@snoozn - I’ve gotten that look too. My 10th grader has been building/rebuilding his own computers for the last 4 years or so. When he was having trouble in the beginning DH told him to ask me for help since back in the day I had to build them for some of our factory work. You couldn’t just buy them off the shelf back them. Anyway he just couldn’t get past the fact I might actually know what to do… He refused my help and ended up figuring it out on his own. But I know I could have figured it out too, lol
Math and physics and theoretical purity: Reminds me of this old xkcd: https://xkcd.com/435/
Cut off after four years: In theory, we’re cutting off our kids after four years. However, my parents had that rule firmly in place for their kids, and so I’ve lived what happens if you have to pay for an extra year yourself—even with very, very low lodging rates (I lived with extended family my last few years of college), and with in-state tuition rates from >25 years ago, it took me years (just shy of a decade, actually) to pay the resulting debt off, what with having to take deferments while making minimal income during grad school and such. So we only talk about paying for four years with them, but in the truest secret back of our minds it’s a soft boundary.
Thanks @CT1417 and @curiositycat333. I guess the CS class that DS is taking at the UC is then on the theoretical side of CS. It’s Automata and Formal Languages, and I’ve at least learned to pronounce Automata so that CS people don’t correct me. 
The reader (copied parts of textbooks) for his class starts off with several sections on different types of proofs. I wouldn’t know the first thing about how to do the first homework set, but he says that so far he feels like he fits in OK and can answer questions in the discussion section.
I’m a technical writer who writes for programmers – compiler/assembler manuals and the like. So, I’ve written code examples (including some in COBOL, Fortran, and Ada once upon a time), but they are pretty simple. Other than some JavaScript, I mostly stick to reading code and explaining what it does rather that writing it.
DS credits me with teaching him some debugging techniques early on (like “Banging your head on the desk doesn’t help. Try printf statements instead.”), which was about the last time I was able to help him with coding. He helped me with some Linux stuff a couple days ago. I remember back 3 years ago when I knew more Linux than him.
@dfbdfb I agree with your relevant XKCD (http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/discussion/comment/19963767/#Comment_19963767)
@klinska, if it is your daughters dream school, and the odds are far more favorable ED, I would let her apply, but tell her it is conditional on how much money they offer. You can easily be relieved of your commitment if you are not satisfied with their financial analysis. Plain and simple. Every college has a small amount of ed melt. If you look up common data sets for your dream school, you will likely see data on how many kids were offered ED, and how many actually enrolled. I guarantee there are some, and most likely it was over a financial award gap. Give your child the chance to get in, and see what they offer. The process is rigged for the schools benefit, use whatever loopholes are morally allowed. I realize this may not be a popular position…
Well, it is looking like Dd has her major hurdle essay for her top pick college in final draft form. That is a huge stress relief for her. It is like the flotsam and jetsam had all intertangled and formed a dam and then suddenly burst.
She should be able to finish almost all of her applications this weekend with the exception of 2.
Her next big hurdle are the UKy honors college topics. She is still unsure of how she wants to approach those.
Good morning,
I wanted to share an idea for college planning that was gleaned from a parent online last year… let’s pretend it is Fall of 2017 and I am interested in buying a plane ticket to get D17 home for the Thanksgiving or Christmas break next year…how do the flights available look as far as cost and convenience of times offered for her list of possible far-flung schools? It can help one school more or less attractive than the others…Also, I think it is wise to check which colleges allow freshman to have cars, if that is needed for your student to get home. We had found the cost of parking at school can vary a lot.
FWIW Another thing about driving: When D15 left for college 8 hours away, I thought I had given her lots of city and interstate driving experience compared to her friends. But it is still scary when she texted to say “I am on my way home, Mom”… Suggestion: give your child lots of driving experience this year, in now and traffic and navigating a new location, through a construction zone, etc.
OK I am on a roll of telling people what to do, yikes…other car advice for your college kid but can start now!
Make sure D or S knows what to do in case of a fender bender (exchange info even for a small incident)
-what to do and demeanor needed if pulled over for speeding or other traffic mistake…
-Make sure they have their own AAA card if you have AAA…there is an add-on card available for students. D15 has used them once already
-give them a $100 bill at least, not to be spent unless it is an emergency, and debit card is not working. Of course they need their own debit card for multiple reasons.
-teach them how to change a tire, add fluids, and to not ignore those warning lights that come up on the dashboard…
-warn them about not loaning out their car to other students!
-not getting in the car with someone who has been drinking at all, including themselves…and calling a cab
-use interstate exits that are crowded and well lit, like the big gas stations/convenience stores and make sure the parent knows which exit it will be.
Sorry to ramble, coffee has kicked in.
Since my son’s school gives weighted and unweighted grades 96.8 unweighted and 105.69 weighted. There something called how to convert your GPA to a 4.o scale under college board that says 93 and up is a 4.0 a 90-92 3.7 ect Is that what colleges use or do they use a different way for the top schools
@2kidsinky All very good advice. Thank you.
Whenever we consider a college, one of the first things we do is look at the map and find the nearest real airport. We consider the driving distance to the airport. Also, how many flights per day or per week to NYC. We try very hard to have an open mind, but several colleges were shut out because of difficulty traveling to and from home.
@2kidsinky I agree with your post. We do, however, have different standards for our sons than our daughters. Our sons have driven back country highways for couple of hour stretches off the interstate to come home by themselves. We don’t allow our daughters to do the same. I am far more nervous about a young woman breaking down alone on some isolated stretch of road than a young male.
A few yrs ago when we were traveling with a van full of kids we came across a young girl with a broken down car on the side of the highway in a very isolated location. She looked terrified. We pulled over and stayed with her until her parents arrived 45 mins later. I don’t care to think about what a different scenario could have looked like bc there were only a couple of other cars that passed the entire time we were there.
::sigh::
our story is pretty similar.
there are no good answers, thats for sure.
we are also loan adversive but in our case we really dont have “good affordable choices”—there is pretty much a large gap (not to mention an ambitious efc) just due to our geography. it is what it is.
i do think if our discussion involved “only” a gap of $3000/yr i would have her take the loans and i would, in my head, be committed to paying it back myself on the off chance she couldnt manage it. if she can, great, if not i’ll just do it for her.
i feel for you.
QOTD: How many unread posts do you have here? I have 5,127.
@Midwes87, @vandyeyes, @eandesmom, snoozn—you make some really excellent points about the emotional/psychological impact and that it won’t be easy to just walk away if the money doesn’t work out. My D is pretty level-headed, and she’s the one who basically put the brakes on things and is now saying she should go RD—I can’t tell how deeply she’s thought about it, though. I think what I need to do is put the numbers in front of her for 4 years, so she can see what I’m talking about.
@mamaedamfamila, D’s proposed major is offered just about everywhere, and it’s not an impacted major. This school, though, is uniquely positioned (geographically and resources-wise) to be of benefit in terms of name recognition, access to quality internships in her proposed field, and networking opportunities/contacts of professors who are actively engaged in the field. If this was an OOS public or a pricey LAC/research uni, I would definitely not be so hung up on it. But there’s no guaranteeing that she’s going to stick with this major, and while she would certainly still get a great education at this school, I don’t know if it would provide the boost that it does for what she currently is saying she wants to study. And that’s not to say that there won’t be opportunities at other schools we can more easily afford.
@BigPapiofthree (love your user name and avatar-my avatar is of the seats at Fenway!), this is where I was coming from originally—other posters have made some good points about how hard it might be to walk away, though—especially if the money is close.
@acdchai, I don’t have hard evidence, but I believe I have heard that this school front loads aid—not sure if that’s true for both need-based aid and merit. @snoozn, they do explicitly say that ED and RD get the same aid consideration—I would like to think that if they say it outright that it’s true! I think what needs to happen is that we need to have (yet another) conversation about the money, where the line in the sand is, and whether or not she will be OK walking away if the money is not what we need it to be. I do want this to be her decision. @kac425, I’m sorry you’re going through this, too. I think once I have more precise numbers for the 4 years and we see what the gap would really be, we’ll have a better sense of whether the loans she could take out would really be enough.
FWIW, this school and our in-state public flagship are tied in the USNWR rankings—this school would cost almost twice what the public flagship would cost. That is really hard to wrap my brain around.
@klinska, I can tell just by the tone and thoughtful reflection you have voiced that your daughter is in excellent hands. Just that you are addressing these (tricky and layered) issues now says much. Good luck; I’m an optimist and believe strongly she will land well and where she needs to be.
@caroldanvers @CT1417 It seems like we won’t be going. D said that day is her friend’s birthday and she can’t miss her birthday party… her decision…
How do we know how many unread posts we have? I can see the number for each thread but not overall.
Just to add to what @2kidsinky said, something we considered about students driving was what is on the drive itself. Generally, you’re not going to have constant population areas along a 5- to 8-hour drive (unless maybe on the coasts?). With D14 I had many of the same concerns with a single young woman driving 5 hours away to college as @Mom2aphysicsgeek, but our D has two routes. Her preferred route is less populous and less traveled, and I have become more comfortable with her making that drive in the daytime in good weather. She has AAA, knows where the “good” stops are and knows what to do if she becomes stranded and has to wait for a tow or for us. The other route takes the same amount of time but is interstate most of the way with several populous areas including two large metros. If there’s a chance of weather or nighttime driving, I insist she take this route so that she has frequent access to hotels, rather than just gas stations in tiny towns. (She also lived in a dorm that allowed students to stay over breaks if needed, just in case she had to wait for weather to clear after school closed for semester break.)
Adding to my mantra of “A LOT can change in a year!”…summer before D16 left for college, she met a boy. She’s down in Lexington…and he is not.
A year ago? It was all about getting into a selective school to prove her self-worth and be amongst those in her small high school who were going to a “top school”.
Now? She wishes it was possible to be closer to where her BF is.
She’s got a good head on her shoulders, super smart, but she is still 18 years old (and in love!).
It would be very hard on us (parents) if we had agreed to stretch and borrow to send her off to one of her top picks, and that still wasn’t good enough bc it’s too far from the BF.
You just never know what life is going to throw at you! Keep your sense of humor!
@Mom2aphysicsgeek Do NMSF have to complete the UKy essays and with care? Are they really going to read them for auto full ride students?
T-minus one day to FAFSA Day!
So exciting. :((
@itsgettingreal17 I hope someone will correct me if I am wrong, but I thought I had read about NMFs not being accepted into the honors college. I don’t think Dd would be happy there without it.