@droppedit My personal preference is for her to go to an easier school where she can have some freaking fun for a change. I don’t want her nose embedded in a book 24x7. HS has been a disaster socially.
I love this, I think you hit a nail on the head. We reminded DD that while high school was important, having a life and enjoying oneself is also important. Same goes for college. Many kids from “average” schools become very successful or go onto higher levels of education. They don’t have to be miserable and overwhelmed or buried in books with no life for 4-5 years in order to succeed. There is a reason colleges seek out the “well rounded” kids, not necessarily the best students.
My DS loved college, he had a blast! He didn’t have to work too hard, he worked part time, he partied a bit, made tons of friends and had a great experience. He went to an average state school with absolutely no regrets. He had decent grades but not a 4.0 and yet, he still managed to get into a top notch Doctorate of PT Program. We honestly think it had to do with his averageness.
@droppedit it’s funny that you said you want your D to “have some freaking fun for a change”. I was just thinking about that this weekend. Sure, my D really enjoys her classes, and enjoys her scheduled EC events, but the kids should be enjoying hanging out with each other more. Unfortunately in her friend group a lot of the kids aren’t allowed to do that because the parents don’t think that’s a fruitful use of time, and for some of her other friends it’s the kids themselves who don’t want to go out because they are nervous about studying or working on ECs. My D’s shown me her group chat, and how busy it is with homework questions over the weekend including Fri and Sat nights. Personally, I think that’s excessive and I think they are missing out on honing valuable soft skills and gaining emotional maturity. My D has been successful at getting these kids to go out, but not very often as a group, and she is by far and away the most socially active one. I think the other parents might think I’m nuts for having her go out every weekend.
I think you are spot on. My DD’s group also contained kids whose parents really didn’t allow “down” time as it was not accomplishing anything in their timeline. I don’t think this way, I think they are kids and burnout is a real thing. I think they need a balance of fun, social and academic. Not every kid is cut out to be a brain surgeon with no life, we as parents not only need to drive our kids sometimes but we also need to allow or encourage them to loosen up a bit.
I know not everyone agrees with this but I’d prefer a happy young adult to a stressed out miserable one any day.
Cannot overstate the importance of finding that true safety. One of the challenges is that many students don’t fully appreciate that they can get a great education and make life-long friends at any one of several different schools. Too many high school seniors think there is that one perfect “match” school that is right for him or her, they have to find it and get in! That is just not the case. There are many places where our kids can be happy. Just be realistic about where you send your applications regarding likelihood of acceptance and ability to pay tuition. Pick from one of the acceptances and don’t look back.
My DD is following along as the majority of her friends headed off to their respective schools in the past month. She was commenting on how so may romanticized the school as well as the roommate situations and are now disappointed or struggling with the reality of school and living with strangers.
Romanticized views on everything from actual romance to college, first job, first house, having a baby. Reality is often not so pretty, that is for sure!
Don’t know why I just thought about this closed thred, but for those of you with a kiddo still knocking out essays, I really liked this thred and thought it helpful back when DD2016 was working on essays.
@melvin123 – I have begged for D18 to simply hang out. No plans, no grand scheme, just sit around and blab with friends. Other kids are too busy with ECs or other things. Every freaking thing has to be planned these days. I would suffocate in that environment.
I told D18 that when she gets to college I want her to close all her books, etc. on Friday afternoon and not open them again until Sunday. Not even think about academic stuff.
Hi All,
I am a parent of a 2017 hs grad and accidentally came to this thread instead of my 2017. I was reading some of the posts and wanted to give some unsolicited advice for what it is worth. My DC is happily ensconced in the first month of his freshman year of college. The admissions process is challenging as you all know. It was my first and last time going through it as I have an only child. My son’s HS told us that any school with an admit rate of 15% or less is a reach for everyone and I agree so keep that in mind. On the flip side let your kids dream in color because if they can’t do it when they are 17/18 when will they do it? They should apply to reaches but it is so important to have targets and safeties as those will most likely be the schools they are attending. Of course everyone wants to go to the reaches and that is a fine line with the kids and their confidence. My DC did not get into any of the reach schools except one which was between a reach and a match. As it turns out all of his safeties were schools he really had no interest in going to but applied because he needed more schools. This is just such an emotional time because as rational adults we know that the admission decision is not a reflection on your child but as a teenager how could it be anything else? Remember that this is your DC decision and they will be going to school. Of course it needs to be financially feasable but other than that it should be their choice. Which is hard as a parent who has had control or at least heavy input up to this point. Looking back the best thing we did was tell our child was that we don’t care the name of the college that they attend but that they are happy and thriving. A funny anecdote… someone asked how does your child pick between all of the colleges they apply to, someone replied the colleges definitely help with that and that is the truth. Remember you all have wonderful, smart, gifted and thoughtful kids. They will be okay and land in the right place. Good Luck to you all!!
@traveler98 it’s funny my D16 had the same initial reaction as your H, she didn’t even consider UTD at first because she wanted to go somewhere more prestigious but after visiting UTD, she also loved it. Now I’m her second year there, she too is thriving and I think she definitely made the right choice. She was originally full on the path to go to Purdue but would have owed probably $80k coming out after scholarships because we are out of state but with UTD scholarships even out jfcstate, she will owe nothing. She chose both from a financial standpoint, and from a feel of the campus standpoint, but also because she felt like a number at the other schools. So it is really key, too, to visit the campuses before making a decision. It made the decision easy for her.
If anyone has had luck being granted a non-need based fee waiver, please share your story. We’re coming up empty here. Called a few admissions offices and no luck, we exceed the income thresholds. D18 has received a few unsolicited waivers - like many of you - but requesting them has not been successful.
I just re-read my post and I should like a cheapo! Lol. Seriously I’m just a bargain-shopping, coupon loving gal that hates to overpay if not necessary. Anywhere we can save…
So, I’ve been off for a while and when I logged in today I was 476 posts behind. So, I hope nobody will be offended that I only skimmed through the past week or so.
We live in Tampa, so it’s been a little rough around here the past few days. Actually made a last minute decision to board up and evacuate when Irma’s track was right over my house and the news was screaming about storm surge. Of course, we evacuated to Lakeland and watched the track move east with us like the storm was paying attention to our movements. I would not recommend spending the night listening to a hurricane go by if you are interested in a good nights sleep. Anyway, came home yesterday to find lots of limbs and debris down, but power and water on. Didn’t discover until later that the roof leaked in S’18s room. So, we’ve been talking to roofers, insurance folks, etc. But hey, we’re fine, house is standing, street isn’t underwater and if the worst we have is a leak in the roof - I’ll take it. Lot’s of folks in this state in far worse situations than us.
As was mentioned earlier, no school until Monday. So S’18 is forging ahead with college apps. Unfortunately, he has not hit send on any as he is waiting (and waiting…) on official NMSF status, which I guess he’ll have to wait until next week for. I noted someplace upstream that prompts are available for the NMF essay, but I couldn’t find them online. Anybody know where to look? Google let me down. Thanks in advance.
@droppedit I agree! I totally get not going out on a rare weekend that you have ACT/SAT, midterms/finals, but other than that, you should be able to go out at least one night a week and take one day a week to have fun. I’ve begged my D to drop some schools from her list that are known to be real grinds. I’ve had some limited success.
@SnowflakeDogMom@labegg …this romanticized view… that’s what gets us into trouble! My D complains all the time that I’m so negative when I try to point out reality to her. I’ve got to find another way to cast my comments!
Welcome back @dadotwoboys ! So glad to hear you came through ok even if the storm followed you! :-SS
I have no trouble with romanticized views here, quite the opposite actually! In part because change of any kind makes my D extremely nervous, and big change kinda sends her off a cliff, this whole college thing, yeah she’s on board, she wants to go, but she doesn’t have to like it does she? Cuz as far as she’s concerned, there’s change comin’ and that can only be bad. >:P So I am actually, actively trying to get her to put a bit of a rose tint on her glasses. Just a shine really, so I’m having her write a positive thought a day about college in a notebook, and present it to me each week. No repeats, but the thoughts can be general or specific. So far she’s done it like homework: churned out all 7 on the day they’re due. 8-| I’m hoping as we go forward she’ll embrace it more. I can say she was honestly happy today when her “big envelope” came from NAU, complete with cute little NAU confetti pieces falling out when she opened it. She’s the first one of her friends to apply to any college, actually also probably the first at her school, and the first to get accepted. After she told them, they fell like dominos, all rushing to apply (they are all using NAU as their safety). :))
In unrelated news, after 3 weeks of doing PT and putting increasing amount of weight on her foot, her doctor told her he wants her to accelerate her progress and start actually walking on it. So she’s walking again! She still uses her scooter to get between classes at school, but she can walk around in the classroom and in the house, to and from the car, etc. She’s a little wobbly on her chicken leg, but she’s excited to start getting back to normal. Then we got the reality check from the doc: he said that for every month in a cast or boot, it can take 9 months to regain to muscle that’s lost to atrophy! For her that’s 23-27 months, plus she had been in a cast/boot situation for several months the year before surgery and hadn’t fully regained all that was lost (now I understand why). So she has some serious work to do. I’m not gonna lie. This freaks me out a little. My D is not a long term kinda gal. I see her paying attention to this for a while, until she feels comfortable and happy on her two feet again. Then? I see her slacking off and not paying that leg the attention it deserves. :-S
@melvin123 – I think these fun breaks are critical to development/sanity. Whenever I’m “stuck” on a problem or have too many things weighing on me I have to completely step away and go to Frys/BestBuy, mow the yard, etc. Basically, do something unrelated to what’s weighing on me. After that I come back with a fresh perspective. At a big college there’s nothing better than football games for that (we’re college football fans). I didn’t learn this until much later in life, so I’m trying to help her get it now.
For her that’s 23-27 months, plus she had been in a cast/boot situation for several months the year before surgery and hadn’t fully regained all that was lost (now I understand why). So she has some serious work to do. I’m not gonna lie. This freaks me out a little. My D is not a long term kinda gal. I see her paying attention to this for a while, until she feels comfortable and happy on her two feet again. Then? I see her slacking off and not paying that leg the attention it deserves. :-S