<p>holliesue, I had written a long post, and then my computer closed out. Suffice to say that this too shall pass. Think back to when we were young…mistakes were made and we made it through. Your D will make it through, too.</p>
<p>I have a different “hacking” system - D1 told me a couple of other things that D2 has told her and not told me (mostly worries and complaints). Maybe it’s good that they talk to each other as peers, but I’m guessing that 1) D1 will tire of being the sounding board for too much negativity and 2) my communication with D2 will become very bland if she thinks she only should tell me good news. I’m going to talk to D1 about it and see if we can even things out a bit.</p>
<p>Well, folks, this does show how much we all still can get from this group relationship. I’m very grateful for the company. Really this all is very normal, as we clearly remember from our own years, and from the older kids some of us have. But it’s hard, nonetheless.</p>
<p>When DS started high school he was assigned a password for his school account, one that I saw in the midst of freshman paperwork. I got into the terrible habit of logging into his account and checking up - read notes from teachers, found out about upcoming assignments, etc and would then craft some way of dropping in a question which did not reveal my source but got me to my answer. For some reason, kiddo did not change his password throughout his four years and my addiction to checking up on him continued. It was NOT healthy for me or for our relationship.<br>
I made very sure not to discover his password/login info for his college and I must say that not knowing the ins/outs and ups/downs is a huge relief. I know he will never tell me 99% of what’s going on, but it’s better that way - for us both.</p>
<p>Drop-off was very smooth for us. We drove to the dorm at 7 AM for a 7:30 start time and started to carry boxes in. Her roommate was there also. We were in and set up by 10 or so. I handled IT (wireless router, connected printer, talking with IT folks who were having trouble as every Mac was directed to a PC only download site). ShawWife handled aesthetics, along with ShawD. The roommate seemed lovely (they seem to be getting along very well) and ShawD says they are bonding well with all the girls on her halls. The father seems very nice as well. </p>
<p>ShawWife was expecting to be upset and teary. She was pleased to see things going so well and had nary a tear. It feels to her (and me) as if ShawD is in a good place. Well, we hope that good things will continue. Both kids were delighted to discover that the other was also ADHD; they will head over to the Learning Center and Disabilities Offices together during orientation week. So far so good. The only thing off was a misplaced prescription drug – not clear if it was left in the hotel or at home.</p>
<p>Holliesue - I totally understand where you are coming from. It has been hard for me to let go and not be a part of Ds everyday life. I still want to know what she does everyday. She doesn’t post much on fb anymore as she is more into twitter and I am not a twitter person so I only know what she tells me. If I were in your shoes, I probably would have hacked as well but now to deal with the knowledge that you obtained is a bit tricky. I don’t have any words of wisdom other than just keep the lines of communcation open and let her know that you are there if she ever wants to talk about. Hopefully this is just a phase and as she gets to know more people, she will get tired of this group.</p>
<p>I wish each of you dealing with difficult issues the strength and patience to handle them appropriately. Each of us invested 18 years of wisdom, morals and guidance in our children. Hopefully they will make good decisions and learn from decisions that turn out to be not so wise.</p>
<p>holliesue- I wouldn’t worry too much about her trying pot and frankly I’d be surprised if that did not happen. I think that is a very normal thing for a teenager to try once in college (if she had not already tried it in highschool). Just trying pot or smoking it occasionally is not going to make her a “pothead.” I would keep encouraging your D to get involved in clubs, sports, theater etc. so she will be too busy (hopefully) to get into too much trouble!</p>
<p>Holliesue- I have to agree with pamom that experimenting with pot and alcohol is normal for kids this age, especially at college. Although we might prefer our kids to not experiment I don’t think there is much we can do to control it. You raised a smart, thoughtful young women, I am sure she will come out on the right side of things. I was very fearful that my S would take it to excess and be partying every night. But, from what I can tell, my fears were unfounded. I am sure he has had a beer or two at school, but I don’t think he is drinking a lot or often. Of course, he could be doing a good job of hiding his partying from me, but I don’t think so. I recently unfriended one on my S’s friends on FB because I did not like to read about what was going on at her school and with her other friends at home. I think a lot of what was written was hype, but I am better off being in the dark as far as she is concerned. </p>
<p>S seems to be doing OK. I think he is a little bored. He is involved in several activities and has made friends, but still has a lot of free time. I just hope he is putting the right amount of attention and care into his academics. He did laundry over the weekend. He has been responsible for his own laundry at home since April, so I am sure it came out OK.</p>
<p>This isn’t really related to our dear children in the Class of 2015, but…</p>
<p>Today is our older son and daughter-in-law’s second anniversary. I am so proud of them for taking responsibility for their actions in the summer of 2009 by getting married, finding jobs, living on their own, starting a business, staying true to their faith, and raising a happy, smart, adorable son. I’ll admit I still have days when I cry about the detour we’ve all been through, like last week when I finally scraped off the decal of the college DS1 attended for one year from my car. Their high school friends are now seniors in college and it’s so easy to play “what if.” But that is fruitless. They are finding their own way through the challenges of life more successfully than we could have imagined.</p>
<p>Friends, dream big for your children, but love them unconditionally, especially when your dreams seem to have shattered.</p>
<p>OWM- congrats on you S’s and DIL’s anniversary. I am so impressed at how well they have handled everything. When is #2 due?</p>
<p>OWM: Wise words, as usual!</p>
<p>OWM: Congrats to your son and DIL on their anniversary. Their story is very inspiring. I know it’s not what you had hoped for your son, but you should be very proud of how he has handled advdersity. It sounds like they are on the road to the things you really wanted for him - a loving family and satisfying work. I’m sure that the support that you and your H offered had a lot to do with this outcome. Thanks for reminding us that things can work out even when the plan gets derailed.</p>
<p>I do wonder about who S1 is making friends with, what they are doing, etc… but I also respect that this needs to be a time of independence and growth for him. We trust that we raised him with good morals and the right priorities. We really only need to hope that he consistently exercises good judgment, but is man enough to be accountable for his actions (or inactions). </p>
<p>It’s so difficult to cut those apron strings, and it is killing me NOT to call and text him, or buy his books for him and load money on his student ID account so he can do laundry. He needs to be able to autonomously manage his day-to-day agenda. So for now… we wait on the sidelines, ready to support him, should he ask for guidance. It has not been an easy assignment for this Mom…but in my heart, I know it’s the best thing for my boy.</p>
<p>**The next new student move-in is Northwestern University move-in on September 12th - Just 6 days to go!
Move-in day is in 6 days!<br>
Labor Day is past. Hurricane season is in full bloom. Where has the summer gone? :eek:</p>
<p>[ul][<em>]Dartmouth College move-in on September 14th is just 8 days to go.
[</em>]University of Chicago move-in on September 18th is just 12 days to go.
[<em>]Stanford University move-in on September 20th is just 14 days to go.
[</em>]The last new student move-ins are the University of Oregon and the University of Southern Oregon on September 22nd which is 16 days to go. </p>
<p>The LAST Move-in day is in 16 days. Just over 2 weeks to go. The launching season is nearly complete.[/ul]</p>
<p>The link to the Move-in Date Thread is <a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/1141579-hs-class-2011-college-class-2015-move-dates-5.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/1141579-hs-class-2011-college-class-2015-move-dates-5.html</a></p>
<p>If you son’s or daughter’s move-in dates and schools are not listed please add them to the list.**</p>
<p>During one of the parent breakout sessions on D’s move-in day, parents were asked what their biggest fears were regarding their child’s college experience. One of the first parents to respond said he was concerned about 18 years of work being blown up in 4. There was some nervous laughter, together with some murmurs of agreement. The administration’s basic response was that we, as parents, have laid the groundwork for our children making the good choices we hope they make. There may be some bumps along the way, but if the foundation is strong - as it in all likelihood is - our children will not deviate to far or too long from the right path. Something to keep in mind as we start facing those bumps.</p>
<p>OWM - Congrats to your ds!! And you for being able to weather these bumps without losing the relationships!!</p>
<p>About FB: I totally understand the not wanting to see some kids’ posts. It can get depressing and offensive. One thing people might not know is that you can block someone’s feed. It’s not all that embarrassing or strange to “un-friend” a young person you’re not related to (you can just say “We don’t have as much contact now that you’re in college, so let’s just call or see each other once in a while instead”). However, I have a niece whose posts are so disgusting - all about drinking, drugs, general nastiness - whom I can’t justify un-friending. I am much happier now that I have blocked her (which she doesn’t know) and never get her posts in my feed. I message her sometimes, and peace is maintained.</p>
<p>Here’s my real dilemma, though. I can’t hack either D’s FB, only can read their wall, which is usually very innocuous and where we all commonly talk to each other. I’d say I’m only likely to get “cute” info about her from that. The problem is FB chat. It seems half the time I go on FB, D is there - especially this weekend, because it was kind of dull for her at school, but also because she has it on her phone, checks it all the time, and always keeps it open whenever she’s doing anything on the computer. I don’t want her to be afraid I’ll start a chat conversation every time I see she’s on, and I don’t want her signing off just because “mom’s there” - but I also don’t want her to think I feel we should limit our chatting, just in case it’s something she really enjoys. I guess we’ll just have to talk about it. It’s just very new. D1 and I have had a pretty good understanding about these things as time has gone on, but these kind of technologies weren’t there when she started college. We had barely conquered texting each other 4 years ago!</p>
<p>FB chatting-My boys don’t keep their chatting on all the time when they are on FB. They said it can become annoying when they don’t particularly want to chat. I think they turn it on only as needed. I have my FB chatting off all the time because I only like to read friends posts and don’t care who is on and who is not on FB when I log in.</p>
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<p>Congrats to your Son and his family! I can so relate about the decal, etc. Last year when Son was at community college and his peers were sophomores, that was easy to take. This year when he is at community college and his peer are now juniors…not so easy.</p>
<p>Who was it who clued me in on buying a nerf gun? Thanks! I received a text yesterday asking where the extra nerf bullets were.</p>
<p>Tomorrow is the first day of “real” classes. (Last week was the freshman immersion course.) Today is a campus wide community service day. D is gardening. LOL, I hope someone sends pictures!</p>
<p>More successful launches. Congrats. I cannot imagine being one of the last (D’s good friend is UChicago and is dying to move on already!).
D made the a cappella group for which she auditioned. She seems thrilled. She gave up singing in HS to focus on her sport (which was 20 - 25 hours a week all year) and really missed it. I am hoping the club level sport and this group will be the right balance for her.<br>
D is communicating less than I’d like. An occassional text and two brief phone calls in three weeks. She seems happy and I am hoping that the 17 years of foundation will provide the stability and common sense required to avoid any major missteps. I was a good kid in HS (no drinking, drugs, or sex) but did test a few things out in college. Nothing crazy, but more than my parents would have cared to know. No FB access for me.<br>
It is very ODD that D is not part of our everyday life now. I’m going with “no news is good news.” I’ll send the local godparents for the occassional face time. I know that D went to Hillel with a friend last week. We are not Jewish, but many of our friends are and she was often invited to Friday dinners with them. I heard about this only because D told local friend who told her mom who told me. LOL.<br>
Hugs to all worrying about their kids (we all get it) and congrats to OWM’s ds! </p>
<p>Little bro started HS today. Now it’s all about him!</p>