<p>5boys - the train trip was a great idea for some nice parent time before he gets drawn away again! Surely he can’t sleep on the entire train ride home! LOL Enjoy!</p>
<p>I was a latchkey kid mostly as both parents worked. In our neighborhood my mom was the ONLY working mom and it was considered neglectful - and the other mom’s were worried I’d be a bad influence on their precious children. Earlier I had to go immediately home to an elderly neighbors - and wasn’t even able to go home until my mom got home around 5. The worst part was not being allowed to have any after school play dates as I could never do anything spontaneous after school. Oh well…</p>
<p>There were quite a few things about the way my parents raised me that I wanted to do differently. They were harsh, inconsistent disciplinarians… and very absorbed in their careers - which ironically involved helping other people. I read books on parenting from a very young age and had arguments with them about the way they SHOULD be parenting me, etc.</p>
<p>Anyway - my D was born also after a long period of infertility and treatment - so that definitely also influenced my parenting. I was so grateful to have her… and also I had always wanted to be a parent… so yes - I did practice a certain level of attachment parenting. I also indulged myself and quit my consulting business when she was in fifth or sixth grade so I could just drive her to activities and be less stressed as she got busier. Earlier I was able to fit my work into school hours. I just really enjoyed every minute of being a mom. </p>
<p>Interestingly my mom was at first not at all understanding of my parenting… becuase she was very disappointed that I let my career languish. Career success was defintely THE criteria. I think she has come to understand that this is my values and I’m doing what is important to me… but of course now, I’m sort of out of a job…</p>
<p>I was a latchkey kid. Now my kids are latchkey kids. However, my sister (who was a latchkey kid along with me) quit her job as an attorney to be a full-time mom and also homeschooled one of her kids.</p>
<p>DD continues to be very happy, DH and I are trying to adjust to the new normal around the house. We went to the state agricultural fair yesterday. First time in 20 years without any kids. I sent them a text with a photo from the top of the ferris wheel. My other big adjustment is trying to cook for just 2, I can’t seem to stop buying the family packs in the grocery store and we seem to eat leftovers 2 days out of 3. On the other hand no problem adjusting to not doing laundry every day!</p>
<p>I just got a call from my S last night checking in after his first week of classes. He seems to be happily on top of his school work but he also has found ways to have outdoor fun over this 3-day weekend. I’m going to give me a BINGO “I” for the phone call home.</p>
<p>Regarding this other discussion on latchkey kids, stay-at-home-moms, etc. </p>
<p>I always believed that there was not one path for all moms in terms of staying at home or working out of the home. I had a stay-at-home mom who was unfortunately also an alcoholic. By 5pm she was quite a spectacle and I knew it even in 1st grade. I saw her as depressed to have to be home as my dad went out to see the world, and I also saw her as not very passionate about meals and laundry; linen closets were a crazy mess, towels were never quite clean and fresh and laundry was never done from beginning to end. I have a vivid memory of 2nd grade - I couldn’t find any socks to wear most mornings, clean or dirty, so spent one early morning scouring the house for any sock, and then once at school realizing that my white socks were horribly dirty compared to a classmates and my new pants had a split in the seat that my mom knew about but didn’t fix for the life of the pants. I can remember saying to myself that I would never let me kids go to school with rips or dirty clothes. So yes, she was a SAHM, but not the kind you read about in Good Housekeeping. Being perceived as “poor” was humiliating and stigmatizing when my dad actually had a pretty good job.</p>
<p>Because I saw that she was not entirely happy in her role, I convinced myself that I would have a career and have someone help with the tasks that I am not as good or interested at doing (cooking, laundry). I have been a working mom for 22 years and my H and I hired au pairs to live with us for a year at a time. The au pairs took the kids on great adventures, exposed them to other families of au pair kids, and shared with them their cultures and foods that I could never have done. They did all the kids laundry and made sure they ate healthy food during the day and even ran errands if they had extra time. I did my own laundry, and can attest that I have beautiful white, neatly folded towels in my closets, and my kids were never wanting for clean, matching socks their whole lives.</p>
<p>Before we had au pairs, we were schlepping our poor babies to a private day care each day and it felt like they were constantly in the car with a packed bag. It just wasn’t working out for any of us and our quality of life was not what I wanted, which is why we ended up going the au pair route. When my kids were toddlers, having someone at home with them helped to allow neighbor kids to play with my kids at our house or theirs, and when they were in elementary school the au pairs didn’t have to start work until later in the day, so they could drive my kids to piano, ballet, tutoring, and other after school activities. as well as get dinner started. I would pick them up from those activities on my way home from work (or H would) and we would chat up a storm in the car to catch up on our days.</p>
<p>Because I worked, we were able to afford specialized early tutoring for my son all the way through middle school until his reading/writing skills were where they needed to be. Most importantly, our evenings and weekends were higher quality family time because we were doing things together that were more enjoyable for everyone. On weekends, we would do outdoor activities together, see shows together, run errands and just generally spend time together. Making dinner on the weekends was mostly fun because the kids were helping and I wasn’t super stressed out after a 9-10 hour work day.</p>
<p>Anyway, now I am an empty nester mom and it’s okay. I miss my kids terribly but am so happy that they are thriving at their next place. My D is loving music school and is now tutoring younger kids in the core music classes and my S is so far loving his new college, and is confident enough in his academic strengths (writing is not one of them) to realize that it’s not shameful to go to the writing center already to get feedback on his first college draft.</p>
<p>Congrats to all the launchers and good luck to the rest of you launching soon!</p>
<p>Well, that previous message was longer than I expected it to be … I guess this is my morning counseling session! Yes, being an empty nester gives you a little more time here and there. </p>
<p>Happy Labor Day everyone! I hope you make some fun plans to relax and enjoy the day.</p>
<p>snowflake - I think it’s so interesting to hear how everyone made it work for them. Except for cases of abuse and neglect I’m in the camp that most parents make the best decisions they can at the time. I never got into the mommy wars thing. I stayed at home then got slowly sucked into hubby’s business and now run the office part of it. However, I mostly work from the house and we got an office a few miles from home. I was always available after school. The downside being it can be difficult to turn off business talk.</p>
<p>Talked to S yesterday. All is well by him, he’s figuring out life on his own. He’s going and doing and trying which is what I wanted him to do. Even signed up for the dodgeball club - lol. His major complaint is how tired he is - partly his fault, but he also says the dorm is really loud. Any of your kids talk about that?</p>
<p>Got to have S home for a few hours yesterday-the benefits of being less than 1/2 hour away. I definitely felt a lot better after actually having a conversation with him. He was very chatty and didn’t seem to mind any questions I had.</p>
<p>We re-stocked his supply of snacks and soda and he even invited me to help him carry it all up to his room. Wasn’t expecting that! 
Said “Hey” to 2 of the roommates. Still have never seen the third, but I know there is one.</p>
<p>S seemed very open to me coming down and taking him to dinner every now and then. BUT also stated he probably won’t be home for a while. Honestly-if he didn’t love his cat so much, I probably wouldn’t have seen him yesterday. Kind feel like he is thinking “yeah-mom, thanks for all you have EVER done for the past almost 19 years, but I love my cat more”. </p>
<p>I had a chat with a friend who never sugar coats anything (why I called her-I have no idea) and she reminded me that any decisions he makes at this point are in fact HIS decisions. If they are a bad one, hopefully he will learn from it. S is such a smart kid but I am sure there will be some things he should have done differently. But- hey, I have made some decisions in my life that were maybe not the best either.</p>
<p>Still miss him terribly but so glad I got to spend some time with him and hear about everything that has been going on. :-)</p>
<p>I also talked to S yesterday, which was really the first “real” conversation we have had. Up until this point, most of our chats have been about logistical issues, not so much about life on campus.</p>
<p>He is doing well, which is a relief because he had a little bit of a rough start because he was having a hard time sleeping. He also does mention how tired he is, but he seems to be handling it better now that he has a bit more of a routine. His bed is by the window, so his major complaint is the sun waking him up. He is a big-time sleeper so I am actually sending him some dark curtain panels, so I hope that helps. He is definitely my “comfort” child, meaning he really likes his space, his own big bed, his dark room, his own bathroom, etc. I think adjusting to dorm-life will take him more time than it took my older son, who actually loved living in a dorm.</p>
<p>He still hasn’t had a full week of classes, so he doesn’t really have a good handle on what to expect. The social life is “awesome”, no problems there!!</p>
<p>I am slowly adjusting to my empty nest, although I still feel a bit uneasy. He was pretty worked-up those first few days he couldn’t sleep and I think I am still reeling from that. Good thing they don’t know how they leave us zombie-like and helpless when we think they are upset!! </p>
<p>All in all, I am happy he seems happy and adjusting to his new life.</p>
<p>Posted on the wrong thread :)</p>
<p>But congrats to you all and good luck to your children.</p>
<p>dwhite, Yes, I agree … we have to hide our wack-a-loon selves from them … always calm, cool and collected as they tell us their struggles. Little do they know that we put it on our backs and drag or sorry selves back to our caves to wallow in our misery without them. Glad to hear that the social scene is working out for him. Seems like that should be a BINGO letter, as it all adds up to make for a well adjusted adult.</p>
<p>NervousNellie … sounds like the location is working out nicely. Don’t be fooled into thinking he only wants to see the cat. The home you made for him and the support system you created is what he missed, and the cat was just the decoy to protect him from admitting that. </p>
<p>eyemamom … I love the dodge ball club sign-up!</p>
<p>Snowflake, You are so sweet. My D says she visits to see the dog, and I believe it 100%!</p>
<p>Snowflake - I LOVE your description of our “sorry selves” heading back to the cave!! SO true!!</p>
<p>SnowflakeVT-THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU! :-)</p>
<p>I have great memories of his life-hoping he does too. I think he will. Yesterday felt like we picked up right where we left off. I just also know from his conversation-he is ready for so much more than our little suburbia and if I (and the cat) didn’t live here, he probably would never be back.</p>
<p>We will see how the longer breaks go when he actually spends a few days. I would hope he would look at it as a chance to decompress. He very much wanted to get back to his “new life” after a few hours yesterday. But-on the other hand-I am happy he wants to go back and isn’t miserable. Need to count my blessings.</p>
<p>Now-I am off to see if the shower/tub spout repair I made worked. Fingers crossed!</p>
<p>" What?! You’re not going to tell him to walk home?"…Mihcal… Don’t give him any ideas…:-)</p>
<p>Snowflake… glad to hear your S is doing so well! How does he like the FYP so far?</p>
<p>mommymommy… Your last post made me smile…" " This girl wastes no time"… LOL!! REALLY happy she ended up so happy. All is well that ends well.</p>
<p>A belated thanks, Pinot Noir, for the launch well wishes. Our staged launch started Thursday and I got home yesterday afternoon, so I am just catching up. On the whole it went “like butter”. I am a planner, so my pre-planned and pre-printed maps and shopping lists got up in and out of Ikea, BBB and Target in near record time. It would be easy to wander aimlessly at Ikea w/o a plan. There was a pre-move in day haul in event and the RCs and RAs just swoop down on your car and carry everything up. There were separate events for students and parents following and the parent one was A-M-A-Z-I-N-G! DD met new friends in the student ID line and at the student event on Friday. Saturday official move-in was also smooth. The beds come high lofted with the desks under and can be unlofted or bunked as desired. They had a giant tub of rubber malletts at the entry desk and JCs just swoop in with their malletts and do the job in a jiffy, hauling out the extra pieced. DD kept hers up but roomie lowered hers to have storage under but not way high. The dorm was newly renovated with fresh paint and carpet so no cleaning or feeling guilty for not thinking about it 
Admissions advisor stopped by the room to welcome DD as we were unpacking which was a nice touch. Great lunch, separate sessions for students and parents after. DD got her work study job assignment which sould be a good one - no food service! yeah! Really nice welcome/goodbye ceremony followed by a “rip the bandaid off” style orchestrated parting. Everyone was nice, everything was beautiful, we are more in love than ever. No Wackaloon parent stories. Roomies mom and both “kids” and I exchanged cell nuimbers instigated by roomie mom. I promised roomie that I hoped never to use it but it was a just in case of emergency thing. DD already has an invitation for Thanksgiving. DD has a room with a view - she got very lucky with her assignment. They have several days full of planned activities, seminars, etc. and don’t register until Tuesday, I think. Classes start Thursday. The bloom might come off the rose eventually, but so far so good. Tomorrow will be my first real day of this new one kid life and I’m anticipating it getting harder in the next couple weeks as we settle in and try to find a new pattern.</p>
<p>On friends - DD got good advice from an upper classman on their FB group - “Everyone needs friends the first week so no one is going to reject you as a friend. Just make friends with as many people as possible.” I overheard her telling a new friend that she decided to just go up to the first person who she recognized at the Saturday student function. That seems to have worked. 
Crossing my fingers for continued smoothish sailing.</p>
<p>5boys, his favorite class is actually the FYP. He gets to talk about Aristotle with other kids that also enjoyed the reading assignment and they also have an opinion and he loves that. I didn’t even know that he liked Aristotle! The way they teach the FYP is the best … discussion and conversation to get their juices flowing. There is a paper due this week, which has always been his challenge, but at least he knows that he has to work harder at that part.</p>
<p>Got to talk to D for 2 hours last night. She’s done laundry twice and her sink is clean. She has matured beyond my wildest expectations in two weeks! lol.</p>
<p>Ok, so how many care packages will you send this semester? I’ve sent two already and am working on the 3rd one, but then I think I’m done. I’ll bring some stuff on family weekend, then it will be Thanksgiving and a short hop to winter break. My S didn’t need nor want frequent care packages. Are girls different that way?</p>
<p>“Everyone needs friends the first week so no one is going to reject you as a friend. Just make friends with as many people as possible.” </p>
<p>Thanks for this saintfan! I think it says what I’ve been trying to tell my daughter for the past few days. We leave tomorrow for a Wednesday move in and I’m going to be sure to say it in this more concise way.</p>
<p>I kept that in mind myself - DH did not come on launch so I had to branch out and meet parents. DD ended up making friends with the daughter of parents who I chatted with while waiting in the hall outside student ID place. We introduced the kids when they came out, then chatted a bit more. They found each other again at one of the student event and seemed to have hit it off. D is not super outgoing but seems to have really taken that advice to heart and so far so good.</p>