@memmom2018 that is harsh. I hate how these kids are expected to be perfect. God knows we adults aren’t perfect!
@Booajo I have to chime in a bit late to say that I too have a very, very, very, very reluctant overnight student! She actually did her first this past weekend and up until the moment they separated us for the night she was trying to convince me she did not need to do it. I made her. Not sure it was successful honestly, but it was necessary. I think she was wound so tightly and so anxious about spending the night that she really could not relax at all and enjoy herself, which was the negative. :-S But now it has been done so she knows she can do it, even if she doesn’t like to, so I’m taking what I can get as a positive.
We’ve got another one coming in another week so fingers crossed she’s more mentally prepared!
As far as whether to do it or not, I really think each kid and situation is different. You have to judge for yourself the cost/benefit ratio.
My DS would love to do as many overnights as he could but the cost and travel time means this is not possible. And you never know the effect of the host (or hosts’ roommates/friends). So far, his only one has been USC. He was excited but then three of the four guys in his host’s dorm room were training to be student tour guides, and the night became something of a contest to see who had the best memory of USC factoids. Being around people who were over-the-top in their Trojan Family love ended up generating the opposite reaction in him. It was a bit much, he said. But the overnight meant he got to see the plush new McCarthy Honors College in the University Village. He was definitely impressed…but USC is NFW if he doesn’t get a merit scholarship.
DD is looking forward to overnights. I don’t think she feels like she got the “real” story from her tours and info sessions, and wants more unscripted time with students and class visits etc. Admittedly, she has friends (alums a year or two older from her HS) at most of the schools that she’s applying to, so there is a comfort-level with her hosts. Plus she’s at boarding school now so is familiar with dorm life and eating three “institutional” meals a day.
Regardless of all that, I think I’d strongly suggest an overnight even if she was hesitant. Her friends who have been athletic recruits & have had multiple overnight visits, had a deep grasp of what they were getting into. As someone said above, if you’re an athlete the team dynamic is important to understand, and can vary widely. DD isn’t an athlete, but I think she has heard about her friends’ visits and would like to gain that level of insight before signing on the dotted line.
My only concern at this point is that she doesn’t feel the need to have us parents attend LOL! Her father didn’t do any tours with us, so he’d like to see at least her top choices. I suppose that it will depend on the school and where she gets in (most of which we won’t know until RD decisions come out next month) but I can sense a battle looming ;-). How do you all feel about attending accepted students’ events? Any advice?
Why couldn’t the parent go along and do their own thing after a tour or something? Sometimes they have a parent panel too.
I can see the value in seeing more of the department, sit in on classes and talk to current students, if a few programs are at the top of the list and you need to find your best fit or match of academic goals.
But staying overnight seems to depend so much on the host and it can go well or not.
So it might be nice to have a parent stay nearby just in case it turns out badly.
Thanks for all the advice. He is going to be there all day, only question is whether he sleeps in hotel with his dad, or dorm. I am hopeful he will agree to overnight
DD going to Udel Distinguished Scholarship weekend in two weeks and they require student to stay with other kids etc. during the event. Basically they said if your parents are bringing you they should find there own accomidtions and are on their own.etc.
@burghdad if this was the rule, he’d be fine. It is this optional add-on just-for-him part that is freaking him out. It’s a good thing! They want him! But he just worries “what will we do?” Etc
@GMC2918 You’re about to spend an enormous amount of money and your child will spend ~5% of her life there. Go! Even if you’re puttering around touring the campus by yourself on the sidelines.
As always, Tom Petty was right: the waiting is the hardest part. It’s almost March and we haven’t heard good or bad from anywhere. Waiting on 10 schools, chewing fingernails here in limbo.
@odannyboySF 10 schools! Wow. We’ve still got 4 to hear from… limbo = not fun.
@GMC2918 Oh, I will definitely be attending accepted student days w/ my D. She may be off doing her thing, but I’ll be going to any parent events and/or hanging in library, eating in dining hall on my own! I want to see the scene.
@Booajo I hope your son does the overnight. He’ll get a clear sense of whether he wants to be on a team w/ these boys for 4 years. My daughter was recruited at a small school (1200 students) for volleyball - spent the day w/ the team (meals, practice) and slept on a blow-up mattress in one of the first year player’s dorms. She found it insightful - thought the girls were very sweet, and really liked the coach, but definitely got, “Everyone knows everyone’s business” at the small school. (Which she learned during late-night gossip session in the girl’s room.) She did not apply.
Getting a lot of, “Where is D going?” lately. I respond we won’t know until March 28, when last of her decisions come out. Last night got, “Oh, it might not be until April. That’s when my son heard from [some California school]” I said, no, we’ll know by end March. “Oh, sometimes they come later…” I just nodded my head. Listen lady, I know when my kid’s decisions come out!
@odannyboySF yes he was right Still hurts that we lost Tom last year.
The waiting is worse on ME, the money guy than the boy. He’s got lots going on. Baseball season starts Friday.
S turned 18 yesterday, so please indulge me in a mom brag.
He works hard, he thinks of others, he rescues kittens. He is kind and compassionate. If he sees someone being harassed or bullied, he intervenes and befriends. He does his best and he likes to excel, but he also makes sure to take a step back and let others shine.
I couldn’t have asked for a better son, and we couldn’t be prouder of him. 
@DiotimaDM that is what it’s all about. Congratulations. Sounds like you have raised a great son.
@DiotimaDM I love that! So happy for you
@DiotimaDM, I think my D is still looking for a prom date. 
@DiotimaDM I hope my daughters find a man like your son to marry some day!
LOL, @suzy100!! S doesn’t have a date yet, but I’m not sure he’s planning on going.
Does CC have specific boards for each college admitted to? How do I find them?
@shelleee go to the left side under “top forums” and select “colleges and universities”. A list of schools will pop up