QOTD: Yes, we will be working out a 4 - 6 year plan. The plan will be evolving and there will undoubtedly be curves and hills along the way so S17 will have to adjust his path as he explores interests and opportunities. I will provide guidance as we develop the plan and I will help with research and resources… He has always been open to my input and he doesn’t always take my advice but as long as he is open to hearing it we will be okay. Things have worked out well in devising the HS plan and he has expressed how much he appreciates that he doesn’t have some of the same stress as some of his classmates who made some slight blunders along the way. Not major blunders but when dealing with highly selective schools, even a slight blunder can be problematic. So while he looked at me like I had two heads a couple of years ago when I was plotting out the last two years of HS, he is appreciative of the guidance now that senior year has started.
My programming career started and ended with Fortran. 
No Swarthmore emails here that I’m aware of, but it all goes to S’s email anyway.
Ok, call me crazy…since CB charges $12 to send all or one score. I sent all scores to the EA schools D wanted me to send.
I am no good in programming. Struggled with COBOL and couldn’t debug. D is a better student, and wants to major in computer science. D’s short to mid term plan is to generate returns on the investment we will be making for her education!! 
No Swarthmore emails, but Case Western has become the stalker school.
@paveyourpath —how sweet and refreshing that your son actually gives you credit for helping. While I have not done a ton, I think I have been of planning and logistics help, and I get ZERO credit!
A sample of the Swarthmore emails. The first paragraph changes but the rest is generally the same. App fee waiver included so I don’t mind their emails.
subject line: Knock Knock
Knock, Knock. Now you say, “Who’s there?” Hmmm…this only works if you respond. Which is part of the problem. We want to hear from you.
subject line: I had the wildest dream
This is Taylor Swift! Just kidding. It’s Swarthmore. We thought we’d shake things up a bit. While we have you in the dancing mood, may we assume that one of the following is true?
Subject line: Blink or click
Are you there? Please give us a sign. Blink twice if you hear us. Better yet, click the link at the bottom of the message.
Subject line: Hear ye? Hear ye?
We want to hear from you. We know you’re out there, doing the things that busy people do: studying, engaging with the world in meaningful ways, not answering emails. Let’s cut to the chase:
Subject line: Beavers and bees have nothing on you!
You are really busy. Because you are doing really good stuff. We get that. Which is why we persevere. This is what we keep telling ourselves, anyway. Excuse us for being so forward.
We’ve been at this for a while now. Us sending you brochures and emails. You reading them briefly and giving an occasional nod of approval or disdain before shuffling them into the recycling bin. (We are realists). May we assume that one of the following is true:
- You are planning to apply to Swarthmore. Because you like us. You really do.
- No way, no how you’re applying to Swarthmore.
- You are on the proverbial fence. You might say tomato or you might say tomahto. You may apply. Or you may not.
If 1, hooray! To show our enthusiasm, we are waiving your application fee!
If 2, we totally get it. No one college is right for all people. Know that we will miss you.
But if 3, let us offer the following observation.
Applying is no more arduous and taxing than clicking an additional box when you create your college list. And clicking an additional box is no more arduous and taxing than putting an extra pickle on your burger or doing an extra jumping jack. Which is to say, click that box. Have that extra pickle. Keep your options open.
@LMHS73 My son is a Jr at Bama and has lived off campus since the summer of his freshman yr. He has never felt unsafe. Last yr he walked or rode his bike to an from campus at all hours. He is not a kid that goes to frat parties. He and his friends are more hang out, watch movies, play board games, etc type of kids.
You should go the the Bama page and ask mom2collegekids. I’m pretty sure she lives in Tuscaloosa.
@paveyourpath —those are hysterical! Thanks for sharing. Could work as our JOTD.
I was a computer programmer for 18 years… I quit to stay home with the kids. It’s been 10 years since I’ve done any coding. At this point my 10th grader would do better in a job interview/test than me.
@paveyourpath Hilarious! Now I’m going to actually start reading their emails. :))
@whataboutcollege about Maryland Marquee Day - my S17 is going. I researched it briefly and I doubt it is super special. It happened to be the weekend we were planning to be in Maryland visiting family, so we figured it was a good time to visit. Hopefully there will be more info on honors programs than a standard open house, and presumably it will be smaller, but the online schedule for the day looks just like their standard visit day.
@LMHS73 I have a daughter who is in her second year at Bama. She lived in Honors housing last year and often had to walk alone at night back to her dorm from her sorority house which is completely across campus. She never had a problem. There were only 150 spots for upperclassmen on campus this year, so she is now off campus in an apartment. So far it has been fine. She is on campus in the evenings at least three times a week and has been fine.
I agree with @Mom2aphysicsgeek, go to the Bama page and look for @mom2collegekids. She is extremely helpful both here and on social media where Bama parents have an extremely active and support presence.
@klinska My daughter is applying ED and we do need financial aid to make it work. My son who is 2 years older just applied EA but from that experience we found that the calculators were exactly right like within a hundred dollars for us. We have very standard income and investments though YMMV. I’m sure it varies by school but his school adjusts aid based on the cost increase. So this year COA went up almost $3K but so did his aid. Some schools are known for front loading aid where they get a lot in the beginning but it fades out over time and we did check around to be sure that was not the case for his school. My son does have a work commitment in his aid package but he had no trouble meeting the amount and when he works at school he way exceeds it. Internships tend to pay well these days but it depends on the field and if they have somewhere free or cheap to live. If it’s as close as $3K I would definitely let her apply ED but only after a long discussion about this is exactly what we can afford and we don’t want you to extend yourself with work and loan commitments beyond whatever amount. That way when hopefully the offer comes in you will all have the same criteria for what works and what doesn’t. I’m not really worried that she won’t get enough now because we will have 2 in college it’s the last bit where we won’t that is pretty unpredictable that I’m worried about. But we can continue saving while she is in college and should be able to handle it.
@MichiganGeorgia I also was a computer programmer for over 15 years. Then lost a job and stayed home for over 10 years. I joined a start up last year, and most of my time not on this board is spend knee deep in Java code, or Skype design meetings. It sure helps keep me off my son’s back.
@Ynotgo Theoretical computer science is more like Math. Theoretical computer scientists write proofs & papers about those proofs. It’s Math where the problems relate to things computer scientists need to know. Applied math is geared towards math to help scientists & engineers. They sounds like they should be the same thing but they aren’t.
@Ynotgo and @curiositycat333 — so son is finally home from XC & Debate, dinner, shower, etc so I snuck in and asked him why he plans to study applied math. Apparently I am just confused (shocking) and that was simply the option he told me to click on the pull-down menus when I was registering him for college tours. Supposedly he plans to study discrete or abstract math. Truly though, I should probably stop now before I dig this hole any deeper and lose any credibility I may have.
Well to begin with you pretty much just study math. Plenty of time to specialize ia year or two in.
@CT1417 Sounds like you son knows what he’s doing. I think you just need to trust him.
In this type of math/CS it’s very normal to go straight to graduate school. Other CS graduate programs it’s much more common to work for a few years, and then come back and get your PhD.
@caroldanvers & @whataboutcollege – I noticed the Sept 19th RSVP date on the UMD invite that arrived in today’s mail. Tossed it in the recycling as no time for visits until essays are written. Please bring back a report! I have heard that some of these visit days are amazing and offer access otherwise not available and some are a cattle call. I hope that MD’s is more the former.
@klinska, that is a tough spot. D just got an email today from one of her top choice schools about their “friendly ED” plan. They noted on the information page that ED doesn’t have the same rules or limitations at every school, so if you continue to consider ED make sure you know exactly what you’re getting into. Another thing they mentioned is that they give need-based and merit aid without regard to ED/RD status, but that some schools offer less to ED applicants. Maybe every school says that (and who knows what they really do). If your D’s school doesn’t specifically say they make the same aid offers regardless of ED/RD, I’d definitely stay away from it.
There’s also the psychology of the situation. What if she gets accepted ED and COA is right around that region between “really stretching” and " financial disaster"? Then she may take it all the harder because it seemed so close. I’ve also heard that schools look for likely “full-pays” during ED, so that 80% rate could be very misleading. What if she gets rejected ED due to the school’s suspicion that she won’t be full-pay? If she’s aware of the huge differences in acceptance rates that could be even harder on her than the “near-miss.”
Yep, it’s a first-world problem, but I feel for ya.
@MichiganGeorgia, I know what you mean about being out of the coding game for so long. I worked in computer security before becoming a sahm and have been out of it a while now. My S18 wants to double major in business and CS and he’s been studying for the FBLA cyber security test. The other day he was talking about it and when he said “DDOS attack” I saw him give me the look – the look that says “Mom’s old and probably doesn’t know what that means.” Geesh, I’m not that old and obsolete! But soon…
@klinska I’m with @eandesmom on this. If your kid really wants to go to this school, a total personal student loan burden of 12K (or even 15K) over four years does not seem excessive to me. Kind of like assuming a car payment. With frugal living after graduation, or perhaps some reasonably well paid summer internships along the way, it could be paid down relatively quickly. A little skin in the game isn’t necessarily a bad thing.
That said, will your child get a qualitatively different educational experience at dream school? If it’s a large OOS public that costs more than the in-state large public, maybe it’s not worth it, unless your child is pursuing a very specific major or something like that. It dream school offers more personalized attention from professors, more hands-on mentoring, etc., better job placement, then maybe the value added is worth the upcharge.
Good luck! It sounds like a tough decision.