<p>About Junior year stress…I think we can help our children by lowering our own expectations, let them make mistakes (and learn from them), and encourage activities that are joyful. My daughter was relieved when I let her know this fall that I was not expecting that she aim for Ivies or other top 10 schools. With parental pressure off, her dedication to learning and grades have been better than ever. Same with her sport (message: focus on self-improvement and team building) not on state meet qualification. I am even backing off on how messy her rooms is --I just shut the door! I think a positive state of mental health is important for now and for later. </p>
<p>I am glad to have discovered CC --it many ways reading your posts has lowered my own anxiety about college searching and admissions. I am gaining more realistic expectations about top schools and learning about dozens of other, very good colleges. </p>
<p>Junior daughter’s report card came today and it’s the best ever!!! She no longer “needs” language or lab science so she’s taking electives she really likes and is interested in and her grades show it. It makes me much more confident that she will be able to succeed in college if it’s the right one.</p>
<p>Junior year stress is running pretty high around here. Combination of tough academics and new leadership positions in ECs. Trying to minimize extra stress like standardized test prep, and encouraging getting enough sleep and eating right.</p>
<p>No stress here. just kidding…
DH and I are finding that D seems to clam up when she’s under stress. So, it has been helpful to get her to talk about it. My challenge has been to encourage her to figure things out rather than “fix it” myself.<br>
She and I visited three schools this week. One large state school, one mid size and a small private. She liked the mid sized best but didn’t really like the sports program but I thought it was a great fit. So, here I am biting my tongue in hopes that she eventually comes to the same conclusion.</p>
<p>PinotNoir, save your post #1996 because next year, you’ll love looking back and seeing the change in your S. Junior year was by far the toughest year for my S - academically as well as with our relationship. We had to guide him with an iron fist. I would tell him that if he just did what he was expected to do, there would be little stress. Senior year was so much more calm (after college apps were submitted!) </p>
<p>There were some who totally disagreed with our approach but I can truly say it was the best way for our S. As for chores, writing a list for him was much more successful than following him around the house and nagging him. It might work for your S.</p>
<p>S is now a freshman in college (his first choice) doing extremely well in his classes, involved in a great ec and best of all, LOVING being there.</p>
<p>Pinot Noir - My son is a lot like your son. If you ask my son, he would say that Junior year is not stressful but his mother bugging him is what is stressful. He is not overly concerned with his ridiculously rigorous workload (remember he is taking the 5 most difficult APs) or his upcoming SAT’s (he dosen’t seem to care at all). On his own, he is very happy to play xbox or watch sports on Friday until Sunday, then stay up on Sunday eves until 2 am to complete HW due Monday. I cannot handle this. So I nag him all weekend about “when” he is going to get his work done. Do you guys follow the ZITS comic strip? That is our family dynamics these days. </p>
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<p>Lilmom - What did you do or not do exactly? I am getting so much conflicting advice on how to manage DS. Some friends say, “leave him be. He will always be a procrastinator and that is what works for him. If he doesn’t do well, better that it happen now.” Other friends say “you are the parent and it is your responsibility to teach him now, while he is still under your roof, how to effectively manage his time.”
I don’t know anymore. Is happy and healthy enough? Is it ok (will I be ok with) if he dosen’t reach his potential (or attends a tier 3 instead of top college) because he is too stubborn to take an SAT prep class or go the extra mile in his EC’s or even read ahead one chapter in his AP Language novel? Is it okay to let them find their own path or is it negligent? My son says black if I say white right now (even if I am correct). This is not a peaceful stage of life to be in.</p>
<p>I am going to take up that challenge, out of fear the thread will fall into oblivion-- by this time next year may our kids have found a number of schools they love and we can afford–some of which they have a great chance of being admitted to. May they have submitted many app’s already and even have an acceptance in hand. May we feel proud of their work as students and ours as parents! </p>
<p>And may there be lots of new discoveries along the way!</p>
<p>I hope you all had great Thanksgivings! Ours ended up wonderful, although my college freshman S’s flight was delayed enough that it looked like he wouldn’t make his connection - the airline told my husband he would miss it and they had booked him for a flight the next day - arriving at 1:30 pm on Thanksgiving day! That would have involved “sleeping” (not) at O’Hare airport from 11:00 pm Wednesday until noon on Thursday. I was playing a concert and getting text updates from DH - I had my cellphone on my music stand so I could read them but not really respond. it was agonizing! Luckily, the connecting flight was late enough that my son could run from one end of O’Hare to the other and make his connection. Yay! I picked him up after my show and we got home from the airport at 2:00 am. Pshew. </p>
<p>But that was our only wrinkle - we had a great day with the extended family!</p>
<p>Yes, Gwen, very nice! We can all look back to that post during moments of frustration over the next year, to remind ourselves of our goals. Won’t be hard to find the post ;)</p>
<p>PN, we could’ve given your S a bed if he’d been stranded at OHare. We drove to my inlaws in Chicago on Tuesday, picking D1 up at OHare Tuesday night. Her flight from Boston was early. believe it or not! We’ve now had two years of college-student-Thanksgiving-travel without a wrinkle - hope we can keep that up though D2’s college years.</p>
<p>seiclan - your post really resonated with me, given my experience with D1. she was just like your S - very capable but not always as motivated as I would’ve liked. I got the same conflicting advice, with more of the “it’s your responsibility as the parent to push” variety here on CC. by the end of her junior year, I just decided that her grades were what they were, and I didn’t want to spend her last year at home fighting all the time. so I let go of some of the dreams I had for tippy top schools and we had a relatively conflict-free senior year - I relaxed and she put more effort into her apps than I had expected. of course, YMMV.</p>
<p>I am aware of all his assignments and I back off, he always gets it done. I take many opportunities to teach from the B+ grade - maybe if you did not do it the night before at 12AM it would be an A. It is slowly sinking in. </p>
<p>The SAT scores ere a little bit disappointing but the truth is if he never took them again I would be fine. He realizes a little bit of effort will get him at the scores he is looking for so we are shooting for May and June. </p>
<p>If any of you find the trick, please post!</p>
<p>Gwen- loved your post! It is hard to imagine that a year from now apps might be done! Thank you for writing it down. It is a real reminder that maybe I should privately stress and remember to enjoy, smile and celebrate this time in our life. </p>
<p>I remember the day he started to walk. It was Christmas and his Uncle and Grandfather were reading papers on the couch. He had been cruising around tables but never independently. He simply got up toddled over to the newspapers picked one up and plopped down and started to read too! It was upside down and it is one of my favorite pictures. The men reading on Christmas morning. </p>
<p>Bottom line- it is his way. Once he sees what he wants - full steam. He has always been that way and I am sure this journey will be no different for him.</p>
<p>Nice to hear that I have company here on this forum. I am really looking forward to sharing with all of you the ups and downs of the next year and a half with our 2012’ers! Did any of you read the Thanksgiving day Zits comic? I cut that one out. If not, this is a link to it (you might have to scroll back to two days ago IDK).</p>
<p>So, my son told me (I asked because of a weekend time management problem that we had a few weeks ago) that he had Spanish, Physics and English homework this holiday weekend. I asked him how long it would take to do each and when he planned to do it. I added that my holiday request was that it all be completed (including any test or quiz studying) by Sunday evening at ten. He told me that he would do the Spanish and Physics on Friday evening and the English on Saturday knowing that he had Sunday (in case, let’s face…in every case!) it takes him longer than he anticipates. Well, at ten last night he told me that he had finished the Spanish and Physics and was now going to play his xbox since he was on schedule. </p>
<p>This exchange is a mixed bag, as my previous post. DS is resentful that I am checking up on his HW management BUT I view it as trying to get him to think things through and develop a plan…time management is a skill that some need to learn (as opposed to some developing it on their own). True, he does always get it done, eventually. He isn’t one of those kids who forgets assignments. But his planning has been nonexistent and then when “stuff happens”, he left no room for adjustment and he would end up blaming the lower test or quiz grade on some curve ball thrown from another teacher.</p>
<p>PRJ - I am hoping to do that too (completely just let it go at the end of this year, if not sooner). But this is still Junior year, the most important year in terms of grades. For the Florida colleges and EA schools, this GPA at the end of this year is all that the admissions decisions are based upon (they don’t want midyear reports unless the student is deferred). </p>
<p>PN- so glad that your DS got home safely and in time to sleep in his own bed. What instrument do you play? My family is/was very musical too. DS unfortunately quit band though after first quarter of freshman year (after playing trumpet since 4th graded) because you had to be in Marching band and our schools band is very competitive (they practice after school 5-8 pm too many days a week to be compatible with my DS’s academic courseload). I miss his trumpet playing (he was very good) since he only rarely takes it out now. DH plays sax. D1 played Bass Clarinet and percussion and D2 played flute. We could have a mini orchestra.</p>
. I’m glad your son made his flight!</p>