(((@Sansserif)))
@SansSerif I am so sorry your daughter is having such a rough time. It is such a huge transition, and circumstances can make the transition easier or more difficult. Some kids luck out with a great dorm floor, friendly roommate, etc.
She should know that her sadness is very common, and a lot of kids use the counseling services at college. Starting college can be very disorienting. I hope she can connect with students, either through her classes, using the gym, etc. Continue to stay in touch with her. And remind her that she would not have been accepted at her school if they didn’t think she belonged. And that there is no way the kids in her class don’t like her! If in another week she hasn’t moved forward, it might be good to call the health center for advice.
She texted me almost non stop today. She lost her English paper, she found it, she didn’t understand what she had to buy for a class, her highlighter opened up in her bag and ruined her wristlet, she left her flash drive in the library, she didn’t know where the washers were, she spilled shampoo on her bed … every single detail. I dont want her to depend on me for every little thing, but I’m trying to help her for now because I don’t want her to feel so alone. I am encouraging her to ask others, though. One good thing she said today is that " it’s been an adult day." Yeah, this is the kind of atuff you have to deal with when you’re not living at home. I really think she could deal with this stuff if she had a few people to hang out with.
Hugs to you both; it sounds excruciating all around. Though it’s hard to know sometimes where helping crosses over into enabling, you are absolutely right to help her out under these circumstances. And it’s great that she’s communicating - you can imagine a kid shutting down to the point of not being able to do that. And her comment about the ‘adult day’ shows that she realizes what’s going on. I do hope that she finds someone to hang out with soon.
She’s raising my blood pressure, I swear. lol
Yes, my son is getting the transition to adult thing. He was delaying getting his license, and thinking of not doing it at all, but we insisted and then had him running errands by himself for months with our cars (he doesn’t have a car). Now he has no car, limited money (means to get more though, but he needs to ask), and no comforts of home.
However, he also doesn’t have siblings. I can see an only child feeling different about leaving home than one of many who wants to be alone, finally, for once.
Mine’s an only child. I think she was looking forward to living with other kids her age.
@rhandco, I thought you had a 2018 child?
D15, who is the youngest, has triggered her older brothers into going back to college full time. She still hasn’t left, since her school doesn’t start until late September and her preparation has given them thought. Both of them only lasted a semester before getting caught up in their social lives (geeky gaming, not drugs or partying) and killing their grades. Both are recently unemployed, S10 because his boss is basically gone out of business, and S08 out of the military and has struggled to find regular work. They rent our MIL unit out back, and registered for the community college this week.
So, as of this year, I will suddenly going from being a high school parent to a parent of three in college.
Eek!
I went back to school 2004-2008 to get my degrees, and we lived in family housing (essentially dorms for families) on campus. It was a good situation, except for the freshman dorms at the other end of the parking lot.
Every year the new students arrived, and often the parents stayed for a few days - some a whole week - in a nearby hotel where they could keep an eye on things. I think some used it as a vacation, too, since it was a popular vacation spot. The students were polite, relatively quiet, and not a problem.
You could always tell the moment the last of the parents were gone. Suddenly there were bongs everywhere, and the sidewalk outside of the dorms was covered in vomit weekend mornings. I made sure I didn’t walk under the balconies during certain hours.
My DD’s college has a welcome week where they do many activities with the people on their floor…it almost forces you to meet the people around them. (one of many reasons I liked the school for her)
Hugs to all those that are having a rough week. I am glad to see that I am not the only one who’s child has dropped way back on the contact. I know it is a good sign that DD is happy and busy, but it is hard when I used to know everything that went on during her day :(( . I am going down Friday for the HC convocation and reception so I will get to lay eyes on her, and bring some more items. What contact we have had has been good, loves her classes and her dorm, had planned to drop one class but now likes them all so much she plans to keep all 18 hours. Overall, all good, but I know there may be bumps along the way…
It’s hard to settle for just one daily proof-of-life text. SO hard. The very brief, very infrequent texts are like super-brief glimpses into a movie I realllly want to see. Today’s proof-of-life “…puppies and painting on the south lawn from 12-2”.
Magical. I take comfort in knowing she is having a fantastic good time and has zero plans to be home a minute before she must be.
" @rhandco, I thought you had a 2018 child? "
Oops, I was thinking of writing “isn’t an only child” or “has (too many) siblings”. Came out wrong, or maybe wishful thinking knowing how much his college costs and more down the pipeline…
Yes, I have a 2018 and more 
My S15 has had to room with my S18 for years, and then we were able to get him his own room finally. He really likes that, so he was very happy to get a single at college.
I think a strong online connection with his HS friends will help him not be that lonely. He told me he was playing a game (with microphone and also typing back and forth in-game) with his friend who is leaving next week for college. His other friend left a week ago and is in classes now. Several of them are studying computers as he is, so that helps too.
I told him that he MUST ration himself for online interactions, and set aside time each day to play (2 hours or less) and a total time per week (10 hours or less). Since he uses them for socialization, I don’t feel right saying “NO MORE ONLINE GAMING, YOU’RE IN COLLEGE AND YOU HAVE TOO MUCH WORK TO DO.” But I told him I am still tracking him online, to help him keep focused.
We left D yesterday evening at the end of convocation. She had moved in with the bare essentials last week for an early orientation. We brought the rest of her stuff two days ago. Yesterday was the regular freshman move-in. D asked if we could leave campus and explore a bit while the other freshmen moved in. So DH and I skipped most of the parent activities and sessions; we met her advisor and other faculty in her department in the last session.
We briefly met the roommate and her mother when we returned to campus. Nice but I wouldn’t say the two girls clicked. That said, when DH and I left D after convocation, she was hanging with two friends she made from the early orientation, and just befriended another freshman, so we were comfortable leaving her. The social aspect of college is really hard.
S has never been much of a picture taker and I am trying to convince him to get in the habit of taking a few photos every week. I am trying to be hopeful he will follow-through. I have never missed an event for my kids so it will be hard to not be there for his jazz concerts, convocation (perhaps it is closed to parents) etc.
I am also thankful he ended up at a school with a welcome week to maximize the chances of making friends sooner than later.
Right now I’m mostly worried about whether he will be able to get up for classes - he has made a bad habit of sleeping in VERY late this summer. He was supposed to be setting an alarm for all of this week to readjust his schedule but we leave Tuesday and that plan hasn’t kicked in yet!
@SansSerif, how is your daughter today?
@SansSerif, I saw this thread and thought of you. People have made some good suggestions here: http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parent-cafe/1805200-when-should-i-be-concerned-p1.html
@HeliMom74 - hard to say. She actually posted a text conversation on fb she had with someone last night where she basically was saying all the stuff that had gone wrong yesterday – but of course, since she was talking to someone her own age, she made it sound funny. (At one point she texted - I’m laying on my bed and not moving because anything I touch will explode - I think that was after she spilled shampoo all over her bed and floor.) So I’m glad she could joke about it. And I was glad to see she was texting with someone from her college - so, maybe someone who could become a friend? Who knows? I hope she follows up and does all the normal things you do with people you meet the first week - arrange to go to the dining hall with them, etc. After freaking out about the book she needs to return, I think she is starting to deal with that. She said she emailed her professor to see if the book is really optional and what he would advise. Good.
My biggest concern is her crappy dorm floor. All the other details - it’s like trial by fire, but sometimes that’s how you grow up. You learn to deal with it. I just don’t want her to give up. I know she’s homesick and lonely, but I’m really proud that she’s doing her work and trying to figure things out. We had a long text conversation about which laundry goes with which. She’s done her laundry before but usually just dumped it all together. Heck, I was impressed she was doing laundry after only being there five days.
I hope she starts getting a few breaks. A good grade, someone nice in her class, or someone on her floor actually talking to her (that would be a shock). I want her to see things looking up.
Great news that she’s got a sense of humor about it all - that’s huge And that she’s channeling her energy into constructive pursuits like schoolwork and laundry is a good thing.