@carachel2 I like being a hopeless romantic ;
certainly NEVER a factor for college hunting! It certainly isn’t holding D back from going very far away when she has a more than 2 year relationship, oh my.
@carachel2 I’m so glad to hear you’ve been happily married for 25 years! I thought it sounded like you were saying you didn’t believe in lasting love, that it’s a feeling that wears off. Maybe you just don’t like that terminology, and I can respect that. I think the soulmate comment is just an extension of whether or not a kid feels like they can find their tribe at a school. Will they find that group or special person to click with. If a school is a poor fit, maybe they won’t. Like I was mentioning for my daughter, we visited a safety school that she just felt was too pedestrian. The students just didn’t seems cerebral or driven enough for her. In that type on environment she would have a hard time finding a boy she’d want to date.
@carachel2…I’m certainly not the hopeless romantic, but many many folks find (happen upon) their spouse during their college years…so for my son, who was definitely not the “datey” high schooler, we were stunned 45 days into freshman year when he introduced us (via Skype) to his girlfriend…now 2 1/2 years later, still together and making postgraduate life plans together (including sharing an appt together soon)…never say never.
I agree that finding a soulmate wasn’t on the radar necessarily with either son’s college search process, but absolutely finding a campus with an excellent “fit”, including with a “tribe” where each could see themselves a part of a community goes a certain distance toward meaningful and fulfilling friendships (including even romantic ones).
@thshadow -
"Academic fit. How likely is your child to thrive academically? Which at a high level can probably be summarized as “gets A’s and B’s”. But more specifically, it should be somewhere where they find the classes interesting and challenging, and yet still come out of it with confidence. Also, they should be able to discover if they want to go to grad school or not, and if so, they should be prepared for it.
- Social fit. Can they find their tribe? Do they have fun on weekends? Is their stuff to do on campus and/or in the surrounding area?
- Financial fit. For many schools, this is black and white - NFW or good-to-go. Obviously NFW are eliminated from this list. Any schools in the gray area probably makes things more complicated.
- Other. How good is the food? What is the housing situation like? Is the weather bad? Is it easy/hard to travel home?"
This is a well-though-out checklist. Some things might “weigh” more than others depending on the family and kid, of course. Maybe this would go under “other,” but I’d argue that the general culture of the school, and the basic level of student happiness, are very important for a positive college experience. My cousin’s kids all have gone to big rah-rah schools with big Greek life, and have had an absolute blast because they like that loud party scene on weekends. Other kids would find a lot more “friend choices” for the social fit at a college without the football and Greek emphasis. My daughter thought the happiest kids she saw were at both types (one was Syracuse, two others Colorado College and Union) and because a happy student body is very important to her, she narrowed her choices accordingly. She decided not to apply to Cornell or Wesleyan because the student body seemed almost muted and somber.
Re food in the decision making, for our older son it was a consideration, for our younger it hasn’t been. But as parents it has been with us. Not just the quality of the food, but whether it’s all-you-care to eat or pay per item. Not sure how common the pay per item concept is now, but at a couple of the schools he applied to they do that. It doesnt seem as conducive to lounging around after a meal and socializing if you pay per item - probably not going back for seconds, going back for dessert, etc that makes it a more lingering experience. I know the dining experience has been a social experience for our older son and an enjoyable part of his first 2 years.
@thshadow I agree with everything on your list. However, I’m not sure I’d put academics first. While academics are important, the truth is, there are a lot of academically sound schools to choose from. So I encouraged D to look for a school that is a good cultural fit in a location that she likes, instead of banishing herself like I did for the sake of a #1 ranked department in my major.
@thshadow - I think you covered most of the criteria we have been thinking about. To academic fit, I would add things like availability of research opportunities for undergraduates and the degree of emphasis a school places on undergraduate education vs. graduate education, and, most importantly, size of department and availability of classes in areas of interest.
In addition to location/campus/housing/weather, I would include criteria such as urban vs. rural, size of campus and how easily navigable it is.
I would also weight these criteria – e.g., academic, social, and financial fit are more important criteria than easy/hard travel home.
I’d add the likelihood of being able to keep any scholarships by meeting the minimum GPA. Also, the availability of LLC programs, which both my girls were very interested in.
Also, for D17 the types of medical facilities nearby have been a consideration.
@LoveTheBard --agree with your list.
Thanks @Fishnlines29 and @socalmom007 !
I tend to agree with others that academics is really not the most important thing. A bright kid will find a way to challenge themselves at any school. At this age they are going through a lot of emotional changes, and finding a school with a culture where they really feel at home is super important in my opinion.
@carachel2, @socalmom007, @Fishnlines29, and anyone else in the subthread, I’m one of those who kind of cringes at the idea of looking for a “soulmate”, but then again, I’m overly analytical about such things, and think of soulmates in exactly this way: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gaid72fqzNE
(And if the link got munged, you can find it by searching for Tim Minchin’s song “If I Didn’t Have You”—in which, upon re-listening, I realize he even uses the word ‘soulmate’ to describe things!)
I wouldn’t typically use the word soulmate, but in the terms it was brought up it made sense to me as an important fit criteria. If I sent my daughter to a college campus and she was faced with a selection of frat boys, meat heads, preppies, tailgaters, cowboys, hipsters, emo’s, whatever… her reaction would be “ew, no…” She’d be looking for the coders, or the debate team, the mathaletes… those are her people, does that make sense?
I haven’t posted here in about 30 pages… Just caught up, and wow, lots of great news! Hugs to those who were waitlisted or turned down. Congrats to those with actual, final decisions!
S had his wisdom teeth out on Friday. He only had 2 and they were not impacted, so it was pretty straightforward. He still has puffy chipmunk cheeks, but he seems mostly back to normal and will be happy when all the diet restrictions are lifted.
I think Caltech is still his leading choice, but he has 7 more to hear from over the next couple weeks. Since I last posted, he’s in at UCLA, UCSC, and Kenyon College and waitlisted at a couple schools.
For the fit question, Caltech is a good fit for him academically and probably socially–so long as he’s willing to commit to 4 years of a crazy workload. He said he was when he was applying, but he has to be sure about it now. Their 3-day accepted students event isn’t until late April, so we may be waiting awhile for him to decide.
@5redheads There’s a thread on housing options for kids on the spectrum. Have you seen it? http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/1968007-double-or-single-for-asd-kid-or-others-with-similar-issues.html#latest
@dustypig Welcome back! Cal decisions are supposed to release on 3/30, not this coming Friday.
@Ynotgo I was going off of this thread: http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/university-california-general/1948877-uc-decision-dates-2017-p1.html bad date projections?
@socalmom007 Hmm, AskMsSun says March 30, and S17’s portal says he’ll be notified about whether he got Regents on March 30. I don’t have access to his email to check for messages from them about release dates. (Gumbymom’s post #2 in that thread was the actual dates from 2016.)
lol! I agree with the video, still it would be nice if my kid encounted at least one of those special someones. Hook-up culture concerns me.
That’s hysterical @dfbdfb and perhaps I’m a bit of a realist after all since I do think you’re very special (but fall within a bell curve). ;))
@Ynotgo Congrats on the new acceptances! I get feeling pressure with CalTech. I can’t wait to hear what your son decides… so many choices… I hope he heals quickly!
@nw2this I don’t care for the hook-up culture either but our kids will have to find their way I guess. I’ve always told my daughter, “be friends for a full year prior to any hookups!” At this point, I just have to trust she has a good head on her shoulders.
@ dfbdfb ditto @Fishnlines29 ;))
My DD17 has made her commitment to Kent State U.She had one better ranked school with a bit of reach to get in for her desired major (RIT); she got in but has declined it.
She is our younger daughter is in a decent public school. has great GPA and nice ACT score, she likes getting good grades and is a little bit artsy, is quietish but friendly and down to earth. She has never really loved the idea of spending 4 years in college, but has always been someone who HATED competition and pressure: she didn’t like swim team, piano recitals, challenging private school, etc… She and I think she will be happy and successful at Kent State, where it seems like a pretty normal college experience, and an opportunity to be successful in her major.
NARROWING DOWN: About making that final choice of school in the weeks to come: when narrowing down a school with older daughter and this one, we consider mental health very important. We make sure our kid’s schools have adequate counseling services in place. They have known some friends who have had anxiety, depression, and even a good friend who committed suicide has affected our perspective of things.
ADVICE FWIW: We have learned that it is important to encourage students to reach out and get help if needed, and is not a sign of weakness but rather a sign of maturity and healthy thinking. I encourage people to have this kind of discussion with their college-bound children.
Good luck to all of those awaiting news and still making decisions!
@Ynotgo Yes thank you - that thread has been a good place to ponder thoughts on Aspie housing. But the more I read the more I want him to stay home!!