not ride the “reaction roller coaster” this year. It is so common for kids to dump bad feelings on Mom/Dad, feel better later but never tell the parents. Mom/Dad are left with hours/days/weeks of worry. I don’t have any magic solution to this, but it really is helpful to keep a mantra of “s/he’s a big kid, and will figure this out.” I know there are exceptions, but most of the time it’s just a passing low mood. </p>
<p>My D1 is very emotionally steady, but we had a few of those. Luckily because I know she’s a tough cookie I easily convinced myself that whatever was bothering her had passed and she had dealt with it. D2 is more likely to feel hopeless and get panicked, and I’m already building a repertoire of soothing responses (for her and for me). I really don’t want to have longterm worry about her - even if things are rough, this is her life now - and I am willing to give up a little bit of closeness to be left out of the loop of drama that may be the status quo for a while.</p>
<p>I have friends whose kids are out of college and still calling with the “mood dump,” and it’s not pretty coming from a 22-25-28-year-old. Someone I know actually left a work meeting because her late twenties D called her with the “emergency” that she couldn’t find her wallet/keys/whatever (which of course she found while talking to Mom). Mom had to go before her supervisor and finally started realizing this habit was a real issue.</p>
<p>Emmybet- good advice re: the reaction roller coaster and mood dumping. I have an adult family member who regularly vents problems to me. I end up worrying about the problem more than the venter who “forgets” to tell me that it was resolved!</p>
<p>Classof2015- yay for a text from your D!</p>
<p>AvonHSDad: making the bed first was a small but great piece of wisdom I learned from this board :)</p>
<p>snoozn: I don’t think it’s a big deal that your D wants to come home once a week. The bottom line is : she is who she is and you live where you live, which happens to be close by. I think it would be more odd if you didn’t allow her to come home until Thanksgiving (no offense, Emmybet) Anyway, your D may start out with weekly home visits and they may taper off as the semester progresses. And since you plan to limit her trips home if you sense that she’s using the home visits as “crutch” not to acclimate to college life- I wouldn’t worry until you have something to worry about ;)</p>
<p>Mommylaw, that was me whose parents said not to come home not Emmybet. </p>
<p>Since I went to school 2000 miles away (the same school where I believe Snoosn’s D is "Go BUFFS* ) they told me I could only come home Xmas break. Flying home several times a year wasn’t an option. None of the out of staters went home so we were all in the same boat. </p>
<p>It’s funny thinking back on it that none of my friends (and I had a lot of friends) in the 4 years I was there were Coloradans. Maybe they were all running home all the time.</p>
<p>Snoozn - My dd won’t be equiped to handle a transition like going to college without some “give” in the system - like weekends home if needed. (we went through 4 preschools before she would stop screaming bloody murder everytime I left - she is not good with change and not good with separations) She has always been introverted and maybe you’d say anti-social (in her own way she is social, she just keeps to her small circle of friends) and college will be one huge stress that will take time and patience for her to conquer. It is great that your dd is self-assured, social with her roommate, has the support of bf and you all near. I don’t think someone who is putting herself out there with free-belly dancing lessons is likely to hide away in her room not committing to the experience!! It will just take time for her to find her people and then, I suspect, laundry can get done at school.</p>
<p>Yes, this is such a personal thing. D1 considered UW-Madison and she was definitely planning to pretend she was 1000 miles away, and not see us until Thanksgiving. I even promised her I wouldn’t walk around the Union if she were there, so she wouldn’t have to see me. She didn’t go there after all, and I was relieved because I LIKE walking around the Union!</p>
<p>I went to school 1000 miles from home and was given transportation only 3X a year - fall/spring, winter break, and spring break. I told my kids this, too, although the way things have turned out there have been a couple of good reasons to bring them home at Thanksgiving. This year with both girls on the east coast I’d like them to spend it with my folks in MA; I might even join them. It will vary from year to year. It also helps that these days there are flights with credit card points and other freebies. </p>
<p>D1’s education was costly, and we kept things pretty minimal with her. D2’s finances are very different, and she might want to come home a bit more as part of the trade-off. I know we’ll visit her a bit more often (also because of not having more kids at home).</p>
<p>I remember a couple of really wonderful Thanksgivings cooked in the dorm with the OOS kids. And Passover, although we sure did find out that families all do things VERY differently!</p>
<p>Emmybet - we did Passover too and one year one of my housemates made us get up at least 4 times and wash our hands. Never did that before! We also served beer - which defeated the whole purpose of washing the hands and pretty much everything else. </p>
<p>I didn’t even come home for spring break - though I could have. Everyone went to Mexico for the week and except for my freshman year winter break I went to our house in Florida.</p>
<p>I think I have been riding the reaction roller coaster for the last few weeks - thanks for putting a label on it. Having D gone to pre-orientation, even though we have to deliver her stuff on Friday (Pre-hurricane, we hope!) has helped me separate her anxieties from mine. I’m hoping that will help ME with her absence. Time to focus on my own next steps without the easy distraction of what D needs.
When I went to school 500 miles from home, my parents drove me out in freshman fall, picked me up after graduation, and gave me $100/yr for other transport. I think I went home for Christmas 3 years out of 4, and not much else. Hoping D comes home more! But it’s a different time, and also a VERY different family dynamic.</p>
<p>Yes … my parents were newly divorced when I went to college … I was the youngest … I met H my first year, and his family was near my school, so easy to go there for holidays, etc.</p>
<p>My Ds have had the same old house to come home to (and their pets!) plus also BFs who are back here. There’s a lot more pull.</p>
<p>D called me last night while I am on a business trip to Dallas. She was happy that she made the field hockey team, but is now wondering if she even wants to be on the team. She had met the coach many times before, as well as many of the upperclassmen on the team. 4 of the freshmen are on her floor. They all seem very nice. She is a goalie, and she knew going into the whole thing that she would most likely not play much this year, but she wanted to be on the team. When she was in HS, she was one of those kids that did about 1000 activities, and was a leader in all of them. She knows that as an engineering major, she can’t do many things, but still wants to be active. </p>
<p>She has several concerns. One is that all of the fh girls belong to a sorority, which is something that she really has no interest in doing. The other issue is that she isn;t sure if she wants to devote so much time (2 hours a day,plus games) to one activity, or to split her time among a few different activities.</p>
<p>She specifically looked for a college that had a division 3 fh hockey team that would allow her to study engineering. I believe that she would have picked the same school, even without the fh ‘requirement’.</p>
<p>She is concerned that if she quits the team, she will disappoint H, which she will, but it is her life, and he can get over it. She is also worried about disappointing the team, since she is the only back up goalie.</p>
<p>My advice to her was to wait it out for at least a full week of classes to see if she can handle it. She spoke to the chorus people today, and they said that she can join after the season is over.</p>
<p>Does anyone else have any advice? I can tell it is making her a bundle of nerves.</p>
<p>I cannot believe Irene is following us all the way to Boston. We walked around Yale this morning (beautiful buildings) and arrived at Olin this afternoon. We move DS in Saturday hopefully before or between the raindrops. Fortunately ponchos were put in trunk before we left. Two points for mom!</p>
<p>Safe travels to all those driving or flying in the next few days. Take it easy. It will all work out fine.</p>
<p>Gsmomma - if possible, I would hold off making an irreversible decision for as long as realistically possible. Although it is important to consider others’ feelings, I think your dd should make the decision that she feels is right for her. Just one mom’s opinion.</p>
<p>Gsmomma- I agree with Flmathmom and would add, in my opinion, that she should go with what feels best ESP if the whole sorority thing makes her uneasy.</p>
<p>We’re on the second page - unacceptable!</p>
<p>Gsmomma, I agree with FLMM and momofzach. Your daughter should give it a little more time before she decides, and then she should do what’s best for her. College sports are much more intense than HS sports, and I’ve seen many kids decide not to play after a season.</p>
<p>FLMM, I’m jealous that you got to Boston before the Hurricane. I’m starting to have nightmares about whether we’ll be able to drive up on Monday.</p>
<p>Gsmomma I also agree she should try and give it a shot-have classes started yet? </p>
<p>momjr I am stressed about move in Sunday because of the weather and we only live a little over an hour away. I hope this goes out to sea!</p>
<p>Praying for the the hurricane to return to sea so that everyone can safely drive to destination!</p>
<p>**The next new student move-in is Willamette on August 25th - today!
Move-in day is TODAY! Where did the summer go? :eek:
[ul][<em>]Georgetown University, Champlain College, Elon University, Yale University, and SUNY Potsdam move-ins on August 26th are just 1 days to go.
[</em>]Franklin W. Olin College of Engineering, California Lutheran University, Sarah Lawrence College, Tulane University, Lebanon Valley College, and Loyola University of Maryland move-ins on August 27th are just 2 days to go.
[<em>]University of Pennsylvania (Wharton - Penn Quest program), MYU (Stern- BPE), Adelphi University, RIT Honors, and Northeastern University move-ins on August 28th are just 3 days to go.
[</em>]Trinity College, Boston University (FYSOP), and Columbia University move-ins on August 29th are just 4 days to go.
[<em>]Tufts and Williams College move-ins on August 31st are just 6 days to go.
[</em>]University of Pennsylvania and Hampshire College move-ins on September 1st are just 1 week to go.[/ul]</p>
<p>The last new student move-ins are the University of Oregon and the University of Southern Oregon on September 22nd
Move-in day in 29 days. Less than a month to go for the final move-in.</p>
<p>The link to the Move-in Date Thread is <a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/1141579-hs-class-2011-college-class-2015-move-dates-5.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/1141579-hs-class-2011-college-class-2015-move-dates-5.html</a></p>
<p>If you son’s or daughter’s move-in dates and schools are not listed please add them to the list.**</p>
<p>We leave for the long drive to Chicago tomorrow. May I just say that I am losing my mind? I have client who wants me to finish more work today than is humanly possible, younger D cheers at her first game of the season and she’s so ignored lately I hate to miss it and to top it all off, I found out that I have to be the one to pick up the mini-van we’re renting for the trip.</p>
<p>Y’all are stronger than I am because if I had a hurricane to deal with, I’d have to be medicated.</p>
<p>Who says we aren’t medicated? :D</p>