<p>When we lived a few states over, yes. Now no. For Thanksgiving you should have leftovers for one meal, order a sub tray or deli fixings for another meal, make lasagna ahead and freeze for and easy meal, and order Chinese or pizza for another. Do as much ahead as possible. Even though Shaw-wife is an excellent cook she should make this as simple as possible.</p>
<p>I ask for help where I can easily put someone to work and am rarely refused…with dishes with young adults I put someone on wash, dry, while I put things away. I pull out salad makings and put someone in charge, etc. Perhaps when setting the table I’ll pull out dishes and utensils and ask someone to do it, or ask to have someone take drink orders and fill, put ice in glasses etc. I did learn these things from my MIL…to delegate things that don’t need you. People who are not familiar with your home may not offer help but usually will not refuse if you offer a specific task. You don’t need to know the house well to wipe down countertops, sometimes you just have to be handed the supplies. Good luck!!! :)</p>
<p>shawbridge, ask your relatives if they’d be OK with using your regular dishes and utensils. Since they’ve previously eaten food prepared in your kitchen, they’re already OK with your regular cooking pots and pans. </p>
<p>When we host and need help, we give an advance heads-up to the family slackers that we will need their help with specific tasks. The only reason it works is because they’re in the minority. The worst slacker used to plead off in order to “take care” of their young children, which meant lounging on the couch watching them play. :rolleyes: That excuse no longer plays–their youngest is 10, and other family members with infants and toddlers somehow manage to help in the kitchen.</p>
<p>Also, we don’t allow the slackers to be houseguests. :D</p>
<p>Shaw - I have a cleaning crew come after the holiday so I am not spending days washing floors and bathrooms. </p>
<p>I always break up everything into small tasks and I specifically ask people to do them – I am also very prepared. I will set the table the weekend before and make most of the sides the day before (at least all of the prep)… I ask everyone to bring a dessert. I will say please bring an apple dessert or bring a pumpkin dessert, etc. That way I don’t end up with 5 apple pies. The day of, I will say Joe, could you please open these three bottles of wine, Sue, could you please make sure everyone has ice and water in their water glass, and I ask all kids to work together to clear the table while I put on the coffee. When they all chip in, it only takes a few minutes. People can see that the host/hostess are working hard and they will usually chip in when asked. And I don’t stress about everything being perfect. The goal of the day is to be together, be thankful we have each other (even though it is hard sometimes) and oh by the way enjoy a nice meal.</p>
<p>As our parents (really the Mom’s) age, my SIL’s and I end up doing just about everything and we’ll recruit our kids to help out. The only thing I tend to do totally on my own is putting things away afterwards. Truly, there is no reason that anyone over 10 and under 65 can’t help out, even if it’s just filling water glasses and carrying food to the table. My SIL and I will bring a side dish and a dessert to each others Thanksgiving meal.</p>
<p>My warmest thoughts to all dealing with ill parents. </p>
<p>One benefit of always doing the holidays with H’s family is that they are all “doers” and they don’t stand on any formality. Also, H is a great cook and makes everything that is our responsibility to provide (actually many of the men in his family do their fair share of cooking). He even picks up the beer/wine, since I have no clue about things like that. There is one special dessert that has traditionally been passed down to DILs in his family; a senior DIL than I am is the designated maker, but I know how if she isn’t there. I really do get off easy!</p>
<p>No close family for us nearby. So, for the past fifteen years or so, we’ve celebrated the holidays with friends. Almost as close as family. The kids really look forward to seeing their “cousins”.</p>
<p>The hostess comes up with the menu (a bit creative here since all of us are vegetarians!) - and then assigns every family a dish to bring. My kids love baking - so in addition to our assigned dish, we are usually the ones bringing along the dessert. D is only coming on Wed night - but she still wants to make the mini pecan pies that have become her calling signature for Thanksgiving over the past few years. And S has plans to make chocolate mousse in chocolate cups!</p>
<p>We definitely have do-ers and sitters in the group of friends. One of them especially is very annoying - they almost always show up late (they’ve been known to cancel at the last minute as well!) and never, never pitch in with cleanup. Will have to try some of your suggestions to see if we can get her to pitch in and help this year!</p>
<p>I come from a family of “doers” but married into a family of “sitters”. When we get together with my family, everyone pitches in. When H’s family comes here, I am responsible for everything. My kids help, but H’s family reads the paper, watches TV, showers, goes for a run, whatever…while my family gets everything ready. I have given up hoping they will help, just know that if my kids are going to spend time with the grandparents and aunts/uncles, we will do the work. I do as much as I can ahead of time, but spend a lot of time cooking and cleaning up when they come to visit. They stay for 3 or 4 days, so it does involve many meals. My MIL always finds a time to look up from her newspaper to comment, “Ohiomom, you’re working so hard.” But they are clearly on vacation when they come. Occasionally, if I ask very specifically, I can get someone out of his/her chair to do a task but they quickly return to their positions or scatter to the bedrooms so that they can’t be called on again. </p>
<p>We used to vacation with my family. On the first day, we would draw slips of paper with the days of the week written on them. Your draws were the nights that your family was responsible for planning and preparing dinner. We’d have pizza the first night, but after that, we took turns cooking and cleaning up. </p>
<p>Now we vacation with H’s family. The setup is a little different. My family cooks every meal while we are there. It started that way because ours are the only grandchildren and my MIL said that I should choose the meals because I knew what the children would eat. Well, to be honest, we’ve never really done “kid food” in our family, so anything they prepared would have been fine. My MIL also said, “I’d help, but I don’t know where anything is in this kitchen.” It’s a rental house – I don’t know where things are either until I start opening the drawers and cabinets. Sigh. Now that the kids are older, we have fun planning and cooking the meals…the older boys take turns planning and orchestrating a meal each. Families can be such fun!</p>
<p>I am having 13 for Thanksgiving dinner. My mom used to do it, but honestly her cooking skills have really declined…so I do it now. Love cooking holiday meals…hate everyday cooking!</p>
<p>I can related to marrying into a family of sitters…and it is a real PITA…though frankly my dad is like that–My mother did everything and he did nothing…Even 2 years ago when we spent the holidays with them–he did nothing to help. My Dh helps. If we divide tasks etc…and will do stuff if asked. The kids don’t always “see” what needs to be done yet do whatever is asked of them.</p>
<p>One thing we do enjoy now is that our kids are self sufficient during get togethers. Because of the age spread of the siblings–DH and I had our kids when the siblings were single. Now our kids are self sufficient and the two brother in laws and wives have little ones.
They have some really undisciplined meal times, picky eaters and nonsense like making different things when the kids turn down what they are offerred. I do NOT chase little people around etc. trying to "get them to eat"and it is not my problem I am amused by the antics of them trying to convince the little ones to eat.
Back when mine were little they either ate what was provided at meal time or waited til the next meal. None of this nonsense. Our kids didn’t eat kiddie food and my kids are greater eaters–not picky at all.</p>
<p>In recent years every time we went to the inlaws mt house–the FiL, DH and kids went hiking, skiing, sledding etc…and I ended up in the kitchen (and in the car to the grocery store with MiL) …Last year I was particularly upset about it and my FiL for the very first time thanked me for helping MiL do all of the work. (He overheard me in tears with DH over the big amount of work we had to get done for the meals over those days—while the FiL, DH and grandkids went to play) I told DH that I’d like to go hiking the next time they went etc etc…well FiL passed away suddenly this summer and the house was sold in Oct. So that will never happen.
My brother in law’s live-in girl friend didn’t lift a finger…She’d retreat to “nap”. She’d stay up at night watching tv and sleep during the day…so odd.</p>
<p>For most holidays the meal was served buffet style and I was always bothered that my MiL and I were the last ones to sit and my brother in laws etc would be done! No waiting for all to sit. When it was just my inlaws and our family there was more “waiting for all to sit/say grace and converse etc”…</p>
<p>My DH and kids and I are looking forward to a low key holiday…no drives and no extended family/drama. It will mean keeping some boundaries and not letting anyone guilt us into something else…yet it is worth the peace.</p>
<p>We all know that our families are better than our better halves! LOL. </p>
<p>In my husbands family the “girls” always did something together,which ended with us cooking the meals and the “boys” did outside projects then enjoyed happy hour while the ladies continued to cook. Really torqued me off for all 20 some odd years that my MIL was alive but that was the way they did it but I was pretty vocal about the inequity of it at times. My BIL’s really love me (not!) Their wives are very traditional, complacent, really “nice” women. I don’t hesitate to share my opinion even when not asked which is unlike hubby’s family dynamics. They are very polite, only talk about stuff that isn’t controversial and I find it a bit boring! Anyway my family is a bit loud, very opinionated, animated and can be a bit obnoxious if I do say so myself but it is laugh out loud funny and never boring! So needless to say when the two get together its very stressful for me! My mother in law passed away last year and this summer when we went up to their cabin on the lake I told my husband that we were drawing names and everyone would be responsible for the night (like Ohio Mom!) It was a good try but wasn’t as successful as it could have been but I am working on them. </p>
<p>Congrats Emilybee on your son becoming a voter, no voting today in our state!
Slitheytove, we have the pie extravaganza and always make 7 or 8 pies for Thanksgiving and eat it for breakfast as well! (there is fruit in it so its all good)</p>
<p>We do the Pajama Christmas Day as well. We open gifts at a snail’s pace and play with them, stop for coffee breaks etc. </p>
<p>Arisamp do you all cook a Tofurkey? I have always wondered what they taste like and if they were worth trying.</p>
<p>^ that is great to hear eb. I love voting; I am reminded each time of how great it is to be American.</p>
<p>anyway, I am so jealous of those of you who have help during family meals, especially seder. That said, I really am lucky to have a family of doers. No one would ever even raise an eyebrow at being asked to bring something. I have always found that people enjoy bringing a dish or two to share at a family meal. @shawbridge: If you use all disposable aluminum tins to cook in, there should be no conflict. Also, there are some very nice disposable plates that are made of plastic (?) and look very elegant. Also, disposable flatware that looks real. Another thought: Maybe now is a good time to shop some sales and get an extra set of dishes to use for this Thanksgiving. They are new, so kosher, and then afterwards you can set them aside to give to Shawson or ShawD for when they move into their own apartments?
How is the room mate situation going with ShawD?</p>
<p>I am sorry to hear about the parent health issues. I hope for a speedy recovery and good news to you both.</p>
<p>EB: It sounds like you won’t be able to call him boychild much longer.</p>
<p>Most of my family helps out when we host big holiday, with the exception of my oldest sister who does nothing. I’m a little bit afraid of her, so I don’t say anything, but it always irritates me. I never appreciatated it before, but the husbands do their fair share of the clean up.</p>
<p>I have learned to cut some corners to make things easier. I use disposable pans for some dishes, and always use pretty paper plates for dessert. This drives my mother crazy, but she always had help in kitchen and has no idea what it’s like to deal with mountains of dishes. One year she offered buy me dessert plates for my birthday because she thought I didn’t have any! It’s tough, but I finally learned that I don’t have to do everything her way.</p>
<p>Great suggestions for my family of sitters. </p>
<p>They’ve eaten on our plates (I never actually followed the logic of this) when they’ve been at our house – of course we have never served meat. ShawD will be moving into an apartment next fall, so your idea c43 is interesting. Get her a set of plates.</p>
<p>I love the story of the non-doers who scatter when requests start being made. I think that would happen in our group.</p>
<p>Roommate situation solved. She’s in a new room. Spent the weekend organizing and was so happy. She has a remarkable gift. When she’s happy, it is contagious. Her happiness can be funny. On our skype call, she showed us how she had decorated each wall of the room and went through with us each item in the refrigerator. Somehow, because she’s got this funny but infectious personality, we actually enjoyed the contents of the fridge. As a cousin says, ShawD is, in her own quirky way, a force of nature. As I said, if there were a major in friend-making, she’d graduate summa cum laude. A reasonable subset of her peers just wants to be around her.</p>
<p>Hi all! Have to give a big shout out to all of you lifting prayers last night for my Dad - thanks siemom, emilybee, collage1, mathmomvt, proudmomof2, 2ed, EAO, lacrossmom, mnmomof2, holliesue, blue, pepper, kinderny, momjr, momofboston, avon, cooker, shaw and college4three - I really REALLY appreciate it. I was really worried last night and seeing all your notes helped tons. Today, weather is good and I think he’s improving. Drugs are good things.</p>
<p>On the Thanksgiving front, last year ds was having his appendix out (remember? good times right?) the night before so I had to call in orders to dd1, dd2 and dd3 to get moving on the various things that needed doing. Now, normally I would’ve sweated out all the details and done all that work myself but I had no choice. The great outcome, is they not only stepped up, they actually did stuff I wouldn’t have imagined I could ask them to do. And did it well. Like dd1 make the brine for the turkey, plunked the raw bird into it, took all the heat, liver, neck and made a turkey broth. Dd2 and dd3 made 4 pies and two appetizers (one was this great cheese/bacon dip nested in a bread bowl - yum) and a butternut squash soup. By the time I was back from the hospital with ds, all I had to do was put the bird into the oven. It was wonderful. But I also have only about 12-14 people so it’s not so crazy. I could ask my guests to do something but I’m more comfortable with my own crew and they do take orders well. I also do two casserole things (butternut squash souffle and a corn casserole) that can be made days beforehand. That also helps cut down on mayhem. </p>
<p>I have asked people to bring specific things in the past (salad or potatoes) and those “helpers” would assume they would have room in the oven for reheating or room on the counters for assembling and that really threw me off. I’d rather be in charge of the whole shebang. (control freak that I am) I find that merlot helps everything run more smoothly. Both for them and for me.</p>
<p>Continued prayers for AmandaKayak’s dad and Kinder’s mom. </p>
<p>I have to say that I’ve appreciated the last few pages of posts very much. Being over 1,000 from my family, I’ve often felt a little sorry for myself and my kids on holidays but you’ve all definitely reminded me that it’s not all bad to be alone. We put together a meal that pleases everyone (not necessarily all of the traditional favorites) and we move at our own pace… no where to be, no one to answer to except ourselves.</p>
Good luck!!! :)</p>
:)</p>
I am amused by the antics of them trying to convince the little ones to eat.
</p>