<p>Popping in to wish you all a Happy Thanksgiving and safe travels to those who are travelling. I do follow this forum but don’t have much to interject at this point. As things start heating up on our end, I am sure I will be more involved. At any rate, Happy Thanksgiving!!</p>
<p>Good to see you momsings! Happy Thanksgiving to you too and to everyone here.</p>
<p>suzy!! Wishing you the best!</p>
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<p>That’s what this internet thingamajig is for 
now you don’t have to visit them. Let your fingers do the walking… 
Happy hunting!</p>
<p>Happy Thanksgiving to all!! Hoping that OHMom had a stress free drive to NY.</p>
<p>Got my copy of "The Happiest Kid on Campus: A Parent’s Guide to the Very Best College Experience (for You and Your Child) " and “Quiet” yesterday. Thank you for the recommendations! I am thinking about the book for Colleges that Change Lives, but wonder if there is a lot there about the individual colleges that isn’t on the CTCL website.</p>
<p>OhMom, I hope you’re at your destination and your drive was not too terrible. </p>
<p>Shoboemom, check CTCL out from the library. I found my copy at a thrift store for .59 cents.</p>
<p>The CTCL book provides 7-8 page long reviews of each CTCL school that describes the mission of the school, detailed information on specific programming, strongest majors, methodology,the vibe of the school, description of the campus & town/city, research opportunities, study abroad, information from students, and so much more. The book is like a mini campus visit and speaks directly to the reader. It was the book that caught BHG’s attention because of it’s small size and conversational writing. </p>
<p>Another book similar to CTCL is: America’s Best Kept College Secrets: The Updated Edition Featuring New College Profiles</p>
<p>It was a free Kindle Book a while back & now a $2.99 download. It’s similar to CTCL, but includes universities as well as LACs. Some of the CTCL books are featured, but not all of them. I would only get this book as a download as it appears chapters are/were missing from the print edition. I’m not sure if the UPDATED edition corrected printing issues. I have all the schools listed in the index within the Kindle edition.</p>
<p>I’m pretty sure the avalanche of college mail S has been getting is due to getting in CB system taking AP exam last year. If he’d taken SAT, probably it’d be much worse. All they have on him is AP score and self-reported GPA. The reason they waited until recently to contact him? Maybe they are trying to catch seniors still applying who haven’t finalized college lists and didn’t limit their purchased lists to seniors.</p>
<p>Re- the $ value of education: I would like to say that some of the pricey privates we visited and loved, like Chicago and Northwestern, are absolutely worth their asking price, or anyway our EFC, which is rather lower. Guessing that many parents posting on or following this thread are already or are contemplating paying large piles of $ to send their kids to schools like these, and modifying lifestyles/sacrificing to do so. They likely feel every penny of it ‘worth it’. If we had maybe double our income, I would happily pay that much money to send my kids to such a place. The problem is H and I have a very cautious financial mindset and EFC is something of a hardship. So these matters cause a lot of hand-wringing and anguish for us. We might do it anyway. Time will tell. But it won’t be an easy choice. Not-rich-enough.</p>
<p>I’ve posted before, so you all know D13 is at a big scholarship school where we pay a mere pittance. And that may drop to a half pittance next year as the honors college just added some very interesting lower cost housing options. We weren’t overjoyed initially. I was cautiously optimistic because I was so impressed with what we saw during visits and what I read, and happily amazed at the price, but truly had a LOT of anxiety about how it would work out. H actively tried to persuade D to choose one of the high ranked privates or ‘better’ state schools to which she was accepted, despite his reluctance to open his wallet. Really lobbied hard, though all those would have cost several times what we pay now.</p>
<p>Speaking with her lately I am very encouraged that she is thriving, has made huge strides musically and mathematically, feels challenged and loves the school. Starting to relax a bit.</p>
<p>It’s not ideal when people behave as though the only good education is available at the top few elites. OTOH, I don’t think the anti-elitist backlash that is easy to fall into is a very good position either, though I can sympathize with it. Everyone posting here is good-hearted and probably, like me, simply trying chart a path and justify to oneself decisions made.</p>
<p>We pulled our kids out of public elementary when we had various problems (ranging from difficulty getting consistent advanced math instruction to a boy threatening to bring a gun to school and shoot D because she told him to stop smashing classmates’ knuckles in their desks.) ‘Friends’ had reactions like “Only elitist snobs send their kids to private school” and “We LIKE the diversity there.”(subtext: you racist.) I was looking to tend to my kids, one of whom was very sensitive in her early years, and not indicting the public school system, to which they returned in HS, but that stung. So we’ve been at both ends.</p>
<p>It’s great that there are lots of different kinds of schools for all the different kinds of kids. Heartbreaking when one can’t afford the schools one thinks would be the best fit. That’s America. Hopefully people find good enough options that everyone ends up satisfied in the end. It is a tough process, the way things are structured in our country.</p>
<p>Happy Thxsgvng all.</p>
<p>Thank you for the book recommendation BHM. Good thought, checking the library…I tend to forget I can do that…but I do also like to keep certain books a long time and be able to write all over them. ;-)</p>
<p>Celeste, Great post. I think it reflects the angst that we all feel, about the system, the college choices, the financial aspect, and our individual situations.</p>
<p>There is so much that goes into how we think about what is ‘best’ in a college. My D’s school experience to this point hasn’t been great, and I often wonder if I’d made different choices things might have been better for her. We’ll never know. But I am sure that plays a role in how I view the importance of college selection.</p>
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<p>I’m the same, but for books like CTCL, I’ll read the whole book, and then copy the sections needed for personal use. CTCL contains 40 schools, but only 8 of them I had BHG really research. You could read the library copy and xerox the school chapters of interest and put in a binder to mark up all you want. I do this with my own selection of books and cobbled internet information to put into a binder for BHG and me. It’s like a catalog, but only filled with colleges and universities.</p>
<p>For your college consideration; make sure you are aware of what type of Finanacial Aid accounting method your targeted school subscribes to. This link: (<a href=“http://professionals.collegeboard.com/profdownload/PROFILE_Student_Guide.pdf[/url]”>http://professionals.collegeboard.com/profdownload/PROFILE_Student_Guide.pdf</a>)</p>
<p>lists the schools that in 2013 require the CSS Profile, aka the “Institutional Method” which DOES take into account home equity AND retirement savings when determining their definition of “need” :eek:</p>
<p>BHM thanks for the book suggestions. Add me to the list of moms forgetting about the library. </p>
<p>Celeste thank you for the post. I find this process overwhelming and a bit depressing because I feel that there are so many schools that would be good for my daughter, yet I realize some may be out of reach financially- that’s life I guess. That’s why I am trying very hard to find as many schools as possible that may award some merit so at least she has a choice. I am grateful that she likes our state school. </p>
<p>Today she admitted that she likes Pitt - that made me happy. She also told me that she did not like Muhlenburg but it was not because of the size- which is what she originally said. She also said once again that she can’t narrow down a school by size, location etc- when it’s right she will know. I reminded her that she can’t fall in love with a " dream school" - a school has to be affordable in order for her to attend. That breaks my heart but that’s life and I have to accept it. There are plenty of affordable schools out there for her and hopefully she will be happy with her offers next spring. Today I reminded her that " rah rah" may come with partying and drinking. She said she does not care because she does not have to drink. If a school has a strong Greek life she does not have to participate. OK…</p>
<p>She is very ready for these tests so let’s just " get the show on the road" so that I have some data to work with. </p>
<p>" good enough options that everyone ends up satisfied in the end" sounds like a great plan.</p>
<p>Well it was a tortuous process for us last year. My H wields the power of the purse, though I manage the finances generally. At the beginning as the costs reared their ugly head, he paced around the house, hands in the air. “No way can we pay $40K/yr. How would we do that?” It was difficult to be in his vicinity, turned us all into a jangle of nerves. D gathered from his demeanor that privates with no merit scholarships were out of the question so cut some schools from her list. Then, after we applied, his exhortations changed to “Why did you have her apply to those schools? We can’t send her to those places!” It was quite a year… In the end, she didn’t get scholarships, but only the usual FA from the couple of top places she got in. Lots of scholarships from lower ranked places. At this point he decided that we’d just bite the bullet and pay whatever to send her to places he deemed acceptable. Had we known this early on, would have had a somewhat different list and different choices. Northwestern and Cornell, for example, early favorites, were eliminated by not applying.</p>
<p>Meanwhile she fell in love with a dark horse scholarship school that she applied to as a financial safety and for which I only managed to persuade her to fill out app because it was an easy one. She refused to attend the higher ranked schools H was now pushing for. He is still not convinced she made a good choice and doesn’t realize that his behavior throughout the process contributed to her decision. She focused more on cheaper alternatives because she felt him to be so ambivalent. I’m sure she was concerned that if she chose an expensive school she would have to put up with that for the next 4 years, and possibly much longer. She really does love her school, but OMG the whiplash she endured last year. That’s one reason I’m reluctant to even start thinking about it again for S. I’m worn out.</p>
<p>H has some justification for his difficulties dealing with all this. I do kind of understand. He was raised in Europe. Undergrad was free, included a stipend to pay for living expenses. All the effort was turned toward getting admitted, having good academics. Finances were never a sticking point. Then he came here for grad school, but was funded, never paid for school in his life. So this is all hard for him to swallow. Ironically, his paycheck comes from a university, ha.</p>
<p>And she was applying to music depts, but felt that if she could go to one of the really amazing schools that didn’t have performance majors or were somewhat above her level in performance, she might attend anyway and just do ensembles, take lessons on the side. Her search had several possible ‘paths’ as she was not certain about the music.</p>
<p>I went to SUNY undergrad and CUNY grad and got a fine education which awarded me a career that is very manageable with kids. My husband attended a CUNY and has been at his job for over 25 years ( same place). We started saving when our kids were little and we did not save for Duke- that never crossed my mind as I am a SUNY girl. I assumed my kids would go to SUNY. Nobody ever told us when our kids were little that perhaps one of them would aspire to a school other than SUNY ( not better than SUNY). So now I am faced with a kid who will be advised to apply to some top tier schools ( not saying she will get in) and I can’t write a check for $55,000. Had I thought about it 20 years ago I would have saved differently. When my kids graduate from HS they will ( and did) have 4-5 years of SUNY COA sitting in their 529 accounts. We do not qualify for FA ( got loans with older kid) except perhaps at Princeton, and of course I will not put all my eggs in that basket. So… I can pay for about two years of Cornell ( if she got in) but then I need to come up with the cash for the remaining two years. My mortgage will be paid in 3 years. Both my kids will be in grad school or maybe med school ( one). We do not live a big lifestyle at all but live in a high cost suburb. Our HS is excellent and very competitive. </p>
<p>I can’t afford schools that cost $50,000 a year so we really need some merit aid for her to go OOS. Boy I sound like a broken record! My H does not do loans. My kid will either have to go to our top SUNY school ( which is a fine school and nothing to be ashamed of) or get enough merit aid someplace to bring down the cost to a level that I can afford. If she goes to Bing she would most likely apply to the Early Assurance medical school program during her sophomore year. </p>
<p>Well now everybody knows my life story LOL!! I feel like I am part of a support group of some kind. </p>
<p>I just want what everybody here wants- the right school at an affordable price. I know a woman who is paying back $400,000 in loans because both of her kids had to go to Syracuse and she did not want to say no. My H would have a nervous breakdown if he was in that situation. He would need to be medicated ( some of that Xanax ).</p>
<p>^^^ You <em>are</em> part of a support group, twogirls. Right here! :)</p>
<p>I am so grateful for this support group! I had a bit of a meltdown myself this morning. It’s just not easy being the mom of a teen, let alone a mom trying to figure out this whole college thing!</p>
<p>^ thanks- I am actually starting to get a bit teary eyed due to this process. It was so much easier with my older kid as she was more " typical." She knew what we could afford and she happily applied.</p>
<p>I am learning that once you go past the 700 mark you can get a 730 or a 780 just by missing one or two questions. Once you are at that level you can get a 720 today and a 760 tomorrow- a lot of this is based on luck and how the moon and stars are aligned on a particular day. Today I asked the tutor if colleges recognize this ( of course I already know the answer) and of course he said yes, they do. He also said that colleges know the HS and recognize that a Val at one HS might be in the 3rd decile at another HS. They take that into consideration. </p>
<p>I suppose that once your kid gets to that magic number that he/she wants ( does not have to be perfect) then it’s time to move on and focus on other things in the application. Once again the tutor reminded me that kids who get in the high 600’s on their first attempt have just achieved an excellent score.</p>
<p>For the first time since this thread began, I’m posting without reading what I missed because time here is short. Yes…we made it. I expected sleet/ice/snow and what we got was 10 hours of rain. Sucky but OK. D and I went to NYU Poly this AM…best view from a dorm window award…seriously 15 floors up and it is awesome. She liked it though the campus is small it is surrounded by the new vibrant Brooklyn. Then we went up to Columbia and darn…my daughter looked at me and said "“I’d apply ED here, this is the best school I’ve ever seen”. Sigh…6% accept rate and the best FA ever…go girl. </p>
<p>I’ll catch up soon, swamped with family now. Happy Hannukah and Thanksgiving toall!!l</p>
<p>Glad to hear that your travels were safe OHMom. Happy Thanksgiving and Happy Hanukkah to all as well. May we all have a long weekend free from melt downs!!</p>