<p>My daughter has to take Vitamin D (as do I) … when either of us forgets to take a day’s worth (for us, 2000 IU), we get a wicked migraine-like headache that lasts until our average vitamin D level gets back up to where it needs to be, which could take a half a day once we remember to take it. My D was worried she was developing migraines until I asked her how consistently she was taking her vitamin D and then she had an Ah-ha moment.</p>
<p>I wish all migraines were solved so easily, but if your D takes vitamin D (which is actually a vitamin that is also a hormone) or Synthroid (for hypothyroidism) or other hormone type meds, make sure she is taking them regularly and at the same time each day to avoid annoying headaches.</p>
<p>eyemamom - I hope your search for tickets is more fruitful than mine was. All the seats on the less expensive airlines were already taken for prime times with the route we need. A couple had non-prime times left for super prime prices. That’s why we switched to driving the lads.</p>
<p>If he knew he was coming home a month ago I could have had round trip tickets for $150… the non-prime I found the other night was $250+ one way.</p>
<p>My DS (class of '16) just called all in hysterics. </p>
<p>Apparently his RA has written him up for weed and alcohol abuse in the dorms.
He gave a long explanation trying to justify it or convince us it wasn’t him. Apparently the RA saw a friend of his obviously drunk go into his room, and the RA followed him and saw some weed, or signs that people had been smoking and wrote everyone in the room up. The RA then found a bottle of cheap vodka in my son’s room.</p>
<p>I am so disappointing, so annoyed at everyone. I raised this kid, and I thought I had done a good job. I thought I taught him better, I made sure he knew the dangers of alcohol and drugs (Me and DH don’t drink or do any drugs). I just don’t know what to do. My son has a 3.5 GPA after his first semester and wanted to eventually get a job in Special Education, which makes it even worse. He is a smart kid who is always cheerful and friendly, and has never caused us any stress, but now I have to rethink all this. My and DH for a while were worried because DS would sometimes take long walks in the neighborhood, and we thought he might be up to no good, but he always insisted he just needed to get out and not stay cooped up. Now I have to question that. </p>
<p>Also I don’t know what to tell DH, who has never really been all that proud of DS '16 anyway because he doesn’t have my husband’s extreme work ethic. It all is such a disappointment. I kind of want to pull all money from helping him pay for college (we pay a good amount towards it) but I know there is no way in hell he can afford to pay for it himself.</p>
<p>I’m so sorry about this, hurryahead. I am sure this must feel just horrible for you. :-(</p>
<p>Perhaps the school will give your son another chance if he gets help in terms of cleaning up his act. I happen to believe in giving kids a second chance; I hope the school he attends does, as well. Find out what their policy is and help your son understand the consequences of his actions, but also find out what your son can do to get back on track.</p>
<p>Hopefully, others will have words of encouragement for you.</p>
<p>Take a deep breath. Give yourself time to process all of this…you don’t have to question your role as a parent, just put one foot in front of the other for a day or two.</p>
<p>hurryahead - it’s not a call any of us want to get. However is it really shocking that kids living on a campus with all those kids their age try alcohol and pot? I’m not excusing it, and for some kids it is a problem, I’m suggesting it’s not the end of the world.</p>
<p>Many schools give warnings before there are serious consequences, and I hope for his sake this is the wake up call he needed.</p>
<p>One thing I’ve started having to tell my kids - once you are 18 - I can’t protect you from some of your choices.</p>
<p>Talked to my son today who told me about the round of pot muffins being offered on the floor now. But he realizes for himself - be aware of who is offering you these “treats”. </p>
<p>I’ve been worrying for no reason about my son. He’s fine. He’s doing well, happy, relaxed. It’s hard to break the chain, but I’m guessing stress in other parts of my life just has me always go back to what I care about most - the family.</p>
<p>hurryahead, I recommend reassuring your son that, while you’re disappointed, you understand the temptations and the immaturity of youth, and that you love and forgive him, even as you expect him to have learned a lesson from this experience. The fact that he was so upset by being written up tells me it’s likely to be effective in getting him to straighten up. I don’t think a freshman offense will hurt him in the future, if it’s even on his record. He did well in school, so it’s not as though he’s staying stoned or drunk all the time. But you can remind him who’s paying for school and what you expect him to be doing there.</p>
<p>Very sorry hurryahead. Disappointing but at least there were not harder drugs being used/found. Your son has a 3.5 GPA not a 2.5. He does have a good future ahead. I hope you find a way to tell your H so you can all get through this and put it behind you. I agree with notakid’s advice.</p>
<p>hurryahead - sorry you’re dealing with this. I don’t think you need to write him off or pull financial support from him. I don’t know anything about your family dynamic, so I can’t offer any opinion about whether or not you should tell your husband. I think eyemamom made a great point - you can’t protect him from the consequences of his choices. Maybe you can talk to him when your’e calmer, or write a letter just making sure he’s aware of the risks he’s taking and how much of a safety net he does or doesn’t have if he closes any doors at this college. In other words, in my opinion, you don’t need to pull the financial rug out from under him right now, but you should make perfectly clear to him that if he gets in trouble and loses scholarships or has to add a semester or has to transfer and that costs more, you aren’t shouldering costs that are added because of his partying. </p>
<p>I’d feel every bit as alarmed, angry, and worried as you seem to. But at the same time, another voice in my head would be telling me to calm down, that partying with his friends doesn’t mean he’s a bad kid, or that he’s going to ruin everything, or that he doesn’t really enjoy long walks. Try hard ot keep it in perspective.</p>
<p>So sorry for you hurryahead. I agree that you will probably need to have several conversations when all is calm and when you know the true consequences of the university. It is fine if you set rules about additional costs, but I would finish out anything this semester at the very least. No reason to make this semester worse, but you are smart to lay it all on the line for him regarding behavior and money. </p>
<p>Keep us informed. We will be there for you.</p>
<p>^^^ That’s what I was wondering. Last summer when my guy was hunting roommates he found one he liked until that chap asked if he was ok with weed in the room. Um no, for us, that is NOT ok. I’m glad he turned that guy down and ended up with a roommate who doesn’t do those things. However, someone ended up rooming with the chap… It doesn’t mean that person opted to join in. Perhaps, and if so, I’d reaffirm my love and see where things led from here, but perhaps not too.</p>
<p>Agree with 2016BarnardMom and Creekland. I have wondered how it works if someone in the room has this type of thing but the others don’t. I am sure each university handles it differently.</p>
<p>hurryahead – I think I’d allow myself to be upset for a little while and then remember that the kid is the one with the problem. First, I’d want to know what are the potential consequences at his school. Does this sort of thing create a disciplinary record that will stick with him in the future? If so, depending on your state, it could create a problem obtaining a teacher certification. If that’s a possibility, I’d look into helping him with whatever legal assistance he needs to mitigate the damage from the incident.</p>
<p>Once that’s taken care of, then we’d discuss the probem Ihave with what he’s doing. But try to be a little bit understanding, even if you don’t want to let him catch you doing it. Some people are willing to accept “don’t touch that; it’s hot” whereas others have to touch the cast iron skillet on the stove to come to an appreciation for the effect of high temperature on the skin. :)</p>
<p>To my mind, that is the most worrysome part. It sounds like hurryahead’s S isn’t taking responsibility for the situation. Very likely, he’s going to have to, in order to convince his school to give him a second chance. A straightforward conversation with his parents can help him to prepare for that.</p>
<p>Find out what this means for your S. Is he suspended? Appearing before a committee? Doing community service? Seeing a counselor? Absolutely nothing but a mark on a record no one will ever see? Depends on the school.</p>
<p>Personally I’d talk to him about it and let him have the consequences, whatever they are. </p>
<p>If future teaching is somehow in jeopardy, then I might step in and see if I could help with that…if he asked me to.</p>
<p>Thanks everyone! I have had a chance to think about it a bit more.</p>
<p>According to DS the next thing is that he will be called down to have a meeting with the resident director, and will likely be fined between 150 and 300 dollars, be put on academic probation (can’t change major, get below a 3.0 GPA for a semester, or be part of a sports team), and will have a mark on his academic and residential records that doesn’t allow him to live in the dorms next year.</p>
<p>He still insists that he wasn’t in the room when anyone was smoking, and that he came in a second before the RAs did, but I am kind of wary of that.</p>
<p>And his insistence that he wasn’t involved just gets me. I would hope he knew that we would rather he be honest then lie to us. It doesn’t help that apparently this all happened at 2AM, so the idea that he was just walking into his room at 2AM is a pretty weak argument. I don’t even hate the fact that he smoked pot. While obviously it is a bad thing, but to me it is a fairly minor offense, the attempt to get out of it and the claim that he was not involved is my real issue with it.</p>
<p>Here’s a thought: Would he consider voluntarily submitting to a drug test? I don’t know how far back they can detect THC (or whatever marker they’re using for marijuana), but if he were to submit a clean test that covered the time period in question, I don’t know how they could discipline him. If he were to balk at the idea of a test, that might initiate another conversation …</p>
<p>Hurryahead, is you son in a single or a double? Is he the only person who had “ownership” of the room? I believe someone would leave vodka. The reason I believe it is that one of my kids lived in a suite with others one year. One day my kid got up in the morning and needed to swallow some pills (a daily routine). Half asleep she spotted a water bottle in the common room, grabbed it and took a big gulp to swallow the pills. Sure enough, it was vodka that someone had left who had visited a suitemate the night before. So I believe that someone would leave vodka in a room. Is it possible your son is telling the truth? I once didn’t support my kid when he got in trouble at a summer program (a minor infraction). I felt terrible years later when I realized I sided with an authority figure who didn’t have evidence and that my kid had been railroaded by another kid. Obviously, you know your kid and can maybe tell he is not being truthful, but sometimes kids get in trouble who really didn’t do what they are being accused of.</p>
I am sure this must feel just horrible for you. :-(</p>