<p>just want to add one thought from a parent who has been through this a few times - in support of SOG’s post - and others…</p>
<p>I don’t direct this at any one in particular, but keep in mind, and be careful not to say that a particular score is horrible - whether it’s a 300 or an 800 or somewhere in between, and whther the statement is meant to reflect the parents view OR the child’s view. Every parent, and every student should be supported for their children’s achievements here. And one child’s “horrible” score is another child’s “dream” score. michal’s point about encouraging the student in front of you and recognizing the positive is an important one to keep with you always through this process. Yes, it is a marathon - and y’all have a ways to go with lots of turns and surprises before you reach may 1st, 2015.</p>
<p>My older one is a college sophomore. My sister in law kept telling me " she has to own the process." What the heck is that and what does it mean?? It used to get me annoyed. </p>
<p>I sat down with her before junior year and we spoke about different types of schools and what we could afford. I told her that we can pay for an in- state school or she can go OOS if she gets some money. There were no surprises as far as finances were concerned. We both sat down together and created a list of about 12-15 schools to visit. 3 were OOS- the rest were in. Our big trip was in February of junior year- we visited about 10 schools. My husband took care of the arrangements. After each tour we got back into the car and looked at our daughter for her opinion. We tried not to influence her at all. Some schools were immediately crossed off the list, some schools were definitely on the list, and one or two needed a revisit. Then in the spring we visited the OOS schools. Two remained on the list. She ended up applying to 8 schools- she chose the schools based on what we could afford. She understood that the two OOS required some money.</p>
<p>I told her in March of junior year that she needed to ask a teacher for a letter. I told her once and she did it without me nagging again. During the summer I told her that she needed to begin her essay. One Saturday we sat outside and I asked her to tell me about some of her experiences over recent years. I suggested that she write down her thoughts in the hopes of finding an essay topic. She started jotting notes about an event that she participated in when in Boston, and before we knew it she found her topic. We sat outside and she jotted down every thought that popped into her head about this event, and from this she created an essay. It was a great essay written by a teenage girl and it depicted her personality beautifully. Her next essay evolved the same way. After she wrote the essays she sent them to her tutor who proof read them for grammatical errors. That was it. </p>
<p>When the common app came out in August I once again told her that we needed to start the process. She agreed and came right over to me. My older one is VERY easy going. She filled it out and I sat next to her and answered any questions. She asked me several times about what major to choose, and I told her to choose something that she enjoyed, or pick " undecided." We hit the send button on September 11. She gave her GC the list of schools to send transcripts to, and she made sure her teacher submitted the LOR. I did not have to nag. </p>
<p>I kept on top of the clerical work ie did the schools receive everything. Several of them were missing info and there was no way that she would be able to make the phone calls during the day. </p>
<p>My older one is very easy. In retrospect I would change one thing: I would have had her be the one to ask questions to the GC. I asked all the questions until one day I got an email telling me that now it’s her turn to ask.</p>
<p>My daughter applied to 8 schools and got into 8 schools. She narrowed it down to 2 schools and then looked at me and said, " which one would you like me to go to?" I told her that this was her choice and not mine. She never actually chose a school directly; it just kind of evolved as she kept hanging out on their FB group. One day she said " I guess that’s where I am going, right?" Again I told her it was her choice. When she announced that she found a roommate then I knew the decision was made. </p>
<p>She applied to all match and safety schools. She would have had to re-take her ACT in order to apply to some " reachy" in-state schools and she flat out refused. I did not push her.</p>
<p>I’m with PN – There are lots of different answers and lots of different approaches.</p>
<p>I acted as secretary and calendar keeper, and I watched out for anything financially advantageous, since the finances directly affect my life.</p>
<p>As a family we talked (and helped D talk through) priorities and lists of schools. There were schools that D liked where in the end she eliminated because they didn’t have an academic program she wanted. There was at least one school where we required D to apply for financial reasons.</p>
<p>I definitely read and commented on essays for scholarships. I looked over, but was less involved with admissions essays. And there was at least one typo that slipped by us on her first (EA) application. It seemed to have no effect on her acceptance (thank goodness)!</p>
<p>I would never write a portion of an application, but I’m happy enough to do clerical work and watch the calendar. And nag.</p>
<p>I was mostly another eye to look for errors on essays, calendar keeper and of course, cheerleader! S, who is a sophomore in college, needed someone to help keep an eye on due dates. He chose the teachers for his letters of recommendation. I figured he knew better who would write the best letters for him. S was pretty set on one school, so I researched some alternatives and narrowed down other possible schools to apply to. (there is quite a story behind this, actually, but he did end up at the school he loved from the get go).</p>
<p>So my poor daughter has a test this week in math, physics, US, Spanish, and her Child Development elective. Tomorrow she has the SAT tutor and Thursday is a game. Surprisingly she is somewhat calm. That will change shortly I am sure. </p>
<p>I emailed the AP physics teacher for advice ( is that bad?) about staying in the class or dropping to regular physics. He emailed me back immediately and told me that she needs to stay in AP- not regular. She was concerned that his assignments were taking too long and that this would be indicative of the tests. He says the tests are shorter. I showed her his email because he praised her and she needs to hear it. We will see what happens… Stay? Drop? Who knows. So far she understands the material and is doing well.</p>
<p>My daughter got hit in the ankle today by a hard ball during her game. She is starting to complain again about her father’s loud chewing. She studies in the kitchen- her room is kind of small. </p>
<p>Twogirls, your daughter needs to stay in AP! If she moves to regular one of two things will happen: either she won’t know what to do with herself and will end up teaching everyone else OR she will take it far beyond the expectations…and she might as well be in AP Physics anyway. It’s great that the teacher has already recognized her.</p>
<p>Sally, I’ve had those not very proud (but kind of funny in retrospect) parenting moments. Oh man. Lots of them.</p>
<p>So for child #1, I did nothing. I’m not kidding. Well, we did visit schools together. Then she drew up her own list. This is a very, very independent personality who thought for a time that she would not go to college and would instead work on a farm. This is also the kid who insisted that a “test flexible” school was “test optional” and submitted no scores. She was actually admitted and I have no idea how. She worked with the school counselor and her English teacher and asked us to stay out of it. I bit my cuticles raw but we really had no choice. Any time H or I started to ask anything, even a little bit, we’d end up with fireworks. She thanked me afterwards for respecting her wish to do this alone. </p>
<p>Child #2 was more typical. She wanted guidance from anyone who would give it. She worked with her school counselor and also looked to us for help. I started off suggesting potential schools of interest and she ended up falling in love with and choosing one suggested by her school counselor. It had never even been on my radar. Beyond that, I did a lot of proofreading, kept an eye on due dates, and made sure that she checked that everything was complete. </p>
<p>What I’d love to do is make children 1 and 2 take over the guidance for child #3! I’m sure I will enlist their help along the way.</p>
<p>I don’t know how I keep missing out on entire conversations on this thread!<br>
There have been some great, well thought out, wise, posts. This is a thread where we talk about our kids, who are so very important to us, so there are bound to be times when something hits a sensitive spot.
I loved the thoughts on looking at things with perspective and context (the same score being good for one looking at this list of schools, but not good for one looking at a different list of schools, etc).<br>
“Run your own race”…wonderful! I will be referring to that…probably with my D on the drive to school tomorrow!</p>
<p>3girls isn’t it amazing how different our kids are despite having the same parenting? When my daughter was in 8 th grade she took three 9 th grade classes ( on her transcript) and one 8th grade enriched Social studies class ( not on transcript ) which counted for nothing. The amount of work she did for all classes- even the one counting for nothing- was way over the top. The teacher of the social studies class asked for copies of her notes so that she could use them with her students the following year. I reminded her constantly that she did not need to work to this level, especially for a class that counted for nothing. She ignored me- and if she moved down to regular physics she would do the same. Might as well stay and get the credit. She told me yesterday that she needs confidence and when the teacher praises her it gives her that. Sounds crazy to me that a kid like her is lacking confidence. I did remind her once again that one of these days she is going to get a " bad" grade and she needs to understand that it is ok. Funny that when one of her ( very smart) friends gets a bad grade she comforts them and realizes it’s fine. I am proud of her for not having a melt down last night. I had her in some therapy last year and it seems to have worked. </p>
<p>Her older sister was a B+ student in high school. Got some A’s, got some B’s, and did not study much or over extend herself in any way. I studied with her until the end of 7th grade- when I studied with her she got straight A+'s. Towards the end of 7th grade I backed off from studying with her because she needed to gain independence before leaving for college. I told her that help is there when she needed it. Did not study much, I cringed, and she maintained a B+ average. She is now in a competitive major requiring grad school ( not easy to get into in this profession) and I worry about it a lot. Well just this week my " carefree" daughter who hardly studied after mom dumped her in 7 th grade sent me a picture of both of her tests- got in the 90’s on both!! I cried- I know she really studied for these tests and I reminded her that studying pays off ( but not extreme like her sister). She actually started reviewing her notes for her test on October 11- a skill that she never acquired in in high school. Sometimes it takes these kids a little longer to mature. </p>
<p>Well it’s now 5:30 am and I keep my fingers crossed for a great day for everyone!! May your day be free from stress!</p>
<p>My daughter woke up in a great mood. We chatted for a few minutes about AP physics ( just what you want at 6 am) and she said she knows she belongs in the class. She admitted that she gets intimidated by the seniors in the class, who are smart. I reminded her that they may be intimidated by the juniors in the class who must be smart- after all, they are taking the class a full year ahead of them. She asked what to say if the teacher questions her. I told her to just be honest with him and move on. I also reminded her that sometimes she will be in challenging classes.</p>
<p>Twogirls…she should definitely stay in AP. There is nothing wrong with asking the teacher for his opinion, he sees her in class, sees her work and can give an opinion on whether she belongs. If the teacher is praising her already then she’s in the right place. </p>
<p>I wish our school would allow AP science classes to replace honors classes but you’re not allowed to take an AP science class until you’ve completed the honors class. So that leaves senior year for AP science or junior year if you want to double up on physics and an AP. They could not get both of those lab classes to work with my D’s schedule. She picked up a college-level humanities class with her favorite teacher so she’s happy it didn’t work out. </p>
<p>Any volleyball parents out there? D came home with a badly bruised wrist that she got on a block at the net. I’ve never seen anything like this after years of volleyball. Looks like the ball hit her in such a way that it broke blood vessels or something. She iced last night but scoffed at the idea of getting ice from the nurse and icing during school. They have a game today and I’m not sure she’ll be able to play. It hurts when she bends her wrist.</p>
<p>I hope she feels better soon. My daughter has a bruise on her ankle from getting wacked with a hard ball, and two weeks ago she was hit with a stick and got an odd mark from it. It looked like what you are describing. Her whole team is bruised and injured. When my older one played FH she had physical therapy for 3 months. Another fun time- had to take my current junior who was in 6 th grade at the time- could not leave her home alone for the three hours we were gone. She would sprawl all her books out on the floor of the PT gym while my older one complained about her shin splints. Fun times!! Wishing your daughter well and remember that sports come with all kinds of crazy injuries.</p>
<p>Thanks for all the advice. I love this group!!</p>
<p>AP Physics discussions at 0600?? I can barely form sentences at 0600…and that’s after nearly 30 years of practice getting up that early!! Twogirls…you have my undying respect and admiration.</p>
<p>I used a version of the “run your own race” speech with S yesterday. He was getting down on himself again because his test scores aren’t as high as D1 or D2’s and he’s “not smart enough for AP classes”. It kills me when he won’t give himself the credit he deserves for dealing with the Asperger’s, the past bullying, etc. and doing as well as he has. </p>
<p>I told him that just because he’s not on the same university/scholarship “arc” as his sisters doesn’t mean a thing. He’s afraid he won’t be “successful” if he follows a different path to his college degree…or whatever career path he chooses. We discussed the fact that I graduated from a 4th tier (roughly…by CC standards) university but found a beautiful, wonderful woman to share my life with, we raised 3 fantastic kids, and have managed to save a few dollars along the way. Others can define success in their own terms…but to me that’s a pretty darn successful life. It actually sunk in, at least for the time being!!</p>
<p>Thanks to SomeOldGuy and the rest of the CC “online therapy group” we occasionally get new weapons in our parental arsenal. Every now and again you actually feel like you might have accomplished something as a parent. I have no illusions about the good feelings lasting though, as the inevitable “my life stinks” meltdown is surely just around the corner. But for the moment I’m going to bask in the warmth and glow of a happy household. School doesn’t end until 2:20…so I’ve still got a few hours at least!!</p>
<p>Thanks for all the comments about my question. It’s really really really … helpful to see the perspective from people who have had experience.</p>
<p>Twogirls, I’m glad you emailed the teacher. It’s important to keep contact when frustration occurs. Teachers have experience and they should know where a student stands at certain point. She should stay! She can do it I’m sure. Is it physics B? Physics B is not too hard for someone with reasonable math background.</p>
<p>twogirls, now I can come out of the closet, as I see we aren’t alone in our eccentricity. </p>
<p>Chewing noise is an issue at our house. I am affected as well as D. It got to the point before she left for college she wouldn’t eat at table with dad. Last couple of years scheduled activities made family dinners impossible most days. When there wasn’t anything scheduled, she wouldn’t be hungry or too busy finishing an assignment.</p>
<p>It seems it’s gotten worse over time, or D and I have gotten more sensitive, can’t tell which. Used to be it was just the utensil clicking on teeth that got me and he was resistant to any suggestions that one could learn to eat sans clicking. In recent years it’s more the actual chewing. S doesn’t notice, thinks D and I are nuts to be so bothered by it. </p>
<p>I wish we had a TV in the dining room, or that we even watched TV so I could suggest having one there. Or that we were in the habit of listening to music at dinner. Need some kind of white noise to drown out the sound. Recently we got a second dog, and they often growl while playing. That helps. It’s wacko that dog noise is easier to take than chewing.</p>
<p>Ooh J hate chewing noise! My H does bother me the most…How does one make that sound? lol There are times when we do eat in front of the TV…and it drives me nuts when he will pause the show while eating…turn SOMEthing on, anything! Then at the dinner table we do sometimes put music on, from the other room, but just dinner conversation helps too. </p>
<p>D has been much happier with classes this year compared to last year, but there are a couple classes she’s not thrilled with. She LOVES her biology class, but history (IB Contemporary History) seems to leave a lot to be desired. She says the teacher is very disorganized and distracted, and doesn’t actually end up teaching what they are supposed to be learning. Last year’s history class wasn’t much better. I’m wondering if there is a way to just take the class online, but haven’t heard of that for IB classes. It makes it worse that it’s the 1st class of the day, so they have to get up so early to go in and not really get much out of it.</p>
<p>We have a small tv in the kitchen but we can’t turn the volume up during these chewing episodes because my daughter is working. This turns into a questioning episode by my husband: this is a kitchen and I am allowed to chew. Can you study elsewhere? It’s very stressful.
Wolverine I work with kids like your son and it sounds like you are doing a great job. 6:00 am is the best time to talk ( the car also works) because she is not studying!! If I try to talk to her after school she gets annoyed ( unless she has something to discuss, in which case it’s fine).</p>
<p>Yes it’s physics b and she is getting the on line assignments correct, for the most part. She feels it’s taking too long and she is nervous that the test problems will take too long and she won’t finish. The teacher assured me that the practice questions are longer because he wants them practicing so they are designed that way (?). He strongly believes that when the kids practice these types of out of the box questions they will improve and get used to the language. Evidently many of them are used to memorizing and physics requires application which is new to many of them.</p>
<p>My d1 used to literally hum ( more like mmmmmm) when she was eating. As she got older she would just do it with something she liked. A few sessions at a speech therapist for tongue thrust resolved the prob. We had no idea it was connected.</p>
<p>Softball girl literally hums around the house. Did it since she was about 7. It is intense when she is studying. Her bff’s put a sign on their bedroom doors when they were about 8 " No humming zone" She can stop herself when we call " your humming". We are used to it and it doesn’t get on my nerves. Actually, find it soothing in a weird way. It will be quiet when she leaves for college! Follow the humming and you find her. I hope she has an understanding room mate in college!</p>
<p>twogirls- It is that time in the season when kids start getting hurt. Our team is dropping like flies. One on crutches. one dislocated shoulder, one prob with recurrent shoulder injury and she is strapped up, the pitcher was pulled due to back probs. We have an easy 2 weeks before the region play offs start Oct 7th. Hopefully, the girls will rest and heal. We have a great team, but only when they are all well. We have no depth so if one of the 9 are injured we struggle.</p>
<p>Wolverine I thought the same about AP physics at 6. I don’t get up till about 7. It takes me a full hour to really wake up now a days. At least 2 cups of hot tea. I used to just jump out of bed and be ready for the day. sigh.</p>
<p>Shoboe my daughter had a very disorganized Global teacher last year. Loved her and her shoes but did not like her teaching. Example: she did very well on the global regents. Kids who got this grade were invited out for ice cream with the teacher. My daughter was not available on the day of the party so the teacher promised her the ice cream would happen on another day. Teacher called me on June 28 and asked if she can come over that afternoon with ice cream. I told her that my daughter just started working at camp and I don’t know when she gets home. Teacher said she would call back Wednesday ( 2 days later ) to see if we have a better understanding of her time. She never called. Did not call all summer. Day 3 of school she handed my daughter an ice cream sundae in her English class totally by surprise. That was her teaching style and it made my daughter crazy.</p>
<p>This teacher also did not read essays. Just gave a grade with no comments. One day my daughter demanded comments as she needed to know why 3 points were taken off. One time she received the same grade as a kid who did it that morning and wrote something totally off topic. My daughter was furious because she worked for weeks and happens to be an excellent writer. How could she get the same grade as this kid? Again she was furious. Then another time she marked a question wrong when it was clearly right as per the textbook. Teacher fought her on this one ( how?). I actually got a call from the teacher because my daughter was a bit argumentative ( teacher was nice about it to me). My daughter will fight forever to prove her point. She got her A+ in the class but it was one heck of a year. My daughter learned that she had to get used to all kinds of teachers.</p>
I’m wondering if there is a way to just take the class online, but haven’t heard of that for IB classes. It makes it worse that it’s the 1st class of the day, so they have to get up so early to go in and not really get much out of it.</p>