<p>So, DD has an essay she won’t show me…but is complaining about. "it’s not what I want to say…It’s not as good as everyone else’s (of whom/who’s she has not seen!). At least she’s working on it. She has a friend who called her up to ask her which Ivy she should apply early to-- "MOM, if she’s applying to those schools, I’ll never get in!’ and then “which one SHOULD I apply to?” and then “if I apply to one school early, I may never know if I could get into that other one…” I keep telling her make sure she has a bunch of schools she will be happy to go to no matter what…
Does anyone have a good answer, or way to talk sincerely about this whole IVY thing? I think she knows (because we have had this discussion) that IVY’s are reaches for EVERYONE…but I’m wondering if I am missing something that I should/could be addressing. She has a “shot”…but really, from our school, maybe two kids get in per year to any one of the Ivy’s…and she knows it…and there are some other small Liberal Arts schools that are just as competetive…etc…She likes one of her Safety’s…which could be a really good fit for her…so, I’m not too worried about her getting into a school. I am just not sure how to answer her latest-constant question about “what if I don’t get into an IVY” or “what if I don’t TRY to get into an IVY” and “What if I don’t like the kids who want to go to the same IVY I think I should try for?”…ugh. any advice? I’m too tired to figure all this out!</p>
<p>Aww drmom. I feel for you. Sorry I have no advice.</p>
<p>Yay on essays being started 89wahoo!!!</p>
<p>Now I’m wondering if I should contact the schools my S used his free score reports for this past spring to veify they have them.</p>
<p>My situation is a little different because my D refuses to apply to any ivies. She wants no part of it, but she is applying to a couple of top 20 super reaches (ie lottery schools). She had the same concerns as your D and was afraid to even get started. I think the best thing I did for her sanity was to visit her safeties, two of which she fell in love with and pull the trigger on an early app. Now she’s confident she’ll go to a safety she loves and has an admission under her belt. She knows her ED school has an 85% chance of NOT happening for everyone who applies.</p>
<p>Amazhon, so, your D applied/is applying to “a lottery” school as ED, and at the same time is applying to the safety? We did visit her safeties, one she really likes “and wishes it were considered a reach”…I think she really just has to mature a bit…but, I am feeling stuck, in knowing how to respond to her concerns…mostly because I really don’t feel any desire for her to apply to an IVY. I just don’t have the love many people do for any of those schools.</p>
<p>This Ivy thing is difficult. When you read the CC boards, all the high schoolers are asking “which Ivy should I apply to?” “which is easiest to get into?” I keep telling my D that its just an athletic conference and that there are many other schools that are as good or better for her. But, she is a typical high school kid and is overly affected by what her peers think - which is, that Ivy is best.
D will most likely apply to an Ivy school ED. It will be a lottery for her, like it is for everyone else. But I am making her pick a bunch of other schools too. If she doesn’t get in to the Ivy, we will pick up the pieces in December and move on. Hopefully by April she will have a handful of acceptances, and can go to some visit days and pick something she likes.
While I really want her to achieve her all her goals and dreams, I also know its ok if she doesn’t. There is a learning experience, and personal growth that comes with all of her stumbles. I have to trust in G-D, fate, or accidental luck that she will end up where she is supposed to. That and the gap year I threatened her about if she doesn’t finish up those applications already! :)</p>
<p>Drmom - it sounds like she might have reach vs safety tied into desireability and/or prestige rather than her chances of admittance? I think a lot of people, us parents included, conflate those ideas especially when you hear even professionals say reach schools are your dream schools. My son LOVES his admissions safety that has an 85% acceptance rate. The only reason I’m still having him apply to his reaches are because they meet need. But right now he would pick his safety over any school on his list.</p>
<p>@Carla-haha. Did you threaten your kid with a gap year too? My Ds graduating at 17 and I told her I force her to stay home until she’s legally an adult if she didn’t work on being more mature. LOL</p>
<p>@DrMom-Yes one of her safeties has rolling admission. We visited and she loved it so she applied. It gave her so much confidence to have an acceptance under her belt because she was losing it. Her other safety is our state school. Tons of her friends are going and she said she’d be happy there as well. She’s also doing an overnight at one of her matches this week and if that goes well she’ll apply immediately as well. </p>
<p>Her dream school is a lottery school and I just keep reminding her that she’s made great choices and will find her nitch wherever she lands. She didn’t go ivy because she wanted to experience division I sports and only a few schools in the top tier have that. She didn’t want an environment that was cut throat. She didn’t want an environment that was elitist. The ethnicity had to be in a certain range or they offered strong active multicultural prgrams because we’re a minority family. Given HER wishes and what SHE was looking for the top tier was narrowed down to only a few schools.</p>
<p>I would have loved to have a kid in the ivy league, but its not for her, not at this stage in life anyway. Maybe grad school…truthfully nothing made me happier then seeing her talk to other students and her face light up with excitement at prospect of being a student on that campus. If your kid does that with an ivy league school-go for it. If she stresses out at the thought of competing with other kids at the school or will be devastated by a rejection, then it might not be the right choice. All I know is it wasn’t for my child and she’s a lot less stressed then she was a few months ago. For now…</p>
<p>I think you are all very wise. It is good to be able to ask these questions and think about them, because when it is midnight, and DD is melting down, I lose my “brain” and sometimes what I say just seems to make it worse. I really do know that this whole process is a growing-event for them. I really do know that wherever she lands, she will be fine, and it will be the best place for her. I also know (not at midnight) that her own angst whether it be her Prestige-desire-peer-pressure-whatever is part of what she has to grow out of…ON HER OWN…
so, that being said…I will continue to say “do your best, make sure you have schools in all categories that you will be happy with, and let’s see what/where this adventure brings you!” (and I hope she makes her decisions based on what she wants, not on what her peers think is best…)</p>
<p>Peer pressure is a b**** and in my old age I sometimes forget how serious it can affect a young person. We’re asking our children to decide what they want to do for the next four years and, oh by the way, you’ll be doing it on your own. It’s their first major decision and I try to make sure my D understands you don’t want mom, your best friend, or whoever choosing for you.</p>
<p>But my caveat to the above is finances. I definitely have input when it comes to how things are going to be paid. There’s no trust fund, inheritance or anything else. Her choices are limited to what we (as in her scholarship apps and my contribution) can afford. My brother, sister and i were all in college at the same time. Two of us at ivy league schools. We could not afford it and all of us never finished our degrees. Sad but very true story. She will not enroll if we dont have the funds to get through four years. She will not borrow more than she earns. Thats where I do put my foot down.</p>
<p>Wow! Amazhon, what a story. With that story, comes a lot of knowledge! Thanks,</p>
<p>Drmom, we are in a similar boat but my s is far less focused than your D. There is one Ivy for which he might be a good fit and he is applying there (most likely ED), but the conversations have been just like ones you describe: “what if I don’t get in?” “what if i do get in and everyone there is a ****?”. We just talk about it all like it is a gamble, and since we are all not risk takers in any way, it’s hard to do, but that there is no way to know or no way to succeed without a little risk at this point. Luckily, he likes his safety, and we are thinking of that as the place he will be with the Ivy as a distant chance. I’m sure we’ll still have a lot of soothing of wounds to do when the rejections come…</p>
<p>Mine has one acceptance but hasn’t finished the essay or most of the supplementals. he’s keeping things pretty tight to his chest. Have no idea where things are going these days. I saw something come in the mail this week that I’ve never seen with either of the two older kids… I saw an ‘insty app’ from a respected Common App school. When my oldest applied it required an interview and much energy to apply. It basically told my son to go on line and fill out the “short app”…but of course, if he chose to he could fill out the common app. Wowser. It’s not an inexpensive college so I wonder if it’s getting tougher for the colleges these days to fill seats if they aren’t a no loan/meets need private.</p>
<p>Personally, I didn’t want any part in applying to an Ivy. I know that I want to go to Barnard, which is just about as close to going to an Ivy while not actually going to one, as one can get (I hope that makes as much sense to you guys as it does in my head haha).</p>
<p>One kid in my high school has gotten into an Ivy straight out of high school. There have been three others to go to them for grad school, but last years kid was the first. He’s also an absolute genius and all around awesome guy. I know that I stand no chance of getting into any Ivy. I don’t want to contribute to their extremely low acceptance rate. I don’t want to help their numbers. I know that I wouldn’t be a good fit at them, either. The only ones that I could ever imagine going to would be Columbia or Dartmouth. </p>
<p>There’s just something about the Ivies that made me have no desire to ever really want to go to them, ever. I know that I’m applying to some difficult schools in terms of acceptance rate, but I’m just not turned on to Ivies.</p>
<p>It’s not that I’m afraid that I won’t get in. I know that I won’t get in, so I’m just not even going to bother. I think the kids at my school have mixed feelings. I think that some are afraid to know whether they’re good enough or not, and others know that they straight up would not be accepted.</p>
<p>Speaking for my peers, we all know that we have a more difficult time getting into the bigger name schools. We come from a small town which is predominantly white. We are all involved in a ton of stuff, and we all try so hard. We have good test scores and GPAs. The difference between my GPA and the valedictorian’s GPA is an extremely small number, which means that the fight for the top 10% is extreme and tough. Our grades are deflated and we have bell curves. We do whatever we can to make ourselves look desirable and have a good time while doing so. We all just know that as white kids from Connecticut we have our work cut out for us. In the top 20% of my class, only one kid is a minority. That’s it. And he’s wayy in the upper teens.</p>
<p>A lot of my peers’ parents are pushing them to do well in school and to try hard, but they aren’t pushing them to apply to Ivies. As a community, we know that the chances of one of us going to an Ivy League school is slim to none, as previous records have shown.</p>
<p>Thanking my lucky stars that I live in Texas, where most kids could not even name an Ivy league school. Well, maybe they’ve heard of Harvard, but that’s usually it. Most kids here just want to go to Texas A&M or UT. If they are good students, maybe UT-Dallas or Rice. The only kids I know from our school who went to an Ivy league school were URMs who were Questbridge - and I don’t know if any of them stayed or graduated. I hear about all the peer pressure and competitiveness of other parts of the country (OK, and top suburban schools in TX) and it seems kind of sad. Success is not determined (in my mind at least) by what college you went to - but by what you made of the opportunities afforded you.</p>
<p>I agree completely, Megpmom. And thank you Swizzle for your insight. (I also never applied to an Ivy) MomofNea, I think your words to your S are right on. I have to figure out how to get that message across in words that DS will also understand. Some of it, I guess, is just how to let kids make their own decisions, right or wrong, because in the end nothing super bad can happen, and it is their life to learn!</p>
<p>Quick question - does anyone have any experience with scholarship interviews with Loyola University - New Orleans, where they come to your home town for the interviews?</p>
<p>Speaking of Questbridge, we keep getting emails from them… we are white and middle class. Weird.</p>
<p>Questbridge has nothing to do with ethnicity.</p>
<p>Update…</p>
<p>THANK YOU MTNest and DR.Mom for your words of help and support vs. the ACT. They must have known that holy heck was about to rain down upon them tomorrow, ha ha, because Step-D just checked her latest application and it says “test scores received.” This was the first time (and she’s been checking daily) in the three weeks since she has sent them that it has said this so…WHEW! </p>
<p>I am going to call (speaking of calling ha ha) a few schools tomorrow and find out if they are showing the test scores received (if they can tell me) and if so, I’ll assume the entire list of schools got them. </p>
<p>I am SO RELIEVED that this problem may have been solved. Thank you all for the support. I appreciate it! </p>
<p>Swizzle, I am amazed at the great maturity that you and Napalm always show on this thread. We are lucky to have you posting here! Your insight is always appreciated.</p>