Well D got her first taste of “foolish college freshman behavior” Monday. She’s been at school for 10 days, classes started last week and the girl in the adjoining room was carted off by ambulance because she was completely intoxicated. She came up to the floor yelling very loudly, acting obnoxious, etc. Her roommate and friend had no idea what to do, so the police and paramedics were called. I think it freaked my D out a little bit as she has never seen someone act like that - it also took away an hour of her study time since there was so much commotion going on.
I hope the girl gets her act together or I’m not holding out much hope she lasts past the first semester.
Other than that excitement, D seems to be transitioning well and having a good time! We get texts and calls about every other day so communication is good here. Her brother and sister miss her terribly but school just started here so hopefully they keep busy and time flies by until the next time they can see her.
We dropped my D off on Sunday. I think the first night was a little difficult for her in a hot dorm. But, she seems to be more comfortable in her surroundings now. @ILMom13579 she said they have been given talks on not landing in the hospital.
She has been kept very busy during orientation, which is probably a good thing. Lots of ice cream socials. She contemplated going to the pre-med ice cream social just for the food. Her first class is tomorrow.
@VMT - the floor was given talks as well. My D said the RA told them there was a “zero tolerance” police on alcohol on the floor - not sure if that means possessing it or just coming back to the floor intoxicated. As it is, D said all the rooms will probably be searched again after this incident.
Looks like the gunman shot himself. I was a little concerned when I saw a news alert saying only it happened in SW Virginia. My D is in school about 60 miles from Roanoke.
I suspect I will have a delayed reaction. S15 has been away to camp for three weeks before - no electronics so no communication. I don’t think I will have a ‘miss him’ reaction at the beginning. I do think that when I see him again after he was been there for 6 weeks (visiting on parents weekend) I will notice a change and then it will hit. Every time my kids came back from camp they were a little more grown up/changed.
D is having a bit of a rough adjustment. Her roommate, who is a friend of hers, has barely been in the room - and has only slept there once so far out of three days. She has an unfriendly floor where on the first day, she tried to introduce herself and people looked at her like she was crazy. No one keeps their door open. Her other good friend who is up there has a boyfriend and is spending all her time with them. So she has no one to talk to or eat with. I told her to talk to her RA but she doesn’t like her. I told her to talk to her anyway, that’s what they are there for.
Also, they told the freshman, oh, it’s syllabus week, there won’t be any homework. Her first day, she did about six hours of work.Today is her third day of class and she already handed in an English paper. Two teachers made very expensive books mandatory but when she got to the class they said they changed their minds, and you don’t need the book, you just need the online access code (which is bought separately). Add in an extremely hot dorm room and dining hall food that goes right through you (her roommate confirmed this) and also, a gas leak scare on her second day for just her dorm, so she was evacuated for five hours without knowing anyone or knowing what to do. Her head is spinning and she’s been crying a lot. There is also a counseling center up there, but she doesn’t open up to people easily. I’m very concerned about her.
@“Sans Serif” - so sorry to hear your D has had a rough start. Has she found any clubs that interest her? Meeting people in a smaller group with similar interests may be an easier way to make friends. I would continue to urge her to seek counseling - especially if she is not comfortable speaking with her RA. It’s a huge adjustment and not at all unusual to take some time finding their niche - I’m sure the counselors have encountered this a lot and will have useful tips for your D for getting over this hump.
@“Sans Serif” - I echo @singermom4’s thoughts. Do ask her to go to counselor. I am sure they have seen many such students and that alone may make her feel a bit better.
She’s resisting right now. She says she’s not interested in any of the clubs. She doesn’t like her RA. She says everyone has friends but her. She’s always been very stubborn and unfortunately uses that stubborness to block any good suggestions people have. She says “maybe college isn’t for me.” No way am I letting her give up before she does things like go to the RA, to counseling, to clubs. Heck, could it be possible that her and her roommate could be moved to another building? Would there ever be an opening for a whole room, not just one person? I’d be happy to go up there and move them across the quad if it was possible. Because after looking into it, it truly does seem she has the worst possible dorm building for a shy person.
Move in went well. She loves her roommate and suitmates. Classes began last week which threw her for a loop- she had a very rough couple of days but is now settling in and pretty happy. She joined the paper and another club and seems to be adjusting. Loves her classes and professors and has changed her major 4 times! :-?
If she is happy, I am happy. The work is overwhelming but she is learning how to deal with it. It’s not like HS was a breeze…
@SansSerif, I usually wouldn’t recommend this, but your D sounds like she’s stuck a little. Do you know the roommate? Could you text her and tell her you are a little worried about your D and see if she will make sure she has someone to eat with, etc.?
Sans serif, I agree that something seems to be needed. To be like “everybody has friends but me” and only 1 week into the semester, it seems like her expectations were too high or her vision of everybody else’s “good time” is not real.
Having been through clinical depression (near that age), I would say in this short time period don’t try to force counseling.
I would say just try to suggest some ways for her to get her mind off things. She is doing school work, which is good (and learned not to listen to “advice” without considering the source). Has she interest in exercising or playing any sports? Is there anything to do outside of the college (safely), like visit the town?
I made a few friends in my major classes, and I also tried to glom on to study groups. Hang around after classes to speak with the professors, and chat with some other people waiting to talk to them.
It is normal, IMHO, for her to cry, heck the gas leak and evacuation would have gotten me crying
Does she like the class work? Does she think it is too much? Does she know people in her major?
The Catholic student group and the Baptist student group have been advertising games (frisbee, cornhole) and free food at my child’s U. Are there organizations on campus like that who are hosting events where new students can get to know other students?
There must be events going on, but she is isolating herself and insisting there’s nothing, or she’s not interested. (I also think she doesn’t want to show up somewhere by herself.) The one good thing is she’s doing her schoolwork, even though her roommate already seems to be skipping classes and partying hard. I know her roommate, but I know D would never want to be viewed as “oh, you have to hang out with her because she’s so sad and depressed”. And I know that’s how it would be taken. It would get back to her that I called, and it would make things worse.
She is overwhelmed by the work. She didn’t expect it to be this much, this fast, before she’s even figured out where things are or how things work. She is a bit shy and can be self-conscious, which can come out as awkwardness. She says she has reached out to people in her class but “they don’t like her”. Whether that’s true or not, it’s how she sees it. I was really hoping for a decent dorm floor, because that’s how you meet people most naturally and easily.
@SansSerif… I am sorry your D is going through this. I do think it is great that she is getting her work done, but it would be better if she had someone to talk to about what she is feeling right now. At S’s school they have a room swap board online… they can look and see if someone wants to swap to be in their dorm and if they both want to move the school allows it. Is there something like that she could look into to get into a better dorm for her?
@“Sans Serif” , I am the mom of a boy who texted me similar things during Week 1 last year – I hate it here, everyone is horrible, I made the worst mistake of my life, etc. I was completely distraught on his behalf and my own. A few months later, the kid is rowing crew for the first time, getting accepted to a fraternity, gushing about how much he loves his classes and advisor, involved in campus politics. In short, it just took him a while to find his feet.
Also, a piece of advice from a mom who’s also a professor: If I assign a paper during week one, it’s a diagnostic tool to see where my students are so I can figure out how to best support them during the semester. It’s not the same as a graded assignment. I suspect that the English paper was just that. (I know this also because my DD had to write one over the summer and she cried a lot about it being too hard, and I supported her, but told her the same thing – This is just so your profs can see where you are and where you need to be and how to get you there.) Nonetheless, your DD might appreciate hearing this.
First of all, I did find out my son is alive and kicking…
Second, his dorm floor is very spread out, very quiet. Not even sure if every room is occupied. He knows enough to go eat, and knows enough that he doesn’t “need to make friends” the first week.
Third, I was a bit lost first semester freshman year, but I really REALLY liked my major and was totally into “WOW, THEY THINK I CAN DO THIS!!! WOW!”. I was totally into the idea that me, little old me, was picked to go to college at such a good rep school. So I had stars in my eyes and fellow students were some kind of distraction to me.
Cliques are TOTALLY different in college, unless you have an uber-small major (mine was only 30 students) as well as some pretty weird folks in it, you should be okay. I never completely clicked with all my major-mates, but we all did get along and felt “we’re in this together” and knew that we had a tough major that most people didn’t “get” was tough.
((HUGS)) I hope some little things start happening that improve things for her soon.