@gallentjill
"Personally, I find the stories of the kids who worked just as hard and didn’t get into their dream schools, yet rose above disappointment to be more inspiring. There are many of them on CC and I wish I had the time and knowledge to find and link them.
There is the story of the super high stats kid who was rejected everywhere and found a way to make it work and excel at college."
Amen, amen, amen.
My kid has the story of the fairly high stats kid who didn’t work that hard and is cool with going to the 4th or 5th best college in the state. Very inspiring! lol Well, maybe not, but it’s the right place for him right now, a great fit for him as a musician, and will leave money for grad school when he may be ready for new challenges.
I enjoy reading every one’s journeys and outcomes, including those of the kids who don’t have the typical dream schools to begin with.
We were very upfront with our son about college costs when he started looking at colleges. We have a varied income and our NPC can change from $40,000-$70,000+ depending on the year. And because our income varies, we keep a larger amount of cash available, but that’s not good for EFC purposes.
We also have 2 other children, one just a year younger.
We can’t afford to have them in schools that solely offer need-based aid because it would vary so much for us year to year. We need to know their fixed costs going into college.
Luckily both of our older kids want big colleges with big sports, so they can get merit scholarships and we can know the cost on the front end.
People have asked them why they aren’t applying to “better” schools with their scores, but they’ve learned that most people don’t understand college admissions and cost, so they just shrug it off.
@brentwoodmom - that’s a tough situation. So many moving parts, aren’t there? It’s nuts.
"“Personally, I find the stories of the kids who worked just as hard and didn’t get into their dream schools, yet rose above disappointment to be more inspiring.”
Not sure why we have to seemingly choose or express a preference. I think every kid deserves to be appreciated for their uniqueness and effort…
In my family I have an older son (Pre my CC days) who was a very strong student athlete until 2nd semester junior year. Came in one night and told us the ADD medicine he had been taking for four years was causing him to get insomnia and be depressed. We collectively decided to take him off the medicine immediately. Mentally he was almost immediately back on track but his grades and ability to focus at sports both suffered. When college selection time came he opted for a lower tier than he originally had in mind, choose not to try and play his sport to avoid academic distractions and declined a spot on a wait list from a reach school to avoid being in over his head. He was just offered a job from a major sports league and couldn’t be happier.
My other kid worked his but off throughout high school, had amazing stats, played sports, all sorts of leadership, you name it. He was however unhooked and insisted he submit his ED application with no adult “intervention”. He wanted it to be his voice. He was deferred ED at Ivy “dream school”, but RD got accepted at “dream school”, plus several other top 10 schools including Brown. Ultimately choose Brown over original ED “because it’s a better fit and it was meant to be”.
I love, admire, support and take identical pride in them both. They are unique great kids with different skills, abilities and motivations.
But for all the differences there are commonalities in what we as parents expected of both of them;
Not saying these are right are wrong but they worked for us so far.
@eh1234 my daughter has a friend who has a few acceptances. Her top choices (both affordable) right now are a pretty selective (maybe highly selective) college where she would be a small fish in a big pond and they warned students that it’s very tough there, or a less selective school that is treating her like a Rock Star. Both specialize in her type of major. She’s the type who pretty easily gets amazing tests grades, does homework right before class and gets top grades, usually (but always) is able to get extensions on things… but she doesn’t overly worry if she can’t turn something in and didn’t get an extension. She knows at one college she would have to work incredibly hard and maybe still won’t get top grades and at the other she could get top grades easily and be able to devote as much time as she wants to favorite major related activities.
It’s a pretty interesting choice. I can’t wait to see which she ends up at.
@eh1234 - I love reading about your son’s story too and think it’s great that he is pursuing his passion in the way he wants. Life would be much less interesting if we all that the same type of kids with the same goals, strengths, etc.
@Nocreativity1 The kids who donʻt get their dreams have to overcome serious disappointment and find a way to pull it together and move forward with a positive attitude. In my D17ʻs case she was denied at her reaches and waitlisted at her matches. D even got what our CC told us was a likely letter and was then denied. When we went in to see her school college counselor the next day after Ivy decisions came out, the counselor was crying about Dʻs choices. So I donʻt think anyone is trying to take away from the kids who got in to their dream schools or even their matches but it is especially inspiring to see these kids who are just as qualified (or more so) get shut out of everything they hoped for and move on. At some point after admissions offices consider athletes, legacies, and diversity there is still a huge pool of very qualified applicants. At that time itʻs a lottery or as one admissions officer told us, “I went with the kid who wrote about being able to lick her elbow, because I can do that too.” My D is not an elbow licker, LOL.
My S19 has a story similar to your older son. High stats kid until September of Senior year when he sustained a concussion (he also is on ADHD meds) and then had a brutal case of Post-Concussion Syndrome that included severe depression and a complete inability to focus. His college application journey was different than we thought it would be. We are lucky that he is feeling better now and back doing well in school, and more importantly, happy. A scare like that sure puts things in perspective. Heʻll spend the next year playing his sport and taking a couple of college courses locally (and hopefully avoiding another concussion.)
@cleoforshort - LOL! My kid is not an elbow licker either. Who knew? But if quirkiness is something AOs are looking for, my DD will be in good shape!
So sorry to hear about your son. That’s really scary. I’m glad he’s doing well now.
@cleoforshort Not really sure if we are agreeing or disagreeing?
When you say “I find students who rose above disappointment to be more inspiring” and “especially inspiring”, you seem to be suggesting a hierarchy of achievement. I understand your perspective given your daughters narrative but I respectfully disagree with the premise.
Why use terminology that suggests those who get rejected and overcome disappointment are some how more worthy of praise then those that got accepted?
I find it almost patronizing to award a young adult with the verbal equivalent of a “participation” trophy by lauding their overcoming of failure. I don’t see bouncing back from failure as “especially” or “more” (or less for that matter) virtuous then those that succeed.
Again I have two kids They arguably fall into both camps. I would never differentiate by using terms like “more” or “especially”, when followed by inspiring, proud or praise worthy when discussing them on relative terms. Consequently I don’t think it right to do so when talking about other people’s kids.
If I misconstrued your meaning apologies and if not happy to agree to disagree respectfully.
And of course I wish your son a continued and speedy recovery.
I agree @Nocreativity1 . I don’t understand why one would consider someone not getting into their dream school then bouncing back any more inspiring than someone who was accepted to their dream school and succeeded. We have no idea what other trials and disappointments that they may have endured to get there before the college application process. And even if they didn’t, I’m not sure why we need to minimize others accomplishments .
Don’t forget that some kids have had their inspirational stories of adverse things happening to them and obstacles being overcome long before college decision time too.
@sj2727 I agree completely.
@brentwoodmom Congratulations!
@cleoforshort Oh that’s a painful story of your D17. I hope it all worked out. My D16 had a somewhat similar story with a slew of waitlists and no ‘dream’ school coming through in the end. No tears from GC but a bit of surprise. All worked out great for D16 and the school that ‘loved’ her saw that she’d be a great fit at their school and that turned out to be the case. D16 is getting a great education and making life-long friends.
@rmsdad My S19 is headed to Dartmouth (ED). His big EC was sports, though its not a sport you can get recruited for, and the sports and outdoor sports culture at D was the big reason he applied ED there–as opposed to another ‘reach’ school. In his application, however, his big sport EC just appeared as 1 or 2 lines (sport + # hours) and couple awards listed… He’s competed at an elite level (aka internationally) for the US Jr Team. We had a little bit of an argument about submitting supplemental information about this sport. He felt weird about sending in supplemental stuff that wasn’t academic, and he is naturally extremely modest. In the end, he submitted a detailed sport resume, a supplemental LOR from his coach, and a newspaper article.
@liska21 – Are you going to Dimensions? We’ll be flying out next week. Our daughter is looking forward to seeing the school and taking it all in. Congratulations to you and your son for an ED. An ED would have saved us an untold number of hours of sweat and tears.
@cakeisgreat – Thanks, and good luck waiting on your son to choose CofC.
@wisteria100 – Thanks. Congrats for your daughter going to Amherst. Ours other daughter is graduating from there this year. It is a wonderful place with incredibly supporting teachers and staff. Can’t believe the four years have flown by so quickly.
@Nocreativity1 – Thank you. I also like the Thomas Jefferson quotes. Do you have a child graduating in 2019?
@mom2twogirls – Yes, my D19 played tennis. She was named captain of the team for her senior year and it was consistent and her only high school EC. But we did not submit the coach’s recommendation or really say anything about it. She may play intramural, but she’s not at a varsity college level. You could be on to something. And belated congrats on your daughter’s ED acceptance.
S19 came downstairs wearing his CofC sweatshirt (only college shirt we bought so far…hmmmm) and I lit up! And he’s like “no no mom I havent made a decision yet. I’m just wearing the sweatshirt.”
UGH
We go for admitted student’s day Monday. If she is happy with her choice at the end of the day, I am buying so much swag! (well at least a sweatshirt and a mug)
By the way - does anyone have any experience/thoughts about West Chester University in PA? Thinking of looking at it for D20.
@drewsmom17 will your son revisit his top choices? If he can, I’d really suggest sitting in on classes, meeting with faculty and digging through the curriculum. 3 very very different schools and approaches so perhaps that would help?
@cakeisgreat - I live near West Chester University, and my son’s girlfriend’s sister is currently enrolled. What do you want to know? It seems to be becoming quite a hot commodity here in PA, I’m sure in part because of how expensive the rest of the state-sponsored schools are. Great school for those who want to go into education. Lots of our public school teachers were educated at West Chester. Beyond that, I’m not terribly familiar with their offerings. But I could probably find out some things - in a few weeks when it’s safe to talk about college again. Right now I’m silencing myself on the topic. Lol.