<p>How to manage them, push more, less, whatever, I can’t figure it out. I feel like I’m not encouraging D enough–several times this week she’s said “What I did was really dumb”, “I’m so dumb” or some variation.</p>
<p>On the other hand I am quite frustrated with her. On Tuesday I woke up early to drive her to Math extra help–if she takes the school bus she has just 5-10 minutes to talk to the teacher. I had told her days before to go to one of the sessions during the school day or after school but of course she let it slide until the very day of the test. So she dawdled…and then we had to turn back for a form that had to be handed in that day–I had left it right by her backpack but she didn’t pack it even though she knew what it was and that it was due that day. By the time we finally got to her school we were only 5 minutes ahead of her bus. I told her that we really had to leave earlier for extra help and she said, “yes, I’m so dumb.” She said later that the test was easy but I found out today that she only got 38 out of 50.</p>
<p>And then I found out today that the Music Theory Honors course she’s taking is eligible for college credit, through an agreement with a local college. But the deadline for signing up was last week. I asked her about it and she said “Oh that was so dumb of me, I just forgot, I’m really sorry.”</p>
<p>I’m really not sure how to handle this. She’s done fine in Math and science for the past 4 years, got a 92 in Math and a 93 in Bio last year. But if she doesn’t pull up her Math and Chem grades (she’s been getting 70s, 78s and 82s on tests) then she could lose her scholarship, which requires a 90 average. She’s in private school and that would mean $8000. Not that the money is the most important thing, though. I’m really not sure why she seems to have lost motivation or focus this year and that’s what worries me. It seems that it’s more than just the increase in difficulty in the work. And her losing the scholarship could really be a blow to her confidence.</p>
<p>She’s doing well and having fun in school activities–Pit Band for the school musical, Mock Trial, Speech and Debate. She was about to give up on Speech and Debate but I really pushed and coached her (with a lot of resistance on her part) and she placed 2nd (out of 20) in the latest tournament which means she’s going on to State finals. I asked her whether she thinks she’s spending too much time on activities and not enough on studying and she said no. I would hate to have to tell her to stop the activities especially since it’s her opportunity for socialization and she doesn’t have many friends.</p>
<p>It also drives me crazy to see her spending time on doing elaborate manicures while her grades are slipping and her room is a rat’s nest. So I’m taking her nail polish away until I see some better test grades.</p>
<p>Sorry to hear about the flu. My h has had flu all week. He had the flu shot too. Thank goodness for the Tamiflu. He is feeling better now. </p>
<p>Some insightful posts…Thanks for sharing. It is nice to read about different perspectives here on CC.</p>
<p>Neither of my sons told me they wanted to quit piano. At age 13 or so, they started losing interest in playing and needed constant naggings to do practice. It also took them a long time to stop whatever they were doing in order to get into the car for me to drive them to the teacher’s house for lessons. That was it! I pick my battles and I simply stopped the lessons. I doubt they would come to me one day and say why I let them stop. But if they did, I would tell them that they CHOSE not to practice piano so that there was no reason for me to pay for the lessons.</p>
<p>crepes – Sorry about the situation. Not that it helps, but I have seen this before with sophomores. For some kids, sophomore year is hard because the newness and excitement of high school has worn off and reality of graduating in a couple years is starting to hit. We also found that there is a significant step up in expectations from 9th to 10th grade. My sister says that that year was by far the worst for her two daughters and they both turned out fine! Also, what math is she taking? Geometry is significantly different from things they have seen before that some kids who have done well previously start to struggle. </p>
<p>Also, I can’t remember for sure if it was this thread that I saw someone ask about PSAT practice tests but I did stumble across a couple from another thread. See post #16 here</p>
<p>Crepes, these are difficult periods when things don’t go right with our kids and I never know how to handle them. Does your D talk to her teachers? If not, that’s the first thing she should start doing on a regular basis if you can convince her to do so. In a private school, teachers often want the kids to approach them and will go out of their way to help kids gain confidence and practice in their subject area. Does she have any insight as to the differences between last year and this year? Is the work harder or does she feel less focus and why does she think this is? Do you know where the class median falls on these tests? My D might come home unhappy about a grade like your D’s 38/50 and then find this was the top grade. Or that the teacher was deducting points for things that had nothing to do with the concepts or for calculations and that she just had to learn how to read this teacher. It sounds like your D is doing great in her activities. I agree, I wouldn’t encourage her to drop them. Kudos to her for scoring so well in Speech and Debate!!</p>
<p>The forgetting stuff? Please. My D is the queen of this. We went out specially to buy ingredients for something one of her classes was cooking, left everything right by her backpack and she forgot it all anyway! She routinely forgets payments and permission
slips and we’ve gotten “gentle” reminders from the teachers who are waiting for them.</p>
<p>I guess I’d sit her down in a calm moment and ask her how you can be helpful to her so that she can be successful and happy at school and see where things go from there.</p>
<p>My senior D has started putting reminders to herself in her phone even for seemingly trivial things and it seems to have really helped. These kids as so busy it isn’t really surprising they forget things.</p>
<p>I have been adding reminders to my phone’s calendar (and before that to a handheld organizer) for YEARS but I can’t convince my forgetful son of the need to do this.</p>
<p>3girls3cats, you’re right, D’s teachers in the subjects where she’s not doing too well all said to us at parent-teacher night in December that she needs to go and talk with them. She keeps on saying she will but I don’t think she’s done it more than a couple of times.</p>
<p>Interesting article. I think learning to ask for help can be one of the most difficult things to do for a lot of students, especially high-performing ones and it must be one of the most frustrating things for teachers who generally want to help. It’s the thing I worry about most for my senior D next year in college because I don’t think she ever did do it in high school. Kids who learn this in high school may be better off in the long run.</p>
<p>The head of school at our high school observed thst the highest performing students were the ones most apt to ask for help. But this may be something that is more common in private schools.</p>
<p>3girls I agree with so much of what you said.</p>
<p>I am so glad my life wasn’t defined by the choices I made in HS-they weren’t good choices and did limit where I went to college-I almost didn’t even go to college…</p>
<p>Once I got my act together I did every bit as well professionally as others who went to far better schools. I do not advocate my children taking my route and there are areas where I will not budge with them-but if they are going to school and getting their work done to the best of their ability they are keeping their end of the bargain. When problems crop up-for instance in sophomore year a progress report came home for my son and his grades had dropped-I find out what is going on and I help them work through it. In his case he had some major issues with anxiety that we were able to work through-you would like to think they will come home and tell you these things but they don’t always do so.</p>
<p>My best advice on these issues is to try and keep a good relationship with them-but this is the age where that can be next to impossible! I have no idea what other people are doing with their families and each child is different-I know for me and for my family I try my best to teach them the importance of balance. </p>
<p>My daughter right now is thinking of leaving a specialized and well regarded program at her HS. I would like her to stay in it as I think long term it would be better for her-but I will honor her decision when she reaches it if she comes to me me with solid reasons why she has decided to go a different route. She has indicated she doesn’t like the lack of flexibility in her schedule if she remains in the program-she would like to take an additional foreign language and more history classes. A decision she made as a HS freshman doesn’t seem so right to her this year. I may disagree but I would rather trust her to do what is best for her. The change I saw in my son during HS was nothing short of remarkable-isn’t that the point of growing up? I would hate to be her age and think I had to do this or that so I could go to the “right” school. I don’t believe anymore there is any one “right” school-I believe that if you can help guide your child through the minefield that is HS and they come out better than they entered it’s a win!</p>
<p>There really is no “right” school. My daughter is a freshman at a school she loves- made the Dean’s list as well. A family member warned me not to go to this particular school because her daughter hated it and transferred. I spent a full year listening to her tell me about how awful the school is. My daughter is thrilled.I am sure I will have the same issue with my 10 th grader. People are ready telling me where she should go. My younger one has a strong personality and is choosing her HS path- I trust her and so far I am happy with her choices. As a side note, my older daughter has never lost anything. My younger daughter is so wrapped up in her text books that she lost her sneakers. How do you lose sneakers?</p>
<p>I finally had had it with my D and told her this weekend that from now on she is driving the bus. (Maybe she always has been, and I’ve just been the annoying backseat driver.) I told her she was responsible for keeping up her grades and I wasn’t going to check them. I’m not going to keep on her to do “xyz” - she is responsible for what she does and doesn’t do. So, if that art contest (with scholarship money!) goes by without her entering any work, so be it. If she wants my help, I’ll be happy to help but she needs to manage it herself. She was OK with that. When she asked me something about a summer program, I told her to check her email. She pulled it up and THEN asked for my help with it. :rolleyes:</p>
<p>Major achievement this past weekend - D. cleaned up her own room, vacuumed the floor, dusted her desk and dresser and bookshelves. To many of you, my excitement might be comical but I just felt like sharing with you. And from now on, I don’t have to clean her room for her anymore. (hopefully. :p) </p>
<p>Today I went to the dentist. The dentist has known our kids since they started seeing her to clean their teeth. For D. that was when she was 4. The dentist kept track of her academic performance too. Today the dentist asked me “Is your daughter ready for MIT yet?” I said disappointingly she decided not to major in science. She wanted to do law school or something in that direction. The dentist was shocked and said “Can you have some say in that?! What a waste of a smart kid!” I said I wished she would love science (I’m a scientist myself and I LOVE science, so does DH) but I couldn’t force her. Dentist said next time D. went to clean her teeth she (dentist) was going to have a talk with her.</p>
<p>I love sciences and wish my d. did too. but she decided to do something else. It’s kind of disappointing for those of us who are scientists. Yet if all the smart kids chose to do science , we’d have an unbalanced society, do you think?</p>
<p>Hey herandhismom, I’m TOTALLY jealous of the clean teenage girl room! I’ve given up on that one too. :o</p>
<p>I’m a lawyer, so if your D ever wants to talk about that, I’d be happy to give my input. (Although it’s pretty early to make those types of decisions.) Maybe you can return the favor in a few years and tell my D2 (currently in 7th grade and a lover of science) how great science is and all of the careers she could pursue. :)</p>
<p>I know! After she cleaned her room, even our kitten was confused. </p>
<p>Thanks (!!!) suzy, she/we will come to you for questions related to law school. Sure your 7th grader can talk to me about sciences. (physics in particular.) :)</p>
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