@InfiniteWaves my daughter ended up at my alma mater, much to my delight. However, it was not her top choice. My husband’s alma mater was. She applied ED and was not accepted there. So, you never know…
I’ve often stated on this board (because my son doesn’t read here and his feelings wont be hurt) that I regret that my son will not attend my alma mater. But he doesn’t want to go to a women’s college, so what can I do?
Although I’ve not pushed my alma mater AT ALL on my D19 (fine school, and it wouldn’t be a ridiculous reach, but there’s nothing that’s of particular interest or value to her), I will admit to a small internal “yay!” when she received a generic mailing from the school this week. Of course, she gave it to me to shred/recycle just as she gives me every other college mailing and with zero interest, so whatever unburied dream the mailer surfaced in me is now well and truly dead.
Alas, there is still hope for the InfiniteWaves household. When we visited our alma mater, S19 was all
“Nice, but meh. No marching or pep band.” S21 on the other hand was all “This place feels like home! I love it!”
Our alma mater isn’t the right fit for S19 and his only chance of getting in requires going ED so no way he will end up there. It’s a possibility for our D21 but it’s way too early to know if she would have a shot and my gut tells me she will prefer a LAC as well since she’s loved the ones she has visited as a tag-along.
Neither of my kids are remotely willing to go to a Catholic college thanks to poorly run summer religion classes that made them severely dislike any form of required religious eduction. So my own college is out too 
they don’t have engineering anyway, so it wouldn’t work for d19 anyway.
We took our kids to see our college for the first time this year. They loved it but have no interest. It’s too small, too cold, too remote, too hard to get to from home…
@momtogkc your alma mater sounds like most of S19’s list!
My S19 could not get into my Alma mater these days :(. That said , we did at least visit.
My alma mater was a low reach back in my day and has rocketed to being a tippy-top reach now. Which makes loving it rather painful. I’ve had basically years of mixed feelings, as it’s gotten more and more selective, about how to handle it with my kids. For better or worse, it’s at the top of D19’s list, but she’s fully aware of the lottery aspect. She’ll give it a shot, leave it all on the field, and expect a no. I’m aware that it’s going to sting, but I think avoiding that sting isn’t reason enough not to give it a shot. And the silver lining is that discovering D’s fondness for it has helped clarify her more realistic list, since she knows now what she likes. My friend’s brother’s three daughters (also legacies) all tried and none got in, and I know other anecdotes of legacy kids not getting in.
@InfiniteWaves My D has four Jesuit schools on her list right now: Saint Louis U, Creighton, U of San Francisco, and Loyola Marymount. I regret not checking out Fordham in April this year when we spent a week in Manhattan. She’ll be wandering around Georgetown TOMORROW with her dad, and has already crossed Santa Clara, Gonzaga and Marquette off her list. So she’s really into the Jesuit school category…! Glad your S decided to consider a few…!
Yep D19 is off very early tomorrow with DH to travel to Washington DC. I’m jealous! She’s attending a grant-funded institute at the department of theology and religious studies at Catholic University. When I found this opportunity I couldn’t believe how well-suited it was to D, whose interests seem to not overlap with too many kids. So I’m hoping she really finds her tribe out there and makes some lasting friends. She was nervous about 10 days ago and was whining a little (she always does that – it’s part of her preparation process) but now she’s become pretty jolly about it and seems ready. Packing has been a lengthy process of finding an excuse to go shopping for a few new outfits and other supplies, so I’ll be glad when she’s off and running tomorrow!
I attended the nation’s Top Party School in the 80’s. My son is a work hard party hard kind of kid, and that school might lead him to him partying more than is appropriate, lol. So, needless to say, we are not visiting that place. Ever.
He dd visit mom’s alma mater and we thought for sure he would like it, but instead he sort of hated it and it’s not on the short list anymore, to mom’s dismay.
We can barely get the kids to go to church once per year, so Jesuit schools are not on the short list either lol.
Today I asked him when we should go visit the state flagship soon and got some big eye rolls and sighs.
We are fans of the sports teams at my alma mater (a rival of one of our state flagships) even though they break our hearts regularly. We never considered it for my D for financial reasons and since she wanted a LAC. However, recent changes have made it so that S19 could have been eligible for a full ride there if he had studied a bit for the PSAT. Instead my stubborn child likely just missed the cutoff. Oh well, he said he’s not interested in that school anyway. It would have been nice to have it as an option though!
@SDCounty3Mom - best of luck to your daughter this week!
We are at Alumni Admissions Weekend at my Alma mater right now. I was encouraged to come by a CC poster who had brought her daughters, and I’m so glad we did. The only thing is that having such a nice time here with D19, and “falling In love” with this place again is going to make it really tough if she applies and doesn’t get in! I guess time would heal that (and knowing your child is thriving wherever they did end up).
Any tips on how not to influence your child with your own emotions in this process? Of course parents are a big part of financial decisions, and I try to point out factual and practical info on the rest. But I’m worried that parental gut feelings and opinions are leaking out. Really don’t want her influenced by my love for my Alma mater for example.
D’19 won’t go to my alma mater because her ex-boyfriend is there, though we can’t afford it anyway. She has been there for All-State Music camps and also didn’t care for it then. D’17 visited it and started to like it in the end when we met another artsy girl and got to tour the art building, but she didn’t want to spend $100,000 on an Art Degree.
I went to a very large public U in the tri-state area and loved my days there. My husband went to a rather small private Catholic college here in MA. Both of our kids liked my alma mater (S16 applied, got in, went elsewhere; D19 will apply, should get in and is seriously considering it) but neither liked DH’s school. Full disclosure: both kids have a strong desire for large schools and to get out of MA.
S16 did not apply to any religious schools, but D19 is considering a few (Fordham, Loyola Chicago, Seton Hall) though she despises anything church related. It really will be interesting to see where she ends up.
On a final note: School officially ended Thursday for D19! So the dreaded junior year is done. She did quite well and even brought up her overall GPA a bit. Now we wait a few weeks for AP and subject test scores. That will let us kinow if she needs one more subject test or not. Either way we now move into brainstorming for the essay.
D said she has no interest in religious schools. Then all of a sudden after seeing a bunch of schools sort of in the middle of nowhere she decided she might like to be in or near a “cool” (according to her) city and asked me if we could look at BC this summer. Maybe she thinks the “cool” factor will outweigh the religion? :-?
@momtogkc the private mid-sized university seems to be either (a) Jesuit or (b) highly selective! I think S19 would like some of the Jesuit campuses but the religion part is non-negotiable. He’s open minded for sure but it just wouldn’t be the best match for him. I understand that not everyone is Catholic at a place like BC but I know plenty of kids there and they are all Catholic and that was part of the appeal for them.
Well my sweet little D19 was off before 6:00am today for her time in DC. She got up herself before I did, and was relaxed and silly despite the early hour, all of which I took as great signs. Our dog reeeeeally wanted to go along and made a run toward the Uber when the front door was open. Aww.
Hard to believe that there was so much prepping for this and she will literally be back home in one week. It just makes that whole reality of how we will be taking her to college in about 14 months seem sort of…hard to believe, you know?! I’m worrying that she won’t wear her sunglasses on her outings or re-apply sunscreen and yet she’s so close to being so independent. I snapped a picture as they left (with my dog under one arm…) to re-create a similar photo from exactly four years ago when D19 accompanied her dad on a business trip to DC.
@3SailAway If you figure out that whole “how not to let your emotions spill into the process” formula, let us all know!! I know both DH and I are having a lot of influence on D19, and she’s a people pleaser so that’s not great. Having said that, I did think that when we visited a campus that she finally absolutely loved, the difference was undeniable. It’s almost like I have to read her body language to really know what she’s truly thinking. And I’m learning the spoken code. If a school is described with responses like “yeah”, “seems nice”, and “maybe”, then it’s probably not the one. When she did love a school, she didn’t talk so much about the school per se, but she got wide-eyed and wanted to talk to me about her favorite intellectual topics and she did things like taking photos of student art – and their descriptions of their art. It was more an experience of self-immersion, if that makes any sense.
Still, I’m not one who thinks that I want to entrust the college search and selection process entirely to a 16-17-year-old. She needs our suggestions, experience, guidance – and just like I don’t hand her $200 and tell her to go buy whatever shoes she wants, I give her a budget and some idea of what would make sense. As with so much of parenting, it’s finding that right balance.
And this is a different point, but I do think kids need to choose their own field of study. Yes, parents can educate and advise on this, but I think that kids who are made to follow a certain career path often slip out of that path when they reach a certain age. I have a friend whose family influenced her to be an MD like two of her siblings. She’s not huge into empathy, especially not for random strangers, and she struggled with patient care. Stopped practicing medicine in her mid-30s. Another friend was allowed to major in English and get a masters in education, but then her parents forced her to go to law school. She practiced law for a whopping five years, hated it, and stopped by her early 30s. Another friend studied physical therapy to please her parents when she really wanted to go into the fashion industry. She’s never actually been a PT. These days she’s got a small business making and selling organic skin care products. Hmm. Point being – you can force your children into a career, but you can’t force them to stay in it – and you’ll be wasting a lot of money on a degree they don’t want…
My D graduated from Loyola Chicago and one S attends Santa Clara, both Jesuit Catholic schools. Very low religious vibe if the student wants it that way. The required religious classes can essentially be history classes. The opposite is true for those seeking a more religious experience, it is available as to the student’s taste. As a parent I could wax poetic all day long about how wonderful both of these schools are for my progeny. My kids love them too.
Second son just finished second week of post JR summer, he will start regular, scheduled, SAT prep on Tuesday. We decided against a tutor. The SAT Black Book is the best resource we could find, though it does require intrinsic motivation to get through it. He is aiming at the August test. He will start essay exercises in early July to let him whittle down his topic ideas and will have a good draft by the end of July. All of this on top of a fairly heavy summer schedule. The key for us is scheduling ahead. We also ditched the option of private counseling with this S as we mesh better so that we don’t have to outsource the pain.
We visited PNW schools over spring break and older sibling’s schools as well. There have been other school visits sprinkled in here and there. His list is between 6-10 schools any given day. He has had a favorite for awhile, but that seems to be slowly evaporating. Having been through this process 2X, I do not sweat the changes in attitude toward any or all schools during the process. My older two had favorites through the process only to see a shift in thinking after acceptances were in hand. The key for us was to not worry about the rejections and focus on the choices in hand once all the notifications received. This required that the kids apply only to schools that they absolutely would attend if they were to receive just one acceptance. They ultimately chose to attend the school they felt was the better fit, both passing on theoretically higher ranked schools. We are guiding S2 do do the same.
Ultimately this go round will be unique. All three kids have different tastes, apptitudes, academic profiles, and levels of maturity. Writing this post has taken a bit of time and worth the effort. It has helped me to get these swirling thoughts out of my head and organize them in a way that helps slough off the low level anxiety around not being organized.
Good luck and keep using this forum to discover new ideas, find enlightenment in an opaque process, and vent you spleen as needed.
Regarding the Jesuit schools like BC, G’town, College of the Holy Cross, Santa Clara etc., it’s really not about the religion and more about the Jesuit tenet of Men and Women for others. So community service and social justice focused