<p>I agree about providing a dollar amount. Though we said we will give her more if she gets into one of those tippy top schools, she is not even interested in applying. I guess we did too good of a job about financial safeties. Watch out for that.</p>
<p>Congratulations to everyone!!!</p>
<p>eyemamom, that would give me nervous breakdown too.</p>
<p>Like GertrudeMcFuzz, we provided a dollar amount, the maximum, per year, we could pay. And we threw in a carrot–get accepted for exchange or get a full tuition scholarship and there will be a hefty sum available for the purchase of a car after graduation. It’s the same deal we gave our oldest. </p>
<p>Tuition exchange isn’t guaranteed, so we made sure there was one school on the list we could pay for with the yearly amount we gave d. It’s not her favorite, but she says she’s ok going there if nothing else works out.</p>
<p>But yes, have a talk with your child about finances and have her cast a wide net. She may have blinders on right now, but when all the offers are in, she’ll have to pick something affordable.</p>
<p>I think it is difficult for some students (my own children!) to understand the enormity of the dollars involved. I cannot recall the context, but we discussed salaries and how far they go, or do not go, during dinner one night last week. Both children considered $100K the same way they might have considered $500K–as more than one could possibly need. It was interesting to try to break down for them where money goes. They do not see us spending a lot of money day-to-day, but an awful lot of money is spent just operating a household.</p>
<p>When I attended college, it was possible for me to pay a significant percentage of the total cost, but realistically, most kids can’t earn and/or borrow half the cost of school today, unless living at home and commuting to a state school.</p>
<p>Buckeye–would it help to use basic household budgeting examples so your Sr could see how challenging it is to come up with the cost of college?</p>
<p>We have a slightly different deal with our kids because we will be full pay. What we’ve said is that there is a pot of money for their education, and what is left after four years is theirs. This could range anywhere from 0 to six figures, depending on how they choose. </p>
<p>DS understands the value of that money, mostly because we made him buy his own car and he is responsible for gas, maintenance, and insurance. He can see exactly how far his summer earnings gets him! Even so, his first choice is a private school where he won’t get merit so he is unlikely to have anything left. But it is his choice. And at least he won’t have any loans.</p>
<p>I know this might be hard to arrange - but what made a huge difference to S1 who is now in his second year - was when he talked to someone who was paying OOS to go to the school he was considering for ED in State - that changed his tune. We also told him if he went ED at the instate school we would help with the first year of grad school.</p>
<p>Eyemamom - you took the words right out of my mouth. Saturday there’s a thin envelope addressed to S from one of his “reachier” EA schools. I thought should I open it? I tried to peer through the window and read it, then I just tore it open. It was info on their app status portal. This had to be mailed??? The school has family in the Postal Service?</p>
<p>Thanks for the heads up not to panic if small envelopes arrive in the mail! I can see why they’d want to mail things in addition to email. I know my S’s email Inbox is so loaded with college propaganda he dreads going through it all to find out what really matters in there. </p>
<p>If I had a third child, I would recommend a separate email address just for college application purposes.</p>
<p>Thanks for the suggestions. We already had given her a dollar amount per year – not a huge number for sure. We will be full pay, but she has several public OOS options that would fit within that dollar amount due to automatic merit scholarships. She feels we are trying to steer her into one of these universities. Well, we are, because that fits with our/her financial picture. We are visiting her dream school (Baylor) this weekend. I am trying so hard to not pressure her into researching these other schools, but at least one has a priority deadline of 12/1. I wish there was some magical way to get her to see what we are seeing…</p>
<p>I am a long-time poster on CC but not in Class of 2014. This is the second time for our family in the college application process so I thought since I have a DD in 2014 I would join the group in this forum. My DD is immensely private and her father (my DH) is a public figure so she has asked that I not tell anyone where she is applying to college. One of her nicknames is “Balance” so I have to respect her wishes for no drama surrounding applying to college. Unlike her brother’s high school (who is a current senior at Ohio State) which ratcheted up the stress with applying for college; DD’s high school specifically forbids parents from asking students where they are applying to college and the students do not ask each other. In fact when I ask DD if she knows where her friends are applying to colleges; she replies “no clue”. I am helping two of her classmates with applying to college so I know where they are applying. The school only releases the names of the colleges where the students are attending in June (with the students’ permission). It is such a different atmosphere from my DS’s high school (an all-boys h.s.) where I saw a lot of ugliness during the college admissions process. </p>
<p>DD’s high school has a fabulous college counseling department and wonderful teachers which make the process much less stressful than when her brother was going through it. DD transferred high schools at the end of freshman year because her old school would not let her take the math & sciences courses she wanted to be prepared for studying engineering. In addition DD loves robotics so she transferred to a h.s. with a team. We pay more about $9K more than the Catholic h.s. (always searching under the couch cushions comes tuition paying time) but it has been so worth it. DD has gotten some incredible experiences (global learning; research; internships; very small class size; great sports) and the staff really try to educate children in a positive way. We had used a wonderful private counselor for our son but saw no need for one since the counseling is so good at DD’s school. For example the run a cheap two-week long summer essay writing workshop that only 6 students participated in so DD got a very early start on her essays. Her GC and English teacher used google drive/docs to review her essays and make suggestions in real time which was a pretty cool experience. Every essay or supplement has been reviewed by them in a very timely fashion. they really let her essays be her voice and her written words. Plus her school has over 170 colleges admission reps come for visits just during the fall admission season. College reps also participate in a 3 day summer application workshop where the reps review applications before submitted; mock interview the students and review essays as well as give great advice. The GC’s at her school have a very personal relationship with college admission reps and I think it really benefits the students in terms of acceptances. Plus the school stresses finding the right “fit” for the student rather than just prestige in acceptance. Of course last year out of the 125 students; six did get accepted to Yale but it is not the driving force in their advice to students. The ratio is 35 students to counselor. I really wish every high school could have a similar college counseling department. </p>
<p>My memories of when her brother applied to college was one of yelling and stress. We hired the private counselor because the counseling at his school was lousy (she recommended the same 5 colleges to 95% of the students and she painted gloom and doom for our son even though he had good test scores and grades). Since our son would listen to the private counselor and do things for her; it helped us maintain our relationship. If you looked into the dictionary for procrastinator-during high school you would have seen our son’s picture. We had been good at taking our son visit colleges sophomore and junior year; but the private counselor really helped him focus his list. Plus we are a family who makes $1 too much for financial aid but despite our efforts at savings simply do not have the $480K needed for two children. Realizing that we were foolish to think his high school would be helpful when he applied to college; I plunged into learning as much as I could especially about getting merit money. DS did not get into any of his reaches but got into all his matches/safeties. He got two full rides and about $750K in merit money. He loves Ohio State and we love it since we have not had to pay much (his scholarship cover R&B too as well as books). My DS could have graduated in 3 years since he had a lot of AP credit but we are letting him stay for his 4th year because his college experience has been really positive. For those of you who have children who may not get into those reach schools; do not despair. Our DS tells us all the time that the ivies/Northwestern etc. were doing the right thing rejecting him because his college is a much better fit for him. He has had a great educational and social experience. Our son was very shy in high school so seeing him become the young man that he has become in college really does bring a huge smile to my face. </p>
<p>For those of you who are going through this process for the first time; do no beat yourself up over it. Experience really does make the process less stressful (or at least that is how I perceive it.) It might help that we are going through it with a daughter this time but even she says she doesn’t feel stressed about it. In our house of liberal arts majors; we say our DD speaks a different language because she has wanted to be a engineer since 7th grade. My DD is very lucky because in my community there are some great science consortiums of women scientists/engineers who grab a hold of girls in 7th/8th grade and follow them through high school. We have SWE and BEWISE (better education for women in science and engineering). They hold workshops; cool community service in science; internships; shadowing; conferences etc. Participating in them gave my DD a lot of confidence and great advice in what to look for in college. </p>
<p>I created a “crate organizational system” when my DD was a freshmen so she had all her papers organized throughout high school and applying to college. Sophomore year my DD visited two local colleges and the National College Fair (that helped a ton and helped her focus her college search) as well as a few admission presentations in our area. One thing I highly recommend if you have students in younger classes is to have your child apply and hopefully attend a summer program (the free or reduced cost ones). The applications for these programs are great test runs for applying to college but under less stressful conditions. My DD got use to asking for transcripts and recommendations letters. More importantly it forced her keep track of her activity hours and it started her in having a “bank of essays” that she could go to for applications. </p>
<p>My DD went to two summer program after sophomore year which again showed her that she could do college and help her focus on what is important to her. Little things like having good bathrooms became a big deal to her (I have see “the showers of the south” :)) </p>
<p>My approach is for a student to use junior year to develop their “college list”. Now I know that is not possible for every student but since DD knew what she wanted to study it really helped. We went on 3 college visit trips in different parts of the country. Having made the mistake with DS of (10 day trip of visiting 20 colleges) we broke the visits into 4 day segments and did just 4-5 colleges in two states per trip. DD’s school gives them short breaks throughout the year so we would do Thursday-Sunday or Friday-Monday and we always made sure a college gave a tour on Saturdays. The other thing we did is to ask if anyone at the college could volunteer a student for a Sunday tour which the colleges usually did. We attended local visits by reps when we could but that would sometimes be difficult if D had a test. Since grades rule the college admission kingdom we always deferred to grades. </p>
<p>By May DD had her list about 95% done. Having gotten some good advice here on CC; I made sure hes loved every school on her list and could give me at least 3 reasons “why” for each school. Since we are on the hunt for merit money; DD applied to 12 schools. One thing that I think is important emotionally for some students is to get some early acceptances in the door so at the end of June DD applied to two of her reaches and by the second week of July she had those acceptances and with merit money so she was on her way to going to college. It helped to take some pressure off her her. </p>
<p>Our hope was that she would have all her writing done and all the apps done by the time school started. Well DD got a full-time job as a mechanical engineering intern with a local firm. She also was told by two of her favorite colleges that they would not even look at her app with out calculus. Since DD was still playing catch-up from the first high school; she had to take pre-calculus online. That class definitely made it the “no fun” summer. I couldn’t really get on my DD’s case to complete her apps when she had a lot on her plate already. DD kept on working on her common app essay and some supplements but I and her GC/English teachers thought they were too “listy” and not personal enough. </p>
<p>As I previously mentioned DD is very private and modest (unlike her mother); she doesn’t feel comfortable talking about herself in her writings. She was writing but the drafts just did not give enough insight into who she was. Fortunately DD was doing every college but one early action so the early deadlines helped her to focus. The other thing is that at the end of August DD got nominated for an incredible experience which meant she had 3 ays to write 8 300 word essays for the application. I am the kind of parent that gets excited over every kind of opportunity out there and DD has to remind me she “doesn’t have to do everything presented to her”. DD loves her sports and going to sleep at a decent time so she just focuses on 3 things. She got selected for the end of August opportunity-she is a world-wide ambassador for a major computer science company who everyone uses every day and it starts with the letter “G”. This position meant she would have to participate in a weekly online academy and attend a global summit (which she did last weekend). We can’t disclose this new position until January when the company does a press release. It was one opportunity DD wanted to go for so I had to get some more patience while her remaining applications remained unfinished. </p>
<p>The first of October DD spent the weekend home to work on essays and I had to not scream when on the Sunday evening she came downstairs and had just one 50 word paragraph to show for her effots. I contacted her GC and English teacher. Her English teacher had a talk with her and arranged for them to meet before school to work on her essays. Her guidance counselor told her to throw away all her drafts and to start new since DD was having some sort of writers block. She also asked us to share with DD the parent survey we had filled out junior year with stories about DD. She also asked to write some stories we remembered about DD during high school. I don’t know what happened but it was as if DD finally had a light blub moment. She wrote a great common app essay and several supplements; scholarship and honors college essays. By Nov. 1 she had almost all of her EA applications one. By Nov. 15 she had all of her college applications done (12 of them and 2 honors college apps and three private scholarship apps.). The writing actually got easier and in fact the GC said there were some supplements that needed no editing. </p>
<p>Now that the applications are done my DD will focus on doing any scholarship applications or honors college applications needed for her schools. She has a pretty good dialogue with the admission reps for her colleges. I normally don’t have my children do more than 5 applications for private scholarships since that is the hardest money to get that takes a lot effort. However last Friday D got the call that she had won a national scholarship. It is for just $1k but heck every bit helps. Plus I think that some of D’s EC’s are unique and when you look at her resume you definitely see what she cares about. So I probably will ask her to apply to a few more private scholarships. </p>
<p>D is captain of girls varsity basketball and robotics season will start on Jan. 1 so I will try to not make her do too much more for her colleges. For the colleges that she considers 8-12 on her list I am not making her apply to their merit scholarships if the application is complicated. One school wanted her to read a book and write about it and since we feel she will get into most of her matches with money I let her pass on that scholarship. </p>
<p>Sorry for writing so much. Since DD is my last child this whole process is very emotional for me. My nest will truly be empty and I can’t believe how fast their childhood has gone. I am lucky; I have a very good relationship with my DD and I am truly going to miss her. I started a new profession that involves working with teenagers so my DS says I am “replacing them with new kids.” </p>
<p>For you newbie parents hang in there. I know with child #2 I have been incredibly lucky to have the process go so smooth; no nagging; tears or breakdowns. For everyone I know our children will end up and the right place and I hope they have the same experience as my child #1.</p>
<p>Good luck to all and happy essay writing.:)</p>
<p>The only thing I don’t like about EA is that the decisions often arrive just before Christmas. Two years ago, I decided that if a skinny enveloped arrived on the 23rd or 24th I wasn’t going to show it to DS until the 26th and pretend it arrived that day. Fortunately, the EA decision he was most excited about arrived on the 24th in a fat envelope, so it was an early Christmas present.</p>
<p>I wonder if some schools plan it that way because the admissions office is often closed between Christmas and New Year’s Day. They mail out the decisions and then close up so they don’t have to answer any questions!</p>
<p>Are things still coming by snail mail? I thought most schools were switching to electronic notification either through their portal or email.</p>
<p>pacnwmomof2- I agree about the timing. If I remember correctly-admission decisions are always released on Fridays so that you can’t call the admissions office. I have noticed with the CA glitches that many colleges are pushing their notifications to close to Dec. 25. I hate that it is so close to the holiday especially since my DS will be home from college then. For my DD- most of her decisions are found out online so you can’t really hide it. </p>
<p>Again to everyone else. I am so sorry I wrote such a long post. I kept on getting interrupted while writing and I guess I lost track of how long it was. Plus I think I was being very emotional about this being the last one.</p>
<p>Many are still snail mail. My s did ED II two years ago and we heard a day or two after Christmas via snail mail. Hearing right before Christmas would have been devastating if it was a no. But I do agree those letters go out, they close up, and hopefully things calm down over the holidays so there are fewer calls. My sons yes came in a paper thin tyvek envelope. </p>
<p>One of d’s schools that is on the portal uploads at 7pm on the 15th. S applied to the same school and the answer was uploaded hours before the actual release time. However, most sites crash when they release like that. </p>
<p>I literally want no contact until they give us an answer through the mail. Email people, or call. Thin envelopes - not cool and they should know better.</p>
<p>Just got our first acceptance, to D’s real safety (and financial safety). She applied regular decision, but before the early action date, and they seem to have treated her as a EA candidate. (She applied to a single choice early action school, so couldn’t apply early action elsewhere.) Very nice feeling to get a big fat envelope! Still a long ways to go on writing essays for other schools, though.</p>
<p>Welcome to our little corner, itsv!</p>
<p>DS received an e-mail from one of his non-common app schools last week then looked again today to see that they STILL have not received the LOR from his English teacher! This is the same teacher who decided to do the Common App LOR offline, so we have no idea if the other schools have received it. Aggravating! I told DS last week to go check on it. Now I’m insisting that he check on it tomorrow.</p>
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<p>Buckeye - We had that financial discussion with DS three years ago and he understood. Not that sure about DD this time around. We basically told DS-2011 that we could cover the value of the instate flagship and he could use that value at any school. We urged him to consider the more selective schools that offered merit and or need grants. We thought we would qualify for something and our GC confirmed we shoud apply where there was plenty of merit or grant funds being made available.</p>
<p>As it turns out, DS was accepted to two upper tier schools that offered surprisingly good FA packages that included sizable grants, a nominal federal loan and a small work study. Our out of pocket was about $5K more than our net cost to the state flagship the first year and about $7K less the second year as we had some higher medical expenses. The third year (this year) the school had our FAFSA EFC modified lower (again due to medical/dental expenses) and we are paying well under the cost of the flagship for an upper tier private school. I am totally amazed at how liberal the FA programs have become at some of the private schools. Even if you think you will be full pay and have an internal family tuition cap, leave the door open as some of the schools have pleasantly surprising grants and/or merit programs. It is worth it to wade through the FAFSA and the CSS program. The worst case is that you get nothing. On the other hand, you might be surprised and pleased with the results and your DS or DD will have an opportunity to attend a school that might otherwise have come of their list due to the misperception of being too expensive.</p>
<p>I take it from your screen name that you are obviously a Buckeye at Heart but you are not residing here in the Buckeye state at the present time. Go Bucs! O-H-I-O :)</p>
<p>Thank you for the post itsv!!! I am one of those newbie parents that’s going through the phase either I am beating myself for could-have/should-have or getting frustrated with D/but-cant-show-it-out. I feel like I am the ghost hovering on my D similar to that movie “ghost” starring Demi Moore & Patrick Swayze. I may have to find someone to “host” me so I can get my message out to D :)</p>
<p>Reading your post made me calm down.</p>
<p>Congrats 2014ProfDad! Here’s hoping it’s the first of many acceptances.</p>
<p>Eyemamom - thanks for the ugh tip about EA timing. I honestly don’t know which if S’s schools just do snail mail or just do portal notification. I would think someday this will all be accessed through the common app website. I mean, why not?</p>
<p>BuckeyeatHeart: I understand about the financial aspect and the dream school. My younger son, the '14, has a dream school, too. We were quite honest with him. Dream school is nice, but do not let it become your nightmare of debt. We showed him the bottom line, and he understands. He needs to have top SATs to put himself in reach of his “dream,” or we move on. That “move on” will be tough for him, but he also hates the idea of big debt for his undergrad years. Maybe that’s why he is listening and applying for all sorts of scholarships, making sure his essays read well and keeping his grades at the highest level. </p>
<p>I do not envy you. But, show her the bottom line. If she can come up with the difference, great. If not, then she needs to look elsewhere.</p>