<p>Back from our visit with D for family weekend. We had a great time with D (and without her when we were by ourselves.) Got into town in time for the Parent’s council open forum which was very interesting. D had classes until 5, so we killed sometime in the student union and then met her. It was great to see her, she looks so happy and relaxed. Went to dinner and then to a comedian performance. That ended at ten and d gave us a clear signal she wanted to see friends. So H and I went to a lovely martini bar where we proceeded to meet some wonderful young alumni and current senior students. Had a great conversation with them!
The next day h and I went to a parents breakfast and then to a wonderful talk by the college president. We then met D had lunch with her and spent the afternoon going on hikes to all her favorite spots! Boy I am impressed with the amount of walking she does on a daily basis to get to these places. Later we took a drive to a nearby city for dinner and a movie. Dropped her off, said our good byes and left early this morning for home.
It was reassuring to see how well she has adjusted to life at college. WE got to meet some of her friends (including briefly the young man she has been spending lots of time with). She seems to be doing pretty well academically, (except for French!), but likes all her classes and professors. We were once again so impressed by her college. We love how welcoming and friendly and helpful everyone is there!
D realized that she has only used her car one time in 7 weeks, so we brought it home with us and will have to go get her for breaks now (which is fine, honestly I’d rather drive to get her than think about her driving over 4 hours in bad weather) Won’t see her again until Thanksgiving!</p>
<p>blue, the whole financial/money/banking thing is proving to be a big leap for my D1, too. There have been forgotten PINs, delayed forms resulting in a frozen account–it’ll all get worked out, but not much fun and certainly harder to deal with when she’s the only authorized account holder. </p>
<p>Another issue is personal security when returning to campus late. D1 went to an off-campus concert with a friend from another school. That meant that she was heading back to campus in the late evening, by herself. She texted us to ask if it would be safe to take the subway at that time. Well, heck if I know! I told her to check and see what time the system shut down, and to be aware if the station would be deserted or not. I also told her to take a taxi if she felt that she wasn’t in a safe situation. She ended up taking a taxi. </p>
<p>Now, she might have been perfectly safe–it might have just been nervousness because she’s not had much experience with coming back later, by herself, to campus. She should really talk to her RA and/or other upperclass students to find out more about what’s safe and what’s not. And she should also sign up for a self-defense course.</p>
<p>Sorry blueiguane for the sad/mad times with kids. And bajamm I admire your restraint. I would not have it in me.</p>
<p>D goes back to school today and it has been relatively great. Only one eyerolling worthy exchange over leaving her room as clean as she found it. (Have already cleaned it twice since she left and do not want to have to do it a third time.) She didn’t get as much written on the paper as I would have liked, but is not stressed and sure she can get it done so I am not caring. It is so nice to see her not overwhelmed and stressed. She is so much better company when she is handling the demands on her. We went shopping yesterday and she got lots of stuff which hadn’t really been in the budget. But she and I realized that she hadn’t planned quite right when she purchased clothes in the summer for college (not enough sweaters/long sleeved shirts that can be layered). I figure this was her first experience of planning her purchases/wardrobe within a set budget so if she didn’t assess her needs exactly right it is understandable. So this time we stepped in and helped out. </p>
<p>Shawbridge we will be able to test your theory in two weeks. D said her friend from TX will not have people there at family weekend and she was thinking about inviting her with us out to dinner. We will see if we pass inspection, or D bails on having a friend meet us.</p>
<p>Happy Sunday to all!</p>
<p>I texted D today to ask if she had remembered to turn in an administrative paper that needed in on Friday, then I asked her how things were otherwise. At that point she told me she has blisters on her hand from rowing. So, I guess it’s nothing major and something the more experienced rowers can help her with.</p>
<p>Right 2 education.
I think it is about courtesy…and thank yous/being gracious and appreciative that someone took time to meet with them.</p>
<p>On the PM thing–I can say that when someone is Asking for help from me–I may or may no respond based on whether I have time, if it is off base/ a “cold call” or if it crosses a boundary of privacey, it may get no reply at all. </p>
<p>Sort of like a voice mail message left…</p>
<p>I am not obligated to respond to sales/cold calls…</p>
<p>So I was supposed to meet a friend of mine this morning for our walk, she never showed up and I texted her and got no response. She is a good family friend and was my S2’s den leader for many years. Her and my boys grew up together. In the last two years or so she has been struggling with her oldest son (17 years old) for drug problems. He was released from Rehab 3-4 months ago after a lengthy stay, got a job at B&N and was doing better. My S2 just told me that the boy posted on FB and said that he is going back to Rehab. I feel so bad and sad for my dear friend and her family. She and her husband tried SO hard. I remember there was a CC thread about a mother and her drug-seeking daughter and does anyone know if there were any other threads sharing family problems like this?</p>
<p>Shawbridge-I am hoping S1 will invite his roommate and/or friends to come to lunch or dinner with us during parents weekend. I doubt he will. :(</p>
<p>Sunnyday~So sorry about your friend’s son. Difficult situation. There were several threads on the subject. You will find them on search.</p>
<p>Hollie~So happy you had a great visit with your D. :)</p>
<p>Kinder~So glad your visit went well.
Planning a wardrobe for college is not easy. About this time last year S1 went to the local men’s store to buy a suit 
We added a couple of things over the Christmas break.</p>
<p>Shaw~Yes we have taken guests for dinner when visiting our Sons.We usually try to do one dinner with friends, one with Family only. </p>
<p>Amanda~Sorry about your feeling blue, sending HUGS. Tomorrow, will be a new day!</p>
<p>Fog~I obviously disagree with you. Comparing a PM to a cold call is not my idea of CC. But whatever rocks your boat is fine.</p>
<p>Blue~So sorry about the check. Lets face it, the annoyance of dealing with it will probably be a valuable lesson.Way to keep your cool 
</p>
<p>Enjoy the rest of your Sunday!</p>
<p>sunnyday-so sorry for your friend. My nephew is a drug addict and I see how it has effected my sister and niece. At least he is willing to go back into rehab…my nephew refuses to ! Good luck to them…</p>
<p>2education…
</p>
<p>I get PMs from CCers who have almost NO posting history…and want advice in a few specific areas…which I can offer very real advice in admissions etc…
and yet Not knowing who they are and anything about them…makes it not worth opening up to an “unknown”</p>
<p>They are intrusive, clandestine and not worth my time. </p>
<p>If a PM is from a regular poster or someone with some real history…that they are legit, thats different. Thats what I mean about not responding to PMs…
Lets face it–these are all screen names and there is no way to really know people if they choose to be sketchy. </p>
<p>I can choose who to let into my life, whether its on FB or CC
…just being on a website/portal does not mean I have to “answer the phone/open the door” to everyone.</p>
<p>I can’t figure out where the dispute about answering PMs has come from. I have to say that I have answered a lot of people’s PMs but they all did seem sincere, even if they don’t post in public much. I can understand wanting to maintain some level of privacy when talking about our kids. (This is why I have not participated in the flickr group – I prefer to keep this identity anonymous since I have given out so much detailed information about my kids under this id.) If something struck me the wrong way I’d probably answer briefly and try to provide pointers or tell the person to search the forums or something. I don’t think I’d ignore one, but then I don’t think I’ve ever been PM’d by someone sketchy.</p>
<p>Thanks to AvonHSDad for starting the Thanksgiving countdown! That will be our first time seeing DS since we dropped him off in late August. Must say missing him has become more intense - I think partly b/c was used to him being away for a few weeks but just not so many.
He has a mid-semester week -long break coming up but has elected to stay at school with his friends. We are not going to Parents Weekend b/c it’s very close to Thanksgiving and the schedule is very similar to orientation except we can visit classes - and DS refuses to allow us. Mostly, we are 2,000 miles away and just can’t do it.</p>
<p>Have to admit to being annoyed/angry with DS as well - and find that hard when we’re so far away. He did not call or contact his dad for his b’day last week despite a reminder from me. He also failed to let us know that his meds arrived safely despite several specific requests to do so since they must be refrigerated and this is the first time getting them to him this way. We finally tracked them via the shipper. I know he’s being Mr. Independent, but there is a line between independence and being rude, and I think he’s crossing that line. Aargh! But he’s happy so we’ll be glad for that. Guess this just continues to be a hard adjustment period.</p>
<p>Fog~I will answer questions to any newcomer for the sake of helping them. This is what I believe CC is about! Imagine if we have had to reach 1000 posts to have our questions answer on CC. You never have to give your specifics just a truthful answer to help someone. We are all here to support, and help each other remember!</p>
<p>Cocktail time :)</p>
<p>Seeing the thread on whether or not to graduate college in two years reminds me of an issue we sort of have on the back burner.</p>
<p>My D had enough AP credits and dual enrolled credits through the local community college that she could have attended most any in state college and started at either a very late 2nd semester sophmore or as a junior. Either way, it would have been easy enough for her to graduate in two years. Her dual enrolled credits did not transfer to Tulane, where she chose to go, but her AP scores did get her credit there.</p>
<p>My family does not understand why she would choose to go so far away (14-16 hours by car) and give up so many credits. My D’s view point is why do I need to grow up and start working two years early? My view point (as a community college transfer to my 4 year school myself) is why can’t she go to the same school for 4 years and work on those relationships with professors and peers? I still miss not having 4 years of college with my college peers, though I understand the finances of it and why I had to do it.</p>
<p>I am annoyed and frustrated that my mom, especially, but also one of my sisters can’t understand. It is not always about money and seeing who can get done the fastest. It is about making the choice that is right for the person, and this is what my D wanted to do. And, as long as she maintains her GPA and keeps her merit scholarship, I can support her in it. </p>
<p>GRR. Ok, just needed to get that off my chest. Thanks for letting me vent.</p>
<p>Bajamm - I totally understand. Your daughter worked hard so she would have OPTIONS! Her options include (but are not limited to) graduating early, seeking double majors, minors, taking part in travel abroad that might not have been possible, taking fewer credits each semester, taking part in undergrad research, getting more involved in clubs/campus activities/working, taking graduate classes that she qualifies for in her major to enhance her resume, possibly earning her masters in that four years, and on-and on-and on!!! There is no one singular right answer for this, only the answer your daughter makes for herself. It is a gift that you understand this and are allowing her the space and time to make this decision on her own. Continue as you have and keep others comments and arms length. As long as you aren’t asking them for money it’s really none of their business. Sure they have a right to say something (as annoying as it is), but their opinion has no consequence. I’m sorry they are unsupportive…it is draining to ignore. Hugs to you.</p>
<p>Thanks again AvonHSDad for keeping the count. Love the autumn colors which make me think nostalgically about pre-school days and S2 making turkeys by outlining his little hand (sniff) with a brown crayon and then coloring it in (sorta?) with fall colors, adding a beak and waddle (?) and giving it to mom. Pass the Kleenex!</p>
<p>Emilybee–your visit sounds wonderful, but what? No skinnydipping? Ah, not cold enough!</p>
<p>amanda–I feel your (he slept through it!!) pain. My S1, the dear wonderful guy, had a freshman course final (yes–final, as in only 2 tests in the class!) at ten and when his darling gf texted him to wish him good luck at 9:50, that little phone beep woke him where all the alarms he’d previously set (allegedly) had not. OMG!!! He made it to the final (late, I’m certain) and did extremely well (I hate to report that, since what did he learn??) but it did accomplish two things. 1) I am extremely nervous that any/all of my sons will oversleep and miss their lives, and 2) somehow, the adrenaline of that one text beep has changed S1 forever (or at least for the past 3 years) as he has not (well, to my knowledge) missed or overslept anything else ever again. But I’m still a wreck and to this day, while I understand why S1 and dear sweet ex-gf split, I will thank that girl and miss her texting ways. Anyway, sorry you had a rough week.</p>
<p>S2 was on the stage crew for a big production at his school and we had tickets to attend, but d’oh, I pulled a muscle and am hobbling around with a cane and just was in too much pain to walk all over campus and be sure I wouldn’t make things worse. 
I was so bummed! But S1 and DH went and said the show was fabulous and S2 was on stage almost as much as the actors since the set had been designed to move during the scenes and the actors interacted with the set-movers(S2)! Anyway, it has been a lot of work and time (they rehearsed over 40 hours in the past week, including 2 12-hour weekends!) and S2 is scrambling to keep up in other classes. The thing that seems to have totally been left aside is any time with those new friends he’s made. !! I really really hope they are around when he pops back into availability. But the best part was his comment to me that even though he is complaining a bit about been so so so busy, he realizes that every paper, every reading assignment, every project has been…fun. I just about died and went to heaven at that. So what could be better? (Well, my hip, but then I shouldn’t complain).</p>
<p>I’m icing it.</p>
<p>bjamm–I hear your frustration at the family. Some people believe going to college is mostly about getting the piece of paper. We believe it’s about the education and that is not to be rushed. 4 years of learning from first rate professors, getting inspired to follow a new route, relationships, mentors, research, bonding with people who may very well be the ones to help you when you need a job–these opportunities are only available to our kids for a short window of time and they get <em>half</em> those chances if they attend for half the time. If $$ is not an obstacle (and merit $$ can be so helpful here), then why would someone want to rush through that time? OTOH, perhaps your mom (and sister) are defensive because of the way you were raised (asked to go to CC for 2 years, etc) and in hearing you defend your D’s attending a private university for 4 years also hear implied criticism of their way? Just a thought so you can communicate your values without getting attacked in return!</p>
<p>D came home for a short 1 night visit last night. She was able to take shower (twice) without flip flops and to sleep in her own bed. She seems to be doing well. </p>
<p>She did tell us about a friend who is having the most horrible time with her (former) roommate. The whole situations seems just terrible. Parents, police, and restraining orders are involved. She said that the friend was ready to move home, but her friends convinced her to stay, since she has formed a good network of friends at school. I hope that it all works itself out.</p>
<p>Amanda - I’m so sorry for the frustration with your son. I wish I had an answer. I would have steam blowing from my ears. It wouldn’t do any good, but I’d be so frustrated. The good thing is your son always seems to find a way to work things out. Right now I guess I would just have to believe in that ability. Sending more hugs your way tonight…</p>
<p>AmandaK: Sending warm thoughts your way for a better day tomorrow in the “land of teens”. It can be such a tough stage. I never felt my kids went through the terrible twos, but have found the teen years trying at times. Sometimes it’s the attitude, the tone of voice, the idea that I have made it this far in life and know NOTHING! Sigh. Again, hoping for a good day tomorrow with ALL your teens – the ones under your roof and the one not!</p>
<p>madbean: Hoping you’re doing better soon! So sorry to hear that you missed seeing the production. I love that your son feels that every paper, reading, etc. has been fun. I don’t get the same sense from my son. He’s a bit grumpy about multivariable calc right now, but is loving his science classes, so it’s not all bad. I don’t think he’s said any of his classes are …fun. That is music to a mom’s ears!</p>
<p>emilybee: So glad you had a great visit with your son!</p>
<p>BI: You showed such restraint! I’d like to think that I could…maybe…maybe not. </p>
<p>S2 is coming home next weekend for his fall break. He is responsible for finding his way to the airport. The school provides a shuttle service, but the shuttle times don’t work with his flight, so he will have to arrange for a cab or use another local shuttle service. I’ve reminded him twice to take care of this and not leave it until the last minute. My lips are now firmly clamped shut. I do hope he gets to the airport as I don’t want to waste the $$ that we spent on the tickets. I will not remind him again…I will not remind him again. But I will take the $$ out of his account if he misses the flight and I will be sad for him (and for me!). Not mad.</p>
<p>Thanks for the responsed, BI and Madbean. You both said exactly what I needed to hear!</p>
<p>So, H was on the bank web site, paying bills and then transfering funds to D’s debit card account. He looked at her usage for the last month. There was a withdrawl for XXX’x Tattoo and Body Piercing!!! I felt light headed. I texted D “So are you pierced or tatooed?” Turns out it was just a cartilege, she hadn’t told us because she wanted to surprise us. Not thrilled with that, but it beats anything else she could have had done at a tattoo and body piercing place!</p>