We hardly see son19 anymore wither with all of his activities and social life. We see him in the morning and at night, and he hangs out at the house once in a while. it’s kind of weird, but it is easier to get stuff around the house and have some time for hobbies and working out so I can’t complain.
Part of me hopes son19 decides to stay local ( within a 25 minute drive). so we can see him frequently and have him home for some visits. He still has a fantasy of moving to CA but we have not made it easy for him to chase that path He’ll have to figure it out on his own if he really desires it. I’m not against it, but I won’t push him down that path.
Son19 submitted some apps to a few state universities this week and it went smoothly. I don’t think he’ll end up at either of them, but to have some EA acceptances in place later this Fall/early winter would be nice. if he’s lucky he might qualify for the honors college programs and dorms which make them more appealing.
Now we are in a holding pattern until the ED deadline approaches and he has to make some decisions.
Yeah. I’m not sabotaging DS’s California picks, precisely, I’m just not giving them any extra push. He has one California school still on the list, Pomona. I think he would do well if he went there, but I am constantly daunted thinking about the logistics of getting him there.
D19 is leaning towards ED at a school 500 miles away. Last night, I felt the usual peace when I heard her come home and we were all under one roof. Then, I thought, “Next year at this time, she may be living 500 miles away.” Suddenly, it seemed impossible! And that’s not long distance at all compared to California.
Of course I want her to love her school and get involved and not come home every weekend. But I also don’t want the trip to be a barrier to her coming home for breaks and a few special events . . . She’s our first, so there are so many unknowns about this process of letting go.
We’re going back to the potential ED school next week to Shadow a Student and attend a sports practice. I’ll make sure she thinks a bit about distance as well as fit and everything else. But she won’t really know how it feels until she actually moves there . . . so I guess I need to reframe–if she wants the adventure, we support her.
On some threads parents talk about how distance is not really a factor to them, it doesn’t matter how far the kid goes. But it really can matter and I’m glad to see some of you have the same feeling! DD thought it would be an adventure to go far away. We took her to visit a school 500 miles away with a great COA but no direct flights. Two weeks later she decided it was too far.
This summer she worked at camp 3 hours away so I guess I can handle that. Every once in a while I felt a twinge of her being far away.
Last night she was on the phone with her sister (1 hour away at school which is super nice!) in tears wanting her to come visit. (DD’17’s work schedule has kept her away for a few weeks.) I just know DD would be happier to be able to come home when she wants. She misses her cats too and I’d also like to not have to board pets to go visit her. There is a school 2 hours away that has everything she wants. But she is still of a mind that she wants someplace new and different from what others do. But I think a longer drive (especially to the snowy north) is going to get old fast, and for what- to say you went somewhere where no schoolmates are? Hoping she comes around on her own.
My D16 is 1500 miles away and didn’t apply anywhere close to home. She’s only been home on school breaks and we have not traveled out to see her more than once. However, it is fairly convenient to fly home (an hour shuttle or drive to the airport, 3.5 hour direct flight, 20 minutes to the airport on our end).
S19’s list includes a school 20 minutes away, one 40 minutes away, three in the 2.5 to 4 hour range, one about 6 hours, and one about 12 hours away. He doesn’t really want to go the nearby one and the two that are farthest away are reaches. I’m expecting him to end up somewhere in the middle.
S19 is only looking far from home but even if he chose our closest state school, he would be 2+ hours away. Every school on his list is a direct flight from a reasonably close major airport at least. He did take Virginia Tech off the list because he felt 3-4 hours from a major hub airport would just be too remote for him. Since we moved out West over seven years ago, I always knew he would move back East for school and likely stay for work. I will miss him horribly next year but have been mentally preparing for this for years. He is so much more self-sufficient and mature than I was when I went to school 15 hours from home. He will be fine — I will be a hot mess - but he will be fine. No clue where S20 will end up. Of course, I told DD26 that she can only do online college from home which received impressive eye rolls for a 10 year old.
We went to a local college fair this week with the sole intention of connecting with reps on the existing long list. Virginia Tech, which was a late addition to the long list, is officially off. We thought the explanation of how students move from 1st year engineering into their major was too ambiguous. Would have been a painful drive, but not too expensive to fly into Roanoke.
Had a great day at Auburn’s Women in Engineering recruitment event. They had a lot of alumni in attendance, including a few women who’d graduated in the late 60’s and 70’s. D19 had a long conversation with a local alum who texted her before we’d even arrived home. They’ve retained their spot in the top 5. Main negative is that it’s the largest from the perspective of the school she’d be enrolled in.
Next week she’s visiting her private super reach with a friend. I’ve given her a long list of questions. Will be interesting to see how it goes.
Everybody is different when it comes to sending your kids to a school that’s far away. I’ve gotten to the point in life where I realize we can never presume what the future will hold, so avoiding sending D19 away on the belief that she’ll never again live here near us doesn’t really concern me. I went 1000 miles away myself and indeed never again lived in my home state. My brother went to the same school and was back in our hometown the summer after he graduated and lived there continuously for the next 15 years. My DH has a job that is based on the East Coast and therefore he travels there once or twice a month, all the way across the country, so cross country trips don’t feel like that big of a deal to our family. I guess what concerns me more is just D19 being away from any friends or family for the occasional family dinner or outing away from the campus environment. Her list is a blend of schools we could drive to easily in our region, one campus where an aunt works, one near extended family she hasn’t seen that often growing up, one a quarter mile from close friends, and a few that really are pretty distant from connections. She has not wanted to tour or consider the two candidate schools right in our city, even though one is DH’s alma mater. I figure we will travel with her for her first couple of trips, since we have a lot of airline miles, until we all get the hang of it and she gets comfortable with whatever combo of flights and shuttles she’s going to have to use. I’m glad she’s up for anywhere…she even seems fine with cold and snow and never talks about that as a deterrent.
I’m hoping the parenting gods have pity on me next week…D19 has her road test on Friday, the day before her permit expires. If she doesn’t pass, then I have to schlep back up to the DMV to re-apply with her for a new permit the next morning without an appointment, so it’ll be a solid 3-4 hour process. We didn’t realize permits expire after a year. Would’ve spaced this out differently if we’d had a clue. She’s been practicing and practicing, but it’ll come down to a bit of luck if something weird happens during her test. I’m mentally preparing myself for the DMV in a week. Blech. I doubt D19 will be doing a ton of driving on her own if she does get her license because we don’t have a car for her anyway. I just reallllly want to be done with this process as she has dragged it out to an epic degree. She first started online driver’s ed almost 18 months ago and she’s still not a licensed driver…
We go back and forth on the distance. D16 is at a school that is about 500 miles from home. It is an easy flight when the flights go well, but we’ve been unlucky with weather and it seems that every time she is traveling we are sweating whether she will get out or not. She has had flights be delayed by several hours, and once was rescheduled to the next day thanks to a blizzard that hit the whole east coast.
With S19 it’s more complicated. He says he wants be far from home, but then starts looking at safeties close by. And then he says he’s interested in California and Florida. For now we’ve resisted putting any of those schools on the list. The farthest school he has is the one that D is attending. I figure I can deal with the weather for 4 more years.
S19 decided to only apply to two schools, both 11 - 13 hours driving time away but in different directions. We do that length of trip multiple times a year (close friends in FL), so it doesn’t seem crazy to us. They also both have airports in the cities that they’re in, so that’s an option for occasional short weekend visits. Everyone has their comfort level, though. As long as the student is happy and thriving where they are, that’s what matters.
I went to school about 11 hours away from home for freshman year, myself. After a few years living in other areas, I ended up getting a job back near home. About half of my high school friends who went to the local university are no longer in the area.
In retrospect, it might not have been the best idea to send D17 15 hours away for school. However, we both took a leap of faith because her college had the kind of learning environment she wanted and the FA worked out ok (not great). She is sort of a homebody, does not like change, has some trouble with anxiety, doesn’t like partying and has a boyfriend at home. So I was definitely second guessing the decision when she was miserable during the first semester last year. Of course that made me stressed and miserable as well. However, she figured a lot of things out, as I knew she could and she seems much more content this year. Yes, she’d like to be closer to home but it didn’t work out that way and she’s learned a lot from the challenges. Having to manage all kinds of flights, shuttles, trains, ubers, and subway systems, she certainly has gained confidence about travel. Plus, I definitely have learned the most in life from the hard stuff. Discomfort can be a good thing, even though it is very hard to see your kid go through it.
I love this group. This has been a huge struggle for me. Twin A has had some maturity issues and her desired to go up north has been part spite and part disliking all things southern. Dickinson is the closest at six hours. All of a sudden, she has shed her teenage attitude and I wonder if she really wants to go that far. Final tours are: Hobart & William Smith, which would be a nightmare to get to and Fairfield U. at least that would be a direct flight. I also think being super far from her twin would be so much harder than she thinks. It’s like we’ve all started to gel again as a family and only have 11 months left. I think this would have happened two years ago w/o a maturity delay.
I’m biting my tongue, but them leaving and being an empty nester is getting very real and all of this worry and denial is swirling in my head. We’d make it work, but it would be more expensive and we’d see her so much less.
@SDCounty3Mom My sister and I both went to UF, which was three hours from home. She went right back to our hometown after graduation and I moved to DC. I guess I never thought about it, but it didn’t matter where we went to school b/c I wanted out of FLA and she loved it. That is perspective that I needed.
“I guess what concerns me more is just D19 being away from any friends or family for the occasional family dinner or outing away from the campus environment.“
@SDCounty3Mom
I feel the same way. S19 really wants to stay close enough to family for holidays and occasional dinners, which limits the list to two schools.
I’m sure FaceTime helps, but it isn’t quite the same.
On the subject of distance for schools, DS16 attends a school slightly over 3 hrs away. It is the perfect distance for him. It allowed him to come home for his brother’s Eagle Court of Honor. We we’re also able to evacuate him easily from the hurricane , and also allowed me to attend his Honors fraternity induction . DS19 is looking at a school 6 1/2 hrs away. He has family around a 1 1/2 hrs away which makes me feel a little better.
S19 is looking at school that is 15 hours driving away, and a flight away, and currently D17 is 10 hours away. Neither want to stay close to home it seems. AUH is 4 hours away, so that would be reasonable. He is afraid if he stays instate such as GT or KSU I might visit unexpectedly. lol… I honestly dont think so. I also dont think either of my kids wants to see GA again after they graduate. @peachActuary73 was that the Fair at Milton By any chance?
@sdl0625 No, I think Milton was the Monday. We had a conflict with that day. I assume all the Probe fairs feature similar schools. D19 only had 5 tables to visit, and it was a mixed bag in terms of rep enthusiasm. I tried to keep my distance, as it was a good set of schools for D to converse with on her own without me asking questions. I ended up having a good conversation with Arcadia. I recognized the name from the pretty mailers, but it seemed like a cool school. Passing the info on to one of my Girl Scouts.
With regard to distance, I wanted her to leave the South. Doesn’t seem to be leaning that way. We did eliminate schools that would require flights and a lengthy drive. I think Purdue is the most inconvenient, but there is the option for the pricier regional airport.
He’ll have to figure it out on his own if he really desires it. I’m not against it, but I won’t push him down that path.