Not sure what you mean re: reasoning…just reporting what our friends’ kids say, I expect there are students smoking cigs and/or vaping as part of their daily lives as well…although cig use of Gen Z is relatively low.
I am sure there are other campuses where weed use is prevalent in dorms, at parties, etc., whether in a state where it is legal, or not.
“Not sure what you mean re: reasoning…just reporting what our friends’ kids say, I expect there are students smoking cigs and/or vaping as part of their daily lives as well…although cig use of Gen Z is relatively low.”
This issue isn’t about someone minding his or her own business (with no effects on others living in close contact) but about whether “it’s just part of daily life” is acceptable given that 2nd hand marijuana smoke is starting to show harmful vascular and other effects, and that there are lots of people who can’t be around it - similar to 2nd hand cigarette smoke. The crackdown would be pretty swift with the latter; all you need is one student having an asthma attack. So it’s odd that administrators would have such a hands off attitude concerning weed in the dorms. Maybe the kids feel “pressured” into not complaining? If so, that’s not much of a learning environment, whether it be Brown, Wesleyan, or Podunk State.
“I am sure there are other campuses where weed use is prevalent in dorms, at parties, etc., whether in a state where it is legal, or not.”
@jellybean5 you will have a wonderful time! I’m also the planner in our family and DH is the “think about it 1-2 days before,” so we’ve had lots of experiences like yours. We visited DS19 two weeks ago (all of us, luckily DH DID think that one through ahead of time) and it was really nice to see DS in his “home” environment, settled, happy.
It’s a good point to consider your student’s study time when making family weekend plans! I never thought of this until I saw it on a FB page; when we went to D17s she gladly spent the whole time with us until Sunday, BUT it was in February, so there had been much more time to figure out time management. So I checked in ahead with D19 about time and expectations for family weekend, which I would suggest…it worked out fine for us and he had worked ahead/cleared up time, but I can see some problems if parents have expectations of a weekend of fun and family and student unable or feeling stressed about working.
As for partying, my DS has found a small group of non-substance using friends and seems quite happy. I do think that for those kids who are sopping up drunk messes, that can be an eye opener/deterrent for sure…this was my D17s experience and was a good lesson on drinking responsibly and maintaining control. I agree that early freshman year many kids go way past the line, having freedom that they never had!
I don’t know about you guys but vaping really, really concerns me health wise. We went through both of my parents dying from lung cancer so my kids are very anti smoking, but one of them is in a state where marijuana is legal and I feel like pot vaping is probably very commonplace 
My D19 is home for fall break. It technically started yesterday but she came home on Thursday night because yesterday was my birthday and she was considerate of me having to build the day around her train pickup. She says it weird to BE home but also feel like in a week she’s GOING home too. I love that she’s settled enough that both are now home to her. I was surprised that most of her friends didn’t go home for break- it’s 10 days long so I figured most non-international students would. Apparently there are singing comps and sports practices (even for club sports, she declined to stay though), and parties and such. It’s nice to have her home, but since Thursday night I’ve already spent an extra fifty on groceries. I’d already forgotten how much this kid eats! ?
As far as partying, from my college days and also from D17’s, there are always some kids who have never had freedom or have drunk before and it takes a few weeks to find their limits. one of D17’s now good friend, the first few weeks was like that. She is fine now. S19 wouldnt know a party if it hit him in the face, so I am not worried. Both my kids were allowed to drink at home , aka if they wanted a beer or glass or wine, especially once they turned 18. I wanted them to go to college and know their limits.
As far as S19 goes, college has had it ups and downs. From the academic side of things, for his math class he bombed his first test and could not tell me about his other classes , aka no grades yet. yesterday he got the news that in his programming class he aced the first test. From the adulting side, I think he is getting there. From the social side, a leopard does not change its spots. he has not made any “friends” but “talks to people”. At least at college he is surrounded by his peers, where at home, except for school, he just spent time on his computer with his friends virtually. He has joined clubs, Game Jams, etc. His roommate is from another country and they co-exist peacefully.
The question I ask him, which is what it boils down to, is, “are you happy”. and if he answers yes, then I try not to worry.
@sdl0625 I have resisted asking about grades. Most school-related conversations have been about clubs, but I finally had stuff volunteered this week. Aced math mid-term, did “on average” in programming.
She is on a plane right now headed home. Didn’t text all morning till she was at the gate. I actually have no idea how she got to the airport, but am shamelessly giddy.
With only two adults left in the house, both of us being very health-conscious, my biggest cost savings has been food-related, too. There is virtually no “fun” food in the house. She’ll survive. Oh, and apparently she has a list of internship and scholarship applications she’s bringing for my assistance. Deja vu.
Re drugs on campus, I think that kids on the whole have decided that cigarettes are bad, where vaping and pot aren’t. So take all of the kids we used to know that smoked cigarettes and substitute a joint or a Juul in their hand. That’s my understanding of DS’s current college experience, with emphasis on the joints for his school. Also, RI has decriminalized cannabis, so they only risk a fine, not jail time, and it’s truly not enforced on campus.
FWIW, I live in an SEC college town, in a dry county (no selling of hard alcohol on Sundays or any day of the week after midnight). There is plenty of drinking at the frat houses, and weed is around, but not much. However, vapes are -everywhere-… on campus, at the football game, even at the gym. They kind of try to sneak it in some areas, but seriously, SO MUCH vaping.
It’s Fall Break for my D as well. I went up and picked up my D and a high school classmate (a guy) yesterday at their university. It’s a 2 hour ride and I can honestly say I loved every minute of that ride. Those two talked and talked about their new college life from new friends, to lots of details about academics, to clubs & sports they joined, to their new social lifes, etc. They were never terribly close in HS but they bonded like close friends on the way home. It was really quite sweet.
My D is having a great fall semester. However, she studies 6+ hours a day. She is exhausted. I told her she needs to rest but she said the way she studies (reading everything twice and making an outline) is the only way she knows how to. She has had great success with exams and assignments so far this semester so it is working for her. She also told me that her roommate skipped a class and my D went all “mom” on her roommate reminding her how much this education was and how it is irresponsible to skip a class. I was beaming when she texted me that story 2 weeks ago - she really gets it. Yeah.
We are also very open & honest in our family. She openly talks about her friend group and what sort of drinking goes on during the weekend and where they go (usually someone’s dorm room in their friend group). I am okay with how she is balancing academics and partying. She is learning how to be an adult and as far as drinking goes, she is way more tame then I was in college. Some kids can drink and party without taking it too far - and that’s a good lesson to learn & observe in itself.
She is loving being home. I find it amusing how much she was ready to leave and go to college in August and how much she is cherishing “all things home & hometown” this weekend a mere 7 weeks later.
It’s all part of the growing up process. I’m happy for her.
@Stuffedquahog Interesting about the many hours of homework. Same for S19. And he called the other day and wanted to know how to skim. The prof actually told them to skim the reading (and thank goodness because she’s assigning 100+ pages of reading every two days). BUT, S19 has never been told to skim and, to him, reading means reading to fully understand like your D. I tried to give some advice but also told him to flat out ask his prof. He’s slowing figure that out.
Problem sets in math and physics are also different from high school with one problem sometimes taking over an hour. College homework is very different and it takes time to adjust!
I’ll be the odd duck here, but the academics (knock on wood) aren’t challenging for my D this semester. She has all her work done days ahead of time without spending hours each day on it. She was actually surprised, because she was nervous that the school would be too hard for her and she would sink. It probably helps that she definitely has more free time in college than she had in high school- in high school she had four DE classes a semester, five homeschool classes a year, 20-30 hours per week in training, a job, and various other lessons, scholarship and volunteer commitments. Now she has her classes, practices, and jobs- but one is an hour a week and the other is literally being paid to go to campus parties. She has way more time to spend with friends than she’s had since middle school. I’m just so happy that she isn’t bogged down- she has GAD and that would probably have been a bad combo.
Both of these. Junior and senior year of high school, with APs and ECs and college apps and graduation fun, were an intense time. And in our case, we come from a small town where, if a kid parties hard in high school, it is all over social media within hours, so there was a lot of oversight by “the village.” I know my S19 feels like this first semester of college is actually a bit easier than the last two years (when you like all your classes, they are easier), and there is no one watching what he does with his free time.
In general (note the “general”) he is using that free time wisely, taking advantage of lots of outside-the-classroom activities at his business school. But he is also in with a group that seems to like their parties. Just finishing up fall break at home today, and he has been very open about both his grades (doing well) and everything that goes on in the dorms and the Greek system. Lots of alcohol, lots of vaping, not so much weed. Given what he tells us, I have to wonder how some of these students will make it through 4 years.
@homerdog I also thinks it comes down to “how” a student learns. My D was quizzing her high school friend in the car on how long he studies and it was half the time as her. She then asked about his grades and they were equivalent to hers.
I can’t believe your S has to read 100 pages a night - that is so long! I will have to ask my D how long her reading assignments are. Skimming would not be a study technique for my D. How interesting that a professor recommends that.
@Stuffedquahog I think the prof told them to skim because she doesn’t need them to know the details of the reading. The reading assigned were academic research papers on the subject. This is his freshman seminar and there are no tests just papers. There are 12 kids in the class and they need to come to class ready to discuss the topic and just need to have a general overview of what she wants to talk about that day. Their papers will be their own research and won’t necessarily have anything specific to do with the reading.
As for the other classes being harder, I can’t remember if I mentioned it in another post but his school won’t let kids repeat classes they took in high school. So, he had to take linear algebra where his friends at other schools (including Cornell and Vanderbilt) were allowed to retake Multivariable Calc. He also placed out of a physics class or two (can’t remember.) For math, he’s one of three freshman in his class and there aren’t many freshman in his physics class either.
His last class is an art history class and he’s the only freshman in a sea of juniors in the major. There was one other freshman in the class and she dropped it after two classes. That class has only 18 kids, moves very fast, and he feels like the other kids have the background info while he does not. He’s holding his own and likes the subject but, on top of lots of reading in there, he has to memorize 120 painting slides and analyze them for his upcoming midterm. It’s a lot!
I think part of the stress is because classes are very small and all grade on participation. So every night he has to be prepared enough to talk in class and answer questions. He can’t hide. This is what he wanted and it’s all good but he’s very busy.
@homerdog Wow, I am stressed just reading about your S’s classes. I was nodding my head in agreement with “small classes”. That’s exactly what my D wanted too and you’re absolutely right - there’s no hiding in a classroom with around 20 students. You must be prepared and you must participate
D19 is also home for fall break. She’s relieving having her own room for a while again! She enjoys her roommate, but does miss “alone time”. She’s really settled into a groove, enjoying school and has figured out a routine for all the adult stuff (laundry, grocery shopping etc). Most importantly, she’s sure she made the right choice of school. It’s great to have her back with us for a little while.
She’s running at a B+ at the moment, which is pretty much where she was averaging in high school too so it’s ok, but she’s not been working that hard - she says some of her classmates are struggling with the workload but she finds it easier than high school (a common report from people from her HS when they go to college, I’ve heard this from a number of other parents). Her classes are all writing-intensive this semester. Also all small classes. She’s yet to do midterms so we’ll see what grades are after that. She has a fair bit of free time, which she currently uses mostly socializing, museums and getting to know the city, and doing art, and will soon be partly used on an internship (the school discourages internships in the first semester for freshmen but encourages them in the second semester).
My D’s five classes have between 7 and 22 students in them too. Our kids seem to have lucked out in the small class department!
^ although D19 is at a very large university, the school she is in deliberately creates a “small college” environment. I believe the maximum class size is 25 students.
I don’t know DD’s class sizes though I don’t think any are huge. It’s a public but just about 5000 undergrads. I haven’t thought to ask and now I’m curious!
I know DD felt really swamped with time-consuming, but not particularly difficult homework at the beginning. I think it has gotten better. I think she brings some of it on herself because she writes a lot of notes as she reads, and they must be aesthetic-looking with tidy handwriting in pleasing gel pen color schemes.
She has her classes picked out for next semester and her advisor thinks it won’t be a problem getting them. All of them pertain to her interests so it should be pleasant enough. And she can fit in choir this time.
My son is home for the weekend. He got to see some HS friends and we went shopping and out to eat.
He said he is taking some difficult math and physics classes, and while they are challenging he is doing OK. He said he’s in the B range for grades in those classes, and he’s doing well in a robotics class and his other class. So doing fine. He thinks the tests are hard in physics and math, but they get curved and that projects and homework factor in to final grades. I’m not too worried his grades at this point. He seems to have a good handle of what he needs to do to get a decent grade.
He had a “weird” roommate move out. The kid couldn’t deal with one of the roommate’s early rising in the morning, and then my son would get up at 9 or so and wake him again. He liked to sleep until 1pm!! So now my son and his other roommate have a bunch of extra space on their room and don’t have to deal with him, so they are happy. My son likes the other roommate but has been spending a lot of time out his room so he could study, the “weird” roommate was always playing video games and being loud at night and it was hard to study. My and the other roommate don’t have a lot of downtime for video gaming because of their schedules, so hopefully they can both just hang out in their room and study. I think they are both thrilled.
My son has a found a solid friend group in his teammates. He said he relates to them the best, as they all have similar interests and goals. They train together a lot, and often eat as a group. He’s having fun with that. He enjoys training, he does something different every day. He works out 6 days a week. The nutritionist gave them some tips on eating, so he’s been living pretty clean lately. I don’t know how much he parties, but I don’t think he’s going crazy in that regards. No time for it really, and I think it negatively affects his performance so he tries to limit it. I think he likes to go out to eat at local restaurants more than going out to party, according to the bank statement ha.
We’ll see him soon for parents weekend, and then shortly after that will be Thanksgiving.
Interesting reading about all the different campuses! @homerdog I think mine lucked out for the fall, or he just isn’t telling me:) He has an Intro to IR and Econ that he says has been fine ( maybe 50 kids), and he admits his writing seminar prof at Bowdoin gives shorter readings than those of his friends. He does find German really challenging and says there are folks are there that had clearly taken it before. He is quite busy with the labor alliance, Mock trial but also seems to be socializing a bunch. This weekend he went on the canoe fall break trip and is totally off the grid. Who knows though- I might be missing info here and may be better informed after parents weekend. I am guessing he lucked out and may have a harder spring semester. Wishing yours an easier spring semester!