<p>sbjdorlo - You will certainly be in my thoughts - Christmas break is a long time to wait!</p>
<p>We also saw S2 for Family weekend 2 weeks ago. but he is not coming home for Fall break as he is going to visit his brother and GF, who happen to attend the same school. He won’t be home until Thanksgiving, which is the longest he has ever been away from home.</p>
<p>After being sick and the roommate issues, I (because this is really about me) felt much better about everything. He is very happy both socially and academically and is dealing with the roommate issue in a very mature way. </p>
<p>For all of you that have been dealing with similar issues (sickness, roommate issues,etc) and have yet to see their kids, find solace in that there must be lots of truth to the theory that they “dump” on us and go on about their happy lives! I was expecting to see this tired, frustrated kid and found him looking better than ever - fit, happy and mature! In person, the “issues” didn’t seem so bad and he is doing what he can to fix them. So glad I lost so much sleep…</p>
<p>Safe travels to all the kids coming home or traveling elsewhere for Fall break!</p>
<p>Parents weekend is coming up for us this Friday and I’m anxious but cautious. She told her sister she’s afraid she won’t want us to leave and will begin a whole new bout of homesickness. Oh well! She is sleeping at the hotel with us because her roommate will have a friend over. She’s still having major roommate issues and when her older sister visited she reported that it’s worse than we are hearing.</p>
<p>Younger daughter sent an email last night asking how embarrassing it would be for her to change her roommate. I’ve been telling her to do this since July but she kept wanting to try to work things out. The problem is she’ll have to meet with the roommate and RA to try to work things out but the RA is as bad as the roommate and my daughter does not like confrontation so she’ll just nod her head and get no where with the meeting, nothing will change and she’ll be worse off. I’ll see what happens by Friday but I think I’ll visit the Housing office on Friday and see if I can persuade them to find a trade asap. She’s given it 5 or 6 weeks, it’s time for a change. I’m not even certain she’ll go back in January if she has the same roommate. Time for a little parental pressure I think (if daughter allows it).</p>
<p>Otherwise she’s very, very happy. Oh, and she’s already gone so far out of her comfort zone while in college, that catch phrase is not going to work in this situation! Can’t wait for Friday!</p>
I won’t vote to convict you on a charge of helicoptering if you talk to the housing office. In an ideal world, you want the kid to learn to handle these things for herself, but my experience is that they grow when they’re ready and not before. A little intervention here will make sure there are quality growth opportunities to be had in the future.</p>
<p>amtc, are you willing to pay more for a sing? Is there anyone that might want to swap? I imagine having a plan would go a long way. When talking to a student at a nearby school that was home on break she mentioned that 6 swaps had already happened on her floor and more movement was expected at the semester. It had been tense on her floor for weeks, but the students were able to make the change because they found solutions so the sousing department didn’t have to work at finding solutions.</p>
<p>Oh, amtc, sorry to hear it. Yes, what kind of problems? It’s a shame that she likes school except for this issue. I agree, some helicoptering would be appropriate here. We’ve got your back!</p>
<p>I am so sorry to hear about the bad RM situations. RM’s don’t have to be best friends, but they should be able to repect each other’s privacy and requests. If your DD is not able to handle the drama quite yet, then I fully support the helicopter route. I would hope she could handle this on her own, but if she isn’t there yet, then intervention is needed. So sorry Atmc.</p>
<p>Got an opportunity to see DS this weekend. It was great to see him and he is just so happy. He loves school, loves the lifestyle, loves his friends. My only concern is that he has bonded to 4 other boys, yet they all seem to be going off in different directions next year. One has a job opportunity that may lead him to be part time student, another wants to be an RA and another wants to rent a house next year. So, DS may want to live off campus just to be with these boys, when he really likes living on campus and would be happy to share a suite with them on campus. I would much rather he live on campus at least for next year. He will have to decide, but I am a bit concerned that he will have a wonderful freshman year, but not a great sophmore year. However, I am not going to worry about that now. I’m just thinking a bit about it.</p>
<p>AMTC, my son just went thru a room mate swap, and I think all parties involved are much happier now. I would have your D, go talk to the RA first without the RM there. See where she gets there. There may be someone else who is looking for a swap. This seems much more common, then I realized. Good luck, it is stressful. But now my S, seems to think things are going to be much better. So definitely was some hardship to navigate</p>
<p>I convinced younger daughter to contact housing for an appointment via email so she’s hopefully done that today. I’ve said before that her roommate is not just a big partyier but also demeans my daughter for not participating in her antics. Her suite also seems to be the Freshman party suite so many Freshman leave their housing to come and “play” in her suite. Her roommate is one of the top suppliers of alcohol for Freshman as well so there’s no keeping these kids out. (Yes, her roommate is a Freshman also.) Between the roommate and the suite my daughter never gets any alone or quiet time and has tremendous trouble studying or even sleeping. The RA is just as enthusiastic a partyier as the rest of the suite so she’s not much help.</p>
<p>SteveC - you may think it’s a contradiction but for my daughter it’s not. If she can’t fix the sleeping arrangements she’s not going back no matter how much she likes everything else. You are right, kids grow at their own rate and this is something she’s just not ready to do on her own. But she’s not really ready for my direct help so I’m hoping the email is a good compromise.</p>
<p>So far she doesn’t know of anyone who would want to swap with her, I’ve asked her that. I’m hoping housing might know of someone in the dorm with all her friends, you never know. Meanwhile she’s asked us to bring her sleeping bag and pad so she can keep it in her friends suite since she sleeps there so often. I know sleeping there is her solution to the problem but this is NOT what I’m paying for! The saga continues…</p>
<p>geogirl1 - I don’t remember where your son goes to school but my older daughter moved off campus sophomore year even though she enjoyed living in the dorms. Two girls asked her to and she said yes. All three girls knew it would just be for a year and then they were all going their own way and living with others. She felt living off campus was the best of both worlds - when she wanted to hang with her dorm friends she just spent the night or had them over for a dinner party, otherwise she had much more freedom and independence and really enjoyed it.</p>
<p>She’s a senior now and for the last two years has lived with pretty much the same girls (rotating depending on who was traveling each term). She’s in a great apartment right near campus and town so she’s thrilled. Moving off campus can be an expanding experience and actually enhance your grades given the quieter atmosphere. Trust his judgement, he’ll do what works best for him.</p>
<p>antc – I don’t think it’s a contradiction at all; sorry for not being clear. What I was trying to say was that if she’s as happy as the proverbial clam but for this one issue, but this one issue is a deal-breaker, then this issue needs to be resolved–by her, ideally, but by parental intervention, if necessary.</p>
<p>amtc - I’m so sorry your D is having these issues with the roommate. I hope she will be able to work them out. </p>
<p>My D is having some serious roommate issues. I’m not sure what is going to happen with her. She likes her classes, but has had a hard time making friends so is basically unhappy most of the time. I don’t know if she will go back after Christmas. My older D lives 5 stops from D2 on the subway, but I am not paying for an expensive dorm in NYC to have D2 sleep on her sister’s couch. D2 is trying to work the roommate issue with housing so we will see what happens. We will not see D2 until Thanksgiving when H and I are visiting for a week. Family weekend is just two weeks before our visit.</p>
<p>Jaylynn - I can’t blame your D for enjoying the beach. We are having a beautiful fall and I have been spending lots of time there myself!</p>
<p>Amtc, how about if your D notes the visitors who are in her room/suite the most? Perhaps one of them (who is there all the time anyway) would like to switch from their “boring” room to one that is more, ahem, “fun” from their perspective. An amicable switch would really be ideal–it would be such a bummer to leave a school you love because of a housing issue.</p>
<p>D2 left for school tonight. While she was in our new home (NYC) she got together with her old friends from LatAm, and friends from summer programs. She seem to have this ability of keeping in touch with people. When she comes home she doesn’t have friends from high school, but the fact that so many of her friends pass through NYC makes it easier for her. We had a great visit with her. Parents weekend is in 2 weeks and Thanksgiving soon after.</p>
<p>amtc - I am a bit shocked that a freshman is able to supply alcohol to others. It is a serious issue if one’s room is party central when one does not want to be part of it.</p>
<p>If RA is RM’s friend, it sounds like you do need to reach above the RA.</p>
<p>Dropped S off at the airport this afternoon and he texted he was back and eating at the cafeteria. I know even in my own family my d has travelled quite a bit alone, even internationally - however, I was happy my S navigated his first all by himself trip including getting taxis and figuring it all out alone.</p>
<p>It was a nice visit. He spent a lot of time with friends and the new to me girlfriend. They decided to only skype weekends to they keep up with their work.</p>
<p>S has grown up so much, is loving school, likes the roomie, making friends, just very comfortable in his own skin. We even went over a rough idea of what he wants to take next semester. It made me feel so good just to see him, talk to him, hug him, feed him, then send him back on his way again. </p>
<p>He warmed our hearts telling us he hasn’t been this happy in years. Can’t complain about that!</p>
<p>Amtc - I hope a swap can work out. My guy would hate the situation your d is in.</p>
<p>Eyemamom - glad to hear the great news and glad you had a great visit!</p>
<p>Has anyone had their student asked to apply to be an RA yet? Middle son told me his RA approached him yesterday about applying for next year. It seemed awfully early to us, but he said they need to have applications in by later this month and classes for it start next semester.</p>
<p>I suppose the pros are cheaper housing, but after reading of all the “situations” on here I wonder if the “work” is worth it compared to just being a normal sophomore (for next year)?</p>
<p>All of this is just my speculation, of course. I might share pros/cons with him, but it will be his decision (and one never knows if he’ll be accepted). It did make me feel good to know his RA thought highly enough of him to ask.</p>
<p>Creekland, my husband was an RA at UCSB in the early '80’s. Counts it as a highlight of his college experience. The RA’s all get tight, and social. So there is that nice aspect of it as well. Plus your S will get a single, and free room and board. Pretty sweet deal. May open other avenues to him as well…</p>
In an ideal world, you want the kid to learn to handle these things for herself, but my experience is that they grow when they’re ready and not before. A little intervention here will make sure there are quality growth opportunities to be had in the future.</p>