<p>Feeling very peaceful today. D1 is home for a couple weeks. H, a high school teacher, and D2, a high school student are on break. We went out to dinner last night, then everyone slept about 12 hours (or maybe that was just me). Good to have this first semester locked up! I told D1 that the hardest part was over - she knows her way around, knows some faculty, has a good group of friends, knows how to do the train & the airport to get herself across the country. Very proud of her!</p>
<p>S is back home and in great spirits. I told the story here before how his roommate never showed up and how he was quite bummed about that. It turns out the young man, from India, had been accepted into Oxford and decided to go there without ever telling Rice or my S. S did adjust to having a room for himself, but his two suitemates, also freshmen, were scholarship athletes that he never felt he had anything in common with and that he rarely interacted with so he became quite unhappy with his living situation. He decided to try to make a change and talked to the housing coordinator and for the Spring semester he is going to be able to move to another suite with four singles, where the other three students are sophomores. He has met them before and has really hit it off with one of them so he is very excited about next year.</p>
<p>He saw some of his high school friends since coming back and while he still appreciates that they still make him feel like the old big fish in a small pond, he told us that his university has changed him and now he feels more comfortable with his Rice friends than with his old high school friends, who are all going to other universities. I had been wondering how long that would take.</p>
<p>@austinareadad, college has changed my D as well. She is becoming a little more aware of the world. She is one of the few of her college friends who went to a public high school. And she is noticing a difference between the two. Not in a wealthier is better way, but just that having money gives you a few more options in the world. I’ve known that for many years of course, but it’s interesting to see your child realize that. She’s always been around kids with the same general socio-economic status, not as much anymore. And that’s one of the great things about college.</p>
<p>S has a big decision to make. He is in a living/learning community which requires he live in one particular dorm for freshman and sophomore years. He applied for a community assistant position (working the front desk at a dorm- provides free room as pay) and was offered a position in a different dorm. So now he has to choose whether to continue in his current program or take this position. He saw this position as a stepping stone to being an RA his junior year. However, he wanted to be an RA for his living/learning community. I don’t know why they even offered him a position that would require he leave his other program when he told them in an interview he was in that program. Very frustrating! </p>
<p>@AvonHSDad: For God’s sake, talk her out of education. I’m saying this as someone who left the private sector eleven years ago to become a teacher because I thought it would be rewarding and provide security. Nothing is less rewarding than trying to teach something you love to students who couldn’t care less and everything is set up to deprofessionalize teachers. I’d tell you more but I hope you can convince her to drop the idea.</p>
<p>Oooof…we’re also living through the entitled attitude now with d. She is clearly going through some growing pains as she analyzes the differences between home and school. Clearly school wins. We made cookies yesterday and I announced at the end to hubby…I’m nit free. I’ve been nitpicked clean. Hubby isn’t tolerating it well. </p>
<p>@libbyt My S is much more aware now of how comfortable a life we have had. Starting, of course, with all the space in our house compared to cramped dorm rooms. He sees classmates very stressed about loans and part time jobs and truly appreciates that at the moment he has neither (our college savings plus his merit scholarships more than cover his school’s expenses, which were lower than we expected because he didn’t go to a top tier school). Also, we have a very good public school system so he’s felt more prepared than some of his classmates. I’m sure it could have gone the other way if he’d gone to a more pricey, more selective school. </p>
<p>Eyemamom: Remember that attitude of entitlement well from my older son when he first got home from his first couple of years or so in college. Got picked at and on, too. Guess what? He saw that we were not so bad, as the years rolled on. He does not worry as much as what brand of clothing he likes (and he likes the big-name, fraternity faves), but that he likes to be warm! So, when he opened a box for Christmas and saw that we got him a bulky sweater, it was more like, “It can go with so many things, and it’s warm.” Now in law school, he does not have a lot of money, so he is grateful for the leftovers I send back with him. It is a night or two that he does not need to cook. </p>
<p>It is amazing the turnaround.</p>
<p>As for our younger son, we hear we are “boring.” Well, we are quiet and comfortable. We do not need excitement. We teach, so we are tired at night! But he has been great while I recover from pneumonia and his dad from a sinus infection. He is quiet so we can sleep. He goes out for a run. He goes to the store for whatever things I forget. He is thrilled that his brother is home so they can watch movies together or just go out for a walk.</p>
<p>AvonHSDad: Got to agree with Quagmiro. Please try to encourage your daughter to follow a different career path. She may think she can save all the kiddies and educate them, but she cannot. In many cases, they just do not want to learn or know how to learn. Their parents often do not care about their education and see school as free babysitting. No one tells the prospective teacher about the paperwork, endless meetings and little or no raise for years. She needs to know the reality before she makes a decision to teach.</p>
<p>^ I think private vs state school makes a difference in wealth perception. S went the State U route and his freshman roommate was very poor. Although there were kids who came from more money, overall, S felt affluent. Not so for D. Over 70% of students at D’s school receive some type of need based aid, and we are full pay, so I was initially surprised that D commented about the affluence. Then it occurred to me that while D is accustom to upper middle class/professional parent affluence, she is, for the most part, a public school kid, and didn’t have much pre-college exposure to lifestyles of the rich and famous. Her roomie is very wealthy. When I questioned her, however, D seemed to know plenty of kids on work study. I think kids (and people generally) have a tendency to notice those who have more. </p>
<p>Adding to my prior post - IMHO perception is also skewed by one’s immediate social circle at school. At State U, a lot of the wealth tends to concentrate in the Greek system. And I think girls, more than boys, tend to get caught up in the “keep up with the Joneses” mentality. </p>
<p>D fell into that mentality at the beginning of the semester. We’ve discussed it since she’s been home. I mistakenly assumed she understood the difference in income level between upper middle class and rich. But she was shocked to learn that some of these kids have parents with 7 figure annual incomes. (I would’ve thought the private jet would be a tip off…lol). I think (and hope) she gets it now and realizes that keeping up with the Joneses is futile, and a path to misery. </p>
<p>@AvonHSDad - gotta throw a different perspective in here. My DH switched careers to become a teacher at age 36. He absolutely loves it and knows he has found his calling. Yes, there is a huge amount of beaurocratic (sp?) crud to deal with, along with endless grading, but he loves (most of ) his students and they love him. Not to mention the airtight job security that we sure appreciated through the recession. (He’s a HS science teacher, so they are in constant demand). And the pension that he will receive throughout retirement is really wonderful. </p>
<p>I wonder, how many of you share your financial information with your kids? And if not, do you think it leads to unrealistic expectations (ie is “We can’t afford it” too generic to really hit home?). Would it be better if they saw actual income and expenses?</p>
<p>I don’t think my d is mature enough, nor do I want to share my income or expenses with her. But a case in point, last night I told the kids how since I started getting paid with our company (hubby and I work together) and started 1999, but I didn’t get paid for a few years, most of my paycheck has gone towards paying their private school tuition and saving for college. Well, starting this past paycheck, I now get to keep my money - I’m done saving for education! As long as they don’t need any extra semesters, I can finally keep my money. Now I feel like doing cartwheels! Sons says, how does that impact you - I just said - you know how dad gives you $100 when he takes you back to the airport? Imagine you just turned around and gave me 95 of it. That’s what it’s been like. D was like - what are you going to buy with all that money? It’s now going to pay off the house. So in essence I still don’t really see it.</p>
<p>My kids grew up in private schools - they are well accustomed to the wide range of incomes around. The funny thing is - son is at a very expensive private school - he noticed right off the bat how entitled the kids were, which imo feeds right into the liberal doctrine at elite institutions. Poor kid can barely stand it anymore. I don’t mean to get political, but it’s hardly shocking to me that colleges lean hard left, but he’s struggling with the lack of acceptance over diversity of thought.</p>
<p>This weekend, D2 was asking for lots of Christmas-related things (expensive wrappings, decorations) on a trip to Target. I explained to her that there is a finite quantity of money. Anything we spend on everyday stuff like wrapping paper does not get put into her college fund, or into our retirement so she doesn’t have to support us in our old age. That seemed to sink in better than “that’s too expensive.”</p>
<p>So great to hear of all the DDs and DSs arriving at home for the holidays!</p>
<p>So happy to have both of my children home for the holidays! S managed to get the week off of work and flew in for Christmas. I have really missed him. He is so grown up now. </p>
<p>@quagmiro, @momreads, @GertrudeMcFuzz - Thanks for the feedback. She still has 3 1/2 years to go and her college doesn’t have an Education school or major. I am almost certain that her focus and interests will continue to drift and change. The good news is that first semester grades were well above her expectaions. So far all A’s and one A- with the Spanish grade yet to come. Her courses included bio, chem, and calculus. Not an easy way to start college. She will continue with her science major second semester. Sophomore year is completely up in the air. Time will tell.</p>
<p>DD has been home about a week now. So much more grown up, capable, independent. Appears to have ended the semester really happy at her college. Interestingly, she’s moved on from any big attachment to her old HS and to all but her closest HS friends. Seems to have happily moved on. A small LAC turned out to be the right choice after all.</p>
<p>My DD’14 has been home since Friday. She found out her grades last night. She got 2 B+ and 3 As. They are not as what she was accustomed when she was in HS. At the same time, it wasn’t bad for a first semester at an Ivy not known for grade inflation. At least that’s what she said when she showed me her grades. The big surprise? She took two Computer science classes and she got A on both of them.</p>
<p>To be honest, I don’t know what to expect. I’m just glad that she’s happy, joined clubs and found really good friends and got very closed to several girls. One of them invited her during Fall break and another invited her during Thanksgiving.</p>
<p>Merry Christmas everybody!</p>
<p>Happy Holidays, Happy Chanukah, and Merry Christmas to all!</p>