@LKnomad - we have something sort of similar. My DS16 and DS20 seem to be doing very well in school, succeeding in their ECs, happy with friends, etc.
Meanwhile, my DS25 just got a pretty extensive IEP and in fact the district just gave me a lot of trouble about that IEP saying it wasn’t even enough (he just changed to that district because it’s my teaching district, and I believe they were trying to intimidate me into not enrolling him, to save $$). That’s all fixed now, but it was 48 hours of really severe family stress (also trying to not let DS25 know about any of that since he’s only 8). Side note - I know some people can have negative thoughts about teachers’ unions, but my union was immeasurably helpful in making sure that my son had access to his FAPE per our contract.
You have my sympathies, @carolinamom2boys and @lknomad. I’ve said many times that D’s biggest hurdle, bigger than the ones she has listed on her IEP, is being S’s twin sister. She’s compared constantly– classmates have actually asked “why aren’t you as smart as S?”
@petrichor11 I’m a twin and some people are incapable of seeing that twins are two separate people. I’m sorry your daughter has had to hear that. As the twin who had the IEP and now the 504 I’ve gotten comments “why can’t you jump rope like your sister?” “Why can she speak better than you?” I had devolpmental delays and received speech, OT and PT in elementary school. I also have hearing loss I still get accommodations for. My sister has also been asked why she isn’t in AP English like I am. Frankly, she is smart but doesn’t have grades high enough for AP and wouldn’t want to take them anyway. Atleast after next year we will be off to different colleges as will your D and S where people can’t compare us.
@petrichor11 That is so upsetting. I am the aunt to twin girls who are adults now, but I remember the comparisons , and many were cruel and heartbreaking. Sounds like your doing a great job of giving both of them what they need to succeed in life and embracing their differences to help each one. Unfortunately , my sister couldn’t do that with her girls, and there has been negative consequences in both of their lives.
@ readingclaygirl Congratulations on all of your successes. As an OT, I’m always glad to hear stories like yours.
Thanks, all, and @readingclaygirl, I’m especially grateful to hear your comments. The funny thing is, despite the IEP and the ADHD and all her other alphabets, D is in the top 10% of the class, and is better in some classes than her brother. She’s just not as…for want of better word…shiny.
After reading some posts here I encouraged my S16 to actually OPEN the emails that have been piling up in his inbox from colleges. He was pleased to discover around ten offers of application fee waivers and streamlined applications, at least one he’ll probably use. It has really brightened his day, even though he worries they will be disappointed he’s not the 4.0 student they might think he is. I told him not to worry – he might actually get accepted and if not, they get to trumpet how selective they are. So he should take the waivers with a clean conscience.
@petrichor11 Congrats on your progress submitting apps! It is very inspiring. In his reading of college emails my S16 has discovered that many of the Nov deadlines are EA deadlines so my plan to fool him is foiled. He’s still on board with applying early as many places as possible, but I predict some of these won’t happen because he now knows they don’t HAVE to happen.
On the subject of siblings, I think he loves the attention he gets when S14 is away at college. He also liked NOT being the center of attention this summer when S14 was back home. It is all good. Today, anyway.
To me it seems like a no-brainer that, for a school that one is already planning to apply to, to apply EA if it’s an option. One of the best pieces of advice that I picked up when I first came on to CC was the importance of getting some EA and rolling admissions applications in by Nov 1, so that some acceptances are in hand during December. Takes all sorts of pressure off.
@crowlady – I know that your son marches to the beat of his own drummer, but have you considered resorting to bribery? Our S14 was told that once he became a rising senior no new video games could be purchased until all his college applications were completed and submitted. He got the last one in on the Saturday night of Thanksgiving weekend, and immediately drove to Target to buy some sort of ‘shooter’ game. He also bought me a Grateful Dead tee shirt, to thank me for staying on him to get his apps in and done. Anyway, just a thought.
@AsleepAtTheWheel I often resorted to pulling the "no games until insert word of choice here is done or grade comes up. Now I use the car as a bribery.
@texaspg – Hadn’t thought of that angle, I guess because S14 was not a candidate for any of the SCEA schools. And the Georgetown piece is very interesting, and of course does make some sort of sense.
@asleepatthewheel - we have had an ongoing discussion for the past 3 months at home, one SCEA vs several EAs. Last go around in 2011, older kid did 3 EAs for instead of trying one lottery.
Georgetown is unique in asking students not to apply ED anywhere else. No other EA school seems to care and want the students follow other schools rules when applying SCEA or ED.
We aren’t looking at any SCEA schools, and in fact no lotteries (he’s looking at those for transfer if he does well freshman year). When S16 brought up ED today (uh oh, another sign he’s getting more savvy) I suggested that he’d have to fall in love with one school really fast to justify an ED application. He agreed.
@carolinamom2boys@AsleepAtTheWheel Bribes and punishments never work for me. I just lose an hour of my life fielding arguments about intrinsic motivation from Alfie Kohn’s book, Punished by Rewards, which he read at an impressionable age. My latest strategy is to express confidence that he’s highly competent and will pull it all together with minimal reminders. The self-fulfilling prophecy approach. Letting him set the target dates does seem to have given him some ownership over the process. Not that he’s meeting his own targets. He’s not even 17 until October so his maturity may lag even more than other Y-chromosome-bearers.
I’ve been thinking about sibling comparisons. S16 is probably top 1 per cent in math, and despite his low grades in HS English is a good writer (he blew people away with his coming of age speech at our church). S18 isn’t as good in math, and wasn’t considered “the smartest kid I’ve seen” in ES like his older brother was. When the time came for him to do coming of age at church, the advisor said that she felt sorry for him having to follow his brother. I replied that S18 was probably the better writer of the two, and that he could follow anybody. He proved me right. I’m not sure S18 will be able to get the astronomical test scores his brother did, but I wouldn’t be surprised if the GPAs didn’t end up around the same. When you have kids who don’t really like school in competitive magnet programs, that isn’t a formula for high grades.
(I wrote this comment a few hours ago when it was still pertinent, lol. Figured out my posting problem though…on the phone, I need to click “done” THEN “post”! )
Yeah, Texaspg has a good point…if you are planning a SCEA or ED, read the rules before applying anywhere else. Some forbid applying EA to other privates, but allow EA at publics. You are probably safe if you apply regular or rolling decision, but it’s best to make sure.
My understanding about early… ED allows you are applying wherever as long as they are not binding. SCEA allows you apply any public schools as long as they are not binding and no privates as early.
S was considering an SCEA school but changed his mind and is applying there RD, though he still will have it done by November 1 because we want all of the definites done before then (there are a couple of RD schools he won’t apply to if he gets into the multiple-EA schools he’s applying to, if that makes sense). So he’ll have I think seven or eight out by mid-October, and then possibly 3-4 more if necessary during Christmas break.
I’m really hoping it doesn’t get to that point though.
I’m hoping someone here can answer this question for me. Our HS has a 7 point grading scale. How do colleges account for the differences between schools where an A requires a 93 and schools where an A requires a 90? How do they account for weighted classes? For example a 90 would technically be a B at our school , but because it was in an Honors class is is weighted at 4.25 . This whole grading scale confuses me!
So make sure the key words “no app fee” is included in the email.