<p>Something to realize with all the students being so tired, is that it is not just the lack of sleep/noisy dorm stuff going on. It’s also the effort of being “on” all of the time that is draining.</p>
<p>When S1 came home from his first semester at college (8 hour drive away), all he wanted to do was sleep; and when he was not sleeping, all he wanted was to be left alone.</p>
<p>After a few days, he was finally able to talk about it, and what emerged was that he felt that while away at school, he had to have his “face” on all the time. It takes more effort than we realize to always be having to present a good, social face to everyone all the time…Being pleasant to the roomie, and the kids on his hall, and the kids in the bathroom, elevator, dining hall, library, classes–all the time he felt he had to be “on.” And, even if he had some alone time in his room, it was always with the expectation that his roomie could come back at any time, or that someone might knock…and he also sometimes found a quiet, more private spot on campus, but still…in public.</p>
<p>So when he came home, he really relished a little alone time. We learned that we needed to give our boys each some alone time when they came home, and that things went much better when we did.</p>
<p>Even students who make a really good adjustment to being away (mine did) and love college and being away at school (mine did) can go through this…and might not really be able to put a finger on it or know how to fix it. We were just really lucky that after a few days home, my son was able to put his finger on what was going on–until then, he was just "tired.’</p>
<p>g0t a call from D2 yesterday, she is doing well. he says she is involving herself but also “observing” she says many people go to parties but her immediate suite mates dont. One boy knocked on the door and said he needed to “bring girls” to a frat party, they declined. She has sponsored apples to apples parties and card games. I also sent home baked cookies that were a hit. I drive by her dorm when I work it is a weird feeling. She misses her friends. I worry that it would have been more exciting if she had moved somewhere different,but it was her choice.
Travis Roy went to my D’s HS. such a tragic thing to happen in his first game, first seconds even.
I was a latchkey in HS. so I had to come home and watch my sibs and do dinner. This made it so I could not be involved in school. My mom would never drive me places, and I never felt important in my family. I tried to do things differently in my family. sometimes I think i went overboard, (to my detriment) but also held boundries as to not be too intrusive. Older rarely calls, frm my experience i worry it is because she doesnt like us, H 's view is she is “doing her thing” We talked about it today and discussed our views, and he volunteered I could have a different perspective because of the way i was raised. I think he is right. My D1 actively wants me to attend parents weekend in her senior year etc… She is right there when anyone is hurt and very protective. Pretty good insight from a guy who isnt all that insightful! LOL.
Well we are empty nesters, we have been working alot, but it seems to be going well. Miss my girls but am glad I still like my Hubby, next chapter…</p>
<p>boysx3 you say it perfectly. I think that is the hardest thing-- just not having a chance to be by yourself during this very stressful time. D called last night and said she thinks she’d lose it if not for her roommate-- a friend from high school.</p>
<p>“I didn’t even know that he liked Aristotle! The way they teach the FYP is the best … discussion and conversation to get their juices flowing. There is a paper due this week, which has always been his challenge, but at least he knows that he has to work harder at that part.”</p>
<p>SF… now I am convinced more than ever that our sons would be great friends. They just sound so similar. My son loves discussion based classes and that was one of his top criteria for choosing schools. He loves to read… especially philosophy… but writing not so much. He always ended up with B+'s in English although his teachers always said he was the best at comprehension and he got an 790 in CR on the SAT… it was just writing those pesky papers. </p>
<p>Don’t they have some sort of competition between FYP classes? How did he like that?</p>
<p>boysx3 - that is an excellent point. I’m sure for introverts it is especially tiring. We were just talking today - when he comes home for October break we will cook around the clock and he will probably sleep and hide out in his man cave. Which is fine by me, I’m guessing he will need to recharge his batteries. Today I surmised he would probably be ready to live off campus when he was allowed to junior year. </p>
<p>Btw… went shopping for the second time since he’s been gone and our grocery bill has dropped significantly!</p>
<p>Last post was interrupted by a long phone call from D, who chatted along happily while on her way to the campus market to buy yogurt, then back to the dorm… “I never expected I’d like it this much. It’s dope here.” And honestly, it IS ‘dope’-- a cozy little city of young people, studying what they’re most interested in, with all their meals prepared, etc. etc. College–what a great idea!</p>
<p>D’s school has an amazing Freshman Orientation-- if you’re an extrovert. And of course these things should be designed that way, but yes, they can be exhausting and overwhelming. My D, who is very social, said that the huge group things are harder for her than the small group activities (I’d say most people feel that way). Seaworld, beach day, Target party, dance/casino night, Bounce House carnival. All fun, and all would send me into a tizzy after awhile. </p>
<p>She’s up and down, but mostly up. I just called her and she really didn’t have time to talk, so yay. I, on the other hand, cried at the grocery store because I realized I don’t have to buy yogurt. I WANT TO HAVE TO BUY YOGURT, dammit!! Waaaah.</p>
<p>D skyped me yesterday, wondering why I sent cookies to the Residence Life Staff but not to her. Of course, I sent cookies to her, too, but they never arrived. No big deal – I’ll bake more today.</p>
<p>I am sad that after not getting into Orchestra she is not pursuing other music options. Orchestra would’ve counted as an official class, but chamber music or private lessons are considered recreational and don’t count toward requirements. So instead she’s keeping the freshman humanities course she registered for as a backup option. She feels that with so many classes (math, chem+lab, CS+lab, engineering design seminar, humanities, and PE) it’s just too much to also commit to a chamber music group. </p>
<p>It’s strange and sad that she has now abandoned the two avocations (Latin and music) that anchored her outside-of-academics social life through HS. On the plus side, she is trying new things and her freshman humanities course has only 17 kids.</p>
<p>S called today to ask me if I wanted to take him to lunch. Apparently the dining hall was closed for the holiday and though there was some food somewhere, he wanted to catch up (and eat out). We had a great chat about classes, friends, life…I feel re-connected. I was surprised to hear that he is the one who knows about class deadlines, has them in his calendar, and is the one who is helping his friends know about them too. This is a bit of a switch but it may be that in the absence of the uber-organized A+ student (girl) friends he hung out with in HS, he finds himself the most responsible one ;)</p>
<p>ohiobassmom - I envy you!! Both of my boys are way too far away – I will have to wait for family weekend to feel re-connected Phone calls are just not the same…</p>
<p>I’m too used to facebook-- wanting to “like” Jaylynn’s and Ohiobassmom’s posts. It’s just so great to see these kids finding their way. Long hours ahead for D who has a huge stage crew assignment-- 25 hours a week through October. But work is what grounds her and I really think this is the right way to begin for her. (It also means she can’t come home for a weekend until then, and I think that’s good too–I’ll definitely go there a couple of times.)</p>
<p>My D is adjusting well and making friends, loves her classes and texts occasionally. I was good the first week and without warning, went all wackaloon. She called to chat and I started crying on the phone! Gave phone to DH. I think it’s a combination of loosing my mom a few months ago and now D is so far away. :(</p>
<p>@Sunshinestatemom-I am so sorry about the loss of your mom. I lost mine when I was very young. I do have one of her rings and I wear it when I need that extra support and trust me, I have been wearing it a lot lately.</p>
<p>She never even got to meet my S, but I know she is with us every day and is proud of both of us! </p>
<p>With everything going on in people’s lives in addition to sending a child to college-some of us for the first time, I am ok with having my wackaloon moments. I just vow to do it in the privacy of my own home, NOT around my S or his newfound friendships. Don’t want stories written about me on some other message board!! Maybe I will have a moment at the grocery store, mall, or with my superior at work who karma will get one day, and that’s ok. I feel like I have earned it along with all of the grey hairs in my head.</p>
<p>Your D sounds like she is doing very well and that is a fantastic thing! :-)</p>
<p>Sunshinemom … my thoughts also go to you for the loss of your mom and also for launching your D so soon after this loss. You can cry whenever you want to and no one will judge you. It’s really nice that your D called to chat and also sends texts … that can help as you adjust to her being gone.</p>
<p>Thanks! I was taken by surprise at my reaction and didn’t want to put a damper on her transition, hence the quick handoff of the phone. I’m usually the strong one and I guess that has it’s limits. I had just set the table for two and … I called her back and we talked. She has amazing insight and made several suggestions to ease the adjustment. eg retail therapy lol. Talk about roll reversal. I’m glad she is confident and ready to spread her wings and won’t be too traumatized by her wackaloon mom! I enjoy reading everyones experiences and knowing everyone is trying to establish the new normal.</p>
<p>Yes, college is a great idea! I was a commuter and the experience is so different for my twins, even they’re only 25 minutes away from home. </p>
<p>I’m relieved to hear that exhaustion is normal. My D is typically go-go-go-go-go (e.g., on Saturday she worked from 5 a.m. to 2 p.m., attended a football game 3 p.m. to 6 p.m., and then went with Dad & her boyfriend to the Grand Prix in Baltimore), but she’s been uncommonly tired. I was worried she was coming down with something (I’m a mom, I worry, it’s what I do), but now I think it’s definitely being “on” all the time. She’s an extrovert, but she does love her TV-watching and quiet moments. Now with a roomie and her own extremely high expectations for being friends with everyone, she likely doesn’t get that down time.</p>
<p>I have to say I am glad that others are seeing the exhaustion as well. My Dd also loves her down time and getting cozy in front of a book or the TV and I do not think she has had much of that since she has been gone. We have skyped a couple times and she looks sooo tired. I worry about her a bit. I think I am going to go get her some super B vitamins - they help! big hugs for all of us who can only make suggestions - I told her to grab some naps this week while roomie is at class.</p>
<p>S2 called and said he thought he had a stomach bug. He said it started after breakfast. I asked him what he ate. He said a bagel and cream cheese, a muffin, pancakes…I interrupted him and said he is probably eating too much! This is a kid who ate a bowl of cereal for breakfast everyday for 18 years - so all that food & fat etc is most likely the problem. </p>
<p>DH told him to take his multivitamin and get more sleep. I think they all have to learn where their limits are.</p>
<p>chemusic … that is funny. I hope your S is just too full and not really sick. I can also see my S gaining 5 lbs already by the fact that an all-you-can-eat breakfast is sitting there waiting for him. He told me that he is not sleeping in yet because he knows he can get a huge breakfast each morning before his first class.</p>
Phone calls are just not the same…</p>