@OrangeFish If you don’t mind me asking, what is your D19’s diagnosis. Mine has ADHD - the hyperactive part is the “boy” type.
@carolinamom2boys Thanks…I feel that what I learned from the college application process with my D17 cannot apply, at all, to my D19.
@JenJenJenJen - D19 has ADHD. (Now we have anxiety also thrown into the mix.) She’s on meds, sees a therapist, and has a 504 Plan. Lots of executive function issues but she is good at “planning” – has a big problem with perfectionism. (Wants things to be perfect but can’t get things started, while tick tick tick goes the clock!)
S19 will be our 4th. We’ve had low stats, high stats and mid stats. What I’ve learned from the 3 so far is that there is a perfect school for each and that the process is entirely different each time. We’ve almost had to approach each from scratch. I expect S19 to be no different and to have his own drama.
But it has helped to learn there really are wonderful options for all, at whatever level that are at. The price tag may not be the same (full pay for the B student can be a bit painful) but there are options.
My 2017 3.45 UW student with medium rigor is 7/7 with his applications and merit monies from all.
@OrangeFish My D19’s LAST problem is perfectionism. SHe’s more like, eh, this homework is done enough. ~X(
@eandesmom I know there are wonderful options for all and blah blah blah, I just don’t want my D19 to …oh never mind. I simply believe her potential is greater than her current efforts by a significant margin. I’ll describe her in a longer post because I don’t know what to do.
Maybe I just need to vent here so I don’t vent in her face! 8-|
@OrangeFish We were just talking with D’s therapist last week about how much of her time management issues are caused by perfectionism. I do think in her case it’s a big issue. I can’t count the number of times I’ve said: just turn SOMETHING in, because 50% is a lot better than 0% on an assignment. @JenJenJenJen I feel like very little of what I learned from my D15’s experience is helping me with D19. But the one thing that has helped is my awareness of how many colleges are out there, and how many options there are. I feel like my problem won’t be getting into her into a college, but finding the best fit and hoping that when she gets there, she can function and get herself to class.
@JenJenJenJen trust me, I share your pain. I totally get it. I am hopeful S19 will turn that corner. Venting here is definitely safe and helpful. He is capable of amazing things and the gpa doesn’t remotely tell his story. I don’t want him to have to settle, or to not be in a place that helps him maximize his potential. All I know is right now I can’t see what that is but I have faith that when the time comes I can help him get there.
He makes me crazy, truly, with the wasted potential. And yet, it’s not my journey, it’s his and my job is to support him as best I can.
Even if failing to simply turn in homework (not to actually do it or understand it…just failure to close the learning loop in the standard accepted practice of showing work) will keep him at a gpa far lower than where test scores will land.
Hugs
@eandesmom <3
@eandesmom We have just the opposite problem. DS19 works his butt off. He does all of his assignments , turns them in and gets good grades. All As and very few if any Bs. He’s motivated , invested. He just doesn’t do well on standardized tests. I think that it’s a time management thing on tests . He attends a HS with a lot of driven , competitive kids that score better than him on standardized tests and take hoards of AP classes to pad their GPA. It works for some of them. I’ve seen other smart kids totally tank their GPA their junior year trying to " game" the system . We have a " turtle" , slow and steady kid. Believe me it is no less stressful to have this type of child than it is to have one that doesn’t live up to his potential. I am lucky that he is my even tempered , not much gets to him kind of kid, but to see his reaction to his test scores his disheartening for a parent. He has a better outlook than I do , and only time will tell where he will end up academically.
@carolinamom2boys Well, there are a lot of colleges that are standardized-test optional, including excellent ones (Middlebury and Wesleyan) and very good ones (Skidmore and a host of others). There are still others that aren’t completely standardized test optional, but let kids submit something else – like AP test scores for example – in their stead. Like Colorado College. Would he want a LAC?
Pitzer College at the Claremont Consortium is test optional.
Thanks for the information @JenJenJenJen , but our focus is on instate schools ( SC) because of generous lottery scholarship funds. He will get into a school and we’re not concerned with prestige. It’s just frustrating that he is defined by a test score from a test given on one day . That’s the frustration.
@OrangeFish @Corinthian Thanks for the perspective on ADD/ADHD/LD kids. @Corinthian, I think I replied to your other post.
My D19 has ADD and an LD that is still a mystery to us. Being tested for possible ASD at Johns Hopkins in the spring (we’ve been waiting for months). Epilepsy, weird neurological thing happening the last year that we can’t figure out. Here’s the thing…I am confident in her ability to success in college if she can just get in. She is such an interesting combination: very conscientious about school work, hard worker, smart, but significant reading comprehension challenges, scattered EF skills–plans an amazing party, but can’t plan a month-long school project. Fluent in Spanish, great in math, Honors in both and A’s. Tutors peers in both subjects. Struggles with Lit and history, but told me yesterday she’s going to try Honors US History and got her teacher to approve it! Our school (private, singe gender) has limited APs and they are tough to get into, so I’ve stopped worrying about them. She will likely take Spanish AP without the class. PSAT was horrible, I expect SAT and ACT to be the same, but we will start working on it this summer.
HOWEVER, I think she will definitely rise to the occasion of college…she will need a bit of support, but I’m confident that she will make it at one of the schools that she is interested in. I know she can do it, because she amazes me every day with what she does already. I try not to get caught up on stats and trust that it will work out. She is interested in larger schools with strong Education depts, and we have a good mix…it will be fine.
Whew! Thanks for letting me vent…
@DeltaMom2019 Sounds like your daughter has some great skills. Throwing out another school option if she’d consider SC. College of Charleston has an excellent education program. It’s a mid sized urban campus with several good medical centers within 2 miles of campus and try have excellent support services for kids with ADHD, LD and ASD . I hope her eval at Hopkins brings you some answers.
@carolinamom2boys Thank you! I hope we get some answers as well. She is open to the south…I will look into College of Charleston. I appreciate the suggestion…beautiful city.
http://teachered.cofc.edu/
http://disabilityservices.cofc.edu/
These may be helpful @DeltaMom2019 as a starting point.
@DeltaMom2019 I have 2 ADHD boys, one who is also likely on the Aspie side of things.
Right now many of the CTCL schools are solid fits and smaller flagships/regional schools. I’ve really looked for these two, specifically at what support tools are automatically built in to the system, versus a special service. And…I get why the price tags are higher as a result.
@Corinthian @OrangeFish much of S19’s issues are caused by perfectionism. And, frankly, intellectual arrogance. If he feels it is beneath him, it’s not interesting so he doesn’t track that he has to do it because well, it’s not important or interesting.
I didn’t post much on this thread initially, especially during all of 2016 because so many things were going very wrong through most of that year. I assumed everyone on this thread would be just sharing stories of achievement and success. So I’m glad to have “rediscovered” this thread and realized it’s a very supportive, non-judgmental place to share problems as well as successes.
Every child and parent has their own struggles and successes @Corinthian . Each child has their own road to travel. I was a very active member on the 2016 parents thread . There were high stats, low stats kids. Ivy kids, CC kids , state kids , HBCU kids. We were a very supportive group, and I remain friendly and active on a private FB page with these parents. I joined the spring of my Junior year. The experienced parents helped me so much. I learned so much . One particular poster who rarely posts any longer supported me through the whole application process.and was truly ecstatic with all of my son’s acceptances .Although we have never met, I consider him a friend. That’s what forums like this should be about. Not competitiveness and snarkiness. I’m glad to say that I can continue the college journey with several of those 2016 parents and can’t wait to celebrate everyone’s successes and commiserate over disappointments .
I too feel this thread is a wide range of experiences and I’ve gotten great support and advice from everyone - @JenJenJenJen - my D19 is like yours! “I don’t need to study anymore. I’ve got this” (in a class she’s got a C in – AAAGGGHHHHHH).
My son, who’s 12, is just like me. Touch of OCD, perfectionist, obsesses over stuff. Whereas D is like DH, all arty and dramatic and sings at the top of her lungs (she is a baaaaad singer) and lives out of her clean clothes in the hamper, 'cause they never made it back to the drawers. I despair of her living skills sometimes, I really do. BUT her teachers love her, because she tends to lead discussions, and she’s not shy, and she has empathy for others, and isn’t afraid of looking foolish or asking questions.
She has a bare 3.0 avg at this point… I try not to think about it, and am trusting that everyone’s assurances are real: that there is a college for her out there.
But she has a major change coming up: It looks like she will be switching schools next year, as a junior, to a different private school that’s about half the cost of her current one. We don’t want to switch, but our finances aren’t great and it’s just a relief that the new school came through with enough financial aid, as our local public is below average in all respects.