@havenoidea Popping in from the 2019 thread because we could very well be in the same boat next year. Trying to decide NOW if there are schools we would be willing to pay full price for. So, I hear you. When is it worth $280,000 instead of something much less? Only you can answer this.
Look at his major (if he has one). Look at his priorities (small classes? certain types of research? location? job opportunities after undergrad? graduate school placement?). If there are difference, are they worth the premium? Figure out the exact difference in cost for four years and then ask yourself that question.
@Momma2018 - 3.0 to maintain scholarships. Cost difference between his top 2 merit choices and full pay, approximately 18-24k/yr. He’s undecided on his major, but I believe at his narrowed down merit choices, he will be plenty stimulated (especially while learning better study skills and juggling college life).
@MACmiracke - yes, there was a reason we went the merit root. We think the cost of college these days is insane and have 3 kids. And, he didn’t work hard. So, we’ve saved enough for him for the top 2 merit colleges he’s still considering, as well as some grad school (if he chose one of his even cheaper options) and if we don’t have to keep contributing to him, will have more to contribute to the other 2.
@Meddy - you’re right. Thank you, I feel empowered!
@havenoidea couple of thoughts on your situation. 1) Be very careful how you communicate your thoughts on this to him. I think if your ideas about his work ethic, or lack thereof, is factoring into your thought process on this, he absolutely cannot get even a whiff of it or it could be damaging to both your relationship with him, and his relationship with his future school if you ultimately decide you don’t want to pay full freight. You don’t want him to start this next phase of his life with the idea planted that his parents think he’s “not worth it.” (I know you don’t think that!)
2)When he was applying what was the discussion about these no merit schools? Was it just “we’ll cross that bridge if we get to it” or did you lay out that you have a specific budget you are prepared to spend and with no merit those school likely won’t fit that budget and will likely be NFW even if admitted, or did he get a message that if he could get admitted to one of these schools you’d make it happen? I think whatever was said early plays a role, though, honestly sticker shock is real and parents always reserve the right to change their mind.
Bottom line, I think you need to determine first whether the cost is something you are willing and able to bear, outside the “can he hack it” question. Maybe consider asking him to take on the federal student loans if he truly wants to go to the more expensive school, and talk through with him what that means for him vs no debt. Because if the cost is truly not bearable, it’s not really a question at all. As far as other parents…yeah, their opinion is worth nothing if they aren’t offering to pay! :))
@homerdog IMO there is no undergrad program in existence that is worth $280K - None, nada, zilch. Just my opinion @havenoidea I’m in the go with the merit camp. I am not a fan of debt to parents or kids.
Funny, DH and I just returned from our bank where we were moving some funds around, opening a new CD and Money Market for a chunk of DD’s college funds. When I mentioned what our portion of out of pocket costs were going to be the bank manager said “oh wow, that’s not bad for a year” and when I said “No, thats total for all 4” she was astounded. Then went on to tell me of how she see’s adults well on their way with families etc. just crippled by student loans.
No thanks, as debt free as possible - no undergraduate education is worth years and years of loan payments.
As for what everyone else does, well I can tell you, out of DD’s entire social circle we are the only ones who would not sign on for a PP Loan or as a cosignor to fill in the gaps for the balances due that were in excess of merit/parental savings.
@SnowflakeDogMom Maybe. We don’t know which schools @havenoidea is considering. The difference in cost looks like it’s big though. Anywhere from $80-100K so maybe there’s no school worth that premium. In our case, we may end up looking at a smaller premium to go to the more expensive school so, who knows, maybe we would decide to go ahead and pay. We will decide ahead of time, though. S19 not applying somewhere we aren’t seriously considering as a financial option.
And it sounds like @havenoidea may have the means. He isn’t talking about taking any loans.
So, we did have the merit discussion with S all along. We gave a range of what we would pay. At the time, he was at top of class. We knew plenty of kids who got merit aid to go to slightly less prestigious but excellent schools, and that was what we were shooting for. But, as work picked up/more was expected, he still did as little work as before and grades dropped. So, schools where he could get merit aid were Not the “name brand” he was expecting. Mind you, these are still excellent schools and I know we were very lucky that he got merit aid at them!
@havenoidea Well, does he have an idea what he wants to major in? Math, since he seems to do well in that? If he doesn’t “click” with physics then maybe engineering wouldn’t be a good choice?
It seems the non merit schools are $10-20k more a year even after the loans.
And you have three kids.
If the younger ones get even more merit because of higher stats, would they still go to a non merit school because they worked harder?
You might just have to decide that they all go to merit schools.
@havenoidea - Has your S given any indication of being motivated by competition? I know that having competition really compels my D to turn on the heat under herself. Knowing this about him - i.e. figuring out what seems to get him to feel “hungry” about trying his hardest, about what makes him really knuckle down (if he has ever demonstrated doing so) - might help determine whether the right choice is a school where he would be at the top (with less competition) or instead, at a school with peers who match or beat him, possibly making him want to prove he is better than his betters, if that makes sense.
@havenoidea Is there any “skin in the game” for your kid? That can sometimes motivate kids to work a bit more.
We’ve offered to pay up to a certain amount, and if my S18 wants to spend more than that, next step is him taking out the small loans that don’t require cosign ($5500 freshman year). We offered the same option to his older sister. She went the merit, no loan route. He is almost certainly going to choose the loan option. We will not be taking any parent loans or cosigning any for him–he still has merit at the “pricey” school too, just not as much.
Leaving tomorrow for Own the Dome at Syracuse and DD is super excited. Her future roommate is going to be there too so they will finally get to me in person after months of texting, etc. She is also planning to meet up with a few others she’s talked to in various admitted student chat groups.
And I will get to meet roommate’s parents! I ended up becoming very good friends with the parents of my older kid’s friends. In fact DD and I are going to stop by to see some of these friends on our way tomorrow. And we have a mom’s trip planned for Vegas in the fall.
@mommdc - S doesn’t know major, but not engineering. He’s thought of doing a premed track but is most excited when discussing philosophy (and loves mock trial). My guess is he’ll end up in law school IF he buckles down and does really well. And, yes, we’re planning to look for the merit aid for the other 2 (unless we win the lottery
@havenoidea , We met along the college trail. I was struck by how you seemed not to appreciate how impressive your son appeared and how you seemed to downgrade his abilities. Although I am among those who believe you would all be best served by sending your son to one of the excellent colleges where he received merit aid, I would also like to remind you that you have a terrific son. I hope you know that and let him know it (frequently and wholeheartedly).
@havenoidea I agree with so many sentiments expressed above. First, don’t listen to the other parents! You don’t need to impress them and they aren’t offering to pay your tuition for 3 kids.
Your kid sounds really smart, and like he needs to be challenged. But he also needs to take ownership of this decision and his grades. If he wants to go premed or prelaw - he will need excellent grades and money for grad school. Can he find interesting programs at the merit aid schools? Does he love something in particular about the full pay school other than the impressive name? Show him the cost of graduate schools and ask him if he thinks its worth the difference. Will he contribute money he makes over the summers? Will he take loans? As a parent you are not required to pay the tuition of the highest ranked/most expensive school your child gets into. As you read these posts on CC you should notice how many amazing kids are going to colleges which offer full scholarships instead of the full pay higher ranked schools.
@havenoidea, I think the key is how motivated your S is. Our S16 was a NMSF with a so-so GPA. He barely passed English classes his last 3 years, even though he got a 4 on the AP exam. His grandparents paid for him to go to a.school that offered less merit, and he passed a total of 3 classes. I think the key is whether he really wants to put the work in. If dream school doesn’t work, can he move to a less expensive in state option? Our S18 doesn’t like school any more than his brother did, but he’s been accepted into a program that he’s very enthusiastic about. We’re leaning toward letting him give it a shot.
@klbmom18, I can imagine it must have been a relief to be able to let go of wait lists. I believe we are getting closer to a final decision as well, but it may take more than a day or two.
@klbmom18 I love that your D did a turn-around on the school’s and rejected those that didn’t accept her. Good to see kids taking the power back.
So remember back in Junior year how our kids got all these college brochures in the mail? I LOVED getting them and feeling like the schools were chasing my D a bit. I know, I know, they were chasing the application, not necessarily the kid. But it still felt NICE, didn’t it? Now after seeing the slaughter that so many kids went through, if I had to do it over again, I think I’d tell my kid to check the box on the standardized tests for no solicitations. I think it helps to generate too much hype and if you get a ton of solicitations from a certain tier of schools, you end up thinking that is the tier of school you belong at, right? U Chicago anyone?
TBH, I was really fascinated to see which schools marketed to us and which skipped, but I think my intrigue with marketing isn’t worth the hype/expectations. No matter how many times a parent says it’s just application-bait, I think there’s at least a small part in all of our kids that think this might mean something.
Does anyone have any experience with schools such as South Carolina, App State, James Madison, UNC Charlotte,or Coastal Carolina?
My D will be a senior next year and was wondering her chances at some of these schools. I have tried posting chances but no responses.
She has a 26 ACT, 3.62 weighted/ 3.31 unweighted with a 1240 SAT.
She will have taken 4 APs and the rest of her classes accelerated. We live in Virginia.
You don’t need to impress them and they aren’t offering to pay your tuition for 3 kids.