<p>Sorry Barnardmom to hear, but congrats on all the great things. Thinking of the kids in the snow with a bit of envy. And yes, meningitis is truly frightful… very sad.</p>
<p>PNWedwonk, both H and I were Greeks back 100 years ago when we were in college (different schools, didn’t know each other back then). Neither of our kids attend a school with a greek system. One thing you should know is that different schools can have completely different greek atmospheres. D’s bf is in a fraternity at a cross-registration school, and the guys are nice, down to earth, racially and culturally diverse, and very brainy. He joined his sophomore year primarily because they had food (school had limited dining options) and many of the guys he had become friends with his freshman year were members.</p>
<p>Barnardmom - my mom has been alone since I left the nest. She’s done ok. She did have a cat for most of those years (two different ones), but now is 100% alone. She has friends she does things with during the week, but otherwise, likes her independence. I remember not understanding her tears when she dropped me off at college. Now I understand them completely. We call each other a few times per week.</p>
<p>During the storm? My guy informed us he’s studying. He has three tests next week starting on Monday. I have a feeling he’ll get out playing in the snow a little bit too - based upon other things he’s done when it’s snowed. He generally calls us on Sundays, so we’ll see.</p>
<p>I hope the 2016 kids on the east coast get to have some fun snow games today… And that they all have power!</p>
<p>Thanks for all of the supportive messages 
I have been very independent for a long time and never really thought about having a partner in the future, beyond dating. This past relationship had me envisioning actually living with someone again and reminded me of the advantages of having a partner to share with on a daily basis. I typically hate grocery shopping but we would wander into gourmet markets and find interesting new things to try and would go back and cook amazing things together. I’d never met someone who seemed to be on the same page as I am in the way we view the world in general and we had these really deep philosophical discussions. For the first time since I divorced 13 years ago, I could see advantages in having a live-in partner. </p>
<p>Perhaps this was one just a step to help prepare me to be open to the “right” one somewhere down the line. I had always said before I would never live with someone again, never ever consider marrying again. I joked with people that his/hers side by side condos would be the ideal so I could get away from him when I wanted and didn’t have to do his laundry. So, perhaps the lesson was to break my own emotional barriers to those ideas. Time will tell. I do tend to be an optimist but right now, this week, it is tough. </p>
<p>At the same time, I know it is hurting more because some of those defensive walls were broken down and I was able to start being open to a more complete relationship. He’s the first person I’ve dated in 13 years to meet my kids, for example. Prior to this, I always kept my dating life very separate from my family. I had big barriers and lots of rules. Ironically, he questioned my ability to commit because of that particular barrier so I pushed myself (and my kids were interested in meeting him) so I let him into our lives. It turned out, he’s the one who can’t commit. Go figure…lol. His last comments to me included the words “I hope I can get my head together before you meet someone else because you’re exactly the type of woman I know I need and want in my life.” I didn’t tell him, in that moment, that the door is closed. He had developed a pattern of getting close and then distancing himself. He recognized it himself too and said “Every time I get close to you, I distance myself from you.” About a month ago, he said that he just wasn’t in a place to be dating or in a relationship but he still wanted to communicate and hang out together as friends. We spent the last month seeing each other as much as before, doing the same things together, but essentially with no physical contact. It was like we were still in the relationship, but we weren’t, all at the same time. I found myself feeling sad after each time we saw each other. The last time we saw each other, he gave me a long, tight hug at the end of the night. Then he distanced himself for a few days again.</p>
<p>I decided at that point that this wasn’t healthy for me. In my head, we were still having a relationship but it was such a roller coaster. I could see this going on for a long time as he was getting the benefits of having a confidante, a partner, but without the commitment a true relationship requires. It isn’t that he was dating anybody else, he wasn’t, but he wasn’t able to break down his own barriers and fears about letting someone get close enough to him. I could have continued in that pattern, but recognized that my true needs weren’t being met and it wasn’t healthy for me to be pining for more each time I saw him or hoping that things would change. I told him that although I care for him deeply, I had to take care of me and couldn’t do that while we were in this limbo. I had to move on. </p>
<p>I know I did the right, healthy thing for me. This is the second time we’ve been through this cycle and when I agreed to date him again last time, he promised he wouldn’t make me regret it but the same pattern happened again. I know I wouldn’t be able to trust it a third time if he tried to come back again. I know the door is closed. </p>
<p>Off to distract myself with a huge school project!</p>
<p>BernardMom - It can’t be easy. It takes a lot of courage to jump in the pool again. For what’s worth, I think you did the right thing, as much as it hurts now. It is his lost. </p>
<p>Interesting enough, my nephew at the same school as D2, just ended his first relationship. It was the girl who decided to end it. My feeling is that the young lady is going to go back and forth with my nephew before it is all over. As it so happens, D2 is just entering her first college relationship. She said if anyone should break with her, she would take it as final, no going back. She said breaking up shouldn’t be a threat or used lightly, either you are in it or you are not. So Bernardsmom, that’s the advice from a 19 year old.</p>
<p>I have a feeling you will meet someone special soon, now your mind is open to it.</p>
<p>{{barnardmom}}</p>
<p>adding more (((hugs))) for barnardmom</p>
<p>Ending a relationship is hard…but the roller coaster relationship is, in mu opinion, much harder in the long run. Be kind to yourself as you recover your balance.</p>
<p>Thank you I am definitely being kind to myself. On Wednesday, I went for a 30 minute chair massage with hot stones during my lunch hour I discovered that there is a spa in my building and a 30 minute chair massage is only $20! With the hot stones added, it was an extra $5. I could get used to that!</p>
<p>I’m doing well today. I’m having fun with my homework. We were given an actual digital forensics case with files to investigate and it’s been really fun!</p>
<p>I haven’t heard from my D today, but she’s tweeting so she must have made it through the storm.</p>
<p>Just got a call from DD’16: 31.5 " of snow. Eveyone took trays from the cafeteria to the best hill on campus (which they shared witht he kids from the town) to slide down the hill. Cafeteria is now filled with wet freezing kids drinking hot chocolate. You can’t get that studying on-line. ;)</p>
<p>Only 13 inches at Rochester. My guy loves the snow… and is still quite happy he chose the U. I was concerned that once he entered his first winter he might change his mind. Definitely NOT so! His first round of 2nd semester tests come up this week… but he feels ready for them, so in general, all is well.</p>
<p>Hugs to BarnardMom.</p>
<p>Just visited S at his school yesterday out-and-back-in-one-long-day deal. His band opened for a big act that came to campus and he got to meet the star (Grace Potter) back stage, while H and I watched both shows from the audience. Too much fun for a freshman, I say, but I was glad to see him so happy and enjoying the evening immensely.</p>
<p>Over 36 inches of snow total and no classes today. Before this school year they hadn’t closed since the 1970’s. Now they’ve missed at least 3 days of classes!</p>
<p>Very cool story SnowflakeVT! Worth the drive.</p>
<p>Today classes were cancelled again, but will resume tomorrow. Fourth cancelled day this year.</p>
<p>that is very cool - we love grace potter! and so great that you got to watch your son. I really cherish these little glimpses into their lives that I am occasionally given. </p>
<p>more snow tonight on the east coast - not so much in Ny but hopefully CT. does not get wallopped again</p>
<p>Snowflake… I was just on SLU’s website and saw all the Grace Potter pictures… SOO COOL! That is awesome that your S’s band got to open for her. My DS is now officially enrolled in the class of 2017…WOOT! WOOT!. He was just looking at the posted FYI classes for the Fall. I know it is going to be here before we know it:)</p>
<p>Congrats 5boys! I’m sure your son will make it a big adventure. :)</p>
<p>Yay 5boys! We will be SLU moms together. </p>
<p>I loved seeing the supportive interaction of all the kids I stood next to at the concert … athletic types were standing next to artsy types and they all cheered for each student musician as they did their little solos. There was no pushing or extreme behavior other than enjoying the break from studying with some good music. As we left (an hour before Grace was done as we still had a 3.5 hour drive) to walk back to the parking lot, we saw small groups of students also leaving and we both thought, wow, to walk away from that concert, which was unbelievable, to get back to their dorms to study or sleep is the sign of a mature student population. Impressive.</p>