@mom2twogirls I guess it’s all about perception. And FYI, I have a high stats kids who chose a different path. I have one of each. I’m proud of both of my kids. There is no " shaming". Congrats on Cornell.
@carolinamom2boys Please stop silencing parents from sharing their stories.
No one should feel the need to self silence yourself (and that includes me as I’ve been guilty of that myself). Everyone should celebrate their successes, share their experiences and wonder what happened without hesitation here. You give support to get support.
Everyone should be proud of their kids, regardless of what their stats are. Many people choose different paths for different reasons…let’s listen to them all and gain perspective.
@ThinkOn I have never once asked anyone to stop sharing their stories.People self silence because they don’t feel welcome or supported. I have been a member of this group for a long time. There is alot of history here. It has changed significantly from when it has started. I have been told that my child’s school is guilty of grade inflation. I have been told that anyone can get a high test score if they just study hard enough( not true) . I’ve watched public schools be criticized . I’ve watched people of privilege lamenting that URM have more advantages in selective admissions. These statements hardly provide a welcoming environment for parents with children who have a variety of interests, strengths or weaknesses that may not fit into the CC box.
@carolinamom2boys Would it help you if we acknowledged that:
- Some schools are guilty of grade inflation (my son's high school may win the prize for that)
- Some can indeed achieve a better test score if they put in time (and there are many threads on CC outlining how that can be done), but not all...it's just a suggested path that may have helped others.
- Some public schools can do better (but many are great).
- Not all people of privilege lament the choices that selective schools make to create a diverse campus (which is a critical factor for many students when determining fit).
Facts can’t be altered, but opinions and perspectives can.
I am telling you that I’ve felt that there has been shaming and exclusion. It may not have been the intention, but that’s what it has felt like.
Everyone is supposed to be welcome to share their experience, triumphs and struggles here. The vast majority of posters are supportive. If you have a problem with one or two posters then it’s pretty easy to block/ignore them with a click of a button so that you don’t see their posts when you are logged in. (Sadly, if you read without logging in you will see them anyway, I have learned this from blocking people on controversial threads).
Something everyone may want to keep in mind is that no matter what college a kid goes to, they are going to hear positive and negative comments. There is no getting around the very human reactions people have. My daughter and I have mostly done our best to just quietly laugh at most of them and keep in mind that most people aren’t trying to be hurtful and instead are lacking in tact, dealing with their own issues, and trying to figure out their footing in what feels like a somewhat unsteady time.
MODERATOR’S NOTE: Please move on.
Just a perspective:
There have been quite a few things that take me away from this thread and/or CC at times. I only found this thread last year, but early on i remember inquiring about the details of how a poster’s older child had received all their responses by December. I think the overarching theme of the thread at the time was EA/ED/RD. The response implied that I’d become victim to the elitist CC focus on selective schools. Fairly new, not a social media person, and not knowing historical posts, as a URM female, I thought “Well, I guess we should just stay in our place”. Today, as ignore-worthy as “my poor upper class unhooked male”.
It is so easy to get offended or get shamed intentionally or unintentionally. People make statements that they don’t think are insensitive. Some freely make insensitive statements. I feel like the former has been more common on this thread, and not usually the norm. This is so not exclusive to this thread. The privilege of relative anonymity.
My favorite post this week was @milgymfam about his/her daughter’s mini-meltdown. Not glad she had a meltdown, but it was a reality check about the near future and made me uncharacteristically emotional. I appreciate the sharing of the stresses with your kids. The wins and losses, and the strategies you use to overcome.
@MaineLonghorn Sorry, was on the previous page.
@elena13 wow, that is a crazy process you went through. Congrats on having some very solid choices. There is a good variety of schools to choose from too, from STEM to LAC to Ivy. Very interesting results, good luck picking the “one”.
My kid only applied to one sort of selective school. 2 State schools and 2 tech schools. That’s it. I would have been fine if he enrolled at any of them.
@wb176220 sorry to hear about your sons experience. Here’s a story to tell your son if it helps. In 1990 I applied to 24 schools and only one was doable for me because of finances. That was my bottom choice out of 24. I was devastated, but, had no choice but to go there. Almost 30 years later, looking back, my undergrad education was great and got me to one of the top grad programs in the country. I’ve had a very successful career and that rejection from 23 schools really didn’t matter in the end.
Anyway, my kids are lucky enough to be generally healthy. A couple days here or there missed for illness over the years, generally longer lasting illness were over summer or breaks. Thankfully, d19 saved mono for second semester senior year, when she has pretty easy going teachers who are expecting most of the kids to have senioritis. She missed all of Mon and Tues, made it for an hour and a half Wed, stayed home Thurs and is giving today a try. So far, no news is good news.
I have to add, I’m also glad she isn’t already in college with this. Ugh.
D19 had a health scare 2 weeks ago with me calling 911.
Thankfully nothing serious but it really reminded us of what’s important. Her health.
She’s been accepted to all her 6 applied schools, wish she’d gotten better merit, but we will make it work somehow at her final choice after next weekend (last college visit day).
Oh wow @scholarme ! Glad she is ok. And I hope the school works out without too too much of a financial pinch.
@scholarme So glad things are okay. You capture the most important thing on my mind…their health. How do you convince teens who think they are invincible to get the help they need while they are away at school? Would love to hear from those with experience as this is my first rodeo. Of course, I’ve only heard horror stories of kids aching and suffering alone in dorm rooms missing assignments and tests…
Healthy vibes to all the kids not feeling well. And congrats on all the amazing acceptances!
I think I’m going to need a few days to process our results. I’m feeling right now like I’ve been run through the gauntlet. S19 and his Dad are at an accepted students day today at an LAC that offered him some really great merit aid. Aside from some concerns about isolation, social life and culture (I think he’s really going to miss his somewhat geeky suburban public high school friends next year), the school seems to be almost a perfect fit for him. It seems to have, in one way or another, a facet of every feature he has been attracted to in the schools he has visited. His Dad was maybe less than impressed with the student representatives they spoke with, but he’s trying to keep it to himself. I think the difficult thing will be justifying the cost of this school when there is an almost full ride offer from another equivalent school (though perhaps less of a fit).
We’ve got some big decisions to make. Glad we have options, even though they aren’t the options we were hoping for.
@Thinkon My kid was exhausted first semester this year (not his normal self). Finally my wife told him he had a choice:
-
She would travel up and stay at a hotel and bring him 3 healthy meals a day and monitor his sleep and ask friends randomly to keep an eye on him.
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Walk 200 yards and go to health services
He was diagnosed with mononucleosis and recovered.
I came on here to share kiddo’s results from last night but now I’m scared.
They were negative. He was devastated, even though he had claimed not to care. But we are moving on. He’s not enthusiastic about any of his current options so we will give him time to process.
I don’t think my d19 has the ability to suffer in silence. Much to her little sister’s annoyance.
It’s my first rodeo too. I’m thinking we will need to make sure she has a well stocked supply of OTC meds and Inshouldnhave the health services number to text her when she inevitably needs it right away.
Lucky for me though, my mom lives about 30 miles from her campus, so she could definitely get there quickly.
@ninakatarina I hope after a couple of days, he gets some clarity on what he would prefer to do next. So many hugs to your family.
@ninakatarina - I’m so sorry. I haven’t seen my kid much since the devastation, but I suspect a similar thing is happening - there is much denial about caring, but there is definitely disappointment. Clearly, your son will be awesome no matter where he lands!