I don’t know what his motivation is. I don’t know what his future will lead to. I do know that, like many immature people, he thinks that he can make a momentary choice now - don’t bother with tryouts or auditions - and then if he changes his mind, the world will change for him. That’s not going to happen, and it didn’t happen in the past a year ago when he felt a decision over not attending two “optional events” wouldn’t “hurt him in the long run” and it most definitely did. It’s like he didn’t learn from that experience at all, instead he blamed it on others, not on him being ingenuous (he didn’t do well on the SAT CR, so maybe he isn’t familiar with ingenuous). We warned him several times “if you don’t go, you will risk your whole year,” he didn’t go, and he missed out on a year-long opportunity. Even asked me to call a teacher to intervene, and no dice. I am certainly not going to call a college on his behalf, let me tell you.
I also know that him doing no activities at college = mom and dad are going to be really p.o.'d to be paying a lot of money for what he could get anywhere, without the resources available at the fancy private college. In addition to putting him at risk for depression.
FWIW, I just want him to do something, if he changes sports dramatically or instrument or even some other activities I’ve never seen him interested in, that would be great. But they have a club fair coming up, and if he doesn’t go, they aren’t great at advertising so the least amount of effort = no chance of joining a club or sport.
Certainly it is putting me at risk for depression, but I’m recovering from emergency surgery so pain and pain meds aren’t exactly mood boosters LOL. Thank goodness for ice cream, especially when it is only in pints!
I don’t know what his motivation is. I don’t know what his future will lead to. I do know that, like many immature people, he thinks that he can make a momentary choice now - don’t bother with tryouts or auditions - and then if he changes his mind, the world will change for him. That’s not going to happen, and it didn’t happen in the past a year ago when he felt a decision over two events wouldn’t “hurt him in the long run” and it most definitely did. It’s like he didn’t learn from that experience at all, instead he blamed it on others, not him being ingenuous.
I also know that no activities at college = mom and dad are going to be really p.o.'d to be paying a lot of money for what he could get anywhere, without worrying about actually integrating into a college community.
@rhandco - I understand your concern. S was talking about ‘focusing’ on his studies - possibly because H threatened to yank him out if he got two C’s. Thankfully he is signed up for a jazz class (for credit) so I know he will have at least one thing outside of academics. I’m encouraging him to really explore and I know I sound very trite when I tell him that he’ll never have this kind of opportunity again in his life. S is interested in many things but a little too laid back and lacks initiative with going through with his plans.
There is no one else from DS’s high school class at his university, but his sister and two other girls from the year before are all there. Since our high school is relatively small and DS is very social and was involved in everything, he knows them all. But he’s in engineering and the others are in other colleges in the university, he likely won’t ever see them.
He is trying to figure out his extracurriculars now. He was very heavily involved in sports and multiple music groups in high school and is now trying to cut it down to one or two things, which is probably a hard choice! It will be interesting to see how he reacts to the change from being a very big fish in a small pond to just one more talented kid among many.
Yes, singermom4, exactly. College was amazing for me, and even so, I wonder if I could have done more (that is, more activities and gone on more trips and so on, maybe a semester abroad or a co-op).
mdcmom, that’s an interesting point about having to pick only one or two things. But I would like at least one or two things, after ten things with four strong ECs in HS. He is down because he wanted to play on a club team but found out the guys on it are really a.h.'s (as in racist and misogynistic, during practices and games). I hope that a single negative experience wasn’t enough to make him cynical about every opportunity.
I saw albert69 mention rocket club - I’d even settle for non-sports, non-music, even though my son is one of those who really needs to work out to keep his brain in the right place. I used to swim with friends and we’d do pick up football and soccer, without any real organization.
I’m encouraging my daughter to try to stick to music, both for her own emotional well-being (she loves playing) but frankly, also because we only just paid off her French horn in the spring of her senior year. I don’t want to have a $4,000 instrument sitting around in my house gathering dust.
She has also become interested in politics recently, so I am encouraging her to get involved with the presidential election campaign of her choice (the campus has groups for most of the current candidates).
Otherwise she has a pretty full academic plate as a pre-engineering student and NROTC, so I’m not going to push for much more than one or two activities.
Rhandco - RPI has a large array of club sports. When I was a grad student there, we played inner tube water polo, which was hilarious. If the soccer situation doesn’t feel right to him, maybe he can keep his eyes open for other opportunities. Sports does help some kids to keep focused. My daughter is like this.
Got a text from D earlier today with the word “fun” in it for the first time. She did a free hip hop aerobics class and said it was so much fun. She’s signing up for a weekly class. Yay!
I still have no idea if she’s made any friends. I’m pretending to be laid back, LOL.
My daughter got a schedule of orientation week events that is pretty jam packed. They move into dorms a week before class starts, and each day has a whole series of events. They have organized tours of area caffeine sources (an off-campus café tour), a “hangout” tour, they take groups on city buses to learn how to get to the mall, and downtown (which is actually pretty distant from campus), have a whole series of Harry Potter themed events, including Hogwarts Geocaching and a Quiddich match.
They even a late night group trip to a local store (sorta like a Target with a full grocery section) that opens late just for them. My daughter said her orientation leader described the shopping trip as the biggest event of the week.
They also have first meetings of all the clubs with ice cream socials, root beer float socials, daily exercise classes, and the ROTC sets up a huge outdoor climbing wall, with prizes for those who reach the top under a certain time.
And of course their introductory football game. All first-years get in free.
I’m still trying to figure out exactly what is going to happen at the “Carnal Carnival,” which is apparently a safe-sex and anti-rape event themed to keep their interest.
They will be pretty well exhausted by the time the first day of class arrives.
DS applied to be the manager of the women’s D3 volleyball team and not only got the job but somehow is going to be an assistant coach as well! SS-LAC says that students should work no more than 7 to 8 hours a week and I’m not sure how all that will come in under that amount especially since they’re going to see if he can travel out of state with them (he will certainly travel locally). My concern is that he signed up for at least 3 classes that are going to be really reading intensive. On the good side, I suspect that the volleyball women will be less “awkward” than some of the other students. I don’t know why he was surprised at all the nerds on campus when the campus is known to be one of the most academically rigorous in the country.
I found out where an engineering major with no knowledge of music and theater feels awkward… in a group of music/theater majors, all of whom seem to be in the choir, trying to think of something meaningful to add to the conversation since the young lady I’m interested is in the crowd… kinda like, I never acted in anything… and I can’t carry a tune in a bucket… not a lot to add here, guys… I enjoyed listening, though.
But I’ve gotten in contact with the flying club, so I’ll be able to meet some people I can hopefully understand soon.
Popping in again to say Hi, see how the drop-offs are going and report on ours. I hope those that are having a rough start see a turn around soon! That would be very, very hard. ((hugs))
We dropped D off this past Sunday. We made a weekend of it. Her U is just over 2 hours from home We did early move in on Thursday. That was great, getting in there without the other roomies, so we weren’t bumping into each other, and gave us time to go to Target before the crowds. She stayed in the hotel with us Thursday night, then Friday we ran errands, and did a major grocery run, while 2 of her roommates were moving in. Friday afternoon, she hung out with them and settled in. Saturday we only saw her for about an hour, when we brought her the mini fridge we’d pre ordered and picked up that day. Then Sunday we took her to lunch before we headed home. I only got a little teary at the actual good bye, but nothing like I thought I might be! I think having that weekend to ease into it and see her happily settling in really helped, and knowing Parents’ weekend is just 3 weeks away!
We have texted several times, and she did call home once. Thankfully it’s been all positive reports so far! Some of you will recall all my angst about her having to turn down more expensive 1st and 2nd choice colleges, for this affordable state U. She’s been such a trooper about that!
She seems to be getting along well with her roommates, and is meeting lots of people. She says she has signed up for to be on the email list for lots of clubs, and she’s stepped out of her comfort zone and gone (and had fun) at a couple of the larger, more crowded events. I am so happy that she seems happy, and that she is jumping right into it. Classes and all the events all started this week, so it definitely kept her busy. I anticipate that there might be some let down once things start to be more routine, but she’s off to a good start.
She figured out the shuttle to the grocery store (she loves grocery stores lol) and said it was entertaining watching the other students shop. She said some knew what they were doing, but many were clearly out of their element.
Then, of course, we had hurricane Erika headed our way…so she is the lucky recipient of packages from Amazon, filled with extra batteries, a weather radio, etc…lol Now that Erika has mostly fizzled, I’ll know she’s prepared for the next one…and I can focus on more fun care packages.
@albert69, good luck with the young lady of your interest! Don’t worry too much about fitting in with her friends – if she decides she likes you, it will be in spite of the fact that you’re not part of that crowd, not because of it. Just be yourself!
@SansSerif, I hope your daughter is beginning to adjust. It sounds like she has a particularly tough situation, but she will have opportunities to get to know people outside her dorm. I’m sorry the friends she has from high school aren’t coming through for her.
Got back yesterday from taking D’15 to orientation. Moving in went smoothly although it was HOT – hopefully these upper-90’s temps will cool down over this weekend. Yesterday she had her placement tests – she placed out of 2 semesters of Spanish (only needs 1 more), but since it’s been a year since she took calculus, she kind of bombed the math placement test. That’s okay because she can fulfill the requirement with a statistics class, which she intended to take anyway.
She texted me today that she made some friends, who are dancers like her and also like the same shows and music she likes. I’m glad because I don’t think she and her roommate are going to become best friends – roomie seems nice but not at all like my quirky, outspoken daughter!
@giterdone - Which dorm? Also moving in Tuesday into Centennial - will have to drive nearly straight through to ensure getting to our move-in time slot on time.
Great to see so many getting off to a smooth start! And hoping to see others come to appreciate and grab the opportunities they have where they are.
DS’ rooming situation is mixed. Has one suitemate (in separate room but shares bathroom) who has been pretty rude but the other suitemate is “chill”. His own roommate is having environment issues (I would guess deeper adjustment issues from things DS has said) but they get along fine. However, the roommate has already mentioned moving so don’t know what that may bring.
Anyway, he seems to do quite a few social activities with his band section and has already attended an engineering club fair. I was really impressed until he mentioned it was required for the engineering orientation class (good for them!). Still, he did say he will try to go to some car competition team meetings that don’t conflict with band.
For the most part he likes his classes. Says the class has trouble understanding the math prof’s foreign accent but I think he and the class will get used to it. If not, it’s a small honors class so it should be easy to get to know other students and work together!
@STEMFamily - I have to admit I checked S’ profs to see if they seem to be native English speakers. I am of Indian ethnicity so I am very sympathetic to international students/profs but completely understand the frustrations of not being able to understand the heavy accents. Although S’ math teacher is a foreign grad student his bio says he was born in England so hopefully that bodes well (though some English accents are also difficult to understand).
I have no problem with anyone’s nationality, foreign professors can be amazing when it comes to detailed knowledge of specific areas from their home countries, but I also am very bad when it comes to accents. I even struggle understanding some regional American accents.
When I was in college I had to drop an anthropology course I was particularly interested in, on archaeology relating to Biblical stories. The professor was from the middle east and was very much an expert in the field, but I couldn’t understand a word he said. After three days of struggling to understand, I gave up and tried a different class.
I did, however, make it a point to get a copy of others’ notes after the class ended, to see what I missed. It looked like an amazing class that examined a lot of archaeological evidence that certain events in the Bible either did or did not happen, or happened differently than it was written in the Bible.
On accents…back in the day I worked in a cell biology lab, and we once got a new postdoc from France. Before he arrived, our professor interviewed him over the phone, carefully trying to judge whether he would be able to function well in an English-speaking lab and she determined that while his accent was pretty heavy, he understood her well and so should be OK.
However, she is from England and we are in the U.S.
So when the poor fellow arrived, the only person he could understand was the professor. The rest of us had great difficulty making ourselves understood, and if he had to speak to someone over the phone (say, the electric company) one of us had to make the call for him.
Fortunately, he had a great sense of humor and was eager to learn so in a few weeks he was fine.
And then there was the postdoc from London, who substituted glottal stops for so many of his consonants. “Beau’iful bu’erfly,” for example. A fun accent but hard to follow sometimes!
I am so happy that she seems happy, and that she is jumping right into it. Classes and all the events all started this week, so it definitely kept her busy. I anticipate that there might be some let down once things start to be more routine, but she’s off to a good start.